| UNFINISHED BUSINESS BY TIMA |
CHAPTER 18 |
Tea: I think we both enjoyed ourselves, too...during certain moments.
Viki: Were you hoping for a reconciliation?
[Tea pauses again, uncertain how deep she should dig inside herself, how much pain she should risk unleashing.]
Tea: I... Yes. I... I've been hoping for that for years. But, every time it starts to happen...
Viki: Did it appear that it would happen that night? Did you tell him what you wanted? Did Todd seem receptive to the idea?
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chapter 18:
Tea: The subject of reconciling did came up...sort of...I guess.
Viki: You're not certain?
Tea: It did, but... I don't know. It's confusing.
Viki: Dealing with my brother often is.
Tea: I told him that he could come home, if he wanted to. I was willing to keep trying. But, I needed certain assurances.
Viki: And, Todd refused?
Tea: He's never understood. He's never believed what he brings to our relationship. He has always been convinced that all he can offer is pain and darkness. He doesn't know how much light he can give.
Viki: I have spent years trying to convince Todd that he has so much inside himself to offer to the people he loves, if he would only allow himself to see beyond the monster that he thinks he is.
Tea: I'm really sorry, Viki, especially for Starr. I had no idea that Todd would take off again. I knew when he left the next morning that he was leaving me again, but I didn't think that he would leave everyone.
Viki: So, he was with you until the next morning? I don't mean to pry...
Tea: It wasn't... We didn't... He didn't stay that long because... I don't know why he stayed. I fell asleep thinking he was gone. I had gotten angry and told him to leave. I went to my bedroom. I thought he had left. When I woke up in the morning, he was there. I think he spent the whole night watching me sleep.
Viki: What happened?
Tea: We talked for a few minutes. I think mostly I talked. I don't recall the exact words but I think he mentioned the previous time that he had left me and I lost my temper and I yelled at him. I told him to get out and that he didn't belong there anymore. I didn't mean it.
Viki: I know that you didn't. Todd knows, too.
Tea: Then why did he leave? Why did he disappear? Why has he stayed away from everyone else, especially Starr?
Viki: Was there anything else? Anything that gave you any indication that he wasn't planning to return to Llanview?
Tea: No. It's my fault, isn't it?
Viki: It's Todd's fault. It's his responsibility. I've learned that lesson. Todd needs to be held accountable for his own actions.
[Tea turns away from the window she's been looking out during much of this conversation and takes a seat again in the chair behind her desk.]
Tea: Todd mentioned that his relationship with you was...
Viki: It was awful. He did some awful things after returning to Llanview.
Tea: I'm sure he saw it differently.
Viki: I'm certain that he did. What is important right now, however, is to discover where Todd went, and to make certain that he is okay. Do you have any ideas about where he may have gone?
Tea: I don't know.
Viki: Please, think about that night. Anything that you remember, anything he may have said, any clue at all, might help us to find him.
[Viki watches as Tea's face takes on even more sadness.]
Viki: I know this must be very painful for you.
Tea: I think...Todd...he must be in so much pain right now. It's because of me. I think that he may have disappeared because of something I told him.
Viki: You shouldn't blame yourself. We all have spoken words of anger to Todd at some point. He has a way of encouraging it.
Tea: No. It's not that. Something happened. Something that I didn't tell Todd about until that night. I know that it hurt him. I thought for sure that he would go right to Starr when he left me.
Viki: Why is that? What did you tell him?
Tea: I... I...
[Tea looks away for a moment as she is unable to prevent tears from forming in her eyes.]
Viki: If this is something that is too personal...
Tea: You can't tell anyone. No one knows, except Todd and my grandmother. I haven't even told Carlotta. I don't want her to hear from someone else.
Viki: I assure you, whatever you share with me will be kept between us.
[Tea places a tissue at her eyes and dabs at the moisture before it has a chance to escape her eyes, giving herself a few extra moments to compose her emotions before she speaks.]
Tea: I had been pregnant. When Todd left me, before he returned to Llanview, I was pregnant. He didn't know. I didn't know. I had a miscarriage shortly into the pregnancy. When I learned that Todd had returned to Llanview, I could have contacted him and told him, but I didn't. That night, when Todd returned to our house, after our business meeting, I told him. I felt that he should know.
Viki: You made the right decision.
Tea: But, it hurt him. It hurt him to know that he lost a child, but I think it also hurt him knowing that he hadn't been there for me. I wasn't trying to hurt him. I just felt that he needed to know. I needed him to know.
Viki: I understand. Todd does, too.
Tea: Maybe that's why he left. I tried to assure him that if he had stayed with me, nothing would have change. The baby still wouldn't have made it. I know Todd, though. I'm sure the more he thought about it, the more he blamed himself.
Viki: No one has ever placed more blame directly on him than he has on himself, for everything.
Tea: Even things that aren't his fault. He's so ready to hate himself. It's almost like he seeks out things to punish himself for.
Viki: He may have used this news to convince himself, yet again, that all he does is cause pain and destruction for the people he loves.
Tea: I shouldn't have told him. Or, I should have insisted that he stay with me, without making demands on him. I shouldn't have yelled at him that morning.
Viki: Blaming yourself won't help Todd. We need to find him and convince him that his love is needed by all of us.
Tea: That will be a difficult task...an impossible task. Almost as impossible as convincing him that he needs our love.
Viki: I happen to be in the mood for a good challenge. Do you think you're up for it this time?
Tea: Every time. Every chance I'll ever have to convince him to share his love with me, and let me share mine with him, I'll take. I'll fight him for the rest of my life, if it means someday we'll have a chance to be together.
Viki: It feels good to know that my brother has someone on his side that he can count on. He's very lucky. We just need to find him and convince him how lucky he truly is.
Tea: That will be a challenge, but I'm willing to try. Maybe you should fill me in on where you've looked so far and what resources you've already exhausted.
Viki: It's a good thing that you're still married to him. As his wife, you should have access to his accounts.
Tea: Did you go to the police and have him officially declared a missing person?
Viki: Bo refuses to take any action. I have been working on this on my own.
Tea: Not anymore you're not. If the Llanview police department won't do their jobs because of their past association with Todd, then we'll use the police here, if we have to. First, I'll contact his business managers. I'll find out every financial transaction Todd has made since that night. Even Todd Manning can't disappear without a trace.
[For the first time in weeks, Viki feels some genuine hope that her brother will be back in her life again soon. Not only is she not fighting this battle alone anymore but now she has Todd's wife on her side, who she knows will be able to talk her way into forcing Todd's associates to reveal whatever information they may know about where Todd might be right now. She's also happy to see that Tea still clearly loves Todd as much, if not more, than she ever did. Todd will need that love. And, Tea will need that love to survive the upcoming battle. Finding Todd will most likely be the easy part. Convincing him to accept their love will be the true challenge.]
to be continued...
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