| SMALL BLESSINGS BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 46- 50 |
SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 46:
[Todd steps closer to Tea, unnerving her.]
Todd: Well, Delgado? What if I love you?
Tea: You don't.
Todd: What if I do?
Tea: Stop saying that. We both know that you don't. If you want me to marry you so you'll get custody of your children, you'll have to be honest with me. I won't fall for your games anymore.
Todd: If I tell you I don't love you, will you marry me?
Tea: No.
Todd: But, if I tell you I do love you, you still won't marry me because you'll think I'm lying. What the hell am I supposed to do, Delgado?
Tea: Work things out with Blair. Marry her. She's the one you've always wanted to be with, not me.
Todd: Where do you get these ideas?
Tea: From you.
Todd: Me?
Tea: You slept with her!
Todd: So? I slept with you, and I fucked you, too.
Tea: But, you didn't make love to me.
Todd: Yeah, I did.
Tea: No, you didn't.
Todd: I was there last night.
Tea: So was I. There was no love, not on your part.
Todd: What about on your part?
Tea: That's irrelevant.
Todd: Hardly!
Tea: You don't love me. I'm taking my nephew home.
[Tea tries to walk toward the crib but Todd blocks her path with his body.]
Tea: Get out of my way!
Todd: Not until you tell me how you feel about me.
Tea: You tell me first!
Todd: I went first the last time.
Tea: You are so juvenile.
Todd: You are so in denial.
Tea: I am not. I know exactly what my feelings are, and exactly what yours are. Now, get out of my way, before I knock you down.
Todd: I'd like to see you try.
[Tea pushes forward against his body. Todd puts his arms around her and kisses her. He quickly ends the kiss and backs away from her.]
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Take him. Get out!
[Tea tries to reach out to him but he refuses to let her touch him and rushes passed her, exiting the room.
Tea follows Todd down the stairs and into the living room, where he instantly begins pacing frantically.]
Todd: Get the kid and get the hell out.
Tea: What just happened?
Todd: Don't make me throw you out.
Tea: It sounds like that's what you're trying to do. Why?
Todd: If you don't want to be here, get out.
[Tea again tries to touch his arm. He again pulls away from her touch.]
Tea: It's okay.
Todd: What is?
Tea: Whatever just happened.
[Todd stops pacing and looks at her.]
Todd: It is?
Tea: Yes.
Todd: If I wanted to do you right here, right now, that would be okay with you?
Tea: Well...
Todd: That's what I thought. You need to leave.
Tea: We need to talk about last night.
Todd: No, we don't.
Tea: Obviously, we do. It wasn't... You weren't...
Todd: Forget it, Delgado. You don't have to try to come up with a nice way to say it was lousy...that I was lousy. I protected you as long as I could. I couldn't keep pretending that it wasn't there anymore.
Tea: What?
Todd: I wanted to fuck you. I did. It's over. I won't put you through that again. You don't have to worry about me trying anything like that ever again.
Tea: You didn't physically hurt me, Todd. Do you think that you did?
Todd: You don't have to lie. You don't have to try to make this better. I know what it was like for you. I've had enough chicks tell me how much they hated every second I put them through.
Tea: I'm not some chick, Todd. I think that was part of the problem last night. You weren't looking at me. You weren't seeing me. You saw some chick that you wanted to fuck, but you didn't see a woman that you wanted to make love to.
Todd: We did that.
Tea: No, we didn't. We fucked. There's a difference...a really big difference.
Todd: Since when?
Tea: Don't give me that. I know that you know the difference. I felt it in the way you touched me, in the way you kissed me, in the past. Last night was different. It was cold. It was detached. It was passionless. Where was your heart last night?
Todd: The same place it's always been...in your imagination.
[Tea cautiously approaches him and brings her hand to his chest. His body trembles slightly as he forces himself not to pull away from her touch this time.]
Tea: It's in there, Todd. I know it is. Why can't I feel it?
Todd: Because I'm wearing clothes?
Tea: I'm serious. Why can't you let me touch it...just a little bit?
Todd: I let you...
Tea: Was it there last night? Did you make love to me, Todd? Or, did you fuck me?
[Todd finally steps away from her.]
Todd: It's the same thing, Delgado. You've read too many romance novels. I put my thing inside your thing until my thing does its thing and then it's over. That's how doing it works.
Tea: Do you run out on all the women you have sex with? Or, was that just something special for me?
Todd: I offered to do whatever you wanted. You said that's what you wanted. I gave you what you wanted. Now you're blaming me for listening to you. Chicks always do this to me.
Tea: I never said that I wanted you to treat me like I was simply a combination of body parts for you to use for your own pleasure.
Todd: I was trying to do that thing for you. You told me to stop.
Tea: I wanted to reach the peak of my pleasure while you were inside me, making love to me. That didn't happen.
Todd: That's not my fault. I offered. You told me to stop.
Tea: It is your fault. You didn't have to shut down. Even if you don't love me, you still could have pretended that you at least cared about me and showed me some tenderness.
Todd: I tried not to be too rough.
Tea: It wasn't rough. It just wasn't tender.
Todd: I don't get it. Isn't that the same thing?
Tea: You were mechanical. I wanted you to be emotional.
Todd: That's as emotional as I get.
Tea: I don't believe you. I think that you know how to be thoughtful, and tender. I think that when you're with a woman that you love, that you adore, you are a very gentle, giving lover. I'm just not that woman. I'm telling you the truth, you didn't hurt me physically. I don't want you to believe that you did. What hurt was realizing that you don't love me, that you never have, and that you never will. I've been holding out hope for years now that through some miracle maybe you could...just a little. I know now that it can't be. Maybe it's because your heart belongs to someone else. Maybe it's just because it's me. I think there were times when you really did try, but you just couldn't make your heart feel that way about me.
[They're both silent for several seconds as they share eye contact.]
Tea: I'll go get my nephew.
[Tea walks toward the steps.]
Todd: Delgado?
[Tea stops at the bottom of the stairs and turns to look at him. He nervously walks toward her.]
Todd: Tell me what to say.
Tea: You don't have to say anything.
Todd: I didn't hurt you?
[Tea brings her hand to his face in a gentle caress.]
Tea: You didn't hurt me, querido.
[Tea takes a deep breath. She hadn't meant to call him that out loud. The vulnerability in him brought out the love in her and it came through before she could censor herself.
Tea watches his face carefully. Slowly his face forms a discernible smirk.]
Todd: You love me, Delgado.
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 47:
Tea: I need to get my nephew.
[Tea turns and quickly moves up the stairs.]
Todd: He's right where he belongs.
[Tea stops at the top of the stairs and turn back toward him. Slowly, Todd ascends each step toward her. She tries to control her breathing as he nears her.
When Todd finally reaches her, he stares into her eyes and softly speaks to her.]
Todd: You're right where you belong.
[Tea wants to believe him. She wants to believe that with him is truly where she belongs. She can't allow herself to believe it, though, in case it's another game he's playing with her.]
Tea: No.
Todd: Yes.
[Todd steps into her personal space, making them both nervous. His eyes don't leave hers as his mind frantically searches for the knowledge of what to do next.
Without breaking eye contact, his hands move to her shoulders and under the jacket she's wearing. He slides the jacket off and allows it to fall to the floor. His hands next work to unbutton her blouse.
Tea is uncertain whether he intends to make love to her or just have unemotional sex with her again, but she has no intention of stopping whatever is about to happen.
Tea's blouse soon joins her jacket at her feet. Todd places his hand on her chest.]
Todd: I think I feel it.
Tea: What?
Todd: Your heart.
[Todd removes his hand, leans down and kisses her chest where her heart is. When he removes his lips from her flesh and returns his gaze to her eyes, he looks at her nervously.]
Todd: Tell me I didn't just do the dumbest thing in my life.
Tea: It was very sweet.
Todd: Oh, great! I did just do the dumbest thing.
Tea: It wasn't dumb. It was...
Todd: What?
Tea: Romantic.
Todd: This just keeps getting worse.
[Tea looks down, toward his chest, and then back into his eyes. He knows what she wants. He steps slightly away from her and pulls his shirt over his head. Tea smiles as she moves forward and places her hand on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat.]
Todd: This could take a while, since there's nothing actually there.
Tea: I feel something, Todd.
Todd: It's probably heartburn from that sandwich I ate at the diner.
[Tea places her arms around him as she brings her lips to his chest and places a soft kiss on his flesh. Her lips leave his skin and are quickly replaced with her cheek as she continues to embrace him while reveling in the emotional connection she feels with him in this moment.]
Tea: I love you, querido.
[Todd instantly finds himself somewhere between joy and panic.
For several minutes they continue to stand at the top of the stairs, Tea embracing Todd while he allows her to but doesn't embrace her back.]
Tea: Todd?
Todd: What?
Tea: You can put your arms around me, if you want to.
Todd: Is that what I'm supposed to do?
[Todd places his arms around her. Tea closes her eyes as she continues to snuggle against his chest.]
Tea: Do what you want to, Todd, not what you think you're supposed to.
Todd: I did that last night and you got ticked.
Tea: Did you really want to leave last night? Or, did you want to spend the whole night holding each other?
Todd: Is that what you want tonight?
[Tea pulls back from him enough to look in his eyes.]
Tea: What do you want?
Todd: It doesn't matter. We'll do whatever you want.
Tea: I want to do whatever you want to do tonight.
Todd: No, you don't.
Tea: I do.
Todd: Are you practicing for when we get hitched again?
Tea: Is that a proposal?
Todd: I already proposed.
Tea: You proposed a business deal.
Todd: And, you accepted. No fair getting greedy and wanting another proposal.
Tea: I want a real one.
Todd: I thought you were a modern chick. Why do I have to do all the proposing?
Tea: Because, I already told you that I love you. I'm risking everything, Todd. I'm risking my heart...my pride...everything. Are you willing to risk everything, too?
Todd: Everything, huh?
Tea: I want it all. I want to know that you love me, this time. I want to feel it. I want you to feel my love for you. Do you feel it?
Todd: I've never really been good with any of that love junk.
Tea: Neither have I. We can help each other through this. I love you, Todd.
Todd: Do you have to keep saying that?
Tea: I want to tell you every day. I want to show you in every way.
Todd: You're starting to rhyme. You have to stop that.
Tea: You don't have to say the words yet. I don't want you to say them again until you really mean them. Just let me know that I'm not a fool for hoping that it could happen someday.
Todd (laughing): Someday?
Tea: Why is that funny?
Todd: You're worse than I am, Delgado, and that's not a compliment. You don't have to wait for some far off someday.
Tea: How long do I have to wait?
Todd: As long as it takes me to throw away everything I've worked so hard on. You're asking me to give you the secret code to the safe that holds my best kept secret.
Tea: The fact that you have a heart, has never been a secret you've been able to keep from me.
Todd: Yeah, but I'm about to let you push the buttons and open the safe. Nothing will ever be safe again.
Tea: It could be.
Todd: No way. Nothing good ever comes from this. If you're sure you want it, I'll give it to you, but I know you'll end up regretting it.
Tea: I know for a fact that I will never regret loving you, or being loved by you, if you do feel that way about me.
Todd: I feel that way about you.
Tea: What way is that?
Todd: The way you just said.
Tea: Refresh my memory.
Todd: You want the words?
Tea: I need the words.
Todd: I love you, Tea.
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 48:
[As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Todd begins to regret telling Tea that he loves her. He's excruciatingly aware of the power he just handed to her.]
Tea: Are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick.
Todd: It's probably that sandwich I ate.
Tea: Maybe it's that you just told me that you love me and that scares you.
Todd: I'm not scared of any stupid words.
Tea: I'm scared.
Todd: That I'll try to do you again?
Tea: I hope we will make love, when we're both ready.
Todd: What if I were ready right now?
Tea: I don't know if I am.
Todd: Because of what happened last night?
Tea: Because of last night. Because of where we are.
Todd: We don't have to do it right here. We could go to the bedroom.
Tea: A bedroom you shared with someone else recently? I'd rather not.
Todd: It wasn't recently. That mistake was months ago. It didn't happen here, anyway.
Tea: Where did it happen?
Todd: You want the details?
Tea: Not really.
Todd: Good. Knowing you, you'd want to exchange my details for details about you and Dick Head, and then I'd really have to vomit.
Tea: Richard is out of my life forever.
Todd: You're sure about that? You're not rethinking things now that you know what it's like with me.
Tea: I don't know what it's like to make love with you. Last night wasn't about love. I hope our next time will be about nothing but love.
Todd: We can still have fun, though, right?
Tea: I think we'll both enjoy ourselves.
[Tea brings her mouth to his and places a light kiss on his lips.]
Todd: I thought you didn't want to do anything here?
Tea: You could convince me to reconsider.
Todd: You don't want to put it off?
Tea: Do you?
Todd: You don't have to put yourself through that again, Delgado.
Tea: It won't be torture, Todd. I love you. I do want to be with you.
Todd: You're sure?
Tea: Can you make love to me this time?
Todd: I can try.
Tea: You won't run out on me?
Todd: I gave you the words. I can try to give you whatever else you want.
Tea: Is this what you want right now?
[Todd places his hands on her bare back.]
Todd: Have I ever told you that you're a really hot chick?
Tea: We need to discuss your idea of verbal foreplay.
Todd: You want me to give you more compliments?
Tea: How would you feel if I said that you were a hot stud?
Todd: I have been working out.
[As Todd's hands move to the back of her bra and begin to unhook it, Tea's face changes to a serious expression.]
Todd: Do you want me to stop?
Tea: I want you to tell me again.
Todd: I love you, Tea. I'm lousy at this relationship stuff. We both know that. I'll try to make you happy. I really will. I won't take off on you.
Tea: I'll never leave you again. I'm sorry that we missed so much time.
[Todd unhooks her bra and they step away from each other enough for him to remove it from her body. He places his hands at her breasts and gently touches them for several seconds before his hands slowly journey further down her body, wanting to remove the rest of her clothing, before his mind has time to talk him out of sharing with Tea everything that she wants him to.
He opens her pants and slides his hands into her underwear at the sides of her body. He brings his body to hers and they kiss again, nervously at first, but soon their nerves begin to fade as their passion, and love, for each other takes over.
For several minutes, they stay where they are, both enjoying the physical sensations of kissing while their naked chests are pressed together.
Their passion is suddenly interrupted when they hear the sound of a key being inserted into the lock of the penthouse's main door.
They quickly pull apart, each looking at the other with panic in their eyes as they hear the voices of Starr and Blair on the other side of the door.
Tea moves out of sight as Todd bends down and picks up their discarded clothing. He hands Tea her garments as he also moves behind the barrier of the wall at the top of the staircase. Tea rushes down the hallway to ensure her privacy while she dresses. Todd pulls his shirt over his head and prepares to face his daughter and ex-wife, who he can now hear are inside the penthouse, in the living room.]
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 49:
[Minutes later, Tea is dressed again and in the baby's room, checking on her sleeping nephew.
Star startles her by storming angrily into the room.]
Starr: Get out!
Tea: Starr! It's good to see you again.
Starr: Yeah, well, it's not good to see you. I don't ever want to see you again.
Tea (hurt): Starr...
Starr: Everything was working out and then you showed up and messed everything up again. You're the reason that mommy and daddy broke up before. You're not going to break them up again.
Tea: You're wrong.
Starr: Mommy told me everything. I want you out now. And, daddy always gives me what I want.
Tea: Maybe you should talk to your father about all of this.
Starr: Daddy won't want to have anything to do with you anymore after I talk to him and tell him how much I hate you. You should just take your brat and go right now.
Tea: He's my nephew.
Starr: Do I care? Just take the brat and get out. This is going to be my baby brother's room, not some other brat's room.
[Todd appears in the doorway.]
Todd: Starr, go downstairs.
Starr: Throw them out, daddy. I want them gone. Now!
Todd: Blair needs you downstairs.
Starr: Mommy is moving in with us again.
Todd: No, she isn't.
Starr: She told me she was.
Todd: She lied.
Starr: Get rid of that woman so you and mommy can be together again, like you both want.
Todd: Your mom's downstairs claiming that she's having her kid right now. Go downstairs and let the paramedics in when they get here.
Starr: She's having my baby brother right now?
Todd: That's her story.
[Starr returns her attention to Tea.]
Starr: Your brat better be out of this room before my brother needs it.
Todd: Starr! Right now, go downstairs.
Starr: You know what I want. You better not blow it this time.
[Starr leaves the room.]
Tea: Is Blair really in labor?
Todd: I don't know. She knows you're up here. She figured out what we were doing. She could be faking it.
Tea: She wouldn't go through the whole production of going to the hospital just to delay our activities, would she?
Todd: For Blair, lying is the same as oxygen...a necessity for sustaining life. Maybe she hasn't told a lie yet today and was going through withdrawal.
Tea: You should go downstairs, just in case she really is in labor.
Todd: About Starr...
Tea: It's okay.
Todd: No, it's not. She was out of line. I'll talk to her.
Tea: She wants her parents living in the same house. She hasn't seen me in a long time. She thinks that I never cared about her. It's understandable that she doesn't want me here.
Todd: I'll straighten her out.
Tea: Right now, just focus on having a healthy new baby.
Todd: What if the kid isn't mine?
Tea: If it is yours, you don't want to miss the birth.
Todd: I missed Starr's.
Tea: You still regret that. I know that you do. Go to the hospital. Be there when this child is born.
Todd: You'll be here when I get back, right?
Tea: If that's what you want.
Todd: I don't want this whatever between us to get screwed up again, because of whatever happens with this kid being mine, or not being mine.
Tea: It won't, if we don't let it.
[From downstairs, Starr yells for her father.]
Todd: You could come, too.
Tea: I think my nephew would be more comfortable here.
Todd: And, you would, too, right?
Tea: I think everyone concerned would be more comfortable if I'm not there.
Todd: Not me.
Tea: You'll do fine.
[Starr again yells for her father to come downstairs.]
Tea: Go, Todd.
Todd: You'll be here when I get back?
Tea: I'll be here when you get back.
[With a look of dread on his face, Todd leaves the room and returns downstairs.]
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 50:
[Tea spends the night at the penthouse, not hearing from Todd. She tries not to allow herself to feel jealous of the time he's spending at the hospital with his ex-wife while they wait for her to have her baby.
Late the next day...
Tea is busy feeding her nephew when the phone rings. The answering machine turns on before she has a chance to reach the phone.]
Viki (leaving a message on the machine): Congratulations! I heard that Blair had her baby last night. I know this hasn't been an easy time for you. A child is always a blessing, no matter the circumstances through which it enters your life. Ben and I are looking forward to welcoming the newest member of the family. Let us know when you're ready to share that new precious baby with the rest of the family.
[Viki hangs up and the answering machine shuts off.
Tea looks down at the baby in her arms. She watches him drink from his bottle, oblivious to the events surrounding him.
Tea knew that Blair was having a baby, and that it was possible that it was Todd's baby. The pain she's feeling isn't from learning that the baby was born. It comes from the reality that the baby was born some time the night before and that, so many hours later, Todd still hasn't called, or returned to the penthouse.
She's happy for Todd, that he's found his family again, but sad for herself that it clearly isn't with her.
Tea finishes feeding her nephew and places the sleepy little boy in his stroller. She gathers their things and prepares to leave the penthouse that she once called home, for the final time.
Before leaving, she picks up the phone and calls Todd's office, still knowing the phone number from memory. When a female voice answers, she states her name and that she'd like to leave a message for Todd. Unexpectedly, and unintentionally, she is put on hold for a few seconds followed by the sound of a gruff, familiar voice.]
Todd: What?
[Tea is silent, unprepared to speak directly to him in this moment.]
Todd: Speak...hang up...I don't give a damn which. Just make a choice. I'm a busy man and don't have time to waste on morons.
Tea: Todd...
[Tea clears her throat, trying to calm herself. Todd leans back in his chair. He wasn't expecting to hear her voice. He thought he'd have more time before he had to confront her again.]
Tea: I wasn't trying to track you down. I swear. I only wanted to leave a message for you. I wasn't expecting to be put through to you. I didn't think you would be in your office at all right now. I thought you'd still be at the hospital with your family. Viki left a message on your answering machine congratulating you on the birth of Blair's baby...your baby. She said it happened last night.
Todd: Yeah. Look...
Tea: You don't owe me any explanations. Or, maybe you do, but it's okay, Todd. I won't hold you to anything you said before. I understand that everything has changed now. I was just calling to leave a message for you so you would know that I'm taking my nephew home. You don't have to spend the night in your office. We'll be gone in a few minutes and you can have your penthouse back, without having to worry about seeing me again.
Todd: Tea...
Tea: It's okay, Todd. It really is. We had some fun. Now, we both need to focus on our families. Be happy.
[Tea hangs up the phone. She kneels down in front of her nephew and speaks to him as he nears sleep.]
Tea: I know that you liked having Uncle Todd around, and so did I, but we'll make it just fine on our own. I'm sorry that I let someone into your life that I knew wouldn't stay very long. I couldn't help it. I fall for his charm every time. I'll never do that again. From now on, I'll make sure that the people you become attached to won't walk out on you. I know what that feels like. I won't let it happen to you again. That's a promise.
[Tea stands up, gathers their things, and leaves Todd's penthouse with her nephew, knowing that she'll never return again.]
to be continued...
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2001 COPYRIGHT BY TIMA
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