| SMALL BLESSINGS BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 21 - 25 |
SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 21:
[Todd sits in the rocking chair and waits until enough time has passed for Tea to fall asleep. He stands up and approaches her. As he stands at the edge of her bed, he seeks confirmation that she's asleep.]
Todd: Delgado? Delgado?
[Cautiously, he lifts the blankets and places his body on the bed, trying not to wake her.
For several minutes, he lies on his back, next to his ex-wife, unable to feel any relaxation knowing that she's sleeping so near to him, for the first time in a long time.
He turns his body towards her and moves his face closer to hers. He closes his eyes and focuses on the intoxicating scent of her. Under the covers, his hand slowly moves toward her. He wants to touch her, to take her in his arms and comfort her, to do whatever he has to so she can feel better again. He doesn't feel comfortable offering his physical comfort while she's awake, but while she's asleep, it feels safe enough for him to allow himself to follow his heart and make this move, without fear of rejection being as vibrant an emotion as it is when she's awake. His hand glides over the material of her nightgown until she's safely encased in his embrace.
As he continues to hold her, he wonders what would happen if he stayed like this for the rest of the night and into the morning. If she woke up and found him holding her, would she angrily push him away or would she ask him never to let go of her again.
As he's contemplating his choice of remaining as he is, or removing his arm from around her, she reveals her deception to him. His anger doesn't have an opportunity to rise concerning her fooling him into believing she was asleep, as his heart takes over at the realization that she's crying.
Todd moves his hand from her back, intending to caress her face. She misunderstands and assumes that he's backing away from her, now that she's unintentionally revealed that she's awake.]
Tea: Don't go.
Todd: I'm not.
Tea: I'm sorry.
Todd: Don't be.
Tea: This could be just for tonight. Tomorrow you'll go back to your life in Llanview...back to your family. Just for tonight, Todd, I need you.
[Todd's hand lightly touches her face. He wants to touch every part of her. He wants to comfort her, and make her feel alive again. He also wants to get away from her. She makes him feel alive and the loss of his usual numbness is frightening. Her pain touches him so deeply and makes his pain less important, in this moment. His concern for her, his desire to lessen her pain right now, is more important to him than running from his own pain, than running from the feelings that she forces him to feel when he's in her presence.
They both know that in the morning everything will change. They'll both question the judgment of trusting the other.
In this moment, neither is allowing anything but their need for each other to rule their decisions.
Tea is unaware of just how great Todd's need for her is right now. She knows that he's lonely. She senses that things have happened in her absence that have caused him additional emotional damage. But, she doesn't realize that it's truly her that he needs. She doesn't understand that it was her absence from his life that caused him the most pain.]
Tea: Will you stay with me tonight?
Todd: Sure.
[Tea moves closer to him and rests her head on his chest, quickly reminded that he's not wearing a shirt. She places a soft kiss against his chest, grateful for his presence.]
Todd: Do you want to move the kid, or do you want me to do it?
Tea: I don't understand.
Todd: You don't want to do this with your nephew in the room, do you?
Tea: Do what?
[Tea is initially oblivious as to what Todd is referring to. As an uncomfortable silence fills the room, Tea realizes what he thought was about to happen between them.]
Tea: You wanted to... You actually thought that...
Todd: Well, I don't think that anymore.
[Todd returns to lying on his back, feeling like a fool. He knew that familiar feeling would return eventually. He wasn't expecting it to return so quickly, especially before they really started doing anything together.]
Tea: I'm sorry. I had no idea you were thinking that.
Todd: This is the part where you're supposed to laugh at me and call me an idiot for thinking you'd actually want to do that with me.
Tea: I'm not laughing. I just don't understand.
Todd: You wanted me to spend the night with you. You wanted me to get into bed with you. What was I supposed to think?
Tea: That I needed your company. That I needed your comfort.
Todd: That's what I was offering.
Tea: That's what I thought you were offering before. Now I don't know what to think.
Todd: You're bummed. I thought you wanted me to make you feel better.
Tea: I did. You were.
Todd: Then, why'd you stop it?
Tea: I didn't.
Todd: I'm not doing it with a kid in the room.
Tea: We're not doing it at all, Todd.
Todd: Make up your mind.
Tea: I have. Sex is out of the question.
Todd: If you don't want that, why am I here?
Tea: At what point, the entire time you've been here tonight, did I say anything about us having sex?
Todd: You wanted me to comfort you. That's how it's done.
Tea: No, it isn't.
Todd: You're confusing the hell out of me.
Tea: Sex is not required for you to comfort me, is it?
Todd: How else am I supposed to do it?
Tea: The way you were doing it...by holding me, by making me feel less alone, by making me feel cared for. That's comfort.
Todd: You're a weird chick.
Tea: If I wanted to have sex with you right now, you'd consider that normal?
Todd: Yeah.
Tea: Where did you learn this from?
Todd: Where do you think?
Tea: We won't be having sex tonight. That much I can guarantee you.
Todd: You want me to leave?
Tea: Why does this have to be so frustrating?
Todd: I don't know.
Tea: Do you really believe that the best way to comfort me is to have sex with me?
Todd: Not anymore.
Tea: When you put your arm around me, I thought you understood what I needed.
Todd: I was letting you know that I was willing to do whatever you wanted me to do to make you feel better.
Tea: Are you still willing?
Todd: Not with your nephew in the room.
Tea: We are not having sex!
Todd: You don't have to yell.
Tea: Sometimes I feel like I do to get through to you.
Todd: It's not my fault that you're sending mixed signals.
Tea: I am not. I wanted you to hold me in your arms. That's the kind of comfort I wanted from you tonight. That's what I thought you were offering when you put your arm around me.
Todd: That's all you want? You don't want all the other stuff?
Tea: Even if our relationship was at that point, which it's clearly not...
Todd: Clearly.
Tea: ...I still don't think I'd feel up to that right now. I'm too depressed and I'm too exhausted to even consider anything like that right now.
Todd: If it wasn't me, you'd feel differently. Isn't that what you're really saying?
Tea: Do you even want to have sex with me right now?
Todd: I was willing to do it.
Tea: Such sacrifices, Todd.
Todd: You're damn right it's a sacrifice. Chicks are programmed to screw you over after you've finished screwing them. It's a proven fact.
Tea: Your vast life experience has shown you that?
Todd: Damn right!
Tea: Well, here's one time that you don't have to worry about being screwed over, because I have no intention of being screwed by you.
Todd: Good!
Tea: Good!
[They both lie on their backs, no longer touching. They both feel much further apart than the mere inches that separate them physically.]
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 22:
[An uncomfortable silence fills the room. Tea waits several minutes, until she feels calmer, before she speaks to Todd again.]
Tea: Could we try this again? Before there's another misunderstanding, what I'm referring to will not include sexual contact of any kind.
Todd: I still repulse you?
Tea: You do not repulse me. You never have. You know that.
Todd: What about the fact that you're always bailing on me whenever I try something with you?
Tea: That's not true.
Todd: Sure, it is.
Tea: Will you just hold me tonight?
Todd: Without trying anything, right? Because, I repulse you.
Tea: I'm telling you the truth, you don't repulse me.
Todd: You expect me to believe you? Just a few minutes ago you were faking and pretending you were asleep, just so I'd fall into your trap.
Tea: I did want you to fall into my trap. I'll admit that.
Todd: So, you're finally willing to admit the truth?
Tea: Not your version of it. I'll admit to the real truth. I did pretend to be asleep. I wanted you to join me on the bed and I thought I had a better chance of getting what I wanted if you thought I was asleep.
Todd: But, then when I tried to give you what you wanted you started bailing on me again, just like you always do.
Tea: It's late. Do we have to go in circles right now?
Todd: Just admit that I repulse you.
Tea: You do not repulse me!
Todd: If you keep raising your voice, the kid will wake up.
Tea: He probably will soon anyway to eat. It would be nice if you could hold me in your arms until then, without expecting me to...
Todd: Put out?
Tea: Do you really equate comfort and sex?
Todd: No.
Tea (relieved): Good.
Todd: But, chick's do.
[Tea pulls her pillow out from under her head, places it over her face and screams into it. Todd laughs at her reaction.]
Tea: You think this is funny?
Todd: I think you're funny.
Tea: I really wish I could believe that this is all just a big joke on your part, but given your history...
Todd: Yeah, it's kind of screwed up.
Tea: That's an understatement. Let's look at this from a different angle. If you were comforting Viki, how would you do it?
Todd: That's different.
Tea: Why is it different?
Todd: She's my sister.
Tea: Think of me as your sister.
Todd: No way.
Tea: Why not?
Todd: If I did that, I'd never be able to screw you.
Tea: Did you have plans to screw me at some point in the future?
Todd: Not as long as you keep turning me down every time I try.
Tea: We were married once upon a time.
Todd: Twice upon a time.
Tea: I guess it's understandable if there's a little unresolved something between us.
Todd: So, you're admitting that you were checking me out?
Tea: When?
Todd: When I came in here to check on the kid.
Tea: I was just surprised to see you in a towel. I thought you'd get dressed before leaving the bathroom. I wasn't expecting you to ever walk around in front of me like that, or when you're shirtless, like you are right now?
Todd: Seeing me like that didn't make you want me to comfort you the normal way?
Tea: I don't think sex is the normal way to comfort someone, not to most people, anyway.
Todd: You've never screwed some guy because of that?
Tea: Because I wanted human contact? I'll admit I have.
Todd: I remember you trying to convince me to toss away the business deal our first marriage was founded on and jump into the sack with you. You were saying something about wanting my human contact back then.
Tea: I thought that was the only valuable asset I could offer you that you would be interested in. You certainly didn't appear interested in my heart, back then.
Todd: Now you're withholding your assets.
Tea: I'm not. Actually, I am, but it's certainly not because you repulse me. Honestly, I can't even believe that we're having this conversation. You're the one who always went on and on about sex always ruining everything.
Todd: It does.
Tea: Is that why you want to have sex with me now? Are you afraid that this could turn into something between us again, and you want to sabotage it?
Todd: This thing between us always gets screwed up anyway. Why not have some fun first?
Tea: One night of fun and then back to separate lives?
Todd: You're right, we shouldn't do it. If this thing between us gets screwed up then I won't be able to see the kid anymore.
Tea: My nephew won you over, didn't he?
Todd: He's okay.
Tea: Just okay?
Todd: While you were in here snoozing, us guys were out there watching the tube. While we were hanging out, I was thinking about everything he's been through. He really is a lucky kid. He's got you. He's got other people around him who care what happens to him.
Tea: You were thinking about when you were young and how different it was for you?
Todd: People probably look at all the cash I inherited and figure I'm a lucky bastard. I am a bastard, that part's true. I think Little E's the lucky one.
Tea: You have more than cash, Todd. You have a family now, too. You have Starr. You have Viki. You have Jessica. You have Blair.
[Todd laughs at Tea's inclusion of his other ex-wife on her list.]
Tea: You returned to her for a reason. It wasn't to get revenge on me. We both know that.
Todd: I knew it would hurt you.
Tea: Only if I knew about it.
Todd: I made sure that it was as public as possible.
Tea: All to get back at me? None of it was for your own joy?
Todd: Joy? With Blair?
Tea: I don't recall you expressing very much joy with me, either. Is there anyone with whom you've ever found joy?
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 23:
[Todd doesn't respond to Tea's question.]
Tea: Well, Todd? Have you ever had joy?
Todd: I did, a long time ago.
Tea: Really? With whom?
Todd: Joy. You wanted to know if I'd had Joy. I definitely had Joy...more than once, actually. She was a hot chick.
Tea: Good for you! You bagged yourself a bimbo named Joy.
Todd: What makes you think she was a bimbo? She was, but what made you think that?
Tea: You're obviously not going to take this conversation seriously. And, obviously, you won't be comforting me tonight, either.
Todd: Now that you've got me thinking about Joy again, I think I could manage to comfort you at least a couple of times tonight.
Tea: Why are you doing this?
Todd: You brought her up.
Tea: I'm serious.
Todd: So am I. She was really hot.
Tea: Is this your way of sabotaging the moment we could be sharing.
Todd: I thought I already did that, according to you.
Tea: You could still comfort me.
Todd: Just give me a couple more minutes of remembering the way Joy looked in the tight little T-shirts she always wore, and I'll be ready to go.
[Tea gives up. She turns on her side, facing away from him.]
Todd: I was kidding, Delgado.
Tea: I wasn't. Since you won't even try, I'm going back to sleep. Little E will probably wake up soon and demand that I feed him.
Todd: I thought you wanted me to feed him.
Tea: Don't burden yourself.
Todd: If I don't take care of the kid, why am I here?
Tea: I'm asking myself that question right now.
Todd: You're wondering why you're here?
Tea: I'm choosing now to follow the example you set for me when we were married. I'm going to stop talking to you.
Todd: You still haven't learned how to lighten up.
Tea: There is nothing for which I should feel light right now.
Todd: Sure there is. You've got a kid on the other side of the room who doesn't just need a mom who does all the boring chick stuff, but he also needs you to play with him and toss him in the air and all the fun stuff that you have to do as his dad.
Tea: I'd be afraid I'd drop him.
Todd: I was dropped tons of times when I was a kid and look how great I turned out.
[Tea rolls onto her back again and turns her head in his direction.]
Tea: I do think you turned out great, especially considering your childhood. I know you don't believe that, but I do think that.
Todd: The only reason I don't believe that is because it's not true.
Tea: It is true. Underneath all your anger, I know there's a caring man inside you. I saw it with your daughter. I wish you could share that part of yourself with me.
Todd: Are you serious about wanting me to try this new way of comforting?
Tea: It's not new.
Todd: It is for me.
Tea: I don't believe that. I think you know what to do right now. I think you have the instincts. You just need to trust them.
Todd: My instincts stink. If you want this, just tell me what you want me to do.
Tea: I want you to hold me.
Todd: With all our clothes off?
Tea: Is sex all you can think about?
Todd: No. But, that's what chicks think about, isn't it? They think about sex, money and revenge.
Tea: We're not having sex. I don't want your money. And, I'm not interested in revenge.
Todd: Then, we have nothing.
Tea: We could have something, Todd.
Todd: I'm offering, but you're bailing on me again, just like you always do when I offer to put myself through this for you.
Tea: I wouldn't want you to put yourself through sex for me.
Todd: Because I repulse you?
Tea: Because, if we ever returned to trying to have a romantic relationship together, sex would be something that we would only do when we both were ready for it. It wouldn't be something that either of us had to suffer through for the other person.
Todd: You think I'd hurt you?
Tea: I was referring to your suffering, not mine. You're making it sound like this is something you dread but are willing to torture yourself with for my sake. I don't want that.
Todd: I think I might enjoy some of it.
Tea: I would want you to enjoy all of it.
Todd: Chicks don't care what it's like for the guy.
Tea: This chick would care, especially if the guy was you.
Todd: You really don't want anything from me? You just want me to lay here not doing anything?
Tea: I wouldn't consider your comfort to be nothing. Right now, it would be...
Todd: What would it be?
Tea: It would be the most precious gift you could give me.
Todd: So, I'm really not supposed to jump you right now? Because, sometimes chicks say they want something but when you give them what they say they want, they get ticked because they really wanted something else.
Tea: I really want you to hold me, that's all.
Todd: No sex?
Tea: No sex.
Todd: Because I repulse you?
[Tea sighs from the frustration of dealing with Todd.]
Todd: I'm kidding. You have to lighten up or Little E will end up being one stressed out little kid.
Tea: I'll try to lighten up.
Todd: I'll try doing this holding without sex thing.
Tea: Thank you.
[Tea moves closer to him and snuggles her body against his.]
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 24:
[Several minutes pass as Tea lies next to Todd with her body pressed against his. For the first time since her brother's death, Tea feels at peace, as Todd's arms gently encircle her. Listening to his breathing, feeling his heart beating, feeling the warmth of his naked chest against her face, creates in her the feeling she had long wanted to feel with Todd, but that he never allowed her to achieve in the past.
As time passes, Todd's hold on her tightens. He wants his embrace to not only comfort her but also make her feel protected. He wants to make her feel insulated from the horrors of the world outside his embrace. He hates the fact that she's been hurting so much lately. He especially hates that he wasn't with her to do something about it. He doesn't really believe that he could have possibly done anything to lessen her sorrow, but he wishes that he had been with her when her brother was dying so he could have tried to help her through the agony he knows she must have been going through.
After several more minutes of the ex-spouses embracing each other, the
silence in the room is broken by Little Enrique waking and making noises.
Tea tries to pull out of Todd's embrace but he continues to hold onto her.]
Tea: I should check on him.
Todd: He's okay. He's not crying. He might fall back to sleep.
Tea: I need to check on him.
[Todd understands her over-protective need to ensure her nephew's safety and lets go of her.
Tea gets out of bed and approaches her nephew's crib. The baby makes a few more noises before falling back to sleep.
Tea continues to stand near his crib, watching him in the darkness.]
Todd: Delgado?
[Tea walks out of the room without responding to him. Todd leaves the bed and follows her into the living room.]
Todd: Delgado?
Tea: Go back to bed.
Todd: Why? You know I don't sleep. If you're not in there with me there's no point in me lying around doing nothing. I'll do nothing out here with you.
Tea: I need some time alone.
Todd: I thought you needed me to comfort you without having sex with you?
Tea: I'm not up for this right now.
Todd: What?
Tea: You.
Todd: Are you telling me to get out?
Tea: Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you.
Todd: I'm here for the kid, remember?
Tea: You hardly even know him.
Todd: I know he doesn't hate my guts. That makes my relationship with him closer than most other relationships I have.
Tea: Go back to Llanview and work on those relationships. I'm so tired of you popping up in my life whenever you've alienated everyone else and you decide that it's my turn to be put through hell again, because you're bored putting everyone else in your life through hell. I'm not interested in being someone you toy with anymore.
Todd: You already made it clear that you don't want me playing with you. I'm willing to stick around anyway. Why are you trying to shove me out the door all of a sudden?
Tea: It's not sudden. I've wanted you to leave my life again ever since you swaggered back into it.
Todd: Is that why you sent Carlotta after Viki, knowing that Viki would come after me? Is that why you called me after your brother's thing? Is that why you gave Viki ammunition she could use to force me to come here? Is that why you used the kid as an excuse to get me over here tonight? Is that why you invited me, more than once, into your bedroom, and into your bed? You did all that junk as a way to get rid of me? Give it up, Delgado. You're no good at getting rid of me.
Tea: That's certainly not true. I've gotten rid of you plenty of times.
Todd: Only because you've begged me to come back to you plenty of times.
Tea: We both know that all I have to do to ensure at least another year of you avoiding me is go ahead and agree to your version of comfort. I wouldn't even have to actually have sex with you because you'd be out the door before it got to the point of consummation.
Todd: I'm willing to test your theory. Are you?
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SMALL BLESSINGS
chapter 25:
[Tea doesn't respond as she contemplates Todd's question to her. Todd moves closer to her, oozing sexuality, forcing her to step backwards to avoid his approach.]
Todd: If you don't tell me that you don't want it, I'll do it. Just to prove you wrong, I'll do it.
Tea: You'll have sex with me just to prove me wrong?
Todd: If I have to.
Tea: Why? Why are you suddenly so interested in having sex with me? You never were before.
Todd: I was there, Delgado. You can lie to everyone else about what we had, but you can't lie to me.
Tea: I'm not lying. I'm telling the truth.
Todd: Your version.
Tea: My version is the truth.
Todd: Mine is.
Tea: What's your version?
Todd: You and I had something more.
Tea: You're not going to try to convince me that what we have is better than sex again, are you?
Todd: Isn't it?
Tea: Maybe you've never had really good sex.
Todd: Have you?
Tea: I've had great sex...phenomenal sex.
Todd: Where are the guys that screwed you phenomenally? If it was so great, so magical, why aren't you still with your favorite fuckers? Why are you here with me? Why am I the one that you wanted to be here with you tonight, holding you?
Tea: I didn't want you here tonight. I didn't invite you. You showed up without my consent.
Todd: That's not how I remember it.
Tea: The truth is never how you remember it.
Todd: I remember being in your bed and having you tell me that you wanted me to comfort you by holding you, instead of fucking you. Do you remember that?
Tea: It's late. You need to leave.
Todd: You wanted something more than sex from me. You could have had sex. You even admitted that with other guys that's what you would have chosen. With me, you chose something more than sex. Why is it okay for you to choose that with me, but not okay for me to choose that with you?
Tea: I wanted it all, Todd. In the past, I did. You never wanted that, not with me.
Todd: I wanted more from you before. Now, I want sex. You wanted sex before. Now, you want more. It's the same thing. We just have our timing screwed up, like we always do.
Tea: It's not the same thing.
Todd: Then, what is it?
Tea: I wanted you to comfort me because you were the one who was here. It's that simple.
Todd: If some other guy had been here, instead of me, would you have resisted your attraction to him, like you're resisting your attraction to me right now?
Tea: I don't recall saying that I was attracted to you.
Todd: You didn't have to. The way you looked at me, when you saw me in that towel, told me.
Tea: I was surprised.
Todd: You were turned on.
Tea: You're ability to make giant leaps of assumption is astounding.
Todd: Give it up, Delgado. You were looking at me like you were starving and I was the first morsel of food you had seen in...what's it been...months? Years?
Tea: Are you asking about my sex life? Because, I'd be more than happy to fill you in on my exploits without you.
Todd: Don't you mean your fantasies? And, we both know they're not without me. I'm the star of your fantasies.
Tea: Your ego...
Todd: Prove me wrong. I'll give you a little taste and we'll see what happens.
[Todd moves into Tea's personal space. Tea doesn't move away, determined to convince him that he's wrong, hoping that if she does, he'll leave.]
Todd: You're not attracted to me?
[Tea looks away from him.]
Tea: I'm not attracted to you.
Todd: You're doing that thing you do when you're lying.
[Tea returns her gaze to his eyes.]
Tea: What thing?
Todd: I'm not telling you what you do. You'll force yourself to stop doing it and then I won't know when you're lying to me.
Tea: I'm not lying about wanting you to leave.
Todd: Now, you're telling the truth.
Tea: So, you'll go?
Todd: No.
Tea: Why not?
Todd: Because you don't want me to go.
Tea: You just said that you believe I want you to leave.
Todd: You want me to leave but you don't want me to go.
Tea: I'm tired, Todd.
Todd: Then, let's get on with this and see who caves first.
[Todd brings his hand to her face and lightly touches her lips with his finger. Tea isn't certain if she should, play along with his game until he backs away, which she feels certain will be before it goes too far, or if she should put an end to it immediately.]
Todd: Remember what I said about how hot that chick looked in her tight T-shirts?
Tea: You're old girlfriend, Joy?
Todd: She wasn't my girlfriend. She was just a body...a really hot body.
[Todd's hand moves down her neck and slides under one of the straps holding her nightgown up.]
Todd: Her body was nothing, compared to yours. You're very hot, Delgado.
[Todd moves aside the strap of her nightgown and leans his head down, kissing her shoulder. Tea's breathing changes as she again wonders if she should allow this to continue.
Todd returns his gaze to hers. He leaves the strap of her nightgown down as he moves his attention, and his hand, to her other strap. As Todd's hand moves under her remaining strap, a sexy smirk appears on his face.]
Todd: Are you ready to cave?
to be continued...
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2001 COPYRIGHT BY TIMA
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