Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!
hosted by tripod
E-mail this page to a friend Tell me when this page is updated


ONE TEA TO LIVE WITH TODD

BY TIMA





This story was written during the DID storyline.

[Tea arrives at the penthouse looking very sad and tells Todd - whichever person he happens to be at the moment - that she needs to talk to him. Before they can talk others arrive -- the tape is played -- everyone berates Todd for his behavior, etc. Meanwhile, Tea doesn't say anything, she just stares quietly out the penthouse window. Todd doesn't deny anything that he is accused of. He spends most of his time watching Tea, confused about why she hasn't erupted into fits of Spanish. Finally, everyone leaves. Tea and Todd are alone. There is a heaviness in the air that Todd can feel in his chest. Slowly Todd approaches Tea, afraid of what her reaction will be now that they're alone but also afraid of the total silence of her reaction so far.]

Todd: Tea, aren't you going to say something? Aren't you angry? (Tea doesn't respond) You're scaring me. Could you at least yell at me, or something, so I know that you're okay.

(Tea looks at him with a look that questions what he's talking about.)

Todd: What's wrong? Why did you come here tonight?

(Tea doesn't speak. She closes her eyes and leans her forehead against the window. Her arms are crossed in front of her as if she's giving herself a hug. Todd feels a sadness emanate through his body - a feeling that he knows is coming from Tea and not himself. Todd moves behind Tea and encircles her with his arms resting his hands on her hands. Todd doesn't speak, he allows the silence knowing that Tea will tell him when she's ready.)

Tea (opening her eyes to look at the view again; laughing softly to herself): How many times, Todd...how many nights did I find you standing here looking at this view? I always wished that I could see what you were seeing, that I could share what you were feeling. The first night I stayed here...our wedding night...I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd come down here and look at the view for a while. When I got to the top of the stairs I saw you here and I could sense, I could almost feel myself, your sadness. You seemed so alone. Not just alone in the room but alone inside yourself. Like, your heart were floating in loneliness and you were so close to drowning. For so long now, I have felt like I wanted to do something to help you, to keep you from drowning, but I knew you wouldn't let me. I knew that you didn't want me to share your loneliness, or your pain, but I would have if you had let me.

Todd: Tea, what is this about? Why are you so sad?

Tea: That night, I left you standing here and I went to Starr's room. I watched her sleep...so peacefully. One of her stuffed animals had fallen off the bed and I put it back on the bed next to her and I tucked the sheet around her and ran my hand across her hair just like I remembered my mother doing for me.

(Tea closes her eyes tightly as tears start to fall. Todd feels a sharp stabbing in his chest and he knows that Tea is experiencing the same feeling at this moment.)

Todd: Is that what this is about? Your mother? What happened?

Tea (softly): She died.

Todd: I know but it was a long time ago. Why are you feeling this now?

Tea: It was twenty years ago.

Todd: Tonight?

Tea: Tomorrow. That's why I came here. I needed...I needed... I don't know what I needed but I thought maybe...maybe I could find it here...with you. I know this isn't my home anymore but it's the closest thing I've got. Maybe I was never your family, not really, but you're mine and tonight I needed to be with you and I hoped when I woke up tomorrow you would be there so I wouldn't feel so alone.

Todd: Tea...

Tea: It doesn't have to mean anything, Todd. It could just be for tonight. We don't have to do anything. I don't expect that. I just don't want to be alone. I don't want to be without you tonight. Not tonight.

(Moments pass silently as Todd continues to hold Tea. As he rests his head against the side of her head he wishes that he could do something to take away her sadness, to make her feel the deep love that he feels for her. He wishes he could take away every thing that he has ever said or done that added to Tea's sadness.)

Todd (whispering in her ear): I love you, Delgado.

Tea: Don't...

(Tea pulls away from Todd. Todd turns her around and forces her to look at him.)

Todd: Why? Isn't that what you want, what you need tonight? To know...to feel how much I love you? Isn't that why you came here, why you want to spend the night with me, so you can feel loved?

Tea: But it isn't real. You never...

Todd: Yes, I did, Tea. I do. I love you.

Tea: No...

Todd: Why do you do that? You want me to love you but when I do you don't believe it. You run away. You did that the first time we kissed, remember? You were the one who pulled away, not me.

Tea: It was too much. I couldn't handle it. I had never felt...

Todd: What?

Tea: It doesn't matter anymore. It wasn't real anyway. Nothing about this relationship was ever real. You never loved me, you just manipulated me.

Todd: Well, who's the manipulator now, Tea?

Tea: Well, according to that tape, Todd-Tom-Rod-Pete-whoever else you may have called yourself, you are.

Todd: So you did hear what was going on here tonight. Why didn't you say anything? If you're so sure my feelings for you are nothing but lies and manipulations why didn't you join in the 'Todd, you pathetic loser' chorus, they could have used your voice. Your voice speaks louder inside me than anyone else's. Maybe you were waiting for everyone else to leave so you could have a solo performance. Well, now's your chance. Go for it, Tea. Tell me how much I disappoint you, how much you hate me, how you'll never forgive me for not being the man you wanted me to be, the man I told you I wasn't capable of being. Go ahead! And then don't forget your grand exit, you're good at those. You tell me you love but then you keep leaving me.

Tea: Because you keep throwing me out.

Todd: No, it's not my fault.

Tea: Yes, it is. I wanted to be with you. I was willing to be patient, to wait until you were ready for our relationship to move forward but it was never going to happen because you wouldn't let it because you never loved me. You never did, why don't you just admit it to me finally and stop holding my heart hostage?

Todd: You're the one that holds hearts hostage. And all that garbage about waiting until I was ready. Yeah, right! You're the one who was planning some big stupid wedding, you call that waiting?

Tea: You proposed to me, you idiot. If you didn't want to get married again then why did you propose?

Todd: I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Tea: I didn't care about the big stupid wedding, not really. I cared about you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to have decades of living with and loving you.

(Suddenly the mood in the room shifts away from anger and back to sadness as Tea is again reminded of a lifetime of lost moments and missed opportunities. Tea sits down on the stairs and looks at the floor as she absentmindedly plays with the necklace she is wearing.)

Tea: Decades...two decades. You know when I was a little girl twenty years seemed like such a vast amount of time. I couldn't even image what it was like to do anything for twenty years. And now she's been gone for twenty years. Well, actually, she's been gone from my life for longer than that. There were times, sometimes even months, that I could go without thinking about her. It's horrible to admit but sometimes I liked not thinking about her, not having to feel the pain that she left inside of me.

Todd (sitting down next to Tea): I know.

Tea: I know you do. Our childhoods may have been different but the pain of the loss and abandonment is something that we have always been able to share and understand about each other.

Todd: In a way our childhoods weren't that different.

Tea: What do you mean?

Todd: We both had difficult childhoods that were made bearable by the one person we counted on to always be there, to always love us, no matter what.

Tea: Our mothers.

Todd: And we both had that one person choose to no longer be there for us. We can look back on it, knowing more now than we did then, and realize that they didn't have as much of a choice as we thought they did. Things had happened and they felt like their only choice was to leave but all we could see then was the situation they were leaving us in.

Tea: You're not going to tell me you understand why your mother left you with you're father, are you?

Todd: I know that she had to leave, that she had to save herself, just like you should leave me to save yourself.

Tea: Todd, you're not your father.

Todd: Part of me is.

Tea: But does it have to be that way?

Todd: Most kids they gradually grow up but you and I both instantly stopped being kids the day our mothers left. I had to survive my father, alone. You...you had to take care of your family. You had to do all the stuff your mother did - cooking, cleaning, laundry, did I miss anything?

Tea: Grocery shopping, sewing... How did you know, I never told you.

Todd: I'm not an idiot, Tea. Okay, maybe I am, but I'm a perceptive idiot. I know why it makes you angry every time I tell you to get me a drink or to go and bake something. I know you spent what should have been your childhood taking care of your father and brothers. And they probably didn't really support your dream of being a lawyer. They probably told you that you would grow up and do girl things like getting married, raising kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping...

Tea: Don't forget sewing.

Todd: You never have to sew for me, Tea. I like buying things that are mass produced and if something gets a hole in it I throw it away and get something new - sewing abilities will get you nowhere with me.

Tea: Then what will?

Todd: Huh?

Tea: If I wanted to be with you what would I have to do to make you stop running from what we have, or could have, together?

Todd: Tea, haven't you been paying attention? We've already established that you're the one who runs. I'm the guy who waits patiently for you to return.

Tea: Yeah, sure, Todd.

Todd: I'm so messed up, Tea, more than I ever want you to know about. You should be with someone who can give you happiness and someone whose love you would never have to question. Someone who can hold you and love you the way that you deserve, the way that you desire. I'm me, Tea, I'll never be the man you want me to be.

Tea: But you're the man I want.

Todd: But I'm not the man you need.

Tea: You're the man I love which makes you the man I need. You're the one person, more than any other person, that I need to always be in my life, to never leave. If you wanted to you could fight through all of the horrible stuff inside of you and you could find room for me, like you did for Starr.

Todd: You don't know what you're asking for, Delgado. You don't know what I'd have to go through to give you what you want.

Tea: What do you want, Todd? Do you want to continue the way you are? Do you want to go out that door and run away from everyone who cares about you, including Starr? Because that's the only way you'll be able to continue the way you have been. I don't want you to change who you are, Todd...

Todd: Since when?

Tea: Since always. I don't want you to change, not completely, I just want you to be able to love me and to accept my love. I don't care if you eat with your feet - but don't do it in front of Starr, it was hard enough for me to get her to eat soup with a spoon. You can wear your clothes to bed, you can hate your employees. You can make Kevin's life miserable, if you want. You can howl at the moon in the middle of Angel Square. You can crucify the Buchanans in your newspaper every day. You can make disgusting noises in restaurants. I just want you to be human with me and to get the help you need so that you'll stop doing things that will land you in jail. And I want you to deal with the things from your past so that you can like yourself enough so I don't have to worry about you killing yourself. I don't want much, Todd.

Todd: No, you want the hardest things. The things that I will never be able to do. Things that I'm guaranteed to fail at.

Tea: I believe that you can do it, Todd. You just have to admit the truth and accept help.

Todd: Just like that you want me to admit it. Things I've never admitted to anyone before, you want me to admit them to you here...now?

Tea: Yes. And then you can call your sister and apologize to her.

Todd: For what?

Tea: For letting her think that you used her illness to stay out of jail.

Todd: That's exactly what I did.

Tea: You've been faking?

Todd: Yep.

Tea: All this time?

Todd: That's what I said.

Tea: So, if I were to ask you questions about the last few months you'd be able to answer them?

Todd: Well, I can't be expected to remember everything.

Tea: Who was with you in your hospital room when you came out of the catatonia?

Todd: Catatonia?

Tea: What opera did you take me to?

Todd: Opera?

Tea: Which alter played with puppets?

Todd: Puppets?

Tea: What is the name of your female alter?

Todd: Female? You're trying to trick me, right?

Tea: What kind of food were you eating in the garden shed?

Todd: Okay, stop. I don't want to play this game anymore.

Tea: One last question - How long have you been back?

Todd: I never left.

Tea: Todd?

Todd: You know when you walked in earlier...

Tea: Yes...that's when you came back?

Todd: Well, I've had moments before when I was here but they were really brief and kind of bizarre. I do seem to remember, though, kissing you several times.

Tea: Oh...

Todd: I have a question for you Tea. If you didn't think it was me, what were you doing kissing those other people?

Tea: Well...

Todd: Is it considered cheating on your spouse if you cheat with other personalities in your spouse's head?

Tea: They're all a part of you, Todd.

Todd: Nice try, Delgado.

Tea: Will you get help?

Todd: Therapy?

Tea: Yes. Will you go?

Todd: You do realize that I'm gonna hate every minute of it and I'll probably end up blaming you.

Tea: I know.

Todd: And you think you can live with me while I trudge through the pain?

Tea: Do you want me to live with you?

Todd: Hey, if I have to suffer through this I think it's only fair that you should share the misery since it's all your fault.

Tea: So you're blaming me already?

Todd: Just practicing. Will you stay?

Tea: Are you blackmailing me?

Todd: No. You can leave. In fact, I want you to leave. I've thrown you out enough times but you never stay gone.

Tea: Because you keep trying to pull me back.

Todd: Will you stay?

Tea: Tonight I will. Tomorrow...I'll decide about tomorrow.


THE END

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****



2001 COPYRIGHT BY TIMA






FanFiction Home



Home




COPYRIGHT NOTICE:: The stories published on The Florencia Lozano Home Page are the property of the individual authors. You may not: Distribute the text to others without the EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION of the copyright owner. You may: print copies of the information for your own personal use, store the files on your computer for your own personal use, reference hypertext documents on this server from your own documents.

This site (and linked sites) is not affiliated with ABC Soaps and is not endorsed by them. The images, characters and settings are all copyrighted by ABC Daytime. All material included on these pages is for educational purposes, in accordance with the "Fair Use" Act.