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| RUNNING ON EMPTY BY TORRI |
CHAPTER 5 |
"Gotta love that Victoria Carpenter." Tea didn't mean to speak those words aloud, but damn it...that's how she felt. Viki was one more reminder of Todd. Todd and all of his beautiful "woundedness." And all of his vulnerabilities. And his infinite, bottomless love that only Starr felt. And his lies, disdain, hatred of everything that was "Buchanan." And the remnants of destruction that was left when he decided to "blow." He never had to deal with any of it. He just walked away, unscathed...letting everyone else pick up the pieces...fix his messes. And Viki, in her vast wisdom, and boundless compassion, would defend him to the death.
She felt a bitterness toward Viki, she had never felt in Llanview. Everybody had to love the great Victoria Carpenter in Llanview...after all...she was the publisher of The Banner...ex-wife of a Buchanan...member of the Country Club...yada...yada...yada. Since she had been in New York, Tea's "real" feelings for Viki, surfaced. She loved her. Respected her. But she did not idolize her. Didn't look at her as a sort of "role model." Whether Viki wanted to admit it or not...she was played like a fool...just like everybody else. And she would continue to play that role because she had a fucking heart.
Mind your manners.
She had to chuckle at the thought of Todd faking Ms. Perkins. That whole DID "integration" scene was laughable. With the exception of that Scrabble"Rod's" lips on her lips "Rod's" hand on her hip "Rod's" erection pushing against her pelvis. Damn, that man was sexy when he allowed that side to emerge. Even when he tried to not be...he was.
"Shit, time to go." Tea locked the door and proceeded to the limousine she had hired for the evening.
J.F.K. International Airport
Viki and Starr flew in style...Asa's private jet. A little money could buy anything...including an "on time" arrival. While other planes were delayed because of "mechanical problems," "late crews," "bad weather conditions"read: too many empty seats...Asa's plane touches ground at the exact scheduled moment. While the "common folk" had to navigate the busy airport to retrieve their luggage, a cart met the private jet on the runway, and unloaded right then and there. While "everyday people" had to hail a cab, or search for their transportation, Tea's limo was able to practically drive up to the plane. Ahh...the power of Buchanan bucks.
As the crew surrounded the plane, performing their various functions, Tea concentrated on the cabin door. She found herself playing with her hands. As soon as she realized her nervous action, she started to twist her mother's necklace which hung securely around her neck. The she stopped, dropping her hands to her lap and smoothing the imaginary wrinkles. As happy as she was about seeing the brightest Starr that the earth had ever seen, she was so afraid of Starr's reaction to her.
All week, Tea had tried to put herself in Starr's shoes. What if her mother had returned for her? How would she have reacted? Would little Tea have hated her? Loved her? Forgiven or forgotten her? But Starr was not little Tea. At least Tea sent letters and gifts, all in an effort to prove how much she loved her.
It was so quick that Tea almost missed it. The little dark haired girl, however briefly, peeked through the doorway of the cabin. Tea's heart began to flutter, rejuvenating itself with so much love it spilled over to the rest of her body. A sincere smile crossed her lips...love filled her soul.
Just when she thought she couldn't take the waiting any longer, Starr and Viki appeared, hand in hand, in the cabin doorway. With each step closer to the car, Tea's heart beat a little faster. Even her palms began to sweat, just a little. Should I go to her or wait?
Starr wiggled her hand away from Viki's grasp, teddy bear in hand, she ran to the limousine...all smiles. At the same time, she and Tea wrapped their fingers around the doorknob, Tea on the inside, Starr on the outside, trying to open the door.
"Stand back sweetie," Tea yelled through the door.
Starr moved away...not to far...just far enough. As if her legs were springs, Starr bounced up and down continuously until the door finally opened. "Tee!"
"Starr!" She jumped into Tea's welcoming arms, squeezing for dear life. "How's my girl?"
"I missed you!" Starr pulled back from Tea's arms, drenching her face in the kisses that she had been storing especially for Tea.
"I missed you too sweetie." They reacquainted themselves through the loving touches of an estranged mother and daughter and sweet, innocent words of best friends.
Over Starr's shoulder, Tea watched Viki approach the car. Head up, chin out...perfect posture. With long, smooth strides, purse hanging off of her shoulder, wrapped tightly in a winter white coat, Viki made her way to the open door. "Hello Tea."
"Viki, hi." She and Starr moved over, making space for Viki.
"You are looking very well, Tea."
"Thanks...as are you."
Tea's Penthouse
Viki seemed to be impressed by the life that Tea had appeared to make for herself. Several times she had remarked at how impressed she was by the décor, style, layout of the place. With the trained reporter's eyes, she searched for clues on how Tea was really doing. Tea, who was equally trained to notice littlest things, did not miss Viki's probing eyes.
"Well, Tea, you have really outdone yourself. This is a lovely place...and you're happy here?"
"Yes, yes, I am," Tea affirms.
Starr came running from her bedroom, carrying one of her new teddy bears. "Tee, I want some sugar."
Tea smiled at Starr's little nickname for candy or anything else sweet. "Let's see what we can find in the kitchen. I'll be right back, Viki."
Tea's Kitchen
"Sprinkles or no sprinkles?"
"Uh...sprinkles!! Sprinkles...only I want to pour them. Can I pour them on Tee?"
"Go ahead."
With the typical exuberance of a child, Starr poured the entire container of ice cream sprinkles over her triple scoop sundae. She didn't seem to mind that her sundae was crunchier than anything else. Tea just smiled at her as her face went from porcelain white, to dark brown syrup sticking to her face.
Todd used to laugh when she got all "ice creamy" that's what she called it. Funny, Tea thought, how she used to chastise Starr and Todd for making a complete ice cream mess for her to clean up. They used to have ice cream wars...flinging ice cream at one another. As she sat across from Starr, she didn't get upset at the mess Starr was making, instead she laughed as she tried to stick heaping spoonfuls of the cold sweet, failing miserably as it would fall from her spoon, onto her lap or the table. Instead of getting upset, or crying, or giving up, she simple used her spoon to retrieve what was lost and aimed for her mouth again.
"Do you know how much I've missed you mi estrella?"
"I missed you too Tee. Are you okay?"
"Yes, sweetie." Children had a way of sensing untruths, somewhere along the way, that ability was lost. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, projections become perceptions...adults turn a blind eye to anything they don't want to see. Is that what happened to me? Did I go blind?
"I had a dream about me, you and daddy last night," Starr said, shoveling another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.
"Tell me about it," Tea encouraged.
"Okay, well, me, you and daddy were at Disneyland. And I was running around with Mickey and Minnie and Goofy and we went on all the rides. And you and daddy were holding hands behind me. Daddy was smiling and kept calling us his girls."
"Uh huh."
"And he said he loved his girls." Starr scooped one last spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and pushed the bowl away from her. Rubbing her stomach, she continued her story. "And we had a big house, right next to the castle. I had a really big room, all in pink, with Cinderella on the wall. You and daddy tucked me in and read me a story. Daddy was the big bad wolf and you were Little Red Riding Hood. You guys did the voices and everything. Before I went to sleep, you and daddy told me I was going to be a big sister."
Tea used to have similar dreams...before she had completely given up on hope.
She and Todd would have had a large home, filled with the laughter of their children. Before Todd, she hadn't even considered having children, after all, isn't everyone doomed to repeat their parents' mistakes? During their relationship, she wanted nothing more than to bear his children. "That sounds like it was a nice dream."
"Yeah. I talked to Fred about daddy."
"You did?"
"Yeah. I told him that I want to see my daddy and I did...in my dream."
"You sure did. I think it's time for a certain little munchkin to go to bed." Tea busied herself with the task of cleaning up Starr's ice cream mess, while Starr continued talking, making up for lost time.
Starr's Bedroom
Tea lay in bed, cradling Starr. After reading a story and signing a Spanish lullaby, she finally fell asleep, coming down from her sugar high. She cuddled next to Tea, played with her shorter and hugged her close. She feared that if she let go of Tea, she would leave again.
"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. I'll always be here for you," Tea whispered in her ear. "Your daddy and I really messed up huh? Despite everything that happened between him and me, we have always loved you. We will always love you." Tea planted a kiss on Starr's forehead and eased her body out of the bed.
Tea's Living Room
"I'm so sorry about that Viki, I didn't mean to stay gone for that long." She plopped down onto the couch, sighing heavily...exhausted.
"That's okay, I was just looking at your movie collection."
"Oh, did you want to watch something?"
"You know...I was thinking about Notting Hill. I heard that it was a very good movie."
"It is. I'll go pop some popcorn and get some soda."
Tea's Kitchen
Notting Hill. God, why'd she have to pick that one? Of all the fucking films in the world, she would have to pick the one where Julia Roberts gets the guy. Julia always gets the guy...everybody gets the guy but me. What the fuck is wrong with me? She gets Hugh Grant and I can't even hang onto the town pariah.
"Tea?" Viki had been standing in the doorway for a few minutes, long enough to see Tea without her Delgado Armor.
"Yeah?" The armor goes right back up and Tea fumbles through the cabinets in search of a bowl and her composure. With her back turned away, she practiced her meditation breathing.
"You need any help?"
"No...thank you. I've got everything under control."
"Come and sit next to me Tea. We haven't had any time to talk."
Oh shit...here we go. With a final deep breath, Tea joined Viki at the table, prepared for a verbal bob and weave.
"So tell me, what has been going on with you?"
"Nothing really. Just working and getting used to living in the city again. I didn't realize how hard it would be adjusting to living here again. But I like it...I really do."
"Good for you."
The popcorn kernels begin to pop...very slowly. Hurry up, Tea thinks.
"Yes."
"So, Tea, what else has been going on in your life?"
"Nothing really. I don't have time for much else. You want something to drink? A soda or something?" Tea's attempt to change the subject fails miserably when Viki shakes her head "no." "Oh, okay."
"You know, you are a very young and beautiful woman...not to mention intelligent, kind, caring, sweet...you should be enjoying life."
If you only knew. "There'll be plenty of time for that."
Tea's Bedroom
That didn't go as badly as I thought. She probed, but I did a good job. Shit!! Just wish I didn't cry during that damned movie.
Tiredly, Tea reached for her journal and wrote about the day's events. She laughed to herself as she thought of Starr's sweet face covered with ice cream. And she blinked back tears as she thought of the family she should have had.
"We could have had it all Todd. We could have had it all."
