The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
LIES FEARS & LOVE
BY TROG |
CHAPTER
1 |
LLANVIEW THE SUN:
Todd Manning looks down on all of Llanview from the window of his office at The Sun. He leans his head against the cold, hard pole as he sips a cup of steaming coffee slowly, savoring its dark sweetness. He had forgiven Blair--again--for lying to him about the paternity of her unborn child, finding out it was his after all, not Max Holden's. Now Starr had what she wanted, a complete family with a new sibling on the way. And Todd had a beautiful woman who was carrying his child, a lovely daughter who worshiped him, a very popular newspaper, and he was richer than a king. And he was utterly wretched and miserable.
Todd took another of coffee and swallowed hard feeling the warm liquid sliding downward and disappearing into the dark vastness of his desolate soul. He felt hollow and invisible and the hot liquid made him feel something for an instant, heat against skin, a temporary discomfort that made him even more aware of the numbness inside him. He just couldn’t feel anymore! Eating, drinking, even walking had become mechanical. His whole existence had become perfunctory.
Once a hug from Starr felt warm and comforting, now it just felt like a pair of arms around his neck. Once he wanted happiness from Blair, now he was content with the misery she provided. And now they were having another child, the product of one night of lousy sex that left him sick with longing for someone else. This was what was left. This was his life, his future.
"I'm happy, happy, happy," he said to himself, smiling sadly and holding up his coffee cup in a mock toast. The sound of footsteps behind him made him turn in annoyance. Briggs, his editor, was standing behind him looking nervous and disheveled. "What the hell do you want?"
"I just got a call from the Mayor's office. Apparently, the Mayor is going to honor Carlotta Vega for all her community service work in Angel Square."
"Well, stop the fucking presses, Briggs," shouted Todd with exaggerated sarcasm.
"So you don't want me to get anyone to cover it? All the pillars of Llanview society will be there, including your sister."
Todd walked back to his desk and hopped into his chair with a loud thud.
"Well, I'm hurt. My invitation must have got lost in the mail," said Todd, stretching his long legs across his desk sending stacks of papers flying onto the floor.
Briggs stooped over to pick up the fallen pages as Todd watched this poor, hard-working man who took so much of his shit. Briggs picked up all the papers and stacked them neatly on top of the desk as Todd scrutinized him closely, watching him curiously, as if Briggs were some exotic zoo animal in a cage.
"Are you happy, Briggs?"
Briggs eyed Todd suspiciously. He sensed Todd was in a foul mood and he didn't want to set him off.
"What do you mean? With my job? Yeah, it's fine."
Todd looked annoyed and rolled his eyes at him.
"Not with your job! I pay you ten times what you're worth, so you better be damn happy with your job. I mean with your life. You got a bunch expensive brats, you have a middle-aged wife, and you live in a shack in the burbs of nowhere Llanview, PA, right? I mean do you ever ask yourself...is this it?"
Briggs stared at Todd for a moment. Having a conversation with Todd Manning was like walking through a mine field, he was never sure where it was safe to step or what words and phrases would make Todd explode into a rage.
"Yeah, I'm happy with my life."
Todd looked up at him with a shocked expression on his face.
"Why? Your life sucks! How can you say you're happy? Go away!"
Briggs shook his head in confusion and started to walk out before turning back, remembering why he had come to Todd's office in the first place.
"Oh, what do you want me to do about the Carlotta Vega thing?"
"Send one of your hacks out to cover it and bury the story in the back pages. Human interest stories don't sell newspapers."
Briggs left quickly before Todd had a chance to engage him in another discussion.
"Carlotta Vega," said Todd laying back in his chair, closing his eyes. He hated hearing that name. It reminded him of another Spanish name that he didn't want to think about. He got up and walked back over to the window. He looked out on Llanview, along the river and beyond Llantano Mountain and wondered where she was.
NEW YORK CITY, AN APARTMENT BUILDING:
Tea Delgado ran for the elevator quickly, slipping in just before the doors slammed shut. She leaned her weary head against the back wall and watched all the floors blink on and off. She was tired and was glad that it was Friday. Working as a defense attorney in the Big Apple could wear a girl out--so many criminal, so little time. Finally the 23rd floor flashed on and the doors opened. She fumbled for her keys, maneuvering her heavy briefcase from hand to hand and pushing the door open with her elbow.
"Hi, I'm home," she called out.
She threw her bag and briefcase on the sofa and immediately removed the jacket of her navy, pin-striped suit. It felt like removing a suit of armor as she stretched out her arms and breathed freely. A small, middle-aged woman with curly brown hair came hurrying out of the kitchen.
"Ms. Delgado, you're home early. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," she said smiling as she wiped her wet hands on a dishtowel.
"Thanks, Lourdes. How is he?"
"Sleeping like an angel, of course, but you'd better go and wake him up or he won't be sleeping tonight," she called out as she hurried back into the kitchen.
As Tea rushed down the hallway, she already heard the familiar little grunts of excitement that he always made when he heard her voice. She snuck up to the door quietly and stuck her head in slowly. Thomas Leon, her infant son, was standing up in his crib, giggling and stamping his feet with the joy of seeing his mother. Tea ran in and picked him up, pulling him tightly into her arms and planting a dozen little kisses on his smiling face.
"Que pasa, querido. My beautiful Leo."
The child looked up at her with perfect bliss, the bliss of happy innocence. She tucked his long, dark-golden hair behind his ear and stared into his lovely, hazel eyes. Her heart lurched with love at the sight of him and her eyes welled up with happy tears. It always astounded her, his resemblance to Todd. And she laughed at his hair, never having seen a 9 month old with so much of it.
"You know one of these days, mi hijo, we are going to have to give you a hair cut so that people will stop thinking you’re a little baby girl," she said softly, nuzzling his nose.
Tea heard the phone ring and Lourdes hurrying to pick it up as she walked into the living room. Tea was shaking her head to Lourdes indicating that she did not want to speak to anyone.
"Who? Antonio Vega," she said looking at Tea.
"Lourdes, never mind. I"ll take that."
She handed Leo to Lourdes and asked for some privacy. Why was Antonio calling her? Could something be wrong with Carlotta? She took a few deep breaths before putting the phone to her ear.
"Tonio, this is Tea."
"Tea. I'm so glad I found you."
"What's wrong? Is it Carlotta?"
"No, no, nothing like that. Calm down. I am calling you about Mommy but it's good news, and I need a favor from you."
Tea laid back on the sofa, her brow furrowed with curiosity.
"A favor, ha? How did you get my number?"
She heard him chuckle on the other end of the line.
"I'd love to tell you it was a brilliant piece of police work, but I actually stole Mommy's address book.
Tea laughed. She missed her friendship, and she loved his mother like her own. A touch of homesickness suddenly overwhelmed her even though New York was more her home than Llanview.
"You know, Tonio, stealing is a crime in most states."
"Well, if I ever get arrested you know who I'm calling to defend me, don't you?"
"Yeah, yeah. Now what's this favor that you want from me?"
"Well, Mommy is getting an award from the Mayor for all her community service work in Angel Square. It's tomorrow night at the country club."
"Antonio, that's wonderful. She really deserves it. But what can I do?"
"Well, the Mayor asked that all her family be there...and I know what it would mean to her if you were there with us."
Antonio waited for a reply but there was only a long silence from Tea's end.
"Tea?"
"Yes, I heard you. I just don't think it's a good idea."
"Why? Because of Todd Manning? Come on, Tea. This is about my mother, not Todd. You know what this would mean to her. Besides if you don't come she'll probably show up on your doorstep any day now."
"What? She wants to come here?"
"Yeah, she's been talking about surprising you. She wants to make sure you're okay.
Tea leaned back on the sofa. She spoke with Carlotta now and then, but she hadn't told her about Leo. She just couldn't bring herself to tell her, and she certainly couldn't have her coming to New York. She could go to Llanview and be back on Monday. She knew even if Todd knew she was in town, he would avoid her at all cost.
"I guess I can come for a few days. What time is the ceremony?"
"Oh, Tea, that's great. It's at 6 o'clock on the terrace of the country club. And don't call her--I want to surprise her."
"Alright, then, I'll see you tomorrow night."
"Thanks, Tea, Manana."
Tea listened to the humming of the dial tone before she hung up. It sounded ominous. She hadn't seen Llanview since that stormy night when Todd came for her. There was no possibility of running into him, but the prospect filled her with a combination of fear and excitement. Carlotta told her about him and Blair--and how they were expecting a chid. The thought of him with Blair sent a wave of nausea through her as she wrapped her arms around herself and rocked slowly back and forth. When Carlotta first told her, she pretended not to care, but she cried herself to sleep every night for a week. He had moved on. It was really over between them. If she didn't have Leo, the news would have surely broken her, but she had a son to raise--Todd's son--and she would always have a part of him. That had to be enough.
As Lourdes walked back into the living room carrying Leo, she noticed Tea wiping a tear away and an immense look of sadness in her face.
"Are you alright? Was it bad news?"
Tea looked up, startled, pushing her long brown hair away from her face.
"No, but I will have to go out of town for a few days, to Llanview."
Lourdes looked at her questioningly. She didn't know much about Tea's past, but every time she mentioned Llanview a look of profound sadness came over her beautiful face and she suspected it had something to do with the baby's father.
Tea took Leo from her and sat on the floor playing with him.
Lourdes sat on a chair watching Tea as Leo crawled around her trying to raise himself up to his feet and tumbling over every time. It didn't matter how many times he fell, he just kept trying and never uttered a cry of distress.
"My he's determined," commented Lourdes.
"Just like Todd, his father."
It was the first time Tea had ever said his name to her. Tea's eyes misted over and her voice was full of emotion. Whatever happened between them was still too painful for her to talk about.
"Has he ever met Leo?"
Tea turned her face away from her son.
"Todd doesn't even know that Leo exists," said Tea almost in a whisper so that her son couldn't heat--as if he would understand. "You must think I'm a horrible person, Lourdes, for not telling him--perhaps I am."
Lourdes got up and sat down beside Tea. She had grown to care deeply for this little family.
"Ms. Delgado, in all my years of caring for children, I have never seen a more devoted, loving mother than you. And in my 58 years I've learned a thing or two about people and their character. I know you to be honest, loving, hard-working and extremely kind to me. If you didn't tell his father about him, you must have very good reasons and I trust that."
"You know hiring you was the best thing I ever did...after having Leo, of course."
Tea reached over and embraced her. She hired Lourdes right after Leo was born. She was a widow originally from Argentina, but had lived here most of her life. She had no family or children of her own. Tea loved that she spoke Spanish and could teach Leo when she wasn't around. She also turned out to be a great housekeeper and cook, and she was very loyal and protective of both she and Leo.
"Thank you. I'm very happy here."
Both women smiled and hugged again as they watched Thomas Leon fall onto the pillows Tea had laid all around. They both laughed at his clumsy determination.
LLANVIEW HOSPITAL, EXAMINATION ROOM
Blair checked herself out in the full length mirror of her doctor's examination room, running her hands over her bulging belly proudly.
"You've done good, baby. Because of you I have everything I've ever wanted. And Todd isn't too thrilled with us right now, but he'll come around. He always does."
She had been experiencing a little bleeding in the last few days and she wanted Dr. Parker to check her out. She hadn't told Todd because she didn't want him to think that she was trying to manipulate him by garnering his sympathy, besides she wasn't worried. She had no pain or discomfort--this baby was quiet as a mouse, unlike Starr who never kept still. Dr. Parker, a black woman with corn rows in her long hair, walked in carrying Blair's folder.
"Ms. Cramer, why don't you take a seat. I think you should call someone, the father of your baby perhaps," she said in a soft, serious tone as she sat down beside her.
"What? What's wrong with my baby?"
Dr. Parker hesitated a bit.
"Tell me, damn it," shouted Blair.
Dr. Parker opened the file slowly and pulled out a print out of Blair's scan.
"The ultra-sound didn't show anything. No heart-beat, no respiration, no signs of life. I'm afraid your baby's been dead for a few days."
Blair stood up and clutched her belly.
"No. That can't be," she whimpered as tears started rolling down her face.
"I'm so sorry, but sometimes these things happen. Often the fetus will abort spontaneously and we don't know why. When you told me about the bleeding and lack of movement in the last few days, I suspected as much. That's why I had you come in for an ultra sound."
Blair was pale as she fell back into her chair with a blank expression. She shook her head slowly and rubbed her belly instinctively.
"NO. Not again," she cried looking at the doctor. "What do I do now?"
Dr. Parker took Blair's hand.
"We need to perform a dilation and curettage procedure. We need to remove the dead fetus and any remaining tissue before it starts damaging your uterus."
"When?"
"I set up an operating room for us and we can do it right away. It's a relatively simple, routine procedure and you can probably go home tomorrow night barring any complications."
Blair got up and started pacing and yelling.
"This is not happening to me. This can't happen--not now!"
"Would you like me to call someone," asked Dr. Parker, reaching for the phone, "You really shouldn't be alone at a time like this."
"NO!" yelled Blair grabbing the phone out of her hand violently. "I don't want you to call anyone. Do you understand me?"
Dr. Parker backed away slightly from her hostile patient and nodded in agreement.
"Why don't I give you a few minutes, Ms. Cramer, and then I'll send in a nurse to prep you for the D&C," she said before walking out.
Blair rubbed her belly and stood very still to see if there was any kind of movement at all. There was nothing, not a flutter. She knew her baby was gone--she felt the emptiness as tears rolled down her face.
"What am I going to do? How do I tell Todd after lying to him all this time? Will he leave me and take Starr?? Blair wiped the tears from her face and searched through her bag for her cell phone. She dialed quickly and cleared her throat to effect a normal speaking voice.
"Yeah," answered Todd on the other end, "Hello...hello...look if this is some telemarketer..."
"Todd, it's me," said Blair sounding light and casual.
"What do you want?"
"Todd I just got a weird phone call from St Annes. I guess Addie's been giving them a hard time."
"So? She's suppose to give them a hard time--she's a loony."
"Todd! She's my mother! And I've decided to go up to see her and stay till tomorrow. Would you mind picking up Starr from day camp and explaining to her?"
There was a long pause from Todd's end. Blair could hear the wheels spinning in his head. He still didn't trust her.
"Why do you need to stay up there?"
"Well, it's a long drive and I don't want to be driving back too late. You don't mind, do you?"
"Fine, I'll pick up Starr...and take care of my baby."
Tears rolled down Blair's cheeks at the mention of their baby.
"I will," whispered,"And tell Starr I love her....and you too."
More silence from Todd.
"Yeah, I will. Bye."
A nurse came into the room and asked Blair to change into a hospital gown.
to be continued...
2001 Copyright by Trog
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