The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
AFFLICTION
BY TROG |
CHAPTER
5 |
CHAPTER 5 (Part 1)
The hospital chapel was empty as Tea walked into the little room and sat on one of the benches burying her face in her hands. Her body felt bruised and battered as if it had just been violently assaulted, violated by his ugly words, raped by his vicious objective. He had wanted to hurt her, to triumph over her, to victimize her and she had not had the strength to defend herself, overcome by the power of his anger and consumed by her own guilt for leaving him. He had loved her, trusted her and she had abandoned him...and he could not forgive her. And she could not forgive herself.
Tea looked up at the wooden cross hanging on the wall for comfort, for answers. A sacred serenity filled the little room with its scented candles and heavenly silence as her mind and body began to relax. It felt as if she had just stepped out from the gates of hell with all its evil chaos and into sanctuary.
When she heard of his marriage to Blair and their new son, she was devastated even though she was already living with Aaron, but a small part of her hoped Todd had found some happiness, some peace. But now she realized that wasn’t to be, his little performance had proved that only too well. She knew him so well. His words had wounded her deeply, as they were meant to. They had cut into the most sensitive parts of her, leaving her lacerated and bleeding, but they only proved one true thing to her...that he was still in love with her and that he was suffering because of it. And when he walked into that lounge and she looked into his eyes she knew that she would never stop loving him. Never.
Tea looked at her brand new wedding ring and closed her eyes. It was not a symbol of her union to Aaron, but a symbol of her great deception to her husband and to herself. When she heard of Todd’s marriage and child she had fallen into such despair that she reached for the first hand that was offered to her and that was Aaron’s. She loved him and his humor and his kindness, but she wasn’t in love with him, yet she had gone through with the wedding, making him promises and vows before God, and she intended to keep them. Aaron Blackmoor was not the love of her life, but he was a good man who loved her completely and he would give her a good life and be a wonderful father to the children he wanted with her. It was not the stuff passionate poets wrote epic poems about, but it was comfortable and tangible and easy. She had already experienced epic love with Todd and it had left her broken and devastated, it had turned their life into an epic tragedy filled with regret and despair.
When she had left town with Todd on that stormy February night, she thought her wishes--her romantic dreams and notions--were finally coming true. In her work, she was a realist, a tough and intelligent attorney, but when it came to loving Todd Manning she lost all her reason. When they were together they didn’t think or rationalize they just used their senses and felt like they were flying, tripping on some hallucinogenic, floating above everything and everyone like selfish, greedy addicts only interested in their own euphoria--overdosing on each other--out of their minds with love.
Loving him. Making love to him. Days and nights locked in roadside motels until they passed out from the intoxication of it. Love hangovers. Delicious soreness. Insatiable, carnal hunger. Loving him. Forbidden pleasures. Ravenous desires. Loving him until he broke down in her arms, overcome by it. A tear rolled down Tea’s cheek at the thought of it, at being so possessive and so possessed. It was all too much for them. It was all too much for him...and that fateful night had proved it.
Tea looked up at the simple wooden cross on the wall. Had God brought her here to test her? As a wife? As a friend?
“Please, help me...help me be strong,” she begged.
She clasped her hands together and bowed her head and whispered a prayer quietly. After a few minutes she got up and walked down the corridor, back to Carlotta’s room, but it was still empty. Strolling over to the window she could see the red, swirling lights of an ambulance as it sped up to the emergency entrance and came to a sudden stop. The EMTs jumped out of the truck and raced to the back, slamming the doors open as a few orderlies came out to help. They rolled a gurney off the truck and rushed it inside. Tea saw someone lying on it, a quick flash of gray, but they moved it so quickly she couldn’t make out whether it was a man or a woman. A chilling tremor rushed through her body and she wrapped her arms around herself and wondered who it was.
Daylight was fading and dark clouds were moving across the sky, dark armies bringing their inevitable storm.
CHAPTER 5 (Part 2)
Vicki rushed down the hospital corridor and approached the nurse’s station, but just as she was about to inquire after Todd, Larry Woleck tapped her on the shoulder.
“Hi, Vicki. I’m glad you’re here. I tried calling Blair but there was no answer at her place so I called you...I hope that’s okay,” he said.
“Of course, Larry. How’s Todd! What’s wrong with him?”
“Well, he was brought into emergency about an hour ago. Luckily, one of the nurses recognized him and called me. Apparently he collapsed in a bar right down the street. According to the EMTs, the bartender said he had served him a few drinks and then he collapsed on the floor, vomiting blood.”
“Oh my God,” said Vicki, covering her mouth with her hand. “Earlier today I had lunch with him and he didn’t look well. He was complaining of stomach pain. What is it, Larry?”
“Well, we’re running a couple of test. He’s had an upper GI endoscopy and I’m still waiting for the blood test results, but it looks like an ulcer that started to bleed.”
Vicki shook her head slowly.
“Where is he? Can I see him.”
“We’ve just moved him into a room down the hall. Follow me,” said Larry as they walked around a corner and through a large set of metal doors.
“He lost a lot of blood and the internal bleeding is probably what caused him to pass out...of course, the drinking didn‘t help either. We’re giving him a few pints of blood and we’re going to start him on some H2 blockers to prevent stomach acid from irritating his stomach lesions.”
When they reached a doorway at the end of the hall, they stopped before entering. Vicki saw Todd through the large glass panel in the door, turned away from them, staring out the window. When they entered, Todd turned to look at them then looked away again.
Vicki went to him and kissed him on the cheek, but he was despondent and unresponsive.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?”
“I want to get the fuck out of this place. There’s nothing wrong with me,” he said, glaring at Larry.
“Todd, as I’ve already explained to you, you have a bleeding ulcer. Now if you follow the diet guidelines, avoid stressful situations and take medication, it can cure itself in no time. But if you don’t...it could lead to some painful complications, including stomach perforation which would require major surgery.”
“Yeah...you already read me that sermon. Now...go away!” he yelled.
Larry looked at Vicki who was shaking her head as he walked out the door.
“Larry was only being kind Todd, why do you have to be so rude!”
“Because I can be.”
Vicki pulled a chair next to his bed and took his hand.
“How are you feeling?”
Todd turned slowly and looked into her eyes, so full of compassion and genuine concern. Sometimes it felt like she was the only person in the world who gave a damn what happened to him.
“It feels like a rabid dog is eating my stomach from the inside out,” he said quietly.
“Larry said you collapsed at a bar nearby. Were you drinking?”
“Brilliant deduction , Vicki! What else would I be doing at a bar?”
She reached out and caressed his forehead as if he were a child and she saw his eyes mist up and his face tighten, trying to restrain his emotions.
“What’s wrong, Todd? You should be on top of the world. You just got married, you have a new son...a daughter who adores you....isn’t that enough for you?”
He looked away from her and continued to stare out the window.
“I thought it would be...but I guess not,” he said.
“Why were you at a bar so close to the hospital, Todd. Had you been here? Did you see Tea?”
He turned quickly to look at her at the mention of Tea’s name.
“What the hell is going on, Todd!” shrieked Blair, standing in the doorway.
She had her hands on her hips and was wearing a tight, short blue dress and heavy black eye make-up as she stepped through the doorway. Todd groaned, rolled his eyes and looked away from her as Vicki got up to greet her.
“I got your message, Vicki? What’s wrong with him?” she asked looking worried.
“He collapsed. Larry Woleck says he has a bleeding ulcer in his stomach.”
“An ulcer?“ she said, sounding almost disappointed. “Well...that’s not so serious...is it?”
Todd laughed out loud and both women looked over at him.
“There she is folks, my loving, concerned and devoted wife!”
Blair walked over to the bed and hovered over him.
“You don’t sound very sick to me, Todd!” she said, sneering at him.
“Blair...please. A bleeding ulcer can be a very serious condition,” said Vicki as she sat back in her chair.
Blair looked up at the bag of bright red blood that was draining into his arm.
“Are you...uh...okay?” she stammered.
“Just peachy, sweetheart,” said Todd mockingly.
Blair got angry and turned to Vicki.
“You see, Vicki? This is all I get from him...sarcasm and disdain. What the hell am I suppose to do?”
“GO AWAY!” yelled Todd.
“Fine! You got it!” said Blair, heading for the door.
“Blair!” shouted Todd, stopping her in her tracks. “I want to see my kids.”
She turned around.
“Fine! I’ll bring them by in the morning,” she snapped before heading out the door.
Vicki stared after her and looked back at Todd. He was still looking out the window.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Todd turned his head and looked into her soft, blue eyes.
“No. It doesn’t matter. It’s over,” said Todd, remembering Tea’s words to him after he tore her heart out, “enough. It’s over.”
“What’s over, Todd? What do you mean?”
“Hey...didn’t Larry just say I’m suppose to avoid stress? Well all your nosy questions are stressing me out, Vicki.”
Vicki sighed with frustration and walked around his bed, leaning back against the window sill.
“Todd, when you came back last June, I could tell how depressed you were over Tea leaving you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you...but you know I was going through my own issues at the time...health issues. And after a while, well, Todd you never mentioned her. So I thought you were over her and had moved on to Blair. That is the only reason why I encouraged this relationship between you two. But quite frankly, I never understood why Tea left you...you never said.”
Todd stared up at her, admiring her gargantuan but fruitless effort at trying to understand him. He felt so unworthy of her love...he gave her so little in return. Least of all his trust.
“Tea...she left me because I...uh...I almost killed a man.”
Vicki’s eyes widened as she tried to control herself from becoming overly emotional and disapproving. She knew how hard it was for him to trust her...to confide in anyone. She just leaned back and let him speak.
“We were together all the time. It was good...it was better than good. It was the best damn thing I’ve ever felt in my life,” he said as his eyes drifted off with his memories. Vicki watched his eyes cloud with tears as he continued. “We traveled around for a while...wound up in Boston one night and stayed at this great old hotel called Delmonico’s. We got all dressed up to eat in the dining room, when I got a call from my banker in New York, so Tea said she’d meet me at the bar. When I got there she was sitting there having a drink...when this guy...some lounge lizard started pawing at her. I could see she was trying to push him away, but he was persistent...and very drunk. Well...I...I lost it, Vicki. I walked over and grabbed him off the bar stool and beat on him until he was a bloody pulp. I broke a chair over his back...I smashed a bottle on his head...I wanted to kill him for touching Tea. And I almost did. It all happened so fast...all I can remember is Tea screaming hysterically, begging me to stop. But I shoved her off of me and just continued hitting him.”
Vicki watched him quietly.
“And did you...did you kill him?” asked Vicki in a frightened voice.
Todd looked up at her, surprised by her question as if she thought him capable of murder.
“No. By the time the police arrived and took me away, the guy was unconscious and had to be rushed to the hospital. He was in a coma for a few days and I was in jail until he came to. Finally Tea was able to bail me out of jail. Tea was livid, but worse than that...I think she was afraid of me. We argued bitterly.”
Todd turned away from her and took a few deep breaths.
“Is that when she left you?”
“No,” said Todd, turning back to face her. “She left me after I went by the hospital and paid off the guy with a big heap of money so that he wouldn’t press charges. Tea was already angry and afraid at what she called my “loss of control“...now she was disgusted with me too. When I got back to the hotel...she was gone. She left me a note...and she was gone. I haven’t seen her until...today.”
“Oh, Todd,” said Vicki, shaking her head.
“I don’t know what happened, Vicki! I haven’t lost it like that since my old man....nevermind.”
“But why, Todd? Why did you overreact like that. I mean you almost killed a man, for God‘s sakes!”
Todd shook his head.
“I was afraid...afraid of losing her. I know it doesn’t make sense...but in that moment it felt like he was trying to take her away from me...this stranger I didn’t even know. Like he was some dark presence trying to take what was mine. When he was pulling Tea’s arm it was like he had reached inside my body and he was trying to tear out a piece of me...and something in me just snapped. I couldn‘t let him hurt me...I couldn‘t let him hurt Tea. It was like he was...someone else...not a stranger, but someone...else.”
“Someone else...like your father?” asked Vicki.
Todd’s head snapped up and he became angry.
“Don’t psychoanalyze me, okay? I don’t know who he was...he was just some poor slob who was in the wrong place at the wrong time...that’s all! Anyway...that‘s why Tea left me. She said she‘d never leave me, Vicki, but she did. Tea left me....god...she left me.”
Vicki walked around and sat beside him again, taking his hand.
“My dear brother...what did you expect her to do, stay with you until you actually killed someone? Todd, Tea was right to leave you.”
Todd yanked his hand away from her and folded his arms angrily.
“You need to get help, Todd. You need to find out why you lost control like that.”
“Hey, I don’t need a shrink, okay? Look at me...I’ve got a family...a wife, kids...I’m normal! I’m damn normal, okay? Tea’s the one who’s not normal...she’s the one that made me lose control like that. Now I’m with Blair and see...I’m normal. I’m all fixed.”
“Todd, being with someone that you don’t have real feelings for so that you can avoid feeling pain--that’s not normal.”
“Why? It works doesn’t it? See...me and Blair work!”
“If you and Blair work...than why are you so miserable? So miserable that it’s not only affecting you emotionally, but physically as well?”
Todd stared at her, analyzing her question and finally just turned away.
“I don’t know...but I’m sure you’ll tell me, Dr. Freud.”
“You’re unhappy because when you shut down your feelings to avoid pain, you also shut down to all the good stuff, Todd. You can’t live without love...there simply is no substitute for that. I think you found it with Tea...and I think you have just realized that you can’t live without it.”
Todd closed his eyes and leaned his weary head against the wall.
“I can live without it...see...I’m living, right?”
Vicki shook her exasperated head and got up.
“Todd, I’m going to leave and let you get some sleep. I’ll come by in the morning to see how you are. Good night, little brother,” she said, kissing his forehead and walking to the door.
“Hey!” shouted Todd, stopping her. “Thanks.”
Vicki smiled, nodded and left.
Todd laid back and closed his eyes feeling the fresh blood coursing through his veins and letting his mind rest as his body surrendered to the painkillers in his system.
“Tea,” he whispered.
to be continued...
2001 Copyright by Trog
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