Tea's mind swirled around as everything within sight swirled too. Shapes and objects blended together as she tried to wrap her mind around the person that was in front of her. As long as she didn't have to face her in the past, she could pretend that certain things never happened. In her wildest dreams, she never thought this was one that could come true. The corridor filled with silence as she avoided the face of the person in front of her. It was then that she wished she had the ability that she fostered as a child, the ability to melt into the scenery around her. Similar to that of a chameleon, blending, avoiding, protecting herself. That ability was gone long ago, lost somewhere between childhood and adulthood. Perhaps if she looked away long enough, it would turn out to be a figment. Her eyes moved around the room in search for someplace, anyplace to run. But her legs wouldn't move and her mind wouldn't let her drift far enough away.

She was just as shocked to see Tea. The last name of "Delgado" didn't ring a bell. Her mind couldn't make the connection. Hundreds, even thousands of patients were wheeled through those same Emergency Room doors and, after awhile, they all seamlessly mixed together. As soon as she stepped out of that room and saw the woman with the expensive pantsuit, perfectly coiffed hair-do and flawless makeup, it brought back memories she had long since buried.

She had to remain professional no matter how shocked she was. Fate was too vindictive. There was no way they should have met again. The last time should have been the last time?their lives should have remained separate.

"Hello, Tea," she said, feeling just as uncomfortable, wanting just as badly to escape. It had never been her style to run away from something, ever, yet she shifted under Tea's quiet scrutiny. And she really did want to run and cover herself up until the hurt went burrowing back beneath the thick skin that she had grown.

"Hello, Marty. It's good to see you. Although I do wish it were under different circumstances." Tea avoided her eyes as well. Marty's gaze was just as strong, just as powerful. Tea kept her mind on the medallion that hung from her neck, twisting it until it tangled, then twisting in the opposite direction.

She could never forget the last time she saw Marty, broken, tears dripping from her chin. She could never forget her cries as she held her dying husband in her lap. And the words that he spoke to Todd, right before he closed his eyes that final time. Tea still dreamed of that night from time to time. It was hard not to, after all, a man did die in her living room. Her husband was the cause?her ex-husband was the cause.

"How is Roseanne related to you?"

"She's my niece." Tea remembered watching the ambulance drive off with Marty and Patrick in the back, he covered by a white sheet, she covered in a layer of his blood. That was the first night she and Todd shared something close to emotional intimacy. Would he have been different with her had that not happened? Was that just another demon to haunt him in the night?

"Ah, well, your niece is going to be just fine. You might want to go home and get some rest. She's going to be out for awhile."

"Thank you for all you've done, Marty."

"You're welcome." Marty switched her weight from foot to foot, becoming more fidgety during the awkward moments. She never had thought much of Tea as a person. As a lawyer, she was the best, willing to go that extra mile for her clients. She married Todd Manning for the bucks, something a typical lawyer would do. Tea was cold; at least that's how she remembered her. Marty finally looked her in the eyes and something was missing. She used to look at her and see nothing but coldness; cold permeated from her every pore. It was in her voice, walk, eyes?she didn't care about anything other than the dollar. But something was different. They were still dark, but they were empty too. They were void of any emotion. "Why don't we go and talk in my office."

"Uh, sure."

*****

Marty's Office

Horses. Horses adorned the walls, desk, shelves in Marty's office. It was comparatively small to Tea's, but it felt more "homey." It was comfortable, worn, well lived in. Marty's chair had the same sort of "worn" feeling with the leather that was just beginning to crack and mold to the shape of her body.

Tea's eyes honed in on one picture in particular, of a shiny black horse with Marty sitting on top, holding a trophy. Next to her was a tall, good-looking man who closely resembled Patrick. But it couldn't be him, it looked too recent. She kept scanning the room, looking for signs of what Marty's life had become since she left Llanview. It was all laid out in front of her. The horses, the awards, the certificates that lined the walls. Looking at Tea's office, one could discern absolutely nothing about the woman that occupied it. Again, her eyes were drawn to the picture of the black horse with the man that looked like Patrick.

"Oh, that," Marty said, lifting the picture from in front of Tea, "that's Patrick and me." She didn't explain further, Tea asked no other questions.

"Your office, it's?it's nice."

The air in the room was filled with tension. In another lifetime, they probably would have been friends with the same sort of feisty temperament, there was not doubt that they would have had an explosive relationship?but there would have been a mutual respect. It was too bad that they had to end up on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

"Well, it's been a long time." Marty sat behind her desk, which was imposing even in its relatively small size. Doctors always made Tea nervous, from the time she was a small child she instinctively thought of them as being evil. People never went to see doctors unless they were sick, which may have subconsciously affected her as an adult.

Who am I trying to kid? I am sick. I can feel myself falling into some place of sadness and I can't claw myself out. I'm not strong enough to deal with this. Why can't all this shit just leave me alone?

You're not sick, Tea. You are here for a reason; figure out why.

She ignored the voices within her, concentrating on the present and who was in front of her. "Yes it has been a long time. How have you been?" Tea sat too, on the other side of Marty, feeling like a small child once again. Trying to force the inner voices from her head. Her palms began to sweat a little; she discreetly tried to wipe them dry against her linen skirt.

"I can't complain. You?"

"I can't complain either. God, it's been, what? Three years now?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"So, are you still Mrs. Manning?" Marty asked, feeling the word roll off her tongue as if it was a natural part of her vocabulary. It no longer hurt to say that word or mix those letters together. It no longer hurt as much to even talk about him.

Tea was taken somewhat off-guard. The last thing she expected to talk to Marty about was Todd. In fact, it was an issue she was certain they would avoid altogether. It shocked her that she would do anything to avoid talking about him, yet his biggest victim spoke of him almost naturally. She blinked a couple of times, unsure of how to answer the question. They were no longer married, not in the "traditional" way, but in spirit, they were very much a part of each other's lives.

"Tea?"

"Yeah? Um, no, we're not married any longer." A veil of sadness descended upon her face. She attempted to cover with a weak, phony smile, but Marty had already clutched onto the sadness.

"I thought it was just for show with the two of you. At least, that's what everyone said."

"Well, nobody knew the whole story. They assumed certain things, some of which were true, most of which were not."

"Well, that's the way it usually goes." She glanced at her watch just as her secretary buzzed in on the intercom. "Excuse me," Marty said to Tea as she responded to her secretary.

"Dr. Saybrook, you're needed in ER."

"I'll be right there," she replied into the intercom. Grateful for the save, but curious about the conversation they were getting into, Marty returned her attention to Tea. "I'm sorry but I have to go. It was really good seeing you again."

"Yeah, same here."

They stood up at the same time, stared at one another for another uncomfortable moment. "Uh, we should get together and have lunch sometime. Or maybe even dinner," Marty suggested, just as she opened the door.

"Sure. I'll have my assistant call and set something up."

Tea stayed in Marty's office long after she'd left. She moved around from place to place, absorbing the warmth of the room. She felt sane in there, like it could have easily been her home. The air wasn't as thick, the temperature itself was much warmer than in her office. There were pictures around, books that had been read from cover to cover and back again. Most of all, it felt accessible. Anybody could walk in and feel some sort of comfort around them.

"Is it ever going to stop hurting? Will I ever get a fucking break?" She sighed into the still air.

*****

Central Park

Instead of going home from the hospital, Tea went straight to Central Park, bought a pretzel, spread a little mustard on top, grabbed a bottled water and found an empty table by the long since thawed ice skating rink. There weren't many people around, just she and an elderly couple who paid her little or no attention.

Her mind continually forced her to re-live her conversation with Marty. It wasn't so much the conversation than how normal she looked. Even after all she'd been through, to look at her, she looked the exact same as everybody else she passed on the street on any given day. She figured that was how she looked to outsiders?just like a regular person. Or maybe she only thought she looked regular. The truth could have been that she didn't look "normal" at all. Beyond the pigment in her skin and her figure that was distinctly non-Anglo, beyond the physical characteristics that lead to "pre-judgments," she could have exuded the poison the she thought infected the air around her.

Did she bear the invisible battle wounds that Todd had inflicted upon her on her face? Arms? Legs? When she was with him and had to walk around on eggshells, side stepping this subject or that, was she allowing him to gag her the way he did Marty? With every way the he had hurt her by breaking his promises, and bullying her into doing what he wanted, was he holding her down? With every promise of trying to touch her or make love to her, was he raping her mind? Like Marty? Did he do the things to her that he had done to Marty? Was she a weaker form of Marty because she had opportunity after opportunity to run away and she kept running back?

That was a part of his past that she tried to ignore. She never forgot it, it was always there, but it wasn't at the forefront. Peter was. His lack of self-esteem was. His mother was. But not Marty. Once she left Llanview, it was like she never existed. Yet she did. And she walked right back into Tea's life, or did Tea walk back into hers?

She was a little chilled sitting on the iron bench, alternating between biting her pretzel and sipping from her water bottle. The world went on around her, but she was barely hanging on by the tips of her fingernails. Things never seemed to get better, she thought. The pile of dung that was her life only got increased in size, as she felt smaller and smaller.

Tea was oblivious to the older lady that had scooted over to her table. It was only when the clang of the lady's heel banged against the table that Tea noticed her. She smiled politely at the older lady who stared her straight in the eyes. Tea briefly scanned the area for the woman's companion and when she couldn't find him, asked the lady if she needed help.

"You know, my Bill and I have been married for fifty-three years today. Yup, fifty-three years."

"Congratulations," Tea responded unenthusiastically.

"It wasn't always good, you know. We had our share of hard times, but we made it through. Fifty-three years today. He was sitting with me just a few minutes ago, but he claimed he had to go to the bathroom. I know his secret though." The old woman moved closer to Tea, whispering in her ear, "he went to get me roses. Every Friday, for as long as we've been married, he's bought me roses. My family didn't like him. They all said he wasn't the right guy for me, but I knew different. We had to go through a lot to make it this far, but we did it."

"Good for you." Tea wondered why the woman had chosen her to talk to. There were twenty million people in the city and the woman chose to talk to her. She wasn't interested in hearing someone else's love story. She didn't want to hear about love at all. In the past, she could tune people out, but this woman, her voice was too strong and drowned out all the other noises of a typical New York day.

"Are you married?"

Tea shook her head and let a slight smile play across her face. That was the question of the day?was she married? She turned to look at the old lady, really look at her from top to bottom. She had clear blue eyes, the kind of blue that seemed to go on forever. Though her skin was wrinkled, she looked refreshed. Her eyes told a story of hurt and survival, and they were content in their older age. She was content.

"Well, I'm sure you'll find someone. A gorgeous thing like you," she said, taking Tea's face in the palm of her hand and looking her over, "I bet you have them falling all over themselves."

"I don't know about that."

"Sure you do, they're just a little intimidated. You'll find somebody and he'll drive you crazy and he'll make you crazy, but you'll love him with everything you've got. Trust me."

"Oh I believe you."

"Yeah, they'll drive you crazy, but you know what? There's no other way."

*****

Todd's Apartment

Todd sat alone in his living room, lying on the floor, tossing an old football in the air. That was how he'd learned to spend his days, doing something to expend the little energy he had. Otherwise he might go crazy, or crazier. Otherwise, he might turn toward the alcohol or the drugs; those urges would literally takeover. They never really went away, or diminished; only having something else to concentrate on curbed it.

He had been using less and then more and then less again. He found it difficult to stop cold turkey. There had to be a gradual process, of which, he could never get the hang of. "J" would call on a semi regular basis to see if he needed this or that, or if maybe he wanted to try something stronger. "J" always let something hang in the air, one last word. Sometimes it was something as simple as "high" or "sensational" or "flying." Todd would smack his lips together, eventually putting an ink pen in his mouthing and chewing on it until there was nothing left. When all willpower was gone, he would go ahead and delight in a smoke or a drink, or both.

Viki had told him point blank, that if he had any thoughts about winning Tea's heart again, he was going to have to stop doing the things that were harmful to him. That's the way she put it. He looked at her and said, "don't you mean shit that fucks me up?" She gave him an "oh you're so funny," look and he looked right back at her with a "yeah, I am" expression.

Changing was harder than it sounded. Especially for someone like him who tried time and time again to be a better person but there was always something there to draw him into something and get him into trouble. Even if he did change, how did he know that Tea would be willing to take him back? She had heard him talk about changing all the time but the words were nothing more than empty promises with nothing to back them up.

He tried calling her a few times. Tried her home number. Work. Beeper. Left messages all over the place and she never returned his call. He had wanted to see her again; it was one of the few things he looked forward to. He looked at the phone again, willing it to ring. It didn't, so he dialed her office once more and waited for Caitlin to answer.

"Yeah, is she back yet," he mumbled into the phone before Caitlin could give him her standard greeting.

"Mr. Manning, I was just getting ready to call you. I spoke to Ms. Delgado and she was at the hospital, but-"

He pressed the "end" button, halting the conversation before Caitlin finished telling him that Tea was fine. He rushed out of his apartment, wearing only a thin t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

To Be Continued..

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