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| RUNNING ON EMPTY BY TORRI |
CHAPTER 3 |
It never ceased to amaze her how differently she was treated. She could walk into a store, dressed to kill, reeking of money, and still not be helped. Salespeople conveniently turned their head, pretending not to see her. No matter how far in life she got she would still be the little Latina belonging amongst her own.
Ever since she was a little girl, she tried to fit into the "white world." Hanging out with them did not make her one of them. Dressing like them didn't change who she was. Speaking like them did not negate her Hispanic roots. Denying her heritage did not change who she was and who she would always be a minority.
Fitting into the white world was no longer on her agenda. Didn't matter not one bit, they'd never accept her or treat her as an equal. That fact was something that she had to accept. She didn't expect anything anymore help happiness understanding compassion love.
Armed with an armful of clothing, Tea waited in line to have her merchandise rung up. Nobody followed her around the store like a puppy, showing her this and showing her that. They didn't even bother to take some of the outfits out of her hands and hold them behind the register as they had done for every non-minority that walked through the doors. They followed her to make sure she didn't "stick anything up her sleeves."
"Next." Christina that's what the name badge read. "And how will you be paying for this?"
"Credit card," Tea answered, rummaging through her wallet, withdrawing her platinum American Express.
"May I see your driver's license?"
"Excuse me?"
"I need to see some identification," Christine said pleasantly.
"Did you ask for identification from the two ladies before me?" Tea continued before Christine could respond, "Because I didn't hear you."
"Uh, they're uh,"
"Let me finish that sentence for you uh they're white. That's it, isn't it? Ah, the Latina, whom someone has been trailing ever since I walked through those doors, wants to pay with plastic better make sure she's who she says she is. Better make sure the plastic is good. We can't trust her kind. I'll tell you what you can keep everything I was going to purchase and shove it up your ass!"
Time stood still, like mannequins, everyone in the store watched open-mouthed in shock. Tea strutted toward the door, head held high, turning to say one last thing. "Oh, and by the way Christine, I am an attorney and I will be contacting the ACLU to report your behavior. In addition, I will have your job, and you can expect to be served with papers. Have a nice day." Tea pushed the door open with such force, it nearly crashed against the side of the building.
When Tea was pissed, she dealt in excesses. As she downed her second martini, she knew tonight was going to be a night of excessive drinking and excessive sex, if she could find someone suitable. After a couple of drinks, every man that walked into the place looked pretty promising. She wanted it rough, needed it rough needed to work out her suppressed anger.
Then, she saw him. Black jeans, nice sweater, leather boots and leather jacket coming right toward her. Damn he looked good all 6'2 of him. He filled the unoccupied barstool next to her.
"Hello again."
"Hello." He stared at her for a few moments she shifted uncomfortably. Dead space. Todd used to stare at her, wordlessly. It irritated her to no end, the not knowing.
"I'm Anthony." He had been to the bar every night with the hopes of running into her. Looking at her, he figured she was a spitfire all attitude. A definite control freak freak being the operative word.
"Tea. Nice to meet you."
"Same here. Can I get you another drink?" He motioned for the bartender and ordered drinks for both of them. He wet his lips as his eyes wandered the length of her body, lingering on her legs.
Being openly admired, turned her on. With Todd, it was all about thievery. Stolen looks, stolen pictures. A master thief, even stole her heart when she wasn't looking. Damn him! "Thanks for the drink."
"Anytime. I can't believe you're sitting at the bar alone."
"Well, I'm not really alone, now am I?"
The rest of the conversation went by like a blur. She listened, but she didn't really hear what he was saying. She responded, but didn't know where she found her voice. Her mind was a million miles away, to an earlier time and place. When there was a possibility of happiness, of contentment, of love. Those days were long gone, never to be revisited.
A wave of sadness traveled through her body, sending a chill down her spine. She always had that exact feeling when she had every intention of taking a man home. It was like God was sending her a message "Don't do it," he said but she turned a deaf ear. After the way God treated her over the past couple of years, she had no reason to trust him.
She stirred her martini with a plastic sword and an olive on the end. The motion caused hypnotizing ripples throughout the drink. Circles. Everything ends where it began. Once a whore, always a whore might as well enjoy it.
"Why don't we get out of here, huh?" Tea turned on the charm, flashing her smile, batting her eyelashes.
"And go where?"
She leaned into him, just far enough for him to see down her blouse. "My place," she whispered.
Tea's Penthouse
So many nights she had brought men over, for nothing more than satisfaction of her female needs. Attempted satisfaction would be a better description. She never felt that orgasmic feeling that accompanied complete and utter physical fulfillment. She would never allow herself to feel that again, it would require giving too much of herself.
She hadn't a clue as to what she was doing with her life, only that she was getting the very thing that Todd would never give to her sex. It wasn't really sex that she wanted from Todd, it was his lovemaking that she desired.
Who was she kidding? A fuck is a fuck is a fuck.
There was no "grand tour" of the penthouse. No polite "can I get you anything's?" They only had one destination in mind the bedroom. His hands, securely around her hips, pulled her into him. She could feel the strength of his erection pushing against her bottom. With her hands, she loosened his grip and pulled away. It wasn't what she wanted only the feel of him moving inside her would suffice.
"Give me a minute to freshen up. Make yourself comfortable."
"Yeah, okay."
Tea stared at her reflection in the mirror. She saw the high school girl and the college woman both of who used sex to get exactly what she wanted. She thought that part was dead and gone forever. Todd saw to that, loved her without sex. Loved her for her mind, her spirit, everything but her sex that is if he loved her at all.
"Okay, here we go." She outlined her lips with red liner, filling them in with red lipstick. Red the color of rage, heartache, heartbreak. Her choice of color. Never forget where you've been.
She emerged from the bathroom, to find Anthony reclined in her bed, drinking her wine, under her sheets. For a split second, she considered calling the whole thing offshe wasn't sure if she wanted to use him. Oh, what the hell they do it all the time.
She undressed herself as she walked over to the bed. "You ready?"
"Yeah."
Whenever she was "intimate" with a man, she never let loose completely. She held back. When a man pushed himself inside her, she closed her eyes, and imagined they were someone else. They became the part of Todd that he could not share with her. She could still feel the sensation of his lips overtaking hers his hand brushing against her cheek on their wedding night his lips touching her shoulder blade. Those places, above her shoulders, were off limits to other men. Those places were sacred they still belonged to Todd. She still belonged to Todd.
What am I doing?
She was a marionette; someone else was pulling her strings. She had left her body long ago, her mind was lost in the past. The woman lying beneath the stranger was unrecognizable.
The same thoughts crossed her mind every single time another man entered her.
She didn't know what she was doing, or even if it felt good she just knew that it felt like payback. Look at me now Todd.
Anthony rolled off of her without her even knowing he was finished. Her mind returned to her body, along with her senses. I have got to get him out of here. She needed to wash his sweat from her body.
"You okay?" Anthony asked, his hands behind his head, beads of sweat rolling down his body.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, I'm going to take a shower. You can leave your number on the nightstand and I'll give you a call." Unembarrassed, she got out of bed, naked, and sashayed over to the bathroom.
He was surprised, it wasn't usually a "woman's line." But, she was not a usual woman. "Uh, well, I thought, you know, maybe, I could stay."
"Not tonight," she yelled over her shoulder as she closed the door.
Her ear was practically glued to the door as she listened for his footsteps toward the front door. Only then could she allow herself to relax or what would pass for relaxing. She heard the front door close, and tested her bath water with her foot. Just as she closed her eyes, the phone rang. Grateful she always kept the cordless phone nearby, she reached over the side of the tub to answer.
She looked at the display on the caller id and cursed under he breath.
"Hello."
"Hello Tea, it's Viki. How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
"Good. Are you settling in okay?"
God, she loved Viki, but hated talking to her...especially after meaningless sex. She felt guilty, for whatever reason. "Yes, I feel like I never left."
"That's good. The reason that I'm calling is that Starr is going to be staying with us for the week and she has been asking to see you."
Tea opened her eyes at the mention of Starr's name. She missed hearing Starr's sweet voice calling her "Tee." "Really?"
"Yes. So I was thinking maybe we could fly out there for a long weekend just us girls."
"Oh, that sounds great! When were you planning on coming?"
"Next weekend."
"Sounds good. Just give me your flight information and I'll be there."
The night was restless. Starr's face invaded every dream that she had. Starr's sweet, innocent, loving, trusting face tear-stained. First Todd abandoned her, then Tea. The so-called adults in her life left without giving a second thought to what it would do to her emotionally. Same story played out in her childhood, different characters.
Starr was the reason she and Todd were married in the first place. They fought so hard to keep her under the roof of the penthouse, then, they both left her. And for what? Certainly not happiness, or contentment, or any other reason other than pure selfishness.
Her life had been nothing more than a series of mistakes, the most hurtful of which was the decision to marry for money. A high priced prostitute. Now, she was simply a whore. An unfeeling, cold, calculating whore, always on the prowl for her next "victim."
There was so much to do before Viki and Starr arrived. She had to clean up her act. No men. No alcohol. Cheer up. Perfect the "happy" demeanor, she was good at "faking." After all, she did learn from a master. Toys, she had to buy lots of toys. And a spare bedroom had to be redecorated into a little girl's room.
God. Viki's going to know something was wrong. She had the "knack" of picking up on body language, tones, lies. Except when it came to Todd. Everyone was blind when it came to him. The "perfect demeanor" would work with Starr, but not Viki. With Viki, she would use the art of evasion. A verbal spar...bobbing and weaving ducking and dodging. It was none of her business anyway. That never seemed to stop her in the past. She wondered if Todd had spoken to Viki and that was the real reason for her trip. A "fact finding" mission. Tea wasn't going to give her anything other than happy stories to report back to her wayward brother.
