| SMALL BLESSINGS BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 66 - 70 |
SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 66:
[Moments later...
Todd returns to Tea's bedroom.]
Tea: Did you change your mind?
Todd: I forgot my shirt.
[Todd picks up his shirt from where he had earlier dropped it on the floor and again leaves the room. This time, Tea follows him. She catches up to him in the kitchen.]
Tea: Todd? Wait.
Todd: Did you change your mind?
Tea: You do realize that, if I did, you'd be the one pushing me away, don't you?
Todd: If that happened, at least everything would be back to normal.
Tea: Neither of us has to push the other away. Let's just enjoy each other the way we both want.
Todd: I want your heart.
Tea: I can't give it to you this time.
Todd: Why not?
Tea: I already explained why I can't take that risk again.
Todd: Because of the kid?
Tea: Yes. If I give you my heart again, when it doesn't work out, it would hurt too much. I would need to completely shut down again. I can't do that now that I'm raising my nephew. I need to keep my heart available for him. You understand that. I know you do.
Todd: You were always trying to talk me out of doing that with Starr.
Tea: I was wrong. You were right to keep your heart at a safe distance from everyone but your child.
Todd: Do you like the way things are now?
Tea: I wish the circumstances were different and his parents were still alive, but I'm enjoying raising him very much.
Todd: That's not what I meant. Do you like feeling the way you do?
Tea: I don't have a choice.
Todd: I'm offering you one.
Tea: You're offering guaranteed heartache. I can't accept. Not this time.
[Todd steps towards Tea. She steps back until she reaches the counter and can't move any further from him. He continues his movement toward her until he's standing directly in front of her.]
Todd: I'm offering you my worthless, beat up, sliced up heart.
[Todd tosses his shirt onto the counter and moves into her personal space.]
Todd: I love you.
Tea: No, you don't.
Todd: Convincing yourself that a lie is the truth won't change anything.
Tea: Exactly! Convincing myself, in the past, that you could love me never made any difference in the way you really felt about me, in the way you treated me.
Todd: I loved you.
Tea: You had a funny way of showing it.
Todd: Maybe. But, I did show you. I tried to. I'm lousy at this and you're forcing me to do all the work this time.
Tea: I'm not forcing you to do anything. I don't want you to do this. I want you to stop.
Todd: You want me to stop telling you that I love you?
Tea: Yes.
Todd: Do you also want me to stop being here with you?
Tea: You could visit once in a while...for Little E's sake.
Todd: I like the kid. I love you.
Tea: Please stop saying that.
Todd: I have to keep saying it until you agree to let me stay.
Tea: I want you to stay...tonight.
Todd: I want more than one night. And, don't even try offering me two nights. We're getting hitched. That means a lifetime.
Tea: Since when have any of your marriages been lifetime commitments?
Todd: This one will be.
Tea: Your track record says otherwise.
Todd: I don't give a damn. I'm tired. I'm so tired of being around people who don't get it...who don't get me. I totally shut my heart down and no one even noticed. No one cares enough to see it, or to do anything about it. You care. You always try to convince me to open up, to feel all this lousy junk.
Tea: I was wrong.
Todd: You were right. I can't do this by myself.
Tea: Why not? I was always the only one working on our relationship in the past.
Todd: I tried.
Tea: You failed.
Todd: I've always been a failure, except when I'm with you.
[Tea looks at him seductively. She places her hands on his chest and brings her body to his.]
Tea: You were very successful the last time we were together. Let's stop talking and go back into the bedroom.
Todd: Is that what you really want?
Tea: Yes.
Todd: It won't be any easier to keep your heart from me than it was the last time. Only, this time, you won't be walking out on me to get away from your feelings. You'll have to face them.
[Tea removes her hands from his chest and steps away from him.]
Todd: You and I both know what it's like. You spend every second of every day covering up your feelings, pretending that you don't even have any of those stupid feelings. Then, that person is there in front of you...looking at you that way, you know? You see that thing in their eyes. You see that they're scared. I thought you were scared of me, because of my past. But, you're not. You're scared of me because of your past. You're scared I'll take off on you like your mom did.
Tea: You did.
[Tears fill Tea's eyes. She leaves the kitchen and walks into the still unfurnished living room. The vast emptiness of the spacious room mirrors the emptiness she feels inside herself.
Todd follows her into the room and watches her for several moments without speaking. Her arms are hugging herself, the way he knows she always does when she's feeling particularly vulnerable.]
Todd: I didn't mean to do that to you.
Tea: Abandoning me was an accident?
Todd: Okay, I meant to do it. But, I didn't want to do it.
Tea: You had a choice. Don't pretend that you didn't. I offered you so many choices, and so many chances. You made a fool out of me every time.
Todd: I was screwed up back then. I'm still screwed up. I'm figuring things out, though.
Tea: You don't have a clue.
Todd: Neither do you. We can figure it out together.
Tea: I'm not interested.
Todd: Yes, you are.
[Tea looks at him, still surprised that this is Todd Manning trying so hard to convince her to take a chance on love.]
Todd: Don't look at me like that. I haven't lost it completely...not yet.
Tea: Why do you really want this?
Todd: Because you don't.
Tea: As soon as I agree, you'll start backtracking.
Todd: Probably.
Tea: I can't do this. I can't put myself through this with you again.
Todd: It won't feel any better. Trust me on this. You think that if you push away your feelings, you'll stop having them. You won't. They never stop. They eat away at you.
Tea: I can handle it.
Todd: You don't have to.
Tea: I want to. I don't want to be with you. I don't want those feelings anymore. If I'm trading one pain for another, I'll get through it. Nothing could be worse than what I've felt in the past, or what I feel now.
Todd: It could get a lot worse.
Tea: I have to take that risk. I can't let you have my heart again.
Todd: It's too late. It's already mine.
Tea: No.
Todd: You can say it as many times as you want. It won't change the fact that I'm inside of you. You can't get rid of me.
Tea: I've always been able to get rid of you. I open my heart to you. I count on you to be the one person that I can trust enough to really let inside my heart. I count on you not to run out on me. But, you always do. Every time, I think that this time will be different. But, every time it's the same. You know what it feels like and you don't care that you're putting me through that pain again.
Todd: You split on me, too.
Tea: Not because I wanted to hurt you.
Todd: I never wanted to hurt you.
Tea: You always wanted to hurt me. You did it on purpose. You did it for kicks. You did it because you were bored. You did it because you didn't want to settle for me. You wanted to be free to find something better. When you didn't, you'd come back to me and start this whole thing all over again. You'd earn my trust again, only to break my heart again in the end. You can say all the right words this time. You can do all the right things. It won't matter. My heart's off limits, especially to you.
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 67:
Todd: Your heart is mine.
Tea: No, it isn't.
Todd: My heart is yours.
Tea: That's a lie.
Todd: That's the truth.
Tea: If it were the truth, the last thing you would ever do is admit it to me.
Todd: I'm desperate.
Tea: You don't have to be. You don't have to lie to me this time. I'm offering my body, without wanting the phony words. Or, is that what really gets your motor running? You want to sweet talk me into opening my heart to you again so you can get your thrills shattering it?
Todd: I want to be with you because I want to be with you. That's all.
Tea: If that's all you want then let's stop talking and go into the bedroom and have some fun.
Todd: I won't fuck you. I'll make love to you. You'll hate every second of it.
Tea: Like I said, my heart's off limits. You can't break what I'll never let you touch again.
Todd: I still own your heart, Delgado. I know I do.
Tea: You don't. The only way you would ever be able to hurt me now would be if you did something to hurt my nephew. We both know that you would never do that. I'm safe.
Todd: There's no such thing as being safe when it comes to this love junk. Trust me. If you can get inside my heart, there's no way you could keep me out of yours.
Tea: I've already done that. I've exorcised you. You no longer have any power over me.
[Todd steps toward Tea and enters her personal space, immediately unnerving her. He smiles at the obvious effect his presence has on her.]
Todd: You're shivering.
Tea: I'm cold.
Todd: So, if I took you to bed and made love to you under all those blankets you like to sleep with, you'd stop shivering?
[Todd reaches his hand out to her and tenderly touches her cheek.]
Todd: Do you want to find out?
Tea: This can't happen.
[Tea moves away from him, knowing that she needs physical distance from him, if she is to have any chance of resisting him.]
Tea: It's time for you to leave.
Todd: Do I smell bad? I could take a shower first.
[Tea watches with great interest as Todd's hand massages his bare stomach.]
Todd: We could take one together. A hot shower should stop you from shivering, right?
[Todd notices that Tea is intently staring at his naked upper body. Her eyes leave his upper body, though, as they follow his hands as they open his belt buckle.]
Todd: What do you say, Delgado? Do you want to be dirty with me in the shower?
[Tea shakes her head slightly, trying to shake away the thoughts she's having of their possible activities in her bathroom.]
Tea: I fucked John Sykes in the shower at your penthouse.
Todd: Nice try, Delgado.
Tea: I'm serious. Ask him yourself.
Todd: I can't. He's dead.
Tea (surprised): He is?
Todd: Dead...moved away...whatever. There's one less corrupt cop in Llanview trying to pin stuff on me that I didn't do. That's all I care about.
[Todd opens his pants while watching Tea's response carefully.]
Tea: I'm serious.
Todd: So am I.
Tea: I really did fuck him in the shower.
Todd: Did you enjoy it?
[Tea opens her mouth but doesn't respond. Todd allows his pants to fall to his feet. He steps out of them, now wearing only his underwear.]
Todd: Did you enjoy it, Tea?
Tea: It was...
[Tea stops speaking as she watches Todd's hands as they grasp the waistband of his underwear.]
Todd: It was...what? It was the best fuck you ever had?
Tea: No.
Todd: It was so special that you'll never again fuck in the shower, in honor of your favorite john?
Tea: You better have meant his name, and not been referring to me as a hooker.
Todd: What if I was?
Tea: You won't get what you want.
Todd: I thought you were no longer interested in what I want?
Tea: I said we could fuck again, as long as that's all it is.
Todd: You also said that you wanted me to leave.
Tea: We could...uh...have a quick fuck first, I suppose.
[Tea returns to staring at his underwear, clearly waiting for, and wanting, him to lower them and completely expose his naked body to her.
He doesn't intend to disappoint her.]
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 68:
[Tea's breathing increases as her body responds to the excitement she feels at the thought of being intimate with Todd again. She watches with great interest as he removes his underwear, the last remaining article of clothing on his body.
As he stands before her, completely naked, he waits for her response. As the seconds pass, his nervousness increases as he feels overwhelmingly uncomfortable being exposed to her.]
Tea: You...
[Todd quickly leans down and reaches for his underwear.]
Todd: You think I'm ugly, just like everyone else.
Tea: No.
[Tea immediately approaches him. She stops when she's near him, but still outside his personal space.]
Tea: You're not ugly.
Todd: You're not attracted to me.
[Tea flashes a flirty grin at him.]
Tea: I never said that.
Todd: You want to be with me...that way? You don't have to, you know. You can say no. I won't force you.
Tea: I know that. I want to.
[Tea moves closer to him, entering his personal space. Her hands caress his chest and down his stomach as she brings her mouth to his neck.
She kisses his neck several times before moving her kisses down to his chest. Soon, her lips are on his stomach and continuing their path down his body.
She kneels before him and takes his penis in her hands. She looks up at his face for a moment before returning her gaze to the flesh in front of her. Her mouth opens...
Todd quickly pulls away from her.]
Todd: No. Wait. Don't do that.
Tea: Don't you want me to do that?
Todd: It would happen too fast.
Tea: That's okay.
Todd: It's gross, anyway. You don't want to do that.
Tea: It was my idea.
Todd: Is that what Sykes made you do in the shower? You're using me to relive some disgusting moment from your sordid past?
Tea: Let's go into the bathroom.
Todd: Because that's where it happened with Sykes, Dick Head, and all the other creeps you let fuck you?
Tea: I'll clean you. Then, you won't think it's disgusting and you'll let me do what I want to do.
Todd: It would still be disgusting.
Tea: Not if we both want it.
Todd: Why the hell would you want that? I'd never make you do that.
Tea: I know you wouldn't. I'm offering. Don't you enjoy when a woman does that for you?
Todd: I just wanted to fuck you. That's all.
[Tea stands up and begins removing her nightgown.]
Tea: Okay. Fuck me. And, then get the fuck out.
Todd: You're ticked off at me now? Just because I don't want you using me to relive some weird, twisted sexual moments from your past?
[As Tea removes her panties, she stands completely naked in front of him.]
Tea: I didn't think it was weird, or twisted. But, if you do, I won't do it and I won't ask you to do similar to me.
Todd: You'd want me to...?
Tea: Do what you're comfortable doing. Just hurry up and do something. It's late.
[Tea waits uncomfortably for Todd's response. He doesn't respond.]
Tea: Did you change your mind? You're no longer in the mood?
Todd: I can do this.
Tea: I didn't say that you couldn't. I questioned whether you still wanted to.
Todd: You want to take a shower with me?
Tea: Sure...if that's what you want.
Todd: Is that what you want?
Tea: I want to do this wherever you want to. I just want to do it and get it over with.
Todd: I'm not going away after we finish. I'm staying here with you.
Tea: You don't belong here, anymore than I ever belonged in Llanview with you.
Todd: If I'm in Llanview, that's exactly where you belong.
Tea: I disagree.
Todd: It doesn't matter. I'm right.
Tea: You're wrong.
Todd: Do you have to disagree with me about everything?
Tea: I wouldn't be able to disagree with you if we stopped talking and started doing. I want you to do me.
Todd: You want me to make love to you?
Tea: I want you to fuck me.
Todd: You want me to make love to you?
Tea: I know you don't love me.
Todd: I'm standing in front of you...naked. I wouldn't do that for just any chick.
Tea: You've been with other women.
Todd: That doesn't mean that I gave them a show and let them laugh at me.
Tea: I'm not laughing.
Todd: I noticed. Why not?
Tea: I think you're sexy.
Todd: Is that like saying that you're in love with me?
Tea: You can't have my heart this time. If you can accept that, we can do this.
Todd: I don't accept that, but we're definitely still doing this...if you're sure you want to.
[Tea approaches Todd.]
Tea: I'm sure. Are you?
[Todd responds by pulling her body against his and kissing her with a passion he desperately needs to release.]
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 69:
[Moments later...
Todd pulls away from their kiss.]
Todd: Do you want to go into the bathroom now? Or, we could use your bedroom, instead.
Tea: Let's not wait.
[Tea grabs the back of his head and returns her lips to his. For several seconds, Todd allows himself to be drawn back into their shared passion, before pulling back from her again.]
Todd: Don't you want to be comfortable?
Tea: I'll be very comfortable once you're inside me.
[Tea again resumes wildly kissing him. Todd is again the one who pulls away.]
Todd: You don't want me to suit up?
Tea: Did you really get tested?
Todd: Do you want to see the proof?
Tea: I trust you.
Todd: Since when?
Tea: Since I want you to fuck me and I want you to stop stalling. I've waited long enough.
[Tea tries to kiss him again but he doesn't allow her to take possession of his lips this time.]
Tea: What's wrong?
Todd: That's what I want to know.
Tea: There's nothing wrong with me, but I'm beginning to wonder about you.
[Tea quickly regrets her words.]
Tea: We shouldn't talk. It always ruins things for us. One of us says something that we don't mean, in an attempt to sabotage what we both want, but what we're both scared we'll never have.
Todd: What do you want?
Tea: I want you to fuck me.
Todd: You can have that, and you know it. What do you want that you're scared you'll never have.
[Tea caresses his chest, wanting to avoid the words right now.]
Tea: Let's not talk anymore.
Todd: I want your words. You forced me to say mine enough times. It's your turn. Spill your guts.
Tea: I can't. Please, just be with me tonight.
Todd: I could do that comforting thing you like.
Tea: I don't want that.
Todd: Why not?
Tea: It doesn't feel comforting.
Todd: It did that night, remember? You were bawling and I thought you wanted me to screw you so you could forget about whatever you were bawling about.
[Tea steps away from Todd.]
Todd: You wanted me to hold you. You wanted me to love you. Now that you know I do, you don't want it anymore. Why?
Tea: Because, it hurts too much. I can't hurt like that again.
Todd: I won't take off on you.
Tea: You always leave me, except when you're pushing me away. Nothing has changed, except your methods.
Todd: I'm not doing this to hurt you.
Tea: Then why are you? We're both standing here...naked. You could be fucking me on the floor, against the wall, in the shower, on my bed... Why are you talking instead?
Todd: Because I don't want you to feel like all I give a damn about is fucking you.
Tea: That would be okay with me.
Todd: You're not some... This isn't... This is different. I want to give you more. I want to make you feel the way you make me feel.
Tea: How do I make you feel?
[Todd pauses, uncertain how to respond. Tea understands his reluctance to continue their conversation now that it's his words that are being asked for.]
Tea: Let's take that shower.
Todd: You want to do this, knowing how I feel about you, knowing that you won't be able to get rid of me?
Tea: I can't feel the way you want me to feel.
Todd: You feel it. You can deny it, but you still feel it.
Tea: Okay, but let's stop talking about it.
Todd: You're admitting it?
Tea: No.
Todd: You just did.
Tea: If you want me to say the words to you, I'll say the words. I won't mean them. I'll never mean them again.
Todd: You can't shut your heart down that much, that fast.
Tea: I have.
Todd: I know the truth. You'll see. It will come out when we're making love, and when you wake up in the morning and I'm still holding you.
Tea: You won't be here in the morning. You need to leave when we're finished. You need to go back to your family.
Todd: My family doesn't want me around...my family in Llanview and my family in this room.
Tea: I'm not your family. I've never truly been a part of your family.
[Todd approaches Tea. She moves away from him, wiping at the moisture forming in her eyes.]
Todd: You wouldn't be bawling if you didn't give a damn about me.
Tea: I'm not bawling. I'm just...
Todd: What?
Tea: I'm embarrassed. I'm standing here naked.
Todd: So am I.
Tea: Clearly, the sight of me doesn't make you lose control.
Todd: You don't want me to lose control.
Tea: I do...with lust.
Todd: What about with love?
[Tea sighs and brings her hand to her forehead, massaging the area where a pain is developing.
Todd steps toward her. This time, she allows him into her personal space. His fingers replace hers as he massages her temple. She closes her eyes and allows herself the pleasure of his gentle touch.]
Todd: A steamy shower is good for a headache, right?
[Tea opens her eyes again as his touch leaves her forehead.]
Tea: I think it might be.
Todd: Talking would probably only make it worse.
Tea: Probably.
Todd: I'll be here in the morning, Delgado. I'm counting on you to be here, too.
[Todd's hand takes hold of hers as they move together toward the bathroom.]
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 70:
[Moments later...
Todd tests the water with his hand. Comfortable with the water's temperature, he steps into the shower. As he moves his naked body under the water, wetting his hair, Tea watches him with interest.
Todd steps out from under the spray and looks at Tea, still standing outside the shower.]
Todd: You coming?
[Tea flashes Todd a flirty grin.]
Tea: That's the plan.
Todd: You've got a dirty mind, Delgado. I like that.
[Tea joins Todd in the bathtub.]
Tea: I like you.
Todd: Wow! From you, that's a major declaration, right?
Tea: You shouldn't talk. Until recently, you were never the most forthcoming person when it came to talking about your feelings.
Todd: I talked about that junk.
Tea: Only when I was on my way out the door and you were desperate.
Todd: It still counts.
[Todd moves back so Tea can place her head under the spray of the shower. After wetting her hair, she reaches around him to where she keeps her shampoo.]
Todd: I'm buying you a new house in the morning.
Tea: You are not.
Todd: Fine! I'll just buy you a new bathroom.
Tea: What's wrong with this one?
Todd: I thought you'd have a decent shower in here, not one of these bathtub ones. There's hardly any room in here.
Tea: If you wanted to be in a spacious area, we could have stayed in the living room.
Todd: I guess we don't really need a lot of space for this.
[Tea shampoos her own hair and then steps toward him again to rinse out the suds.
As she finishes, she steps out of the spray again.]
Tea: Do you want me to shampoo your hair for you?
Todd: I didn't know we were doing this kind of stuff.
Tea: This is what people do when they take a shower.
Todd: Not when they're taking this kind of shower.
Tea: What kind is that?
[Todd looks down at his body...at the obvious sign of his desire for her.
Tea picks up a bar of soap and lathers her hands. He steps toward her and takes the soap from her. She cleans his body as his soapy hands work their magic on her body.
As Tea's hands move down his body to his penis, he becomes noticeably uncomfortable.]
Tea: I want to.
Todd: It's gross. You don't have to force yourself to do that.
Tea: I wouldn't be forcing myself. You wouldn't be forcing me.
Todd: Why do you want to do that?
Tea: It would make you feel good.
Todd: That's the kind of thing that sluts do. You're not a slut.
Tea: Sluts also have sex. Are we not doing that together anymore, either?
Todd: You're not a slut, Tea. You're... I stink at the words. You're just not, okay? I don't want to make you feel that way. I want you to feel like you're the most special person in the world, because you are.
[Tea smiles at him, but there's clearly sadness in her eyes.
Todd's hand leaves the breast he's been massaging and moves up to the side of her face.]
Todd: I mean it, Tea. I'm not just making a fool out of myself so you'll let me do you. I really want you to feel the way you should. I want you to feel how much I love you.
Tea: Don't say that right now.
Todd: Clearly, I've lost my mind, because I need to say it. I'm so sick of being around people who don't give a damn about me. I want to be with you. I want to look in your eyes and see that look that you give me. I want to see you smiling at me the way that you do. I want to know that there's someone who doesn't think I'm a total loser. I want someone who makes me feel like I'm worth something, not because of all the money I have, but because of me...because of whatever the hell it is that you see in me that no one else can see anymore. But most of all, I want you to feel all the junk you're trying not to let yourself feel anymore.
Tea: I can't.
Todd: You can. It's a lousy feeling, but it's the best lousy feeling there is.
Tea: Please, just accept that I can't feel that way for you anymore.
Todd: You can't stop it.
Tea: I have.
Todd: It's still inside you. I'm inside you.
Tea: Not yet, but I wish you'd hurry.
Todd: You just want me to stop saying the words.
Tea: That's exactly what I want. I don't want your words. I don't want those feelings.
Todd: Too bad! I love you. I'm going to make love to you.
Tea: Call it whatever you want, just get on with it.
Todd: You can say stuff like that, but you can't stop your eyes from telling me how you really feel.
[Tea looks down, uncomfortable knowing that he can so easily see through her flimsy barriers. As she's looking down, she devises a plan. She assumes that her plan will either sabotage the current situation, or it will at least lead to no more talking.
Before Todd has a chance to react, Tea is on her knees, his excited flesh in her mouth.]
to be continued...
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2001 COPYRIGHT BY TIMA
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