Tea: So, you did do something to Blair? Something horrible?
Todd: Is that what you're guessing, or what you're hoping? You always did hate her.
Tea: I hated the way she treated you.
Todd: If you're going to hate someone's guts, do it for a good reason. She shoved you out a window. Hate her for that.
Tea: My feelings about Blair don't matter. Yours do. How do you feel about her?
Todd: No way! You don't get to ask me stuff until you guess what I did.
Tea: If I guess correctly, or come close, you'll answer any questions I ask you...truthfully?
Todd: There's no way you'll guess it.
[Tea moves further into the room and sits on the edge of the bed.]
Tea: This is something big?
Todd: I'm not answering questions, remember?
Tea: I need to know a few basics before I can properly guess.
Todd: What basics?
Tea: Does this thing that you're being blackmailed for have to do with something you've done to Blair...something major?
Todd: Maybe.
Tea: It's not Blair who's blackmailing you?
Todd: You think that's why I married her?
Tea: That would explain that, and why you don't live together.
Todd: We live together.
Tea: Right! You told me. You live together during the day, but clearly not at night.
Todd: Are you going to guess? Or, do I win?
Tea: What would your prize be if I'm unable to guess correctly?
Todd: You'd have to help me.
Tea: You and I both know that I'll probably do that anyway.
Todd: You won't want to when you know what I did. But, you'll have to if I win.
Tea: Here's what I know. Blair was married to Max. She shot him. You revealed to everyone that she shot him.
Todd: Have you been spying on me?
Tea: This is Llanview...people gossip.
Todd: You don't live in Llanview anymore. I'd definitely know if you did.
Tea: I still have friends here.
Todd: If your source is Carlotta, you won't be able to guess this. She doesn't know anything about it. If she did, she would have tried blackmailing me by now.
Tea: That's not her style. Besides, maybe my source isn't Carlotta.
Todd: It doesn't matter who it is. Unless one of the scam artists blackmailing me is your client, you don't know any of them, so you won't be able to guess this.
Tea: How many blackmailers do you have?
Todd: Too many.
Tea: You need to be more careful about who you involve in your activities.
Todd: It's not like I chose to get hooked up with scammers and blackmailers.
Tea: You chose to get hooked up with Blair!
Todd: Are you going to guess, or not?
Tea: Let me think this through. I know that you made certain that Blair was sent to a mental institution. And, that you managed to gain sole custody of Starr.
Todd: All this is old news.
Tea: I don't think so. I think it most likely all ties together.
Todd: Good! You're totally off base. I win! What kind of retainer do you expect this time?
Tea: We'll negotiate later, if I decide to take your case.
Todd: I won. You have to take it.
Tea: I'm not finished yet.
Todd: Well, hurry up so I can win and you can start working on how to get me off the hook.
Tea: Blair was pregnant with Max's baby.
Todd: Now you're really way off.
Tea: I know that her story later changed and Max's baby supposedly became your baby.
Todd: What do you mean...supposedly?
Tea: I also know that she didn't tell you it was your child until after the baby died.
Todd: I don't want to play this game anymore.
Tea: That was also after Max had moved on to another woman, leaving Blair seeking someone else to sharpen her claws on. I also know that within days of Blair telling you that the child had been yours, you married her and presented her with a child you claimed you wanted to adopt.
Todd: I said the game is over.
Tea: It's not too much of a stretch to wonder how it is that you were able to acquire a child so quickly, a child that coincidentally happened to be the same gender and was the same age that the baby would have been had it not died.
Todd: If you throw enough cash around, anything can happen.
Tea: I'm certain that's true. With enough money you could probably take a child from it's mother, bribe officials to confirm it's death, then keep the child hidden away for the rest of it's life.
Todd: I knew you wouldn't get it.
Tea: The deal was that I didn't have to get it...I just had to come close. Am I?
Todd: You're not as smart as you think.
Tea: The child you're adopting with Blair isn't your biological child?
Todd: Nope.
Tea: You may be right about that, considering it's Blair who claimed the child was yours in the first place...after it wasn't fruitful for her to continue claiming it was Max's anymore.
Todd: The kid is definitely mine, not that scum's.
Tea: So, I was right!
Todd: You're totally wrong.
Tea: The child that you and Blair are adopting isn't the same one that you told Blair had died?
Todd: Blair and I are definitely not adopting our dead kid.
Tea: I know you. I know to suspect the way you phrased that.
Todd: Give it up, Delgado.
Tea: Let me guess.
Todd: You're out of guesses.
Tea: Just one more. Blair only thinks that both of you are adopting this child. You've somehow arranged to be the only legal parent. Am I right?
Todd: You don't win unless you guess who's blackmailing me.
Tea: The lady you mentioned from Mexico.
Todd: Totally wrong, Delgado. The game is now officially over.
Tea: It doesn't matter who's blackmailing you. The person you should fear is your wife.
Todd: You think she'll shoot me in the back?
Tea: I think she'll aim a little lower and wait until you've turned around first.
Todd: Are you going to put the gun in her hand?
Tea: Did you take her baby and lie that it had died?
Todd: I brought the kid back.
Tea: Do you really believe that makes up for kidnapping it and telling Blair that it died?
Todd: Sure.
Tea: You're wrong.
Todd: It doesn't matter anyway. She'll never know.
Tea: This child will never know either. Do you want that? Do you want this child to grow up like you did, in the dark about who it's biological parents are?
Todd: This isn't the same thing. We are the biological parents.
Tea: Well, Blair is, anyway.
Todd: Stop saying stuff like that. This is my kid.
Tea: You're okay with him never knowing that you're his biological father?
Todd: I'll get Blair to agree to keep his adoption from him.
Tea: You'll also need to keep your blackmailers quiet.
Todd: That's where you come in.
Tea: Is the person who was caring for the child one of the ones who is blackmailing you now? Is that the woman you mentioned from Mexico?
Todd: Are you my lawyer?
Tea: Do I need to be your lawyer before you'll tell me the whole truth, as much as you're capable of, anyway?
Todd: If you want all the gossip this time, you'll have to come back to me...as my lawyer.
Tea: This would certainly be a challenging case.
Todd: You always did like being challenged by me.
Tea: Tell me the whole story.
Todd: Are you my lawyer?
Tea: No. Trust me enough to tell me as your friend.
Todd: Are you nuts? Do you know how many knifes I'm carrying around in my back from all my so-called friends?
Tea: I wouldn't stab you in the back, and you know it. I also wouldn't shoot you in the back, either.
Todd: You'd be tempted, if I did this to you.
Tea: You would never do this to me.
Todd: You'd never lie to me about my kid.
Tea: I don't understand why you married the woman who did.
Todd: Why not? It's not the first time she lied to me about a kid.
Tea: Why did you trust her enough to marry her again?
Todd: Trust? I don't do trust. You already figured out that this kid is only mine.
Tea: It doesn't work that way.
Todd: Sure, it does. I have the paperwork to prove it.
Tea: Even if Blair doesn't know you well enough to question why she's not involved in the legalities of the adoption, her ignorance won't prevent her from gaining custody once your secret becomes public.
Todd: The kid belongs to me. I paid a hell of a lot of money to make sure about that.
Tea: But you neglected to consult with an attorney who wasn't just interested in taking your money and running. This isn't legal. You won't win in a custody case.
Todd: Blair's a nut job. She even spent time in a nut factory.
Tea: You spent time in prison.
Todd: So? She should have. She shot her last husband in the back and only got away with it because people figured out how insane she is.
Tea: But you married her after all that. What does that make you?
Todd: A saint!
Tea: Hardly!
Todd: Are you saying that the only way I can keep my kids is if I send Blair back to that nut factory again?
Tea: I'm saying that what you did was a horrible thing to do...even to Blair.
Todd: You hate her and you...whatever...me. You should be on my side.
Tea: Maybe I will be...if...
Todd: Here's where I get screwed over, right?
Tea: Do you think you deserve for everything to work out as you planned?
Todd: Damn right! I deserve this.
Tea: Misery? I agree.
Todd: My life is fine. Just because you ditched me doesn't mean that I've been sitting around doing nothing but crying into my beer every night.
Tea: I'm sure you also have pizza, like tonight.
Todd: You think I've been pining away for you this whole time? I knocked Blair up, didn't I?
Tea: I'm still questioning that.
Todd: You can't question that we did what men and women do that makes babies happen. We fucked! Got that! We fucked! I knocked her up! There's nothing you can do about that. I fucked her! I knocked her up! Me! I got over you. All that stuff I said before about dreaming about you was a bunch of garbage that I just said to see if I could still do whatever I wanted with you. Now that I know I still have power over you, you can leave. I need to go home and fuck my wife over and over again. Maybe I'll even knock her up again, too. What do you say about that?
[Tea tries to leave. Todd grabs her arm to prevent her from standing up.]
Todd: Tell me how that makes you feel, Tea.
Tea: It doesn't matter. This was all a mistake. One that I won't make again. Good-bye, Todd.
Todd: You're not leaving until I tell you to go.
Tea: You just did. You told me to leave so you can rush home, back to the family life that clearly makes you miserable.
Todd: I'm happy.
Tea: You don't look happy.
Todd: I'm happy! Ask anyone. They'll all tell you how happy I am. They've been telling me enough times.
Tea: If you're happy, why do you spend your nights alone? Why are you lying and keeping secrets from your wife? Why do you look so miserable, even when you're claiming to be happy?
Todd: You're the one who will be miserable if any of this gets out.
Tea: Are you threatening me?
Todd: I'll do what I have to do to protect my family.
Tea: So will I.
Todd: What family?
Tea: You don't want to know. Just let go of me so I can leave. You don't have to worry. You'll never see me again.
Todd: You're married?
Tea: No.
Todd: You have kids?
Tea: Not yet...not quite.
[Todd lets go of her arm as he stares at her in horror.]
[Tea looks down at the bed, not wanting to watch the hatred in Todd's eyes that she knows will accompany his realization.]
Todd: Well, Delgado? Answer me. Did you get yourself knocked up?
Tea: I never should have come here.
Todd: You're right about that. But, I'm not surprised that you did. You just couldn't resist rubbing it in, could you?
[Tea finally meets his gaze again, fire blazing in her own eyes.]
Tea: Is that why you think I came? Is that the kind of person you think I am?
Todd: I think you're a slut!
Tea: If I'm a slut, what are you?
Todd: I'm out of here.
Tea: Because you want to get back to your wife and impregnate her again?
Todd: Maybe I will. Just for this, maybe I will.
Tea: Because I had a life while we were apart, you'll bring another innocent child into your mess of a marriage?
Todd: My marriage is fine.
Tea: If it's going so well, why have you been spending the evening here, having sex with me?
Todd: If you're life is so wonderful, why'd you come back and seduce me?
Tea: I didn't seduce you.
Todd: I get it now! You were planning on passing this kid off as mine so you could grab my money.
Tea: You're confusing your ex-wives.
Todd: You're my only ex-wife, remember?
Tea: How could I forget that you married Blair again? You keep reminding me. Maybe you should make more of an effort to remind yourself.
Todd: What's that supposed to mean?
Tea: Why did you make love to me?
Todd: You tricked me.
Tea: Even if you thought you were dreaming the first time we made love tonight, that doesn't excuse the second time, when you definitely knew this was real.
Todd: Should I add you to my list of blackmailers?
Tea: You know that's not my style.
Todd: I thought it would have been against your style to show up here and get it on with me while you're knocked up with some other creep's kid.
Tea: He's not a creep.
Todd: I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anything more from you. I want you to get the hell out of my penthouse.
Tea: Give me a chance to explain.
Todd: No.
Tea: You can't really be this angry.
Todd: Sure, I can.
Tea: You had another child with your ex-wife.
Todd: She's my wife now. You're my ex-wife.
Tea: You can stop reminding me of that...right now!
Todd: You can get out...right now!
Tea: So, it's okay for you to move on with your life, but I'm supposed to keep spinning my wheels in the same spot just waiting for you to deem me worthy of a return to your life?
Todd: Sounds good to me.
Tea: That sounds sad, pathetic and lonely to me.
Todd: And, what was this?
Tea: Our lovemaking?
Todd: It's only making love when both people actually love each other. Otherwise it's just sex.
Tea: So, what you did with Blair was just sex? Because, you and I both know that she's not capable of any emotion stronger than greed.
Todd: She loves me!
Tea: She'd be a fool to love a man who would be so cruel to her.
Todd: She doesn't know what I did, and she never will. I'll get rid of anyone who threatens to tell her, including you.
Tea: Why would I tell her?
Todd: With anyone else, I'd say it was to screw me over. But, since you hate Blair more than you could ever hate me, I think you'd do it just to see her reaction.
Tea: If she finds out what you've done, at best, she'll take all your money and keep you from seeing your children.
Todd: You would never let that happen. You always did love my money and my kid. Now there's even more of both for you to love.
Tea: What are you saying? Are you suggesting...
Todd: A return to the old days of us married and you being my lawyer? No way! I don't marry pregnant chicks. I also don't fuck them so it's time for you to leave.
Tea: You must have made an exception on that rule for Blair.
[Tea smiles at Todd's facial expression.]
Tea: Oh, I see! It was a one night stand and Blair took advantage of your temporary insanity. I understand now. This arrangement you have is becoming clearer.
Todd: What arrangement?
Tea: When you and I married that first time, we had a business deal. I was your lawyer and the step-mother you needed to ensure custody of your daughter.
Todd: And, I paid you a hell of a lot of money. Don't forget that.
Tea: How much did you pay Blair?
Todd: Nothing.
Tea: This is Blair we're talking about. I bet she's spent more of your money in the brief time you've been married again than I did during our entire time together.
Todd: So?
Tea: So, you and I shared a home but we had separate bedrooms, during that first marriage. Your current marriage must be really strained if you not only have separate bedrooms but also separate homes.
Todd: Why do you care? You've got a wonderful life, right? You've got some guy you haven't figured out yet is a total creep. You've got a brat on the way. Why are you so interested in my life?
Tea: I'm surprised, Todd. I really thought I'd come here and find you happier than you've ever been.
Todd: Which is what you found.
Tea: That's not how it looks to me.
Todd: You see what you want to see. What I want to see is you and your brat gone...now!
Todd: You don't have a choice, Delgado. I don't want you here, not if you're knocked up.
Tea: What if I'm not pregnant?
Todd: Are you telling me you're not?
Tea: What if I'm not?
Todd: You answer my question first.
Tea: I'm pregnant.
[Todd's hopes are dashed and his anger rises again.]
Todd: Get the hell out!
[Tea reaches her hand out toward his hand. He quickly pulls away and gets off the bed.]
Todd: Don't waste your time trying to seduce me again.
Tea: I was only going to touch your hand.
Todd: I know what body part you were really reaching for. It's off limits to you now. Get out!
Tea: Not until we talk. That's why I came here.
Todd: You came here to seduce me so you could scam me into thinking your brat was mine. You didn't count on me being smarter than you.
Tea: I won't even waste my time denying something so ridiculous.
Todd: Because it's true.
Tea: Because it's ridiculous. I'm not your current wife, remember? I don't need to trick you, or guilt you, into marriage.
Todd: You think that's why I married Blair this time?
Tea: It clearly wasn't for love.
Todd: Sure it was.
Tea: You love her?
Todd: With all my heart.
Tea: Now I know you're lying. You don't believe you have a heart.
Todd: Well, if I did, that's how it would feel.
Tea: For me, or for your wife?
Todd: Why would I feel that way about you?
Tea: Why have you been dreaming about me?
Todd: All that junk I told you was a bunch of garbage.
Tea: Including the part about you daydreaming about me?
Todd: Especially that part.
Tea: Are you trying to tell me that you never once purposely imagined me during any of the nights you spent here alone? You never got turned on by what you imagined? You never used my image in your fantasies to get turned on and to...
Todd: Nope! Never! Go away!
Tea: I wasn't lying to you. I definitely used you in my fantasies.
Todd: This won't work. Using that voice and that look won't get me back into bed with you.
Tea: I'm not trying to seduce you, Todd.
Todd: What are you trying to do? Why'd you come back? To screw up my happiness?
Tea: How can I screw up what you don't have?
Todd: You'll find a way.
Tea: Why aren't you happy? I thought you would be. Despite your words to me, I always suspected that your heart was never quite mine. Was I wrong to assume it was Blair's?
[To avoid anymore of Tea's probing, Todd turns and leaves the bedroom. Tea quickly follows him downstairs and into the living room.]
Tea: We need to talk.
Todd: If you won't leave, I will.
Tea: I'll leave. I just need to talk to you first.
Todd: Go ahead and talk. Make it quick!
Tea: I don't know what to say. Nothing is what I thought it would be.
Todd: I didn't think you were knocked up. We're even!
Tea: Not quite. I'm not married.
Todd: The creep split on you?
Tea: No.
Todd: Then, we're still even because we both cheated.
Tea: It's not the same thing.
Todd: If my knocked up chick cheated on me I wouldn't care if we were married or not.
Tea: I didn't come here planning to have sex with you.
Todd: You seduced me!
Tea: I was unable to resist your seducing me.
Todd: No way! This is not my fault.
Tea: We're both responsible, okay? We both chose to do what we did, despite our significant others.
Todd: Significant? Hardly!
Tea: I agree.
Todd: So, your creep is insignificant?
Tea: I was referring to Blair.
Todd: I was referring to your loser.
Tea: You don't know my...friend. I know Blair.
Todd: Friend? Is this like when you were bouncing on your sainted friend's lap during our first marriage? You know, this cheating thing is a pattern with you.
Tea: I did not cheat. We had a business arrangement.
Todd: You and me? Or, you and the test tube daddy?
Tea: You think I used a sperm donor to get pregnant?
Todd: Did you?
Tea: No, I didn't use a sperm bank, unlike Blair.
Todd: That kid is mine!
Tea: I was referring to the one time donation she received from you that she used as an open avenue to your bank. Now, she's actively cleaning out your accounts.
Todd: I got a kid out of it.
Tea: Or Max did.
Todd: He's mine! You can just shut your mouth about it being any other way.
Tea: You wouldn't be so defensive if you didn't have your own doubts.
Todd: I wouldn't have done everything I did to get the kid back if he wasn't mine.
Tea: Is that your only reason for returning the baby?
Todd: What other reason is there?
Tea: Guilt. Compassion. Regret.
Todd: He's my kid. He belongs with me. End of story.
Tea: If Blair hadn't told you the baby was yours, were you really planning to never reunite him with his mother?
Todd: If this is what you wanted to talk about, forget it! I've spent enough time with my other blackmailers having to hear from the scum of the earth what a lousy human being I am for what I did, while they tried to use what I did to get cash in exchange for keeping their mouths shut. I'm a creep for what I did, but there's nothing wrong with them profiting from it while also keeping the truth from a mother about her not-so-dead kid.
Tea: I'm not blackmailing you, Todd. I would never do that.
Todd: You're just going to shoot your mouth off for the fun of screwing me over.
Tea: I'm going to help you legally so you don't have to continue this charade.
Todd: I like this charade. This charade got me a family. It got me a ton of happiness, or so everyone keeps telling me. It got me Viki and Sam back in my life, this time telling me I'm a great guy instead of all the lectures about what a loser I was. This charade is working just fine.
Tea: You're miserable.
Todd: So?
Tea: So, you shouldn't be. If you have everything that you want, if you've found happiness...fulfillment...love, you shouldn't be hating every moment of it.
Todd: That's how this thing works. Everyone's miserable when they're happy.
Tea: No, they're not.
Todd: That's how they always look to me.
Tea: Because you project your own misery onto them.
Todd: Whatever! Are we done talking yet?
Tea: No.
Todd: Well, I'm done listening.
[Todd turns from Tea and approaches the front door of the penthouse.]
Tea: I came back to tell you that I'm moving on.
[Todd turns back toward her and stares at her for a moment before bursting into loud laughter.]
