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| LAST CHANCE BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 61 - 70 |
PREVIOUSLY...
Tea (in shock): Why do you have my picture?
[Todd doesn't answer, uncertain of what to say.]
Tea: I saw you unpack that when you came back. You took my picture with you? Why?
[Todd avoids eye contact as Tea stares at him trying to make sense out of this new information she's uncovered.]
Tea (gently touching his arm): Todd?
[Todd pulls away from Tea, tosses her picture on top of the wedding pictures and quickly leaves the room.]
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
chapter 61:
[Tea quickly follows after Todd. She finds him downstairs staring out the window. For several minutes Tea watches him from a distance, debating with herself about whether she should allow herself to get sucked into their relationship again or if she should just silently walk away.
Todd knows she's in the room with him but he ignores her and hopes that she'll leave it alone, that she won't try to force him to reveal why he carried her picture with him and why he was just looking at it upstairs.
When it becomes clear to Tea that Todd won't be giving her any information willingly she determines that it's time for her to leave.]
Tea: I'm going now.
[Tea waits with more hope than she wishes she had for Todd to respond and, hopefully, ask her to stay. He doesn't.]
Tea: I'm leaving right now. This is it. This is the end. Do you understand that?
[Todd says nothing.
Tea turns and looks at her suitcase near the door. It seems so far away. Slowly, she walks toward it, hoping as each second passes that Todd will say or do something to convince her to stay.
Todd feels like he's screaming inside himself, trying to get the messages from his heart to the surface and out to Tea. He doesn't want her to go. He doesn't want her to leave him. He does love her as much as she wants him to, as deeply, as completely as she needs him to love her. No matter how loud in his head the words are that he wants to say to her they just won't come out his mouth. His body won't move to block her exit, to embrace her like he knows she wants him to, like he wants to hold her. Todd is trapped inside a body and soul paralyzed by fear and so much emotional pain he can't reach out to her even though he truly wants to.
Tea's heart breaks as she reaches her suitcase without any sign from Todd that he wants her to stay. She takes the picture of Todd, Starr and herself that she had retrieved from upstairs out of her pocket and places it in the front pouch of her suitcase...anything to delay leaving and give Todd more time to do something...anything...any damn thing to give her a reason not to leave.
Todd does nothing.
As Todd hears Tea unlock the door, he quickly turns and rushes upstairs. Tea is pulling open the door when she hears him and quickly turns around. The sight of him retreating from her again causes her anger to rise. If he hates her or if he loves her, she just wishes that he would let her know instead of giving her so many mixed signals that she ends up confused and uncertain about what she should do.
Tea slams the door, drops her suitcase and runs up the stairs determined to have it out with Todd.]
chapter 62:
[Todd hears the door slam shut downstairs. His first thought is to run after Tea and tell her not to leave but he doesn't move.
When Tea enters the room she finds him sitting on the bed staring at their wedding pictures in front of him.]
Tea: Nothing is ever easy with you, is it?
[Todd is startled by Tea's continued presence but doesn't outwardly make any movement.]
Tea: Todd...
[Tea pauses for a moment as she begins pacing slightly, trying to clear her head.]
Tea: Do you want me to go?
[Todd says nothing.]
Tea: Do you want me to stay?
[Todd still says nothing.]
Tea: You need to pick one.
[Tea moves closer to Todd and pushes the photographs out of her way and sits down in front of Todd.]
Tea: I could go or I could stay. Do you have a preference? I know what I would prefer. I need to know what you want. I need you to tell me. I think...I think that maybe you do want me to stay. Do you? I know it's scary. I know that you hate feelings. I'm scared too. I am. Nothing has ever been as scary to me as telling you that I love you and that I want to be with you. Nothing else could ever be as scary as that because being with you, wanting you to love me, is what I want most in the world. I don't know why I keep trying. I keep trying to convince myself not to. I think that I should stop trying, that I should protect my heart and not keep risking it by putting it out there for you to reject. I think that but then I look at you and I want to risk my heart. I see how scared you are and I feel like I need to risk my heart, that I need to reach out to you because I...
[Tea reaches out and gently places her hand on Todd's leg]
Tea (speaking softly): I feel this feeling coming from you. If I'm wrong then tell me. I feel like some part of you wants to reach out to me, maybe it's even trying to reach me, but can't. I feel like if I give up and stop trying I'll be letting you down because maybe you want me to reach that part of you that you have barricaded inside yourself. Maybe you need me to keep trying to get past those final defenses so we can be together. I'm willing to try. I'm willing to keep fighting but you have to help me. I can't do this alone. I need you to tell me that you want me to stay. That's all. You don't have to say anything else. You don't have to talk about your feelings or make me any promises. You do have to tell me to stay. If you honestly want me to go then tell me that but I have to tell you that, even if you don't mean it, if you tell me to get out right now I will leave. If you don't tell me anything I'll also leave because I can only stay if I know that you're willing to risk something too. I can't be the only one trying.
[Tea places her hand on Todd's cheek and leans toward him and kisses his lips briefly.]
Tea: I love you. If you feel anything for me, if you want me to stay, come downstairs in the next hour. That's as long as I'll wait. You can look at the pictures from our wedding, you can remember our making love in this bed, you can decide if what we have is worth the risk. If you decide that it is then come downstairs in the next hour. If it isn't...if...if you don't feel the same way, if our relationship doesn't mean anything to you, I still want you to know that I love you and I'm glad that I've known you and I'm glad that I've loved you.
[Tea slowly stands up and walks toward the door.]
Tea (stopping and looking back at Todd): Come downstairs. Show me that you care enough about me to try. I promise you won't be the only one risking your heart.
[Tea turns and walks out the door.]
chapter 63:
Tea sits on the couch in the living room. She doesn't move as she waits patiently for Todd to appear at the top of the stairs. She knows that he will. No matter how scared he is she trusts that he does care about her and won't let her leave.
Tea waits...
As the minutes pass, Tea isn't surprised that he hasn't appeared yet. She knows he'll probably wait until the last second. Tea smiles slightly as she thinks he'll probably wait until she has her hand on the doorknob or maybe he'll even wait until she's in the hallway but he will not let her leave. He does love her. He does. She isn't wrong about that. She can't be.
Tea waits...
It's so late that Tea wishes that Todd would come downstairs already so she can go to bed and get some sleep. She would prefer to share a bed with Todd but as long as he makes it clear that he wants her to stay she decides that she can wait to share a bed with him. She's determined that they won't have sex again though until they are sharing a bed. No more leaving Todd's bed immediately after they have sex...never again. Tea hopes that it won't be too long before Todd is ready to share a bed since she doesn't know how long she can hold out from having sex with him again. She's amazed that she was able to wait as long to be with him as she had to but now that she has experienced his body she knows she needs to experience it again...very soon.
Tea waits...
Tea yawns as she looks at her watch again. It's been a long and exhausting night. It's been an exhausting week. Tea suddenly realizes that Todd has only been back in her life for a week. A week? It has to be longer than that. It feels like it's been months since he strutted nonchalantly through the door of the penthouse.
Tea recalls the time since Todd's reappearance...
There was the first night...she told him to get out and he refused to listen. She was glad that he didn't, of course.
The second night...they had sex for the first time
The third night...Todd was uncomfortable touching her intimately but he did. Tea smiles recalling how good Todd is with his fingers.
The fourth night...they went to Viki's for dinner and Tea fought with Carlotta. Tea thinks about Carlotta. She misses her but she's too stubborn to make the effort to reunite with her. Besides, she can't handle Carlotta's disapproval of her relationship with Todd right now. Her relationship with Todd... That night after they left Viki's house all Tea could think about while Todd drove them home was how much she wanted him to be inside of her. She had such a desire to reach out and touch him in the car but she controlled herself as she tried to convince herself that she would never allow herself to give in to that temptation again. Her determination melted as she lay alone in her bedroom and she went to Todd and they had another incredible sexual experience.
The fifth day...the laundry room. The most amazing, mind-blowing experience that Tea has ever experienced. They also shared their first kiss since Todd's return. Tea knows she'll never be able to do laundry again without remembering that day and feeling her body tingling. Tea hopes they can repeat that performance someday.
The sixth day...they almost had sex before Starr came for her visit but they decided to wait. Todd promised her they would be together after Starr left. Todd did spend some time in front of Tea in his underwear...if only Tea could convince Todd to wear less clothing on a regular basis. They also kissed goodnight...for many minutes...very sensual. Tea wouldn't mind just being with Todd and doing nothing but kissing sometimes. Oh, she definitely wants to do more with him but he is the best kisser she's ever had the joy of knowing. His lips are so amazing. He's very good with his mouth.
The seventh night...tonight is only Todd's seventh night back. They finally, openly made love. It wasn't simple. It was more complex than anything had ever been before in Tea's life but more worth it than anything ever could be. It felt so good to have Todd open himself to her, to offer his body and so much more to her. He shut down again immediately after. Tea knows now that she should have expected that. She should have been prepared for Todd to take his usual ten steps away from her for the two he struggled to move toward her. It did hurt, though. She couldn't help it. She wanted just one time when she could enjoy the moment of closeness with Todd without his pulling away. It's exhausting being emotionally attached to Todd...absolutely worth it but extremely exhausting.
Now Tea waits hoping that he'll come through for her. She wonders if she should have given him that ultimatum. Maybe she's pressuring him too much. No. She needs to know that he's trying. They can go slow if he needs to but she needs to know that he'll put her heart ahead of his own fears otherwise she'll never be able to trust their relationship. She'd always be waiting for him to take off on her again, to push her away. She needs to know that this time he'll move forward with her even if their progress forward has to move at a minuscule pace. She needs him to show her that he loves her enough to take this step.
When Tea glances at her watch again she's shocked. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't realize how much time had passed. It's now twenty minutes passed the deadline she gave Todd. Clearly, he has no intention of coming downstairs...he has no intention of asking her to stay. She was wrong...this whole time she was wrong. He doesn't love her. He doesn't want a future with her. He probably went to bed and fell asleep not giving any thought to her.
Tea's eyes overflow with tears. She reclines her body and cries into one of the pillows on the couch as she is painfully reminded again that no one loves her and no one ever will.
chapter 64:
Todd sits, as he has been for hours, with his back against the headboard. The room is filled with natural light, the sun having come up more than an hour earlier. The photographs from his second wedding to Tea are still spread out on the bed next to him, reminders of the future he could have had but knows now that he never will. It was his choice completely. Tea was willing to stay. She was willing to be with him...to love him. He chose to not allow her that sacrifice. She would have regretted it. Someday, he knows, she would have regretted it. He would have made her life miserable. He did the right thing letting her leave.
Todd looks at the clock on the nightstand. He counts how long she's been gone. It's unbearable for him to think about how many minutes, hours, days he'll spend without her as his life slowly moves toward death.
He thinks about how hurt she must have been when he didn't come downstairs. He knows that she expected it, counted on it, needed him to give her that, to show her that he did love her. He couldn't do it. He couldn't allow her to destroy her own life just to save his. He knows he's not worth it. He had to make Tea see that too.
Todd picks up one of the photographs and studies it. Tea's eyes...the way they're looking at him in the picture...she sees something, something not horrible. The way that she could make him feel, just for a little while, like he wasn't the monster that he knows he is. Todd feels a slight pain in his chest as he realizes that Tea will never look at him like that again. She'll never again laugh at his jokes or calm him down when he feels like killing half the people in Llanview. He'll never again hear her humming in the shower or while she prepares dinner. He won't smell her perfume as he enters the penthouse anymore. He won't feel the comfort of her arms around him, the gentle touch of her hands, the power of her kisses, the feeling of her body against his. He'll never again be able to count on her presence to temporarily soothe the internal pain that threatens his soul at all times whether he's awake or asleep.
He stares intently at Tea's face in the photograph. This is the best way that he can show her his love. This is the best way that he can make sure that she has the life she deserves...a life that isn't dragged down by her connection to him. Now that the connection is permanently severed she'll find someone who will make her happy, someone who couldn't possibly love her as much as Todd does but someone who won't force her to coexist in the misery that Todd's life is only capable of.
Todd loves her too much to allow her to choose to live in hell with him. She's going to have something better, Todd will see to it, no matter how miserable he has makes both of them in the process of making it happen.
chapter 65:
Todd opens his eyes reluctantly and looks at the clock next to his bed. He realizes that he slept for less than an hour. He feels exhausted but he knows that his body is done sleeping for the day.
He stretches his body as he sits up. He looks down at the wedding photographs that are still spread out on the bed next to him. Knowing it's too painful for him to look at them anymore, he quickly gathers them together and shoves them back in the box Tea had brought them in. He places the box under the bed. He may not be able to look at them anymore right now but he knows that he could never destroy them. With them under the bed he can pull them out and look at them whenever he wants to, whenever he needs to, but he won't have to be reminded of them every second.
In the bathroom, Todd looks at his face in the mirror. He looks like hell. He wonders how Tea looks right now. Quickly, he tries to stop his mind from picturing her...in her nightgown...out of her nightgown... He tells himself he has to stop thinking about her, stop imagining her, stop needing her.
Todd tries to formulate a plan for how he'll handle it the next time he sees Tea. He'll have to play it cool, convince her that he's glad she's out of his life, that he's better off without her. Maybe he should have a very public date with another woman somewhere that he knows Tea will be. No...it might hurt her, he doesn't want that. Okay, he hurt her by pushing her away and breaking her heart but that's different. Besides, what woman would be stupid enough to want to be anywhere near him? Delgado would. She wants to be with him...in public, in private...for the rest of her life. If he had asked her to marry him again last night he knows she would have said yes. Well, she would have before the part where he knowingly broke her heart.
Todd thinks back to hours ago...the look in Tea's eyes, the sound of her voice. She loves him. She wanted to stay. She would have stayed forever. She would have made him happy...as happy as he's capable of being. He would have made her miserable. Her life would have become a living hell just like his. Todd reminds himself that he did the right thing for her.
Todd decides to avoid Tea, at least for a while. He knows that if he saw her, if he looked in her eyes right now, he would be too tempted to give in to the desire he has for her. He would want to hold her, kiss her, touch her. Todd splashes water on his face trying to will his mind to stop thinking about Tea's body...trying to force his own body to stop responding to the sexual thoughts of her his mind is torturing him with.
Todd isn't really hungry but decides that food might distract him. As he approaches the stairs down to the living room he scowls at the brightness of the light pouring through the windows in the living room. He hates morning. He also hates afternoon, evening, late night... He hates life. He hates every part of the day, every season, every holiday. He hates everything...except Starr, of course...and Viki...Jessica...and...and...okay, fine...Delgado. He allows himself to admit that he does love Tea but he's determined that he's never going to let her know that...never again.
Todd thinks to himself that he should probably visit his sister today but not yet, he can't handle her perkiness this early in the morning. He needs lots of coffee first. He wants to make sure that Viki won't be trying to do any matchmaking between himself and Tea in the future. He can't be anywhere near Tea or she'll figure out by looking at him how much he truly does loves her and she'll get stubborn and never give up on him.
As Todd descends the stairs he grabs tightly to the railing as his body comes to a sudden stop. The sight before him stuns him.
Retreat! Retreat! Get the hell out of here!
His mind sends off the warning but his body stays where it is, unable to move or look away.
She's so beautiful when she sleeps...so peaceful. She wanted to share that with him, to allow him to tap into that calmness so he could sleep too.
No, no, stop thinking, stop thinking like that.
Why is she still here? Is she going to refuse to leave? Will he have to leave? They can't live together without having sex now and they can't have sex anymore since she figured out he likes it, that he likes her, that he loves her.
Oh, hell! This isn't going to be easy.
chapter 66:
Todd stands completely still for several minutes as he watches Tea sleep. She's curled up on the couch, lying on her side, facing him. He stares at her face as he wonders if she fell asleep before the deadline for him to ask her to stay had passed. If she did then he could tell her that he came downstairs in time but didn't want to wake her. She would never have to know that he had actually chosen for her to leave. He could tell her to stay when she wakes up. He could have another chance...another second chance.
Slowly, Todd approaches Tea until he's standing next to the sofa, looking down on her. She looks so fragile. She has her arms wrapped around herself like he's seen her do so many times in the past. He always thought it looked like she was hugging herself. He could hug her...he could hug her enough to make up for every hug she missed out on when she was a kid and every time he should have hugged her in their past relationship but didn't. He could give that to her now. He could make her feel loved and secure. Maybe, just maybe, she could give him a little bit of that feeling too. Maybe he shouldn't force her to leave. Maybe he should let her stay. It would be a risk but she's worth it...Tea is definitely worth it.
Todd kneels down next to the sofa. He gently caresses the side of Tea's face. Tea moans slightly in her sleep at the feel of his touch.]
Todd (whispering): What do you see, Tea? What could you possibly see in me? Why have you stuck around? Will you always? Can I count on that? Is this what you really want?
[Very cautiously, Todd brings his mouth down to Tea's and gently kisses her.
Even in sleep, Tea responds to his kiss. As she awakens she becomes aware, very aware, of lips...sensuous lips. She knows instantly that Todd is kissing her. No one else has ever kissed her the way that he does. No one else can make other parts of her body tingle with just a kiss.
As Tea's mind begins to register the reality of her situation and as they continue to kiss, Tea tries to determine what to do. For some reason she can't pull away from his kiss...that isn't an option her body will allow her in this moment. His lips feel too good...too perfect...too delectable. She has wanted Todd to wake her up this way so many times that she has to allow herself this experience.
As her body gives in to the pleasure of Todd, her mind insists on going over the details. They made love last night...well, she did anyway. He clearly didn't feel the same way. He was just using her for sex. That's probably all he's doing now. He probably woke up with a physical need and figures he can get a quickie before he gladly holds the door open for her as she leaves.
His kiss began tenderly but is now becoming more forceful...more insistent. His hand moving from her face, down her back and under her shirt makes it clear to her. Sex...that's all he wants from her. Nothing more...never anything more...never love. It's just sex. How many minutes before his hand moves under her shirt to her chest and starts fondling her breasts. She's had men treat her like this before, like all she was good for was sex. Fine! If he wants sex, she'll give him what he wants.
Todd is startled when Tea's hand suddenly grabs him through his pants. He knew from the way she was responding to his kiss that she was awake but he wasn't expecting her to start groping him.
Tea grips him confidently as her tongue pushes insistently into his mouth. Todd doesn't allow his fears to interfere as he responds to Tea's push to turn their kissing into another sexual experience. They can talk about her staying later, right now his body is very interested in following Tea's sexual lead. Todd begins to move his hand under Tea's shirt toward her breasts.
Suddenly, Tea pulls away with a slight grin on her face.
chapter 67:
[As Tea pulls her mouth away from his and pulls his hand out from under her shirt, Todd is startled. He thought she was enjoying what they were doing.
Tea can see the confused look on Todd's face and smiles to herself.]
Tea: Well, good morning to you, too.
Todd: Yeah...whatever. Why did you stop?
Tea: Stop?
Todd: What we were doing, why did you stop?
Tea: I had an idea.
Todd: What's that?
Tea: Let me show you. Stand up.
[Tea and Todd both stand up. Tea begins to unbutton Todd's shirt. Todd tries to do the same for her but she pushes his hand away.]
Tea: Not yet. I want you to focus on your own enjoyment right now.
Todd: I en...um...okay, I guess.
[Tea knows that he was about to say that he enjoys touching her but he stopped himself. Just like he had stopped himself from really being with her in the past. Just like he will always pull back from revealing too much to her, from openly loving her. Of course, he'd have to actually love her for that and Tea knows now that he doesn't love her. He just likes playing games with her...making her think that he cares, that he can give her what she needs, but then he pulls away or pushes her away, always waiting until she's opened herself to him, made herself vulnerable, but he protects himself. He rips her heart out, allows her to cry herself to sleep feeling unloved, while he laughs at her for being stupid enough to fall for it again. Not anymore. Tea won't allow him to laugh at her this time.
When Tea has his shirt completely unbuttoned she reaches her hands inside and caresses his chest with both hands. For a moment Tea is lost in the sensation as her hands move across his skin. She can sense herself becoming intoxicated by him, her need for him to satisfy her growing like it has each time they've had sex. She wants to give in to it, to let her body have its way, to feel him inside her again.
Tea closes her eyes, trying to remind herself about what it felt like hours earlier when he allowed her to feel the pain of knowing he didn't love her, that she meant nothing to him. Tea grabs onto that pain as she tries to push her physical attraction for Todd away so she can move onto the next step.
Todd enjoys the feeling of Tea caressing his chest. He wants more than just the feeling of her hands on his chest. He wants her to touch every part of him and he wants to touch every part of her.
Todd tries again to reach out to Tea but she stops him again.]
Tea: Trust me, Todd. I'm going to bring you to the greatest heights you've ever been to sexually.
Todd: Really?
[Tea brings her lips to his and teases him by not allowing their lips to connect for more than a light touch.]
Tea: Really.
Todd: You're confident.
[Tea places her hand flat against his stomach and slides it down until just the tips of her fingers are inside his pants.]
Tea: Will you let me try?
Todd (feeling his body respond): Um...sure. Give it your best shot.
[Tea pulls her hand out of his pants, disappointing him for a moment until she begins to slowly open his pants.]
Tea: There's one rule.
Todd: What's that?
Tea: You can't touch me.
Todd: Why?
Tea: Because...I'm making up the rules this time.
Todd: So, next time I get to make the rules?
Tea: Will there be a next time?
Todd (as Tea's hand slides more fully into his now opened pants and touches him through his underwear): Uh...
Tea: Maybe we should save the talking for another time?
Todd (trying to stay in control of his body): Uh...yeah...
[Tea enjoys the power she feels as she watches Todd's reaction. Just to experience an even stronger reaction she slides one of her hands into his underwear and touches his flesh directly. Todd's reaction doesn't disappoint her. Todd, however, is quite disappointed when her hand quickly leaves his underwear.
Tea's hands move back up to Todd's chest as she glides her hands across his muscles and slides his shirt off his arms. Her mouth lightly moves across his chest, her tongue circling his nipples. Tea kisses up his chest and buries her face in his neck. For just a moment she allows herself to enjoy the sensation...her body next to his, the warmth of his skin warming her, his scent, the sound of his breathing...everything that she knows she won't be able to experience again after this one last experience with him. Her lips touch his neck in a soft kiss as her mind lets go of everything else and she allows her emotions to take over.
chapter 68:
[Tea kisses Todd's neck in the way that she wishes he would kiss her. Right at this moment she wants him to put his arms around her and hold her as he tells her that he made a mistake, that he was scared but that he really does love her and wants her to stay, before he kisses her lips with all of the love that he had been afraid to express to her in the past.
The fantasy ends as her lips leave his skin and Tea returns to the reality of knowing that Todd never loved her. She was his lawyer, the person he expected to get him out of whatever legal mess he was in. She was the idiot who was stupid enough to fall for him and for all of his lies and games. She was the fool who actually believed that maybe he did love her, despite everything in front of her, and everything she had learned in her past, that told her he would never, could never, love her.
Tea fights back the tears, not wanting him to see them, to know how deeply he hurt her. She can't give him that this time...she won't.
To focus her mind again, Tea places her hand inside his pants again. Todd's reaction helps her to remember that all Todd wants from her now is sex. She knows that if she satisfied his immediate sexual need he would retreat again like he always has. If it were a different woman in front of him in this moment his reaction would be the same. She's no one to him...no one special. She's never been special to anyone.
The pain is overwhelming as Tea's mind focuses on the intense amount of pain that has piled up inside her not just from Todd's inability to love her but also from so many painful emotional blows she has been forced to endured in her lifetime.
Tea squeezes Todd through his underwear trying to force herself away from the pain long enough to finish this with Todd once and for all.
Tea kisses Todd's neck again as her hand moves up from his pants to caress his stomach.]
Todd: Tea, why are you teasing me?
Tea: You think I'm teasing you?
Todd: Your hand keeps touching me and then pulling away. It's not fair.
[Fair? Tea doesn't know if she should burst out in laughter or tears at Todd talking about fairness...about touching then pulling away. She feels like that's all he's done their entire relationship. He allows her to get close, to touch him and feel him touch her, for just a moment and then he yanks it all away leaving her confused and frustrated. She's so tempted to do the same to him, to show him what it feels like to have someone bring you so close to what you want and then take it all away. She feels like he deserves that for doing that to her so many times during their relationship.
A part of Tea keeps interrupting her thoughts, telling her that she shouldn't do this, she could be permanently damaging any slight chance they may still have for a relationship. Tea ignores that thought since she's convinced that Todd has no intention of truly having a relationship with her, he just wants her to satisfy him sexually, that's the only value that she has to him right now and she is definitely in control of that at this moment.
An invading thought that's more persistent and harder to ignore is the one coming directly from her own body. Her body wants him, wants to be pressed against him, wants to be physically connected to him, wants the orgasmic reaction that only his body can give her. Her body sends a multitude of signals to her brain trying to convince her that it doesn't matter if Todd is only using her for sex as long as her body gets to join in the fun.
As Tea slides her hand down into Todd's pants again she's startled when his hand grabs her hand tightly.]
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Tea, we can do your thing another time but right now I need to touch you and I need you to touch me.
chapter 69:
Tea is shocked that Todd would admit to wanting, or needing, her. Tea instantly thinks that he's referring only to a physical, sexual need, not understanding that his need for her goes so much deeper than she can comprehend in this moment...deeper than Todd could ever articulate.
Tea had wanted to teach him a lesson, to make him feel as used and humiliated as he had made her feel, but being so close to him, to his body, and feeling his hand on her hand encouraging her to caress him through his underwear is too much for her. In this instant she wants his body as much as he wants hers.
Unlike so many times before when Tea had lied to herself that it would be the last time she would have sex with Todd, this time she knows that she means it. One last time having meaningless casual sex with Todd...just to get it out of her system so she can move on with her life and move out of his penthouse, and his life, forever.
For several minutes Todd has been enjoying it as Tea continues to press her body against his while she caresses him through his underwear. He berates himself for being stupid enough to almost let her go. He has no intention of slowing down, or stopping, the sex to talk so they'll talk about her staying later. He'll move his things back into the master bedroom. He'll share a room with Tea...he'll share a bed...he'll share a life. Right now, though, he has something else he wants to share with her.
Todd kisses down the side of Tea's face. Tea looks up and into Todd's eyes, wishing she could see more than just lust in his eyes. In this moment, though, she'll take lust if that's all that he can offer her.
Tea grabs the back of Todd's head and brings her lips hard against his. She quickly shoves his pants down to the ground and slides her hands inside his underwear again and pulls down on the garment, moving it out of the way.
Todd is startled at how aggressive Tea is being. He wasn't planning on going as fast as she apparently wants to go but he adjusts instantly. They can go slow in bed tonight...or later this afternoon. Right now he's focused on getting Tea out of her clothes since Tea has already relieved him of his.
Todd pulls at the buttons on Tea's blouse, almost ripping a couple of them off in his desperate need to feel her skin against his. As soon as he has her shirt open he places his hands inside and reaches around to unclasp her bra in the back. With that accomplished, Todd brings his hands in front to squeeze her breasts and caress her nipples.
Todd ends their kissing to lower his mouth to her breast. Tea enjoys the feeling of his tongue flicking across her nipple but she isn't interested in foreplay this time. She just wants to get to the sex so she can get out of the penthouse. She doesn't want to allow herself to feel like they're making love. She fooled herself into believing that the night before and the reality that it was nothing but sex to Todd was too painful for her. This time she wants to keep it clear in her mind at all times...this is sex...nothing but sex...overwhelmingly erotic but still just meaningless sex.
Tea pulls Todd's mouth off of her breast and brings her lips against his again, forcing her tongue into his mouth as they both move in unison toward the mantle, neither willing to allow their bodies to lose contact. Todd uses his feet to yank off his pants and underwear as they move across the room while Tea frantically undoes her pants.
When Tea's back hits the mantle she realizes that it will be too painful to have sex against. She releases his mouth from hers and looks around the room for a better place...the large window...the front door...
Todd kisses her hungrily again as he topples the chair next to the fireplace and tosses a floor lamp aside and brings Tea's body against the smooth wall and begins grinding himself against her.
Tea tries to pull her pants down but finds it difficult with Todd's body pressing so hard against her. She wants him desperately in this moment...nothing else matters. She needs to get her clothing out of the way because she needs him to be inside her.
chapter 70:
[Tea murmurs into Todd's mouth and pushes slightly at his lower body trying to get his attention. Todd finally relinquishes her mouth.]
Todd (breathing heavily): What's wrong?
Tea (breathing equally heavily): Nothing. I can't wait anymore. Do it now.
Todd: Here?
Tea: Yes.
[Todd slowly circles one of Tea's nipples with his finger as he speaks softly to her with his lips touching her ear.]
Todd: This might not be comfortable for you. We could go upstairs...
[For a moment Tea allows herself to feel the same feelings she's felt before with Todd...wanting him to love her, to need her with his heart not just his body. For a few seconds she almost has herself convinced that his heart is as much involved with wanting to be with her as a certain part of his lower body.]
Todd:...to bed.
[Instantly Tea's heart is hit hard inside her as she recalls what it felt like just a few hours earlier when she thought they had made love and she had snuggled into Todd expecting to fall asleep next to him only to have him make it clear to her that he wouldn't allow her that intimacy. She didn't belong next to him. She could only share his personal space when they were having sex.
Tears come to Tea's eyes as she remembers what it felt like to have Todd so blatantly make it clear to her that once the sex was over she was to go back to her room, back to her proper place. As much as she had hoped that barriers wouldn't come between them she knew last night and she knows now that Todd will never see her as his love but simply his lover, the person he has sex with, the person who fulfills his sexual needs. More than anything Tea wants him to fulfill her needs. He more than fills her needs sexually but what she really needs right now is for him to fill her emotionally and she's convinced that Todd will never have any interest is giving her that.
Todd watches the sadness cloud over Tea's face and the tears slide down her cheeks as he tries to figure out what he could possibly have just said or done to cause her so much pain. He pulls his body back slightly so he isn't pressing her as hard against the wall but keeps their bodies touching.]
Todd: Did I hurt you? Is it your back?
[Tea can't speak but simply shakes her head in answer.]
Todd: What is it then? You wanted this, right? I thought you wanted this.
Tea (trying to stop herself from crying): I do. Let's just do it. Let's get this over with.
Todd: Huh?
[Todd is truly confused. He thought they were making love...hot, sweaty and fast, certainly, but still making love. Tea sounds like she's referring to a dreaded task instead of something she wants to do. He takes a few steps away from her so they're not touching anymore.]
Todd: I'm confused.
[Tea wipes her face to remove the tears that have fallen. She approaches Todd, who is standing by the staircase.]
Tea: There's nothing to be confused about. (caressing his bare chest) It's okay, Todd. I know the deal. I know what this is about. I'm okay with that. I know that you expected me to be gone when you came down this morning. I know that this is just sex. I know that you want me to leave when we're done. I understand. I can handle that. (lowering her pants and underwear to the ground) Let's just enjoy ourselves. This will...this will just be our way of saying good-bye.
to be continued...
