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| REACHING OUT BY TIMA |
CHAPTER 18 |
PREVIOUSLY:
[Tea bursts into tears again. Todd doesn't have to wonder what to do, as Tea leans forward and pushes her face into his shoulder. His arms reach around her and hold her tightly. He knows that she's feeling like she's lost everyone who loves her. He wants her to know that she hasn't, that she'll always be loved as long as he's around.]
Todd: I love you, Tea.
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chapter 18:
[Tea's crying only increases. His declaration of love doesn't soothe her pain. It adds to it. She quickly pulls away from him, needing to distance herself from all that she's feeling.]
Tea: Go! Get out! Right now! I don't need you. I don't want you. Get the hell out!
Todd: Tea...
Tea: Don't bother coming back. I won't be here.
Todd: You need to calm down.
Tea: Go away! Leave me! You're good at that. Get out! I'll have you arrested unless you get out, right now. I mean it. I don't want you. I don't need you. I want you to leave. I never want to see you again. Get out! Please...
[Todd touches his hand lightly to the side of her face. She sees so much concern and love on his face. She hates that. She doesn't want to feel anything anymore and all he's doing is making her feel more. She feels too much, too intensely. She doesn't feel capable of handling the emotions right now.]
Tea: Don't.
Todd: I love you, Tea. I'm not leaving you. You can count on that. I won't let you down this time. I won't let myself down. I need you.
Tea: No.
Todd: I do. You need me, too.
Tea: I can't.
Todd: I know it's scary. We can be scared together.
Tea: I don't want to feel anymore. It hurts too much. Please, leave. Let me stop feeling. I can't take it anymore. I just want to stop feeling. Please, let me stop feeling.
[Todd leans his upper body towards her and embraces her again. Tea doesn't have the emotional strength to effectively fight him and for a moment gives in and allows him to hold her. It doesn't lessen her pain, though. It just becomes more excruciating.
Todd pulls away from her as he feels her weakly pushing at his body.]
Todd: Let me help you.
Tea: You can't. I need you to leave.
Todd: No.
Tea: This isn't your decision, it's mine. I've made my decision. I don't want you here. I don't want to feel anything anymore.
Todd: If I leave, it won't stop you from feeling. You'll just feel lousy because I'm not here.
Tea: Not for long.
Todd: You have someone lined up already to take my place?
Tea: It wouldn't be your place that would be taken.
Todd: Yes, it would. It may have been this other guy that you were with, but it was me that you wanted to be with.
Tea: He was a good man. I hurt him so much by...
Todd: By never getting over me? By never being able to force yourself to stop loving me? By never letting go of me in your heart so you could have room for him? You fell in love with me and you never fell out of love with me, that's not a bad thing, Tea. Everyone else will tell you it is, but they're wrong.
Tea: If I had given my heart to him...
Todd: What would have happened? It wouldn't have changed anything? He still would have died. That sucks. But, that's how it is. It wasn't your fault that he died. It's okay for you to let me be with you.
Tea: I should have died.
Todd: No.
Tea: I want to.
Todd: No, you don't.
Tea: I do. It hurts too much. I can't keep feeling this way. I survived that crash but I wish that I hadn't. I wish that...
Todd: Don't say it.
Tea: I wish that I had died. I want to die. I don't want to feel anymore. I just want it all to stop.
Todd: It won't hurt this much forever. Packing it in isn't what you really want.
Tea: It is.
Todd: You just think that right now because you think it will always feel this way, but it won't.
Tea: It gets worse every day.
Todd: But, it won't always get worse. And, someday, it'll actually get better, but you need to stick around or you'll miss it. Trust me. You don't want to pack it in yet. There's so much ahead that you want to be around for.
Tea: There's nothing.
Todd: There's me, Tea. I'm here. I came as soon as I heard. I wasn't going to let you go through whatever you had to go through alone. I didn't even know if you'd be alone. I thought I might bump into whatever guy you replaced me with. I didn't know that he had died. I thought I'd find him sitting next to you, doing all the stuff that I wanted to do for you, all the stuff that I know I'm lousy at, but I'll try to do it, anyway. I want to do it. I want to be here for you this time. You've been there for me so many times. You're one of the few reasons that I want to stick around in this miserable life for a long time.
[Tea watches, surprised, as she notices tears forming in Todd's eyes.]
Todd: When Briggs told me you had been on that flight, I thought... But, then I thought, there's no way Delgado would ever leave me. There's no way that we won't get another chance. Sure, we'll probably blow it again. But, then, we'll try again. And, then, we'll blow it again. And, then, we'll try. And...
Tea: I get the point.
Todd: So, you'll stick around, right? You'll give me another chance to blow it?
Tea: What about your family?
Todd: You're my family.
Tea: I mean it, Todd. Don't waste the chance that you have with them, because of me. You'll regret it.
Todd: I regret a lot. I regret a lot of stuff that I did, and that I didn't do, with you. Give me a chance to make it up to you. Give me a chance to show you why you want to keep feeling, even if it hurts.
to be continued...
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