| IN SICKNESS BY TIMA |
CHAPTER 97 |
PREVIOUSLY:
[Todd wants to ignore it, too. Each time his fingers move over the same part of her breast he hopes he'll feel something different, that he'll discover that his fingers earlier lied to him, but each time he feels the same thing and the same panic shoots through him.
Todd finally reaches down with his other hand, picks up Tea's hand and brings it to her breast. Tea takes in a loud, painful breath as she feels what Todd felt...a lump.]
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chapter 97:
[For more than a minute, there is silence, as Tea continues to feel a small lump in her breast and Todd holds her tightly against him. They're both terrified that Tea could have cancer again and they could lose each other now, after they both were so certain that they had been given a reprieve and would have years ahead together.
Todd is the one who breaks the silence, desperate for Tea to relieve his greatest fear.]
Todd: It's nothing, right?
[His wife doesn't respond.]
Todd: Come on, Tea, tell me it's nothing. Tell me you're not doing this to me again. You can't. You promised. Tell me.
[Tears begin to flow down Tea's cheeks. It breaks her heart to think about breaking his heart.]
Tea: It's...
Todd: It's nothing. Say it's nothing. That's the way it's supposed to feel, right? It's the way you're positioned. It's...
[Todd stops speaking. He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall behind him. His breaths come in painful bursts as he listens to her crying. Agony is in his voice when he speaks again.]
Todd: Tell me it's nothing. Right now, you tell me it's nothing.
[Tea tries to calm herself before speaking but she's unsuccessful in bringing calm to her voice.]
Tea: It's a lump.
[Tea places her hands on top of his as they rest on her stomach, trying to calm him as much as she can in this moment.]
Todd: No. No way. We did this already and you beat it. It's not happening again. Not now. No. I won't allow it.
Tea: We'll get through this.
[Even Tea isn't convinced by the lack of conviction in her voice. Todd sits up, causing Tea to also sit up.]
Todd: I'll call your doctor. He'll tell us it's nothing. You're probably supposed to have a thing there.
Tea: It's a lump. Feel my other breast. See if there's one there, too.
[Todd frantically attaches his hand to her other breast, hoping to find a similar feeling so he can convince himself that what he felt is a normal part of her breast. Tea finally brings her hand up and places it over his, forcing him to stop.]
Todd: It's nothing, Tea. There's no way in hell... Not now. You're having our kid. You're happy. There's no way I'm letting this happen again now. No way. I'll take you to the hospital. They'll run every damn test there is on you. They'll tell us that it's nothing. You're healthy. The kid's healthy. Every damn person is healthy. Nobody gets to be sick anymore. Do you understand?
[Tea is surprised by the anger in his voice, but she knows that his anger is at the cancer, not at her.]
Tea: Todd...
Todd: You don't get to do this to me again. You already put me through this once. You promised me never again.
Tea: I didn't promise you that. We both knew that this was a possibility. Cancer doesn't play by the rules.
Todd: No, you promised. Every second since you stopped being sick. Every bit of weight you've packed on. Every time I didn't have to force you to eat. Every day that you went without puking all over the place. Every moment of this pregnancy. I just felt the kid move for the first time. There's no way you're sick. No. You're not allowed to be sick anymore.
Tea: If I am...
Todd: You're not.
Tea: Querido...
Todd: You listen to me. You are not sick. Do you hear me?
Tea: If I am...
Todd: Stop saying that.
Tea: I have to. If I am sick, this baby comes first.
[Todd leans back again and begins banging the back of his head against the wall behind him, frustrated. Tea turns her body so that she's facing him while staying in his lap. She reaches her hands up and places them one on each side of his face, stopping him from banging his head.]
Tea: If I am sick...
[Todd looks into her eyes, desperate to will away anymore disease from her body.]
Todd: You're not. You can't be. Tell me you're not.
Tea: If I am, I won't do anything that could hurt our baby.
Todd: You won't have to. You're not sick.
Tea: I won't take any medicine that could endanger our child. I won't allow any procedures that could harm him.
Todd: You can't do this to me.
[Tears slowly flow down both their cheeks as they each face the possibility of losing each other again.
Tea strokes his cheek reassuringly. She smiles at him, completely convinced of the words she's about to speak to him.]
Tea: Our baby will be fine. I know that. That's why I survived. I know it is. This was all meant to be. I was meant to have your baby. I've been convinced of that for months now. I survived because this child needed to be born.
Todd: He's gonna need you. You can't ditch us.
Tea: You'll be a great daddy. I feel safe in that.
Todd: A kid needs a mommy, you know that.
Tea: I'll do everything that I can, but I won't do anything that will hurt our child. After he's born, I'll do absolutely everything. I'll try everything there is to try. I won't leave either of you, not without a fight.
Todd: You won't leave at all. Promise me.
Tea: I promise that I'll fight it. I love you, Todd. I won't give up on our chance to be together, to raise our children together, to debate, and tease, and annoy each other. I won't give up on our chance to love each other for decades. I cherish the time that we've had together but I'm not done loving you yet. And, I'm not even close to being finished with being loved by you. I want more. Together, we'll fight...
Todd: We'll win. Right?
Tea: We'll try.
Todd: No. We will. Say it.
Tea: I don't want to make any promises that I can't keep.
Todd: Lay down.
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Just do what I tell you to do this once.
[Tea moves off his lap. Todd repositions himself so that he's lying lengthwise on the bed. Tea positions herself to his side, her head resting against his, his arms holding her.]
Todd: Now close your eyes.
Tea: I'm scared.
Todd: I know. Trust me. Close your eyes.
[Tea closes her eyes and quickly her tears come again. Todd tightens his hold on her as his own tears threaten him again.]
Todd: Remember, when you were sick before, and you were reading about all that weird stuff? You know, about pretending that you were looking inside yourself and beating the hell out of all of those ugly cancer cells?
[Tea laughs softly, filling Todd's heart and making it feel like it's about to explode from so much love that he feels for her.]
Tea: I remember you making fun of me.
Todd: I did not.
Tea: You did too.
Todd: I was just trying to make you laugh. That's another thing you're supposed to do, right? You're supposed to laugh a lot because cancer cells hate laughter. It makes them want to get the hell out of your body, they hate it so much.
Tea: You're not going to try to make me watch those tapes again, are you?
Todd: The Three Stooges are perfect medicine.
Tea: For you, maybe. You're the one who thinks they're funny.
Todd: That's because I have taste.
Tea: Are you saying I don't?
Todd: I'm saying that right now you need to do that visualizing thing. You need to keep yourself calm. That kid inside of you, he doesn't understand all of this. He hasn't been through this before, like we have.
Tea: Help me.
Todd: Do you want to visualize beating up those bad cells? Or, do you want to visualize the two of us, naked on a beach.
Tea: I like that last one.
Todd: Being on a beach?
Tea: It was naked on a beach, wasn't it?
Todd: Was it?
Tea: I heard naked.
Todd: You were probably just hearing what you wanted to hear.
Tea: Actually, I want to be naked with you, but not on a beach.
Todd: Where?
Tea: Right here.
Todd: We could do that, but we should call your doctor, instead.
Tea: Let's wait.
Todd: We need to find out your not sick so you'll stop being worried about it.
Tea: Tomorrow.
Todd: We shouldn't wait.
Tea: If we wait until morning, it won't change anything.
Todd: You still won't be sick?
Tea: I hope I'm not.
Todd: I know you're not. You're just doing all of this to get some extra attention out of me.
Tea: Will you wait until morning to call the doctor?
Todd: If you're sure that's what you want. I don't think either of us is going to be able to sleep, though.
Tea: We'll try. I just know that right now I don't want doctors and tests.
Todd: What do you want?
Tea: I just want to be alone with you.
[Tea lifts her head and smiles at him.]
Tea: And, I want to be naked.
Todd: Then get naked.
Tea: I want you to get me naked.
[Todd sits up and grumbles unpleasantly, but Tea knows that he's just pretending.]
Todd: You make me do all the work.
[After removing her underwear, he pulls a blanket over their bodies and settles himself next to her again.]
Tea: I want you naked, too.
Todd: Why would you want that?
Tea: I didn't mean... I know you don't want to... We don't have to... I just...
Todd: I know what you're trying not to say, Delgado, so you can stop trying not to say it.
Tea: I don't want you to be uncomfortable.
Todd: Since when?
Tea: I've never wanted that. I've always wanted you to feel comfortable with me, the way that I feel comfortable with you.
Todd: Sometimes I do.
Tea: What about right now? I'm not proposing sex, just comfort.
Todd: Is this like when you found out you weren't going to be sick anymore and you were prancing around on the balcony showing off everything you have to the rest of the world because it made you feel free?
Tea: I wasn't prancing and it wasn't everything. I was only topless.
Todd: But, now you want everything? And, you want me to flash the world, too?
Tea: We're not outside. It's just you and me.
Todd: So, you're not going to have us running naked across the mountain?
Tea: That's a thought...
Todd: I would do it for you, Tea.
Tea: You would?
Todd: If it would make you smile right now, I would. As long as it's dark and no one can see us. We could go out into the back yard and feel free together.
Tea: Would you really do that?
Todd: I would do anything to help you get through the rest of this night.
to be continued...
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2001 COPYRIGHT BY TIMA
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