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| PAINFUL DISCOVERY BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 8 -10 |
PREVIOUSLY
[Todd pulls his shirt quickly off his head and returns to kissing Tea as they press their bodies together. They roll over so Tea is on top of Todd. Tea starts kissing down his body, licking and nibbling at his neck and chest.]
Todd: Tea...
Tea: Don't talk.
Todd: My brain is kicking back in.
[Tea looks up at him questioning what she should do.]
Todd: It was okay when we were kissing.
[Tea moves back up his body and presses her lips against his mouth roughly forcing his lips apart. She focuses most of her attention on his mouth but also presses her chest against his and slowly caresses the sides of his body as low as her hands can reach. Todd suddenly pulls his head away from Tea's.]
Chapter Eight:
Todd: Give me a second to breathe.
[Tea kisses his scarred cheek and starts kissing and nibbling his ear. When Tea shoves her tongue into his ear she can feel his body jump. She takes his reaction as encouragement and continues her assault on his ear. Todd can only take a minute of this before he rolls her over and, pressing their bodies together, kisses her passionately.]
Tea: Todd...
[Todd looks into Tea's eyes and sees the passion, the attraction, she feels for him. He knows what she wants and he wants it too but he also knows that if he crosses a certain line with her the monster in his head will reemerge. It scares him to think of what could happen if he loses control. He can't risk Tea's safety, he just can't. Todd gets off of Tea, leaves the bed and walks to the farthest part of the room away from Tea.]
Todd: You don't want that.
Tea: Yes, I do.
Todd: No. You don't know. You have no idea what could happen.
Tea: What?
Todd: You should go. I never should have started this.
Tea (angrily): Don't you dare.
Todd: It's the best thing for you, Tea. You have to get away from me and stay away this time. It's the only way I can protect you.
Tea: Protect me from what?
Todd: From what I could do to you.
Tea: You could make love to me, Todd.
Todd: I could hurt you.
Tea: And you don't think throwing me out right now would hurt me?
Todd: That's different.
Tea: It would break my heart, Todd. Is that what you want?
Todd: Of course not.
Tea (getting out of bed and walking toward him): Then let me stay. (caressing his chest) Let me help you. I love you.
[Tea begins kissing his neck as her hands move down his chest to his stomach.]
Todd (closing his eyes): No.
[Tea stops. She steps back so she's no longer touching Todd. Todd opens his eyes and looks at Tea with a look of complete fear]
Tea: Why can't we be together? It's what I want and when you were kissing me and touching me it certainly felt like it was what you wanted.
Todd: It was.
Tea: But it isn't anymore?
Todd: It still is.
Tea: Then why? Why do you think you'll hurt me? Do you want to hurt me?
Todd: Of course not.
Tea: Then tell me.
Todd: I can't lose control, Tea. I can't. It's too dangerous. Just get dressed and go away. Don't come back. Don't ever come back.
Tea: I can't leave. This is where I belong. Where you are is where I belong. It always will be. That monster that lurks inside of you will just have to deal with me because I'm not going anywhere.
Chapter Nine:
Todd: You don't know him. You may think you've met the monster but you've only had glimpses of him. You don't know what would happen if he were to get out, completely and fully. He would hurt you, Tea, maybe even kill you.
Tea: Why would he want to kill me? All I want to do is love you.
Todd: Exactly. That's not allowed.
Tea: Why?
Todd: I don't know. It just isn't. It never has been. No one is ever supposed to love me.
Tea (gently caressing his face): I love you, Todd.
Todd: Go away, Tea, please, before I hurt you. I can't hurt you again. I couldn't live with that.
[Tea puts her arms around Todd's neck and hugs him.]
Tea: You won't hurt me.
Todd: No, but he will.
[Tea steps back to look into Todd's eyes.]
Tea: Who is he? Is it Pete?
Todd: Not exactly.
Tea: Then who?
Todd: Tea, this is dangerous. Just talking about this could get you hurt.
Tea: Who is it? Who's inside of you?
Todd: I can't tell you.
Tea: I deserve to know. If this thing, this monster, inside you wants to hurt me then I have a right to know about it. If I can't be with you because of it then you owe me some answers.
[Tea tries to touch Todd's face but he pulls away from her touch.]
Todd: Go away.
Tea: I won't leave until I know why I'm being forced out again.
Todd: This isn't the time to be stubborn, Tea.
[Tea sits on the bed and wraps the shirt she's wearing around herself.]
Tea (defiantly): I'm not leaving. Not unless I have some answers.
[Todd begins pacing back and forth. He knows that Tea won't give up. He's always liked her stubborn determination but this time he knows that it could get her hurt. At the same time, he really wants to tell her. He wants to share with her everything that's inside of him. He wants her to stay but he also wants her to be safe. He wants the monster to go away and leave him alone so he can be with Tea. He starts rubbing his head from all of the conflicting thoughts, emotions, desires.]
Tea: Maybe you should talk to someone, Todd. If you can't tell me then tell Viki or maybe it would be easier if it were a therapist.
Todd: I told you no therapy talk.
Tea: You also told me there's a monster inside of you that wants to hurt me. You have to do something about that so we can be together. You have to make the monster go away.
Todd: He'll never go away. He hates me too much. He likes torturing me.
Tea: Tell me who the monster is. Maybe together we can fight him. Together we're strong enough that we will win.
Todd: But he's really strong. He's super strong. Nothing can kill him, not even death.
Tea: Tell me who the monster is, Todd.
Todd (looking in her eyes): My father.
Tea: Which one?
Todd: My real father...the one who raised me, the one who hated me, the one who hurt me, the one who haunts me. He's always there, always talking to me, always telling me what a loser I am, how worthless I am, that no one could ever love me.
Tea: I love you.
Todd: He doesn't think so. He thinks you just want my money or to use me for your own agenda.
Tea: What agenda? All I want is to be with you...to love you...to feel you love me.
Todd: Love is a weapon.
Tea: No it isn't.
Todd: People pretend they love you so they can make you weak and vulnerable and then they attack you when you don't expect it.
Tea: That's not what love is. If he's telling you that then he's wrong.
Todd: He's not wrong. He's smart. He knows everything. He knows me...better than you do, better than anyone else.
Tea: I know you, Todd. I love you.
[Todd holds his head between his hands while an intense pain rushes through his skull.]
Todd (yelling): Stop saying that.
[Tea slowly approaches Todd.]
Tea: I love you, Todd. I love you. Your father is the one who doesn't love you...who doesn't know you. I know you and I love you. Don't listen to his voice anymore. He's the one who wants to hurt you, to make you feel bad. He wants you to be alone but you don't have to be alone anymore, Todd. I'm here and I'll always be here for you. You can count on me. I'll never abandon you. I'll never stop loving you.
[Tea moves Todd's hands away from his head and takes his head in her own hands and kisses him. Todd pushes her away violently.]
Todd: Stop it!
Tea: Why is he more important to you than I am, than Starr is?
Todd: He's not. You and Starr are the most important...
Tea (angrily): Bull! If we were important to you then you would not be listening to him right now. You would not be hiding out in this building watching us from a distance. You would be in our lives showing us that you love us everyday. You would fight for us.
Todd: I've tried. He's stronger than I am.
Tea: No, he's not. He may have been stronger when you were a kid but now you're stronger than he is. That's why he's so scared. He knows that you could overtake him now. That's why he has to keep feeding you all those lies so that you'll believe that you're worthless, so you won't fight. He knows that if you were to fight him you would win.
Todd: I never win.
Tea: You could this time.
Todd: I never win. Never.
Tea: This time could be different, Todd. Take a chance. I promise you won't be disappointed.
Todd: No. No. You're setting me up. You want me to believe you. You're lying. You're planning something. You're plotting against me. Who are you working with? The Buchanans? Are you on their payroll again? Huh, Tea? (yelling) Answer me!
Tea: I'm not plotting against you and you know it so don't even try any of these paranoid fantasies on me now.
Todd: I knew it. You're working with them, aren't you? That thing in the park wasn't even real, was it? You were faking those pains so I'd come out of hiding. You're using my feelings for you against me again.
Tea (angrily): What feelings? You obviously don't give a damn about me. You care more about some sick, pathetic ghost inside your head than you do about me. You never cared about me. You certainly never loved me. You're not capable of love. You're not even capable of sex.
[Todd grabs Tea roughly. When Tea looks in his eyes she sees a softness that contradicts the pain he's causing her physically.]
Todd: Don't do this, Tea. Don't try to get to him. Don't try to make him come out. It's too dangerous.
Tea: He's already here. I want to talk to him.
Chapter Ten:
Todd: No.
Tea: Please, maybe I could...
Todd: No. You may think that you can reason with him but he's not a reasonable person. He won't listen to you. You won't be able to convince him to go away. All that will happen, Tea, is that he will hurt you. I can't let that happen.
Tea: Then fight him.
Todd (desperately): I can't.
Tea: Yes, Todd, you can. I'll help you. In any way I can, I will help you. You don't have to fight your monsters alone anymore.
[Todd releases Tea and pushes her onto the bed as he begins pacing again.]
Todd: Go away.
Tea: Who do you want to go away, Todd? Me? Or your father?
Todd: Both of you. I want everyone just to leave me alone. I want everyone to shut up, to stop telling me what to do, what to think, what to believe.
Tea: Then think for yourself. Stop listening to your father's voice in your head and start listening to your own voice. What do you want, Todd? What do you really want?
Todd: It doesn't matter. I can't have it. He won't let me.
Tea: It isn't his decision. It's yours. What do you want? Think about it, Todd. What do you really want?
[Todd paces silently as Tea watches him. Inside his head, Todd can hear his father's words - the same words he's heard all his life. Todd wants to make his father go away but it is his father's voice that he trusts the most - more than his own voice, more than Tea's words. The one constant his entire life has been his father's disapproving voice yelling in his ear, telling him that he's useless, unlovable, a waste of human life. How can Todd let him go? Who would he become if Peter were to really leave him?
Todd realizes that he can't keep both Tea and Peter in his life. He has to choose one. He doesn't know if he can survive without Peter but how could he live without Tea, without Delgado. Would he even want a life if he couldn't be with his wife and his daughter. With Peter inside him he could never trust that they were truly safe.
Todd continues pacing frantically as he hears two contradicting voices in his head both threatening his security. He realizes that Peter is the easier choice. Peter makes him feel lousy but at least he knows that he can always count on what he gets from Peter. Peter will always hate him, despise him, hurt him. Delgado...Delgado could make him happy. She could make him feel loved. She also could rip him apart and destroy him if she wanted to. She makes him vulnerable, open to attack. Todd realizes that Peter was right about that - Tea's a danger to his safety. He would have to risk everything to be with her. He could lose everything or he could gain everything - it would be a dangerous gamble.
Todd is so engrossed in his own thoughts he doesn't hear Tea call and leave a message at her office notifying her secretary that she'll be taking a sick day. Tea considers calling Viki for help but she knows that Todd would view that as a betrayal so she decides to continue dealing with Todd on her own even though she knows there could be a physical risk to herself.]
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