In her response he heard the lie. There was no "we'll see" to it at all, she was leaving him all because of some stupid mistake that he made when he was much younger. Everybody thought the worst of him, even Tea, though she would never admit it. She wasn't that type. She would quietly walk out of someone's life just as quietly as she walked in, only her impression would be felt forever. Her absence would leave anything but quiet.
After all the pain he caused her, the very least he could do was let her walk away without the guilt that he could inflict upon her. Let her go, set her free, his head kept telling him but his heart fought back. Told him to never let her go because she was the one, the only one that could get through to him.
"We'll, see?" he repeated, almost to himself. He said it then, the words that he fought so hard against. It was what he had to do for her, even if it meant killing himself in the process. "Okay, you go, Tea. I know you've got bigger dreams that don't involve me, so go ahead. Go after them." But he couldn't resist adding, "don't worry about me. I'll be just fine. I'll be fine."
Then she looked at him in that way, knowing that he would be anything but fine and she would be anything but fine, yet they could not get it together. And she reached out to touch him and opened her mouth to say something but she couldn't touch him and her lips wouldn't move.
Seeing she made no move to get out of there, he began to ramble about Marty. He knew she had to hear about that and maybe if he had been the one to tell his side first, he could have kept her on his side. "You know that night of the Spring Fling? I didn't plan on doing anything to anybody. I wanted to drink and have fun and yeah, maybe screw somebody before the night was over but it was all going to be in fun, you know? But everything started spinning in my head and out of control and there was nothing I could do about it. I was their leader. Tea, for the first time in my life, I had people looking up to me and I couldn't lose face in front of 'em. I didn't mean for it to go that far; I just wanted to scare her, that's all."
Tea hung onto his every word, cringing inwardly as she thought of him sizing up his prey. She knew how he could be, waiting patiently, letting those wheels turn until the perfect opportunity came for him to pounce. She sniffled a bit, forcing her eyes to stay on him, forcing herself not to walk away in complete disgust.
"Marty was strong though. She wasn't afraid like I was when Peter did things to me, she looked me head on and she wouldn't let me get away with intimidation. I had to go further, I had to fucking push her a little further and I did. She kept getting in my face and making me look more and more stupid and I just…snapped. It was like I could see myself getting ready to do those things and doing those things and there was nothing I could do but stand outside myself and watch. The worst thing about it was that when it was over, I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel bad, or good, or anything. I didn't feel again until Starr, but that was different, you know? And then you came and you knew everything, everything about me and you didn't run away and you didn't turn away. You faced me head on, just like Marty and all I wanted to do was love you. But those fucking mistakes, they're right there between us and I can't reach you," he sounded desperate, crying, practically sobbing. "I can't reach you and I'm drowning, Tea. I see it and I know it and I get so close, so goddamned close and then…you're gone."
Tea never realized how much her touch had affected him. There were times when they were married that she thought she may have reached him on a deeper level, but those times were so few and far between, that she thought maybe it was her imagination.
"I don't blame you for not wanting to be around me. I don't want to be around me most of the time but I guess that's what I deserve, huh? I deserve to be alone and I deserve to go up in flames in my hell 'cause of the hell I've put everyone else through. We didn't work out, okay, fine, but I want you to know that your love wasn't wasted on me. You changed me, maybe you don't see how much, but you made me feel and I guess I should say thank you for that."
She reached a shaky hand to his cheek and wiped away some of the tears that streaked the side of his face. He did it again, made her turn right back around just when she'd decided she'd had enough. He was a smooth worker; she had to admit that, always had the right words that would break down her barriers. She loved and wanted and needed him to be with her. She needed his touch and his arms to wrap around her. Forget what Marty said and all the things he'd done, he was in front of her, baring his soul and she could not turn away from that. Her heart ached for him; her soul yearned for him and Intuition had been saying over and over that he did love her and what she needed was right there in front of her. In front of her sat Todd, loving her in a way that she'd never known, it was in his eyes and the tears he cried were for her and because of her. "Todd, don't thank me. I didn't do anything...you did it. If you've changed while you've been with me, that's all your doing, I can't take credit for it."
"Yes you can," he insisted. "You can take credit for it. I can love because of it. I can love you because of it. Don't leave me. I swear to you that I'm not that man anymore."
"I don't doubt that you aren't."
*****
Misty hadn't seen Todd in a couple of weeks. Not for lack of trying. She'd left messages and stopped by a couple of times, but he never seemed to be around anymore.
She woke up that morning with the urge to see him again. Things hadn't been going well for them, that much she knew, but something told her that things were going to be different that day. So, she dressed for the occasion when she knew she would see him again. If she had to camp out in front of his apartment, she was going to see him.
One of the few things she'd learned about Todd was that he had the taste of a simple man. Normally, if she were going to try to impress a man, she would don her best, classy looking suit and go after him. Todd wasn't that type; he was more of a blue jeans guy, the kind that preferred a more natural look. Keeping that in mind, she dressed in a pair of form fitting jeans, matching vest and a tight, short-sleeved turtleneck underneath. She capped her look with a black cowboy hat and snakeskin boots. She studied herself in the full-length mirror and thought she looked pretty damned good.
The entire limousine ride to his place she spent thinking about what she would say to him. He hadn't been very sociable toward her lately and, quite frankly, it pissed her off. Men usually didn't turn her away…men never turned her away and neither would Todd.
The doorman recognized her immediately and intentionally stayed out of her determined way, smirking behind her back. She was known as "the Bitch" because she never acknowledged the presence of anyone outside of her world. She took the elevator up to his floor, walked down the hall with an arrogant air and knocked softly on the door. When he didn't answer, she knocked again, just as softly, just like a lady.
*****
"Are you going to get that?" Tea asked.
"Let 'em knock, we're not finished talking."
"I don't think they're going away. Just answer it and get rid of them."
*****
Misty flipped through the many keys on her ring until she came to the one to his door. She'd almost forgotten about it until she found her key ring while searching for a piece of paper. She would wait for him inside she decided, maybe she'd even wait in his bed.
She purposefully slid her key in the lock in such a way that not even the keenest of ears could hear. She turned the key in and slickly entered the apartment without anyone's knowledge. From the doorway, she could see the interaction between Todd and Tea.
You bitch, she thought. She and Tea went way back, but Todd didn't know that. Had no idea of their connection or of the bad blood that existed between them. Not getting what she wanted was not something Misty was used to. Money was supposed to speak volumes and it was supposed to get her Todd Manning. Tea was nothing, according to her, nothing but an expensive prostitute.
She strode over to Todd, ignoring Tea, speaking directly to him. "I've missed you." She leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. Took him by surprise, so much so he didn't have time to move away.
"How many different ways can I tell you I don't want to have anything to do with you?"
"People say things that they don't mean and I know you didn't mean that. The way your body responds to me tells me you don't really want me out of your life." Pleased with herself, she glanced over at Tea to witness the shock in her eyes. "Oh, hi Tea. I see we meet again."
"Hello," she replied coolly, trying to cover the shock on her face. There was no denying that seeing Misty had thrown her for a loop. Took her back to her childhood when things were kept just out of her reach because of who she was and where she lived. She saw the same thing happening with Todd, his being pulled just out of her reach because she wasn't good enough, tall enough, blonde enough or rich enough.
"Guess the world really is a small place."
"Guess so."
Misty grinned inwardly; she had Tea shaken. Todd, on the other hand, looked as though he could strangle her. It didn't matter much; she'd take care of him later.
No one said a word for what seemed like hours. Tea concentrated on her breathing. Todd was fighting to keep from killing Misty. Misty reveled in being the center of her universe.
Tea was the first to speak up. "Todd, I really need to go to the office-"
"No, wait, you can't go yet. I thought we could spend more time together."
Tea stood up to leave but Todd blocked her way. "I need to go, really."
"Yeah, but we're not finished."
"No, we're not but…you have company and I have clients. This is not goodbye forever, this is goodbye for now."
"Okay." He reached out his arms and pulled her into him. "I love you," he whispered into her ear.
She nodded, suddenly overcome with emotion. Her tongue wouldn't say the words back, not yet anyway. Especially after Misty used her KEY to get into his apartment. She'd ask him about that later, in the meantime, she couldn't resist taking one last parting shot at Misty. "I see you still chase after men who have no interest in you."
"And you of all people should know that I ALWAYS get my way. I think you know exactly what I mean," Misty said, giving Tea a wink.
For a brief moment, flashed back to "what Misty meant" and her horror at discovering Misty on the lap of her child's father. She didn't let it show, covered her real feelings as always and ignored her comment. Turning to Todd she said, "Call me later."
"Yeah." He walked her to the door and spoke to her quietly so that Misty's prying ears could not hear. "She won't leave me alone. I've told her a million times that I'm not interested but she keeps coming back."
"I know how she is."
"Oh, and Tea," Misty interrupted, "you taught him well, just like you taught you know who well. Seems you prepare 'em for me. Todd is a wonderfully, passionate lover-"
"Tea, don't listen to her."
By then, Misty was talking just to hurt Tea. When she walked into Todd's apartment and saw the way he was with Tea, she figured she would never have a chance with him. It pissed her off so she struck the way only she could, using her sexuality to inflict pain. She kept going, kept on pushing Tea for an angry reaction. "So, remember, each time you kiss him, you're tasting me."
With a sudden, fluid movement, Todd was across the room and had her by her arm. In the past, Tea would have moved just as suddenly and stopped him, but she let him go. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND OUT OF MY SIGHT NOW!"
"What? You don't want the janitor's daughter to know about all the things you did to me?"
He was dragging her across the room, toward the front door. "YOU COME NEAR ME OR TEA AGAIN AND YOU'RE GOING TO PAY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!"
Tea stepped out of their way and let Todd handle things. She didn't care if he changed his mind and flung her out of the window instead. She did have it coming to her, after all. Misty's words did more than sting; they burned. She had no doubt that she and Todd had engaged in some sort of sexual activity, if only for the fact that he did not deny it. And it burned the way she was referred to as the "janitor's daughter," only confirming her belief that she would never be anything more in the eyes of some.
It was all unfolding in front of her eyes in slow motion. Todd flung Misty out of the front door yelling something about hating her and getting out of his fucking life. Misty continued to shout things in Tea's direction or in Todd's, she couldn't tell. There was something about her being a whore and fucking all the boys in high school and how nothing changes. Tea's feet began to move away from the scene, past the neighbors who had appeared out of nowhere to catch a glimpse of the very loud commotion.
Todd called down the hall after her but she didn't turn to acknowledge him. She did, however, throw up her hand in an "I need some time for myself" gesture. Then, she disappeared behind the doors of the elevator.
*****
Tea's Office
She was so drained emotionally. Her desk was filled with case files and notes and "To Do" lists. None of it meant anything. Meeting after meeting she sat through, mechanically writing things down and mentally recalling cases that could be referenced if she had to go to trial. One by one, she came up with solutions that suited her clients and would bring more money to her bank account.
She went home after leaving Todd's, checked on Roseanne, showered and got ready to go to the office. She thought that maybe the time had come to take a long break from practicing law. It didn't give her the same rush or satisfaction...it was becoming a job. She thought about Caitlin too and how her decision would impact her life.
Life wasn't enjoyable the way it was supposed to be. She wasn't anywhere near happy and with the life of wealth that she'd always dreamed of, that was disappointing. It wasn't supposed to be like this, she in her thirties with more money than she could spend in an entire lifetime and still unhappy. It wasn't the thing that fairytales were made of.
She leaned back in her chair, propped her feet on her desk, linked her fingers behind her head and thought about what would make her happy. The answer, she concluded, was a life with someone she loved and someone who loved her back. The answer was a child and a real family to come home to at the end of the day. The answer was in her past and why her mother left the way she did and why her father treated her the way he did.
