My head began to spin, then came the anger. "Who the hell does he think he is threatening me when he's the one that's married!" I yelled.
"Mija, calm down," Carlotta said.
Her voice snapped me out of my mini-tirade and brought me back down to earth. "I'm sorry," I said, "I guess I'm a little stressed out."
"So, tell me, what is it that you're so afraid of him revealing?"
I sat there for a long time, trying to think of something that didn't sound too much like a lie. I think, what really angered me was his trying to bulldoze his way into my life. I am a grown woman, who is more than capable of taking care of myself. Granted, lately I have been neglecting myself more than usual, but it's my life……not his.
"Mija?"
"Carlotta, it's not that I'm afraid of any so-called revelation that Todd has as it pertains to me, but I'm sick of him trying to belong somewhere he just doesn't fit."
"There was a time-"
I drowned her out. I did not want to be reminded of the one time in my life when I relinquished all control, only to have my heart broken. Carlotta was on a roll, and I didn't want to hear it. She is a wonderful person, but sometimes, I wish she would mind her own business.
"I just don't want to see you hurt again," she ended.
Well, I missed everything in between, but a good lawyer, which I am, knows how to improvise. "I don't want to see me hurt again either, especially by Todd Manning, which is why I'm going to take care of it as soon as we get off the phone." Switching gears, I asked about Antonio.
"Oh, he's doing so well, out of the bed and everything."
"Good for him."
We chatted for a few minutes longer, and then ended our conversation. I began to pace, a technique I learned from Todd. Then I stopped, refusing to repeat any of the habits I learned with him.
My apartment, I'd noticed, was so cold. I'm not talking about the temperature, but the déécor. Where were all the earthy shades that I loved? I was reminded of the movie, "American Psycho;" he had an apartment that projected a cold aloofness.
Great thinking, Ms. Delgado. Convince yourself you're a serial killer waiting to happen. I needed to get out of my "cold" apartment to a place where there were people around. First, I had to deal with Todd and I was not looking forward to that.
I dialed his cell phone because I knew he never went anywhere without having that thing to scream into. Unfortunately, it didn't go into voicemail as I'd hoped; he answered on the first ring before I even had time to get my thoughts together.
"Make it snappy!"
Make it snappy! Make it snappy! What is he, ten years old? I refused to answer.
"IF YOU DON'T TALK IN TWO SECONDS, I'M HANGIN' UP!!!" he bellowed.
I still didn't speak. His manners, I'd noticed, have gotten worse with time. I tapped my fingers against my glass table, counting the beats until he realized it was me on the other end.
"Tea?"
"Hello, Todd," I answered rather coolly.
"Why the hell did you leave?"
He must've thought he was talking to his wife because the Tea Delgado he knew wasn't going to be anyone's mistress. Not that that's what he wanted, but whatever we doing, this communication seemed a little adulterous. Okay, and maybe a little exciting. Still remaining cool, I said, "I'm a grown woman, perfectly capable of taking care of my own affairs." I closed my eyes...bad choice of words.
"So, are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Taking care of yourself."
I could hear him breathing on the other end; heavily, the way he did when he was afraid. I let him huff and puff into the phone, let him worry about me the way I worried about him while he was away.
"Hey, Tea, what the hell' s wrong with you?" I didn't like his tone, so I turned around and used the same tone with him. "What do you mean what's wrong with me?"
"You're bitter……like……like……Blair."
Slam! I didn't think about it at all. In fact, I think the phone jumped from my hands and onto the cradle. I'll be damned if I let him compare me to that tramp! Not two seconds later, he was ringing my phone. I picked it up and yelled, "Don't you dare compare me to that bitch." "Well, you gotta admit, you are bitter."
"I don't gotta admit anything. And if you don't like my attitude, stop trying to track me down."
"I just wanna know what's wrong with you."
"Well, Todd, nobody can seem to figure that out. Is there anything else?" I asked, anxious to end this conversation.
"No, no, that's it. Take care."
I don't know what he expected me to say during that long pause that hung between us. I said nothing. I could almost feel his heart pulsating through the phone as he waited for a response.
"Bye, Tea."
And that was the end of our conversation. It had been less than an hour and already, I was feeling completely drained. I didn't want to sleep, not again, so I called one of my old girlfriends, one I knew would bring a smile to my face.
*****
"Hey, girl." Mariam, what can I say about her? Wild would not begin to scratch the surface of how crazy this girl is. We grew up together, well, not really together, but we were both poor and lord knows we tried to fake our way into the "in" crowd.
"Hey," I replied, "come on in."
She carried a box that reeked of fully loaded, guilty as sin, John's Pizza. It was, without a doubt, the best pizza in the tri-state area, bar none. I like spicy things, and there's nothing better than a slice of that pizza with a generous helping of hot peppers.
"Look what I got," she said, waving the box under my nose. "And this," she added, dangling a six-pack in front of me.
"Wow, looks like I called the right person."
Miriam and I, we cried on each other's shoulders more times than I cared to count. There are two main differences between us, she still struggles with money, whereas I have more than enough; she knows exactly who she and we won't get started on me.
I watched with envy as she took control of the evening. She pulled a couple movies from her shoulder bag, plopped them on the counter, all without taking a breath. Finally, she looked at me with a question in her eyes.
"Girl, you look like hell."
Oh, I forgot to mention that she's the most blunt person I have ever known. Coming from me, that's saying something. "Gee, thanks."
"You're welcome."
That's all we said for a long time. We moved around each other in my kitchen, washing hands, fixing plates, pouring drinks. We carried our food into the other room, forgetting the videos and agreeing we'd watch them later.
I'm not hungry, but I forced myself to eat one slice. "This is good," I said with a mouth full of food.
"You remember how much pizza we used to eat? You used to charm those boys and they'd buy us pizza. I always wondered how you stayed so skinny."
"Good metabolism."
"You're just lucky your ballet teacher didn't catch you eating that shit."
She's right. My ballet teacher was a bitch. I was always too fat, according to her. What Miriam never knew, was how I rid my body of that pizza. I cringed just thinking about gently slipping my finger into my mouth and moving it to the back of my throat. I must've been making a face because Miriam was looking at me strangely. "I was just thinking."
"Well, do you have to make that face?" she asked, crinkling her brow.
"Sorry."
Miriam and I had the kind of friendship where we could go years without talking and pick up as if no time had passed at all. She knew little about my life after I left New York, and I preferred to keep it that way.
"Mile a minute Delgado."
"Huh?" I asked, shaking myself from my thoughts.
"That's what we used to call you. Your mouth and mind ran a mile a minute." She burst into laughter, and boy, she had one hearty laugh. How can I describe it? First of all, her foot started tapping, and her thigh started pulsating. Her hands lay flat against her stomach, her legs lifted off the ground, her head fell back, mouth dropped open and that girl laughed.
I wish I could laugh like that, so freely, but I hadn't felt real laughter in a long, long time. I missed my friend and her bluntness. I was getting filled up, so I excused myself and went to the kitchen. I leaned against the sink, taking deep breaths until that brief moment of overflowing emotion had passed.
"That was some good ass pizza," my friend said.
I smiled because I suddenly realized that I wasn't so alone. I wasn't alone at all, I fact. My life seemed to be getting a little bit better; I had people, or at least one person who loved me.
