| UNFINISHED BUSINESS BY TIMA |
CHAPTER 21 |
She wants him to come to her so they can spend the night comforting each other. If he can't do that, then she wants to at least be outside where she can pretend that he is somewhere in the shadows, watching her, being with her as much as he can. She can't bear the thought of being without him...not tonight.]
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chapter 21:
[Hours later, Tea is slumped in a chair on her back porch, asleep. Todd has been standing at a distance for a long time, watching her. He watched her other nights too but this night is different. She normally only spends a couple of hours outside at night. She always goes inside before falling asleep.
Todd's favorite nights are the ones where she brings her phone outside with her. He finds it comforting to hear her voice as she talks on the phone, usually with her grandmother. Even when she's speaking Spanish and he doesn't understand her words, her voice still comforts him more than he would ever dare admit.
Tonight, while she sleeps, for the first time in a long time, Todd walks all the way up to the house. He doesn't chance joining her on the porch, concerned that any noise he makes might wake her.
It isn't until the morning light begins to lighten the sky that he finally considers leaving. He wants to stay with her, to protect her from harm, and from the pain that he knows she will feel when she wakes up, but he also wants to protect her from himself and the agony that he always seems to inflict on her, even unintentionally, like he knows will be there this morning.
When Tea begins to move as she awakens, he knows he should leave, but he stays where he is, still watching her carefully.
Tea stretches slightly as she realizes how uncomfortable her body feels after spending the night in a chair instead of in her bed. She opens her eyes and looks out at the ocean, wishing that Todd were sitting in front of her, staring at the ocean, like she would find him doing on so many mornings before he left their home...before he left her.
Like every morning for the last year, he's not there...and her heart breaks.
Todd is still to the side of Tea but behind her enough that she doesn't see him. He can see her, though. He watches her as her head lowers into her hands and her tears flow. His own eyes form with tears. He hurt her again. He always hurts her. He hates himself for all of the pain that he has caused her for too many years now.
Todd walks away. He doesn't get very far, though, before Tea stops him.
As she continues to cry into her hands, she calls out his name. She doesn't know that he's there. She needs him to be there. She wants him to be there. Her heart is breaking, though, thinking that he chose for her to spend the night alone, knowing how painful it would be for her to wake up on this particular morning.
She had been so hopeful the night before. She had found him. She had spoken to him again for the first time in months. He knew that she needed him to be with her this morning and he left her alone again.
Todd continues to stand at a distance and watch her. He calls out her name but his voice is so soft that Tea can't hear it.
Todd turns from her and quickly leaves. In his desperation to escape the pain of this moment, he inadvertently bumps into some nearby shrubbery.
Tea hears the sound and quickly looks up. Through her tears, she's certain that she sees someone just as that person disappears from view. Her mind doesn't allow for any possibility other than her husband being the one who was near her, watching her.]
Tea: Todd?
[Tea quickly raises her voice, desperate for him to return to her.]
Tea: Please...Todd...I need you.
[Todd hears her and begins running from her. There's too much pain. It's unbearable.
He's almost to his house, to his sanctuary, before he stops. He looks behind him, half expecting Tea to be running behind him, trying to catch him, to stop him from running from her.
The road is deserted, except for him. He's completely alone, just like he wanted to be. No Tea...no Starr...no Viki. No one to love him...no one to expect anything positive from him...no one to see anything but the monster that he sees every time he dares to look at his own reflection.
He looks toward the house he's been hiding out in. He's so close. He could slam the gate shut and close out the world. He could drink as much alcohol as it takes until he numbs the pain he feels. Usually, that requires drinking until he passes out, but even then, the pain is only eased momentarily until his mind begins torturing him with nightmares.
He looks back in the direction of Tea's house. Tea... She tries to ease his pain. She tries so hard. It's more than she can manage, but she never seems to give up trying...at least not until after he gives up first.
Minutes later...
Tea is inside her home, crying uncontrollably despite her determination to stop her tears. Todd running from her, forcing her to deal with her agony alone, made something snap inside her. As determined as she had been to stick it out and wait in this house for Todd to return to her, to the life that she wanted to have with him, she doesn't feel like she can do it anymore.
She has been hurting for so long, and for most of that time alone. This was one night and one morning that she needed him to put her first, to love her more than he hates himself. He had been there, watching her sleep, she knows that. She needs more, though. She needs him to comfort her, not just watch her from a distance, taking his own comfort from her, while leaving her to suffer alone.
Tea is in her bedroom, frantically trying to fill a suitcase with clothing. She's not paying attention to what she's placing in the suitcase. In this moment she doesn't care. She just feels that the only way to survive is to leave.
Within minutes, she rushes out of the house and tosses the suitcase onto the front passenger seat of her car as she starts the engine. She takes a few moments to wipe the moisture from her eyes and then quickly pulls away from her house, determined that she is permanently pulling away from Todd. Never again will she get her hopes up that someday he will allow them to find happiness together. Never again will she be somewhere that they shared together, that reminds her in every second what she lost, what she never quite had. She's through. For real this time. Forever.]
Tea (in her most determined voice): Adios, Todd Manning.
[As she utters the words, she looks in her rearview mirror, as if looking in his direction will make it more empowering.
What she sees in her mirror, though, doesn't make her feel stronger in her conviction to leave and give up on him forever. The image instead causes her to slam on her breaks, not believing the sight.]
to be continued...
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