Tea must have slept for twelve hours straight. Her body shut down after so many hours of sleeplessness, or restless sleep. When it crashed…it crashed. She felt all drunk inside…weak…out of control…like in a dream. A dream where everything moved in slow, exaggerated movements. She hated being helpless. She was supposed to control her body, not the other way around. But, there was nothing she could do.

Still tired, perhaps from too much sleep, she forced herself to get out of bed and ready for another day of work. Her life of routines began again. There was no coffee waiting for her, as there had been for the past few days. There was no little smiling face waiting for a hug. There was nothing but the sounds of her own quiet footsteps, going through the motions.

She had forgotten what it was like to have people around in the morning. It was nice. Living with Todd and Starr, there were always little giggles and laughter and things crashing around in the morning. Then, she would smell fresh coffee, traveling through the vents. It was alive…active…fun. It was the little things that meant the most. When she would go downstairs, sleepy, there would be those two beautiful faces staring at her. Her body couldn't help but react with a big smile. Back then, she didn't mind sunrise so much. They made it enjoyable…endurable. Now, all she wanted was crawl back into bed and bury her head underneath the covers. Live in the dark.

Tea's Office

Thank God for a little peace. People had been bothering her all morning. Beggars on the street…which she could not resist. Singers on the train…which she had to give a few pieces of loose change. Crazies, preaching about the end of the world. In every direction, somebody had something to say. She couldn't wait to run and hide inside her office. They couldn't get to her in there. Nobody could.

Caitlin had learned to assess her boss's moods. From the way she speedily passed the reception desk, it was apparent that Tea was in a bad mood. She did mutter "morning," and mention something about "all the loonies being let out of the psycho ward." Caitlin retorted by stating "Mercury was in retrograde." Tea just nodded her head and told her she was not to be disturbed. She slammed the door behind her.

The view was so beautiful from her office. Very soothing…very calming. It was nice, perched high atop of the world, looking down. Maybe that's what made it so calming, the fact that she was on top of the world. No worries. Yeah, right…if they only knew.

Starr's words kept coming back to her, playing in her mind…continuously. Daddy said to take care of you and tell you he misses you. It just didn't make sense. He had been gone for over a year, why was she still thinking about him? More now then she had in the past. If he missed her so goddamned much, where the hell was he? Even if he came back into her life, she wouldn't, couldn't, take him back.

There was no need for a "memory check." She had been thinking about him for days straight…couldn't concentrate on anything else. In her mind, she came up with different scenarios of how things could have played out between them.

If he had stayed, she was sure they could have worked things out. Her love for him was too strong, there was nothing she could not have forgiven him. If only he had stayed. There would have been plenty of yelling and screaming and fighting. Maybe even a few "I hate you's," but they would have triumphed. They had beaten the odds as it was…gained custody of Starr…fell in love…got married. Well…got married…gained custody of Starr…fell in love…got divorced…got married…got annulled. The two outsiders did the impossible…they broke through each other's barriers. Then, it all came crashing down.

If only he had stayed. He took the coward's way out and ran, just like everybody else. There must have been some type of reverse magnetic field that pushed everyone away from her. There was a repulsion about her. She really tried with him. She allowed herself to be bended and molded into what she thought he wanted…sacrificing a large part of herself to be with him. It wasn't enough. She was never good enough…smart enough…enough of anything.

The hours passed, and she had done nothing besides stare out the window at the world below. Pull yourself together damnit!

"What are you trying to tell me, huh?" She wasn't talking to herself, but to the God that had been so heartless to her. "Are you trying to show me something? I'm looking, and I don't see anything. Oh, I get it…this is payback for "lapsing" in my Catholic upbringing." She looked toward the heavens, angry, hurt…with unshed tears in her eyes. "I always tried to do the right thing…but what have you given me, huh?"

There was no way that she could spend the rest of the day, locked in her office, talking to a God that had done nothing for her. The walls were closing in. Yanking her coat off of its hanger, she stormed out of her office, giving instructions to Caitlin as she left.

"I'm leaving for the day. Cancel my appointments and then you can leave. I won't have my cell phone on but I will have my pager. It is for emergency use only. Bye."

Beauty Salon

Tea marveled at how people in posh setting acquired accents. She was surrounded by British accented…leather pant wearing bleach blond men…and leopard print tight pant, busy blouse wearing women. They had better live up to their reputation.

"Ms. Delgado…I am Focco."

Oh my god. "Call me Tea." She bit her lip to keep from busting out into laughter. Focco had on a pair of black leather pants, a lavender silk shirt, black leather boots and short, bleached blond hair.

"Follow me."

Focco lead the way as they traveled through the salon. Tea's eyes darted from station to station, admiring and appalled at some of the styles. He stopped at a chair in the back, instructing Tea to have a seat.

"So, what can we do for you today?" He asked, his accent very thick.

"I'm not sure. I guess I want it cut, and maybe dyed. What do you think? I don't want anything too flamboyant…but I do want a change."

"Okay…I think I know exactly what to do with you."

Tea's Penthouse

Focco really knew what to do with Tea. He cut her hair into long layers, added a few highlights, curled it, and whirled her around to look in the mirror. She had been pleased. So much so that she decided to spend the rest of the afternoon, getting a complete head to toe makeover.

She dropped her bags in the foyer, stopping at the nearest mirror. She had to admit that she did look good…on the outside. There, behind the eyes, was the sadness. Nobody else could see it, but it was there.

You have got to move past this.

Ever since he left, she had gotten stuck in "Todd ruts." No matter how hard she tried not to think about him…he was the only thing she could think about. It was a punishment for something she had done in a previous life…she concluded. In this life, she hadn't done shit to deserve what she was getting.

I've gotta get the hell out of here.

It was becoming almost impossible to stay still. The longer she allowed herself to wallow in self-pity, the harder it would be to crawl out of the pool of sadness. If it was still possible at all.

She should have just stuck to the damned plan. Five million dollars would still be in the bank and her heart would still be in tact. But no, she had to go and get emotional. Fell for his brokenness…his woundedness…his vulnerability. Oh, can't forget those good looks…that long hair…that cocky swagger. He was an emotional vacuum, sucking the life out of everyone and everything around him.

His soul was so tortured. But he could have been saved, she thought. With a lot of love, attention, patience…there was hope for him. That's what everybody thought. Viki, Sam, her, they all wanted to be his savior.

Damn you Todd. Damn you for doing this to me… to Starr. We could have been so damned good.

She was pathetic, pining away for a man who only cared about himself. If he never cared, why did he go through the trouble of creating Rod? Rod was ready to give himself to her…fully…completely. Tom seemed to like her too. It just didn't fit. Nothing about Todd seemed to fit. Nothing about me seems to fit.

She needed to go clubbing or something…anything to make her feel better about herself. The attention of a few men just might do the trick. Nobody was coming home with her tonight though. She was flying solo.

Upscale Bar

Dressed in a tight-fitting, burgundy dress, Tea confidently sashayed toward the bar. Several pairs of eyes followed; she pretended not to notice. It was the same thing at every bar she went to, the guys would watch, aim, approach, and more than likely, be shot down. Only a select few would get past the initial "hello."

"What can I get you?" The bartender asked. Well over six-foot, with a tight white t-shirt and a six pack stomach underneath, he could have passed for a Chippendale dancer.

"I'll have a Cosmopolitan on the rocks."

"Coming right up."

She waited patiently, tapping her fingernails on the bar. It used to bother her, coming to a bar alone. She thought that was something only pathetic losers did. The first time was the hardest. The sitting alone part wasn't hard, it was the "walking past all the eyes to get to a stool" that was humiliating. It was all it the attitude. Once she perfected the "I don't give a fuck" attitude, it became easy…even fun.

In the past, she didn't have to do anything alone. There was always some boyfriend, or potential boyfriend ready and willing to bar hop. This was by choice though. Didn't mean she would be alone for the rest of the evening; that was always an advantage. Coming in alone, leaving with the intention of coming later.

"Here you are Miss."

"Thank you." He is so cute. If it had been any other night, she probably would have considered taking him home. On this night, all she could think about was the man who had broken her heart.

She glanced at her left hand…her ring finger…where it should be. She hadn't even worn it long enough for the "ring mark" to appear. It was as if the marriage never occurred. Ending just as quickly as it began.

She looked in the bottom of her glass, seeing her own, blurry reflection. Red ripples. Her face distorted and contorted. Fine wrinkles scrunching her smooth face. The picture of an unhappy woman, aged by time, disappointment, hurt. It was a look into the future, if she didn't move on with her life.

Pathetic.

The alcohol burned as it slid down her throat. Drinking her sorrows away…just like "daddy dearest." When she was younger, she didn't understand why or how he could drink so much. To allow a liquid to control you was stupid. The object was to get just enough in your system to "loosen" things up. To still be in control of your faculties. Her father didn't know when to quit. Nightly, he would return home, at "alcohol's" mercy. On his knees, he would lean into the toilet, vowing to quit. The next night, he would break the vow…then make the same promise.

So many broken vows.

Tea brought herself out of her thoughts, checking out a guy that just walked in. Right around six foot, he looked very similar to Todd. His hair was a shorter, and he was more muscular…but there was some resemblance to Todd. She forced herself to not look away…to beckon him with her eyes. If she couldn't have the real thing…what was wrong with an illusion? Absolutely nothing.

She drew him to her, the only way she knew how…with her sexuality. With the sly smile, and they shy "look away." They could never resist anything when it was thrown at them. Sure enough, when he saw her, he was drawn in. It was almost too easy to get them to take a second, third or fourth look. Almost.

He walked passed the blondes, brunettes, red heads that clearly would have given it up to him. He ignored the short skirt wearing, overtly sexual creatures that were professional and overt "cock teases." He wanted Tea, the seemingly innocent, shy, doe…in need of a little attention and a lot of love.

"Hi." He sat on the stool next to her, checking her out of the corner of his eye.

"Hello," she said…playing the game…working it.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all."

"By the way, my name's Grant." He takes her left hand, simultaneously checking for a wedding ring and kissing it.

"Tea."

"When you're finished with that…may I buy you another?"

"No…thank you." Her glass is half full. She drinks it slowly, to keep from getting too out of control.

"Okay," he caught the bartender's attention and ordered a beer. "You know, it's surprising that a woman like you would be sitting at a bar…alone."

"Well, I'm not really alone now…am I?"

"Not anymore…no. So, are you single?"

Depends on your definition of single. "Yes." I'm single all right. Yeah, I don't have a man in my life, I have a man that owns my life…only he doesn't know it.

"That's surprising."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're obviously beautiful, smart, sexy, sweet. I would have figured that someone would have married you by now?"

"Hmm…are you married?"

"No, I'm not. So…uh…what do you do for a living?"

"I'm an attorney. You?"

"Stockbroker. Do you work for a large firm here, in the city?"

He is so boring. "I practice privately."

"Ah. So, do you like to dance?"

"As a matter of fact…I do." In a much more chaotic time, she danced with Antonio. New Year's Eve…Rodi's…Spice Girls. Todd walked in…saw her dancing with another man…walked right back out. Couldn't handle it. Never could handle anything he could not control. She had already started to love him by then. Went home that night and he was sitting at his desk…pretending he was doing something. He was really waiting up for her…bucket of champagne under the desk. Waiting. Waiting for her. She felt herself getting choked up…the tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. Suddenly, she stepped down from her chair. "Would you like to dance?"

Taken aback, he hesitates, very briefly. "Sure."

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