Tea walked along the sardine packed street toward her office. Squished, she squirmed and pushed and shoved her way to the front of the crowd. She usually took the subway, but she needed the gusts of fresh air peppered with fresh roasted nuts, dirty water dogs, pretzels and all those other things New York was famous for. Needed to wake up to her reality. Needed to be reacquainted with civilization after being away from the city for so long. She swam amongst the people, dividing the tightly packed wall, eventually branching off to her office.

Inside the building, her heels pounded against the floor, attitude evident from the force of her steps. It had been some time since anyone heard those sounds and they turned, recognizing her footsteps. Gone were the gentle sounds of sand rubbing between her toes. She was back home, back to where she excelled - in the building that housed her law office. She was safe there, away from everyone and everything else that had taken too much space in her broken heart.

As she stepped out of the elevator, a cold chill washed over her. Through the glass, she could look into all the other offices. People were rushing here and there carrying bundles of paper; flailing their arms, as they spoke to someone through their headset...no one was relaxed. She took a breath and continued to trek down the hall to "Delgado and Associates."

Caitlin had already put in a half-day's work by the time Tea bounded into the office. Her office was nothing like the others on her floor. It was calming, serene even. Completely different from everything she had seen earlier in the day.

"Hi Caitlin. Did you enjoy your time off?" Tea asked with cheer. She eased onto the edge of Caitlin's desk, dropping her briefcase at her feet. She had missed Caitlin since she'd been gone. Missed their talks, missed being her role model even though she didn't feel capable of filling the role.

"Yes, I did. From the looks of your tan, you had a pretty good time too. Meet any good looking eligible bachelors?"

"I met one, but it wasn't like that. He was nice to talk to."

"I know you hated to come back here."

"Actually, I missed it. Do I have a lot of messages?"

Caitlin fumbled around on her desk, retrieving a stack of messages. "Mrs. Carpenter left quite a few, other than that, nothing major came up."

"Hmm, okay, thanks." Tea hopped off the desk, went into her office and closed the door behind her. Her desk was piled high with case files, neatly prioritized, waiting for her. "Home sweet home," she sighed.

She missed the view from up there, above everyone else. The people moved along quickly and urgently, like packs of ants. In the grand scheme of things, she was just as small and probably moved just as urgently.

"Now, Viki, I wonder what you wanted?"

A conversation with Viki would essentially be a conversation about Todd. Her curiosity was peeked anyway, since she couldn't get Todd to tell her what was going on. She glanced at the phone number Viki left; there were two actually. One was a local number; the other was her cell phone.

Tea called the local number, and was a bit surprised that Viki picked up.

"Hello?" Viki answered, sounding a bit out of breath.

"Hi, Viki, it's Tea. I'm sorry I'm just now returning your call, I've been out of town."

"It's okay."

Tea put on her headset, clipped the side pack to her skirt and walked around her office. "What's going on?"

"Well, we had a bit of a crisis, but thank God it's over."

"Todd?"

"Yes. Have you seen him lately?"

"Yes."

"How did he seem to you?"

"I'll be honest Viki, I don't think I've ever seen him so bad off. I have no idea what's going on with him, but it's whatever it is, it's pretty bad."

Viki sighed into the phone, asking herself if it was really necessary that Tea know about the near drowning. Then again, Tea was someone that could get through to him, even when no one else could; she was the one that could break through.

"Viki?" Tea began to worry all over again. She shuffled through Viki's messages again, checking the dates to ensure that none of them were from earlier that day. If anything had happened to him after she left him, it would have been her fault.

"Yes, I'm here. I don't know how to tell you this, but while you were away, Todd nearly drowned to death."

"What?"

"He was high and drunk; I guess he just sunk to the bottom of his bathtub. We arrived in the nick of time."

"We?"

"Yes, some friend of his arrived just moments before I got there. It was touch and go for a day or so, but there doesn't seem to be any after affects. I just thought you should know."

Oh God. She knew exactly when it was, without Viki even telling her. She felt it while she was in Jamaica, but ignored the feelings. She was short of breath, thought she was drowning on dry land. Why don't I ever listen? She leaned into her sink and vomited into her garbage can several times. She could vaguely hear Viki asking her if she was alright, but she didn't have enough energy to answer.

"Tea, I'm so sorry I had to be the one to tell you. I just thought you should know."

"Hang on," Tea choked out as she removed her headphones. She went into her bathroom and continued to throw up as tears started rolling down her face. The thought of the world being without him, her world being without him was suffocating. She splashed cold water on her face and in her hair.

Several minutes later, she returned to the phone, shocked that Viki was still waiting on the other end. Pulling herself together, she asked, "Viki, what's going on with him? He had to have told you something."

"I'm sorry, he hasn't told me anything."

"I should have been there for him. I shouldn't have left. If we had lost him-"

"No, sweetheart, I don't even want you to think like that. Listen, I really would like to see you before I leave. There are things we need to discuss regarding Todd. I'm going to be here for at least another week looking in on him, so maybe we can get together in that time."

"Yes, thanks for telling me. Bye."

*****

Tea managed to put a dent in her work pile. After speaking with Viki, the only thing she could do to keep from losing her mind was concentrate on work. When she was most upset or depressed, she tended to do her best work, focusing completely on the case at hand instead of sitting around feeling sorry for herself.

Caitlin had come in hours before, and let her know she was leaving for the day. Tea didn't know if she waved or said goodbye, only vaguely remembering Caitlin coming into her office at all. After going over her last file, she threw her pen on the desk and leaned back in her chair.

She caught a quick glimpse of her calendar, gasping as she realized the significance of the date as well as the reason for her foul mood. Fifteen years before, on that exact date, the letter arrived from her mother's lawyer. On that exact date, she found out from a piece of paper that her mother had died and so much more.

She still had the letter, somewhere, but hadn't looked at in years. She had learned to accept her mother died without saying goodbye, and no matter how many times she read that now wrinkled letter, nothing could change that. She had stopped going to church. Stopped the Catholic tradition of candle lighting. Stopped crying for the relationship they never had.

She was just a teenager when a box arrived at Abuela's doorstep with her name typed on a label. A perfect white label with black lettering, fancy letters like on wedding invitations. From its appearance, it seemed that it could only contain happy information. It was rare for anyone she knew to received deliveries, so with great excitement, she tore into the cardboard. It was filled with missing family pictures, little mementos, and the gold locket she always wore around her neck. She thought, at first, they were stolen, but as she grew older, she realized her mother had taken them when she left. At the bottom of the pile was a letter, handwritten by Anna Rosa.

She wondered how proud her mother would have been if she could see the jumbled mess she was inside. Or if she could even look at her without being disgusted because her "Angel" hadn't lived up to her promise.

*****

An Upscale Bar

Tea was beginning to fall back into her old pattern of bar hopping, drinking until right before she was drunk and letting the men hit on her. She understood how Todd could turn to some sort of stimulant to numb the pain. She sometimes yearned for that kind of escape from reality, but lacked the courage to lose that much control.

She hadn't planned on stopping at a bar, but this one jumped out at her. Its blue neon sign read, "Take It Away," with a picture of a martini glass that glowed in red, garnished with a glowing green olive. She needed to be taken away, taken away from herself. She needed to go back a few years to erase all her mistakes that had come back to her.

Tea was still going over the conversation with Viki in her head. Todd was one of the strongest people she had ever known, even if he couldn't see that with his own eyes. He was strong to have survived his childhood. If he gave up, what did that say about everyone else? Was everyone else doomed to give up as well? Was she?

She spotted an empty stool at the end of the bar, away from the rest of the action. In the darkness she sat, completely hidden. Men were drawn to that dark corner, maybe from the scent of her perfume; one by one, they were turned away. She thought she wanted their attention, but when they approached, she blew them off barely acknowledging their existence.

She bet her father used to come into bars and sit and drink all night long. Of course, they were far from upscale and the crowd was completely different. They probably all came in there, in their dirty white shirts and sweaty bodies, drinking years of their life. She imagined them drinking the night away, then going home to their family and taking the rest of their aggression out on them.

Was she the same? After the way she had treated Del, it was a valid argument. He didn't understand anything about her. It wasn't so cut and dry; she really couldn't pinpoint what was bothering her. All she knew was that something wasn't right inside. The world around her looked different, she wasn't a part of it. Things were caving in on her; she was being smothered by its weight.

Then there was Todd and all of his problems. He said she made things better, was his life now the one he would have had without her love? Was that what he meant? She wished she were the type of person who could cut the ties and simply run away. But she kept going back to him, was constantly being pulled back into his life, and she liked it. Not the darkness in his world, but the light he brought into hers. She made things better for him, and he made things so much better for her. When she was with him, she forgot about her life and everything else, it was the two of them, nothing more.

She was on her third martini when yet another man approached her. He was very good looking, tall, well dressed, had a cocky swagger about him. Caught her attention. She pretended to not notice him as he leaned on the bar next to her.

"May I buy you a drink?" He asked, flashing a quick smile.

"I already have a drink, but thank you," she replied, flashing a smile of her own.

"Well, I just wasted that pick up line. My name is Derek Lindstrom."

"Tea."

"No last name? Oh, I get it, you're one of those one-namers like Madonna or Jewel," he said, sitting on the empty barstool next to her.

"Something like that."

"Okay, Tea One Name, I'll try another line with you. How about, 'what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?' Is that better?"

"Worse."

*****

Derek's Apartment

Tea fumbled around in the dark for her clothes. She looked at herself in the mirror, disgusted by her own reflection. She hadn't planned on going back to his apartment, nor had she planned on sleeping with him. As she hurriedly dressed, she fought back tears.

She was a complete stranger. At least during her younger years, there were reasons for her sleeping around. She was lonely. She wanted to be loved. She wanted all her troubles to be taken away. She had no reason for being with Derek. She did it and was filled with remorse.

She felt like she was trying to crawl out of some hole, but everything she grabbed onto was too smooth, or slicked down with oil. She wouldn't make it. It was the bottom, she was trapped against the ground floor and everyone around was stomping on her.

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