The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
LIES FEARS & LOVE
BY TROG |
CHAPTER
6 |
chapter 6
REGENCY HOTEL, CHICAGO, MARCH 2000
Todd felt Tea's face against his chest, her warm breath against his skin as they laid in the darkness, in the protective womb of each others' arms. Minutes passed as Tea waited for him to speak but there was only silence and an ominous portent that clung to the air around them. After a long time Tea stirred, sitting up and reached for the light, but Todd stopped her.
"Don't. Don't turn on the light and please don't speak. Just give me a minute," he said with a quiet, trembling voice.
Tea laid back down against him hearing his heart pounding against her ear. She found his hand and held it, waiting for him to speak, but only more silence followed. Todd's mind raced as he tried to collect and retrieve the memories of that night, the horrors he'd tried so hard to repress and forget. He had promised himself he would never tell a living soul, he wanted to die with this secret and never let it see the light of day. And yet, now he found himself here in this room, in this bed, compelled to tell her. He wanted her to see him, to know him, and then...after all that to still love him.
"I was kind of small for my age back then," he began, "kind of small and skinny. I only shot up much later on. But I was a decent student, was fairly popular at school and even played on the football team. I was a wide receiver--that's the guy who catches the ball and then runs with it, Delgado. I was pretty good too, but being so small meant I was always getting pounded by these huge guys. It worked out okay always being battered and bruised because it prepared me for the daily beatings my old man gave me. It toughened me. And it made my constant injuries easier to explain to my friends and my teachers. The occasional black eye, cut or bruise was just chalked up to a football injury. Of course, when football season was over, it got a lot harder. I had to wear long sleeves and pants in the Summer time to avoid explaining the bruises and stuff. I guess that's where I picked up my love of layered clothing," he said, chuckling a little. He heard her giggle nervously.
"That's how I first met Sam. He was already a lawyer, and a business acquaintance of my fathers, but he also volunteered as an assistant couch at my school. One day while I was changing in the locker room, he noticed my back was all cut up and bruised with fresh and healing wounds. He questioned me about it and I told him I got it in practice, but I don't think he believed me. Anyway, from then on he always paid more attention to me. We became friendly off the field and often on Sunday afternoons I'd meet him at the park and he'd give me some one on one coaching, then he'd take me for a pizza or a burger. He often asked me about my father--I got the feeling he didn't like him much--but I always changed the subject."
"No one knew the horror of my life behind the front door of our large, respectable house. He beat on me constantly--tortured me, burned me, starved me, locked me in a closet for days lying in my own mess...," Todd's voice choked at this point and he gasped for air. Tea felt his body shudder with the memories. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she struggled to stay quiet as he'd asked.
"In those days I use to sit around daydreaming that Sam was my father. You see how funked up I was right? Other guys my age were fantasizing about making it with chicks and I was wishing Sam was my dad."
Todd felt Tea smile into his neck and hold on more tightly to him. It was just like Todd to follow horror with humor, a coping mechanism, she thought to herself.
"Anyway, I wasn't completely immune to girls. There was this one girl Michelle who sort of liked me. She was a cheerleader so we saw each other a lot at practice and at games. She was really pretty, not one millionth as beautiful as you, but the blond, cheerleader type that boys that age die for."
Tea kissed his chest sweetly for his lovely compliment.
"And she always talked to me and complimented me on my playing. I wanted to ask her out but my father didn't allow me to see anyone after school. Sam was one of the few people I had contact with outside my house, I guess that's why I looked forward to Sundays so much."
Todd stopped talking and she heard him breath deeply, letting a few moments pass before he continued. His voice had been soft, almost happy, recalling some happy times, but now his voice sounded strange as he lowered it to a whisper.
"It was Friday night and it was my fourteenth birthday. Peter was out, probably drinking and whoring as was his custom on the weekends. I was alone. There was no cake, no presents, just me watching TV, but to tell you the truth I didn't mind cause at least Peter wasn't home. At least he was committing his weekly debaucheries elsewhere and wasn't bringing drunken whores home the way he usually did with me there," he said disgustedly. Tea noticed Todd started refering to his father by his first name at this point in his narrative.
"So I was just sitting there, right, when suddenly the doorbell rang. At first I hesitated because I wasn't suppose to let people in when Peter wasn't around, but I decided to answer it anyway. Sometimes Peter was so drunk he couldn't get the key in the lock and if I didn't let him in fast enough, he'd beat the shit out of me. That's all it took with him."
"So I ran up to the door and peeked through the curtains, and there was Michelle. She was wearing a pink sweater and headband, and holding a white box in her hands. I was so nervous I started shaking, but I pretended to be cool and let her in, like I did this all the time. She came in and placed the box on the coffee table and proceeded to remove a white cake with fancy blue swirls of frosting on it. It had fourteen blue candles and one white one. She said that was my wish candle."
"I was nervous but completely thrilled too. I hadn't had a birthday cake since my mom left us. We made small talk about school, and I could tell she was nervous too because it probably took all her courage to come to my house and do this. But she kept talking--she had a happy voice--and proceeded to light all the candles and then asked me to blow them out and make a wish. Now you would think that I would have wished for something really big right, like my mother returning or for Peter to stop beating on me, but that's not what I wished for. All I wanted at that moment was one kiss from her. I wanted her to touch me softly and affectionately--one little moment of happiness, one little bit of human contact--so imagine my surprise when she stepped over shyly, got up on her tip toes and pressed her lips against mine."
"It felt so good that I didn't want it to end, so I put my arms around her and continued kissing her. Her lips were warm and soft and she was wearing this lip stuff that tasted like candy. She parted her lips a little and pushed the tip of her tongue into my mouth and I mimicked her, doing the same. I felt so excited, so aroused for the first time in my body. I think I was a late bloomer because that was the first time I'd ever remembered thinking I wanted to have sex. Having heard the ugly sounds of Peter and his whores coming from his bedroom had always disgusted me so much, I just always thought sex wasn't for me, but when Michelle kissed me I felt so damned good, like something had been awakened in me."
Tea felt Todd turn to her in the dark and put his face close to hers.
"Believe it or not, Delgado, that was my very first grown-up kiss."
Tea smiled, reaching up and kissing him passionately. Her warm tongue sliding into his mouth delicately and swirling around his. Todd smiled and kissed her back forcefully.
"She almost kissed as good as you do," he said lying back down and resting for a few moments.
"We sat down on the sofa and she let me kiss her some more. She still had her cheerleading skirt on and her warm, bare thighs rubbed against my leg as she pressed herself against me. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven...but at that moment...I heard a thunderous slam of the door and when I looked up, Peter Manning was standing there glaring at us. My little heaven has just turned into hell..."
"Michelle and I jumped and separated quickly. Peter was drunk, his clothing disheveled and all unbuttoned, and he came staggering slowly across the living room floor toward us. I knew I had to get her out of there because the look in his eye, that vicious, evil look told me he was about to explode."
"I told Michelle she had to leave and I helped her up and pushed her toward the front door, but Peter intercepted us and wouldn't let us pass. He was thin, but tall and powerful, and when he was in a rage he possessed the strength of ten men. He asked me who this whore was. I said she wasn't a whore, just a friend from school who brought me a birthday cake. He looked over at the cake in disgust. He shouted that she didn't want cake, she wanted......cock."
Tea felt his body flinch and heard him gasp. His breathing was shaky and his voice was a painful cry.
"I was so humiliated, and Michelle looked terrified. I didn't know what to do, so I shoved him aside and pushed her toward the door, but he just grabbed me and sent me flying across the room. I heard Michelle scream and when I looked up from the floor, he had a hold of her. He...was trying to pull her skirt up, clawing at it like a disgusting, brutal animal, and I screamed at him to let her go but he just laughed at me. He said he wanted to make a man of me tonight, that was his birthday present to me," Todd said, choking on the last words. Tea pulled him closer, stroking his face--it was wet with tears. She heard him intake one long breath after another and it was a few minutes before he could continue.
"He was so disgusting and depraved. He...grabbed her thighs and spread them apart...screaming at me to come and get it, to come and....fuck her. He said he'd hold her down while I did it and then he'd fuck her too to show me how it's done. All I could hear were his demented ravings in between Michelle's screams, begging him to let her go. He kept screaming she was a cunt...a whore..like all women. Like my mother was. Michelle was crying hysterically and I couldn't take it any more. I got up quickly and ran toward him with all my strength, managing to knock him over. I grabbed Michelle, before he could get up, pulled her to the door and pushed her out--she ran out screaming, out into the street toward freedom and safety...but I had nowhere to go. I never saw her again."
"As I watched her disappear around the corner, relieved that she was safe from him at least, I felt a pair of powerful hands grab me up and throw me to the floor. Peter's eyes were blazing with rage as he kicked me in the ribs a few times and then kicked me in the crotch with all his brutal strength. The pain was so intense, I vomited all over the carpet, which enraged him even more--another reason to beat on me. He kept kicking me and calling me a little girl....a pussy."
Tea heard him moan roughly, crying but trying to hold back. His breathing becoming so erratic she thought perhaps he might be suffering an anxiety attack. She started to get up, but he stopped her and just held her more closely, so tightly that his fingers felt like daggers in her back. He wanted to continue, but this time it took him a while to recover.
"He kept calling me Toddie Girl...saying I was a woman...a pussy... and only good for one thing....and....and he was going to show me what I was good for," he said almost inaudibly.
Todd suddenly let go of her and turned his back to her, lying down on his side in a fetal position. His back jerking awkwardly as he struggled to keep back the sobs that wanted escape from deep inside him--years of them. Tea laid down behind him, pulling him into her body and comforted him with her warmth and her love. When he calmed down and finally started talking again, he sounded far away.
"Peter was in a maniacal state--ranting and raving as I lay there in front of him. He picked me up off the floor and threw me up against the wall as hard as he could. I heard my shoulder snap and the pain caused me to fall to the floor in a crumpled heap. The pain was so excruciating I prayed I'd pass out from it, but I didn't...and he was just getting started. Grabbing the cake from the table, he threw it against the wall above me yelling "happy birthday, Toddie Girl." Then he peeled the belt from his waist and began beating on my back and thighs with the buckle. Then...when I was practically unconscious...he...pushed me onto my stomach...and he...yanked down my pants...and...he...pushed my legs apart..and he...he...oh, my God, Tea...I can't say it..."
Tea held on to him as his body shook violently with powerful cries from a place so deep inside him they echoed off the walls. She pulled him up and took him in her arms, cradling him like a child as intense waves of sobbing ripped through his body. His wet face was buried in her neck and his arms clung to her like a drowning man clinging to a life-line. She rocked him slowly, stroking his hair and trying to sooth him as she spoke for the first time.
"I know what he did to you, my love...you don't have to say it," she said to him gently as he cried into her breast over and over again. This went on for a quarter of an hour and she knew he was physically and emotionally exhausted, but when he was finally calm, he continued.
"He did disgusting things to me...painful, unspeakable things...and I was practically unconscious, partly in shock, and all I could do was lay there and take it. I rmember the agony and revulsion of it...I never knew a man could even do that to another man....I was a virgin."
"When he was through with me, he got up and went staggering off into his room. He left me laying there in agony, bleeding from everywhere, puking, like something broken and unmendable. Like a piece of garbage covered in blood, vomit and birthday cake."
"I must have laid there for hours, numb and half-conscious, when I heard the doorbell ring a few times. I managed to get to my feet, but it took some effort. I straightened my clothes the best I could with one good arm--my other arm was pulled out of its socket--and hobbled over to the door. I guess I was hoping Michelle had called the police, but when I opened it, it was Sam. He was just standing there smiling, holding a brightly wrapped, birthday present under his arm."
"I must have looked pretty bad cause Sam went nuts. He walked passed me and noticed the wall smeared with blood, puke and cake and turned, asking if my father had done this to me. At first I hesitated, but finally I nodded my head and told him yes. Peter came out of his room with a half empty bottle--the doorbell must have awakened him. Sam headed for the phone and told Peter he was calling the police, but Peter stepped forward and yanked the phone right out of the wall. He yelled at Sam, telling him to get out, saying I was his kid and I got exactly what I deserved. He just stood there...laughing at us...and something inside me just snapped...I just lost it. I grabbed a heavy lamp from an end table, lunged at him and crashed into his skull. As he fell to the floor, his head bleeding, I jumped on him and grabbed his throat with my good hand--it was like I had super-human strength for an instant--and I just squeezed as hard as I could. I don't remember much accept I just kept screaming "I'll kill you...I'll kill you," in a voice so filled with rage I didn't even recognize it as my own."
"Sam finally pulled me off of him and Peter just laid there motionless. I thought I'd killed him, but a few seconds later he stirred and I heard him moan and realized he was just unconscious. I went for him again--I wanted to kill him-- but Sam held me back. Sam wanted to go to the police, but I talked him out of it. I knew if the police got involved the truth of what Peter did to me would come out--I couldn't face that."
"Sam took me to a doctor friend of his who stitched me up and reset my arm. Sam kept asking me what happened, but all I told him was that Michelle brought over a birthday cake, Peter got pissed, and he beat me, that was all. He took me to his house for the night, Lindsay and the kids were at her parents for the weekend or something. He gave me a change of clothes and let me take a shower. That was the longest shower of my life. I remember I only used hot, scalding water thinking somehow I could wash away Peter Manning's stench from my body, that I could boil and sterilize my skin and feel clean again, but...it didn't work. The truth is I never felt clean again...except maybe with you, and Starr."
"Anyway, Sam was really cool. He didn't ask me any more questions, he just made me something to eat and we talked about sports and stuff. Then he let me open my present, the one he'd been carrying all night and you'll never guess what it was, Delgado...a deluxe edition of Money Hungry, yep, the one I played with you at the penthouse. It was only a stupid game, but it meant a lot to me. I never could figure out why Sam was so good to me," Todd said quietly as an afterthought.
"Because he loves you, querido," Tea whispered in his ear. She felt him relax a little before he continued with his dark confession.
"The next day, Sam went to see Peter and threatened him with assault charges. He told him that Michelle was a witness and he'd call her if he had to. Peter didn't want to sully his impeccable reputation, so he agreed to send me off to a boarding school immediately."
"I rarely saw Peter Manning after that and when I finally did I had grown too big to beat on. I spent all my vacations and holidays at school and it was kind of lonely, but at least I wasn't beaten daily. Sam wrote for a while, but I never answered his letters and eventually we lost touch. I began to change somehow, though, that secret festered inside me like a black cancer, a dark, insidious sickness that began to define who I was...and what I would eventually become. It's like Peter deposited some evil seed inside of me that would eventually turn me into him."
"No! Todd, you're not like him," said Tea, but again he put his fingers to her lips to silence her.
"At first I was just a bully, but as I grew older, always with this thing inside me, I became angrier and increasingly more isolated from those around me. I used everyone...and trusted no one. By the time I got to Llanview, to attend school, I was ready to hurt someone, to destroy in the way I had been destroyed. I had fully metamorphosized into Peter Manning! And I don't need to tell you about my most illustrious, more recent history--I think you've heard that ad nauseam."
Todd took a few deep breaths and stretched out on the bed more comfortably, and Tea laid down beside him.
"Tea, I don't want to talk any more tonight. Let's just go to sleep and we'll talk in the morning."
Tea took his hand in the darkness and kissed it softly to let him know that was okay. She laid there for a long time listening to his deep breathing, until it became softer and more rhythmic and finally he fell asleep. She had long suspected this story, but his vivid description horrified her. She wondered how he was able to survive without going completely mad. Many hours passed before she finally drifted off to sleep.
In the morning, Todd was gone.
to be continued...
2001 Copyright by Trog
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