 |
 |
|
| E-mail this page to a friend | Tell me when this page is updated |
| ANOTHER JOURNEY BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 76 - 80 |
PREVIOUSLY...
Todd: We're not wasting anymore time here. Besides, I don't know why you'd want a reminder of this lousy night, anyway.
Tea: Right. It was a dumb idea.
Todd: Yeah, it was. Now, let's go.
[They both are quiet as they enter the car and drive toward Nebraska.]
*******************************************************************************************************
chapter 76:
[Later that night...
They enter Nebraska. Neither has spoken since leaving Mount Rushmore. They both know that if one of them doesn't do something soon, things will be too strained between them to allow any intimate contact between them when they get to their hotel room.
They both choose not to do anything, yet each hopes the other will do something to end the uncomfortable silence.
They soon enter a small town. Todd pulls into the parking lot of the first motel they come to. Tea stays in the car as Todd arranges for their room.
When he returns to the car a few minutes later, Todd grabs their bags from the trunk and they silently walk toward their motel room.
After unlocking the door, Todd enters and quickly turns on a light by the door.
It's a small room with tacky decor. Neither is impressed. The most important feature of the room as far as Tea is concerned is the unmistakable fact that there are two beds.
She doesn't know if Todd asked for two beds or if he's as surprised as she is. She's about to turn toward him and try to get an answer when she hears the bathroom door shut.
For several minutes, Tea waits for Todd to finish in the bathroom. When he finally does, Tea tries to talk to him.]
Tea: Todd?
[Todd doesn't respond. He sits on one of the beds and pulls his shoes off, tossing them off to the side.]
Tea: Todd?
[Todd continues to refuse to acknowledge her. He simply removes his socks, lies down on top of the bed and closes his eyes.
Tea gives up trying to communicate with him and takes one of their bags into the bathroom and prepares for bed.
While she takes her time in the bathroom she recalls the previous night and the way Todd looked when she finished her shower and discovered him exercising. She wonders if he would do that tonight if she were to take a shower. Would he take off his shirts and his pants? Would she again find him practically naked...exerting himself? Would his muscles...
Tea stops herself from imagining anymore. She knows that thinking about him half-naked will only create desires in her that clearly Todd isn't interested in exploring tonight...or any night. No...just tonight. Tea seriously hopes that it's just tonight.
As Tea thinks back to earlier in the evening when he embraced her, her anger fades considerably. She knows that he wanted to do that. She certainly didn't push him into it. He chose to show her that he wanted to be close to her. Everything seemed fine until he let go. He immediately shut down after that. She knows that she did, too. His shutting down and distancing himself hurt her and she responded to that hurt.
Tea doesn't feel ready to return to the other room yet. Either, she'll have the frustrating task of trying to get a response out of Todd or she'll go to sleep without speaking to or touching him again tonight.
She's not ready for either option so she decides to take a relaxing shower to delay her exit from the bathroom.
If she exits the bathroom and finds him half-naked again, she'll know that he's ready to communicate with her. If not...well, as she stands under the warm water, she's enjoying the image of Todd barely dressed while he exercises so much that no other option is allowed to occupy her mind.
Several minutes later, Tea returns to the bedroom. She finds Todd still lying on the same bed, in the same position, with his eyes closed. She knows he's not asleep, though. She also knows that she's probably in for a Todd-sized challenge if she wants to save the night and keep it from ending disastrously...unless he's actually in the mood to help her overcome the current awkwardness.
She stands near the bed he's lying on while she combs her wet hair.]
Tea: I keep forgetting to buy a hairdryer. I'll have to get one next time I go shopping.
[Several moments pass silently before Todd responds.]
Todd: We already have one of those.
Tea: I don't recall seeing it.
Todd: The car.
Tea: There's a hairdryer in the car?
Todd: The car is the hairdryer. You stick your head out the window while I'm driving really fast.
Tea: That isn't what I had in mind, Todd.
Todd: Well, then you're out of luck. We don't have room for any appliances in the car.
Tea: I suppose I can continue letting my hair dry on it's own. You don't mind, do you?
Todd: Why would I mind? It's your head.
Tea: Well, I like your hair when it dries naturally.
[Several more minutes of silence pass. Tea turns off the light, gets into bed and climbs under the covers.
Ten minutes later...]
Todd: Delgado?
Tea: Did you need me to use the other bed?
Todd: No. I can handle you pulling on the covers all night. I was just wondering if you're tired.
Tea: No. I was a little tired before but after lying down I stopped being tired for some reason.
Todd: You wanna do stuff?
Tea: Okay.
[Tea smiles knowing that the fight is over. She still doesn't fully understand how or why it began but she doesn't care. It's over and she's deliriously happy knowing that she'll be making out with Todd tonight after all.]
Todd: You're not too ticked?
Tea: No.
Todd: Okay. I'll go brush my teeth. I assume you already did.
Tea: Of course.
[Todd enters the bathroom and is gone longer than Tea expected. The door is open, though, so she knows he must not be doing anything he considers to be too private.
When Todd returns to the room, he finds Tea standing near their bed with a clump of bedding at her feet.]
Todd: Why'd you dump all the stuff from our bed?
Tea: This is how we did it last night.
Todd: But why didn't you dump the stuff from the other bed?
Tea: We'll sleep on the other bed if this is a problem for you. In fact...
Todd: Forget it, Tea. You know you can't be trusted doing this stuff in bed.
Tea: Todd, I think we both get carried away.
Todd: Speak for yourself.
Tea: Okay, I will. I enjoy it when you get carried away while we're making out.
Todd: You want to start another fight?
Tea: Of course not.
Todd: Then, let's shut up and do this.
Tea: Will you be surprising me tonight?
Todd: Do I have a choice?
Tea: Of course you do.
Todd: We'll see.
chapter 77:
[Tea sits down on top of the bedding on the floor. She looks up at Todd who waits a moment before slowly walking toward her. He cautiously sits down next to her. They both are silent and neither makes any move toward the other for several minutes. Todd eventually is the one to speak.]
Todd: So, you're ready?
Tea: Yes, I am.
Todd: Okay. Here we go.
[Todd turns toward her and places his hand behind her head and leans in and kisses her. It's an awkward kiss. They both know it...they both feel it. They kiss again. Something still feels off for both of them. They try a third kiss.
Finally, Todd turns so his back is leaning against the bed, Tea does the same.]
Todd: Did we forget how to do this?
Tea: We did fine.
Todd: Please! That was nothing like the other times.
Tea: I don't know. I think it was.
Todd: It's always been like that for you every time we kissed?
Tea: Of course not. But, we have had awkward moments together before, remember?
Todd: Yeah, but now that we've, you know, gone further, why are we back to not knowing how to do this?
Tea: We still know how. We just need to get into the mood a little more first. We did just end a fight...or whatever it was that we were doing that led to us not speaking for hours.
Todd: It was a fight.
Tea: Why? I liked what we were doing. There was no reason for us to fight after that.
Todd: We weren't fighting.
Tea: But you just said...
Todd: We weren't fighting...I was.
Tea: You were? I don't understand.
Todd: As soon as it stopped, it started.
Tea: What did? What stopped? What started?
Todd: That thing we were doing. That thing inside of me.
Tea: The embrace? Your fear?
Todd: I don't know if it's fear. Maybe it is. Maybe it's other stuff. I don't know.
Tea: But, it started because you hugged me?
Todd: I thought you were cold.
Tea: I enjoyed being embraced by you, Todd.
Todd: We should stop talking about this.
Tea: Do you want to try again?
Todd: The kissing thing?
Tea: Yes. Do you?
Todd: Okay. But, you have to get turned on like you normally do this time.
Tea (smiling): I'll do my best...
[Todd leans toward Tea.]
Tea: Let me know if I succeed.
Todd: If you succeed, I'll give you your surprise.
Tea: Incentives are good motivators.
Todd: I know. My incentive in kissing you is knowing that you'll have to shut up as long as we're kissing.
Tea: Shut up and kiss me, Todd.
[Todd doesn't kiss her...at least not immediately. First, he lightly caresses her cheek with his fingertips. After several enjoyable moments, his hand moves down and lightly caresses her neck. As he leans forward, Tea closes her eyes and awaits the feeling of his lips on her own. He chooses not to kiss her lips yet. She's not disappointed, though, as his lips touch her cheek instead.
He kisses her cheek several times before pulling his face away from hers. She opens her eyes and they make eye contact for several silent moments.
He brings his face forward again and kisses her other cheek several times. As he pulls back from her again, she opens her eyes and touches her hand to his cheek lightly.]
Tea: I think I'm ready now.
Todd: For your surprise?
Tea: If my surprise is you kissing me longer and deeper than you ever have before, then, yes, I am definitely ready for my surprise.
Todd: That's not your surprise.
Tea: Kiss me, Todd.
Todd: That's what I was planning to do but you won't stop talking again.
Tea: But, you just said...
Todd: That's your surprise.
Tea: What is?
Todd: I just told you.
Tea: Are we going to kiss?
Todd: Eventually.
Tea: So, that's not my surprise?
Todd: No.
Tea: What is?
Todd: I was going to kiss you but if that's not what you want...
Tea: I just told you that I want you to kiss me. For the next three hours I don't want your mouth to leave mine.
Todd: You don't want your surprise?
Tea: Todd...
[Todd laughs, enjoying frustrating her.]
Todd: Do you want your surprise?
Tea: Yes. And, no more talking about it...no more word games. Give me my surprise.
Todd: You're sure?
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Okay...okay. I'll give you your surprise. Are you ready?
Tea: Yes. And, if you don't give it to me this time, I'll spring my own surprise on you.
Todd: Well, I don't want that. I don't know what you might come up with.
[Todd lightly strokes her neck again with the tips of his fingers. As he leans forward his lips touch her cheek near her ear. His lips then move down to her neck and he kisses her again.
For several minutes, he kisses her neck. As his lips touch behind her ear, a small shudder runs through her body. Todd notices.
His lips part and his tongue touches her skin. Tea moans, pleased by the sensation. Todd continues his actions, pleased that Tea is pleased.
After several minutes of testing different areas for their sensitivity, Todd's lips and tongue move to the other side of her face and begin experimenting there to uncover the precise areas that Tea responds most favorably to when stimulated.
From the moans Tea is emitting, Todd knows that if he ever wants to quickly get out of trouble with her in the future all he'll have to do is activate her desire by stimulating one of several areas he's uncovered tonight. He knows if he does, she'll melt and forgive him for whatever stupid thing she's angry at him for.
When Todd finally stops kissing her skin and pulls slightly away from her, he notices the glazed look of lust in her eyes. Even though he knew that he was turning her on with what he was doing, the way she's looking at him still makes him uncomfortable.
When Tea leans forward and begins her own exploration of his skin with her mouth, he becomes even more uncomfortable. He liked giving her pleasure but he isn't as comfortable with her focusing so much attention on his pleasure.]
Todd: Tea...
[Tea doesn't respond. She keeps kissing him, occasionally flicking her tongue against his skin.]
Todd: You know, it's getting late.
[Tea continues kissing him.]
Todd: The truth is, this stuff doesn't really work on me the way it does on you.
[Tea knows he wants her to stop. She decides to kiss him one final time before giving him what he wants.
When her lips hit a sensitive spot, Todd tries not to respond. Tea notices his slight reaction.
When she pulls away from him, she has a smile on her face. She caresses the area that she knows is sensitive with her fingertip, letting him know that she caught his reaction.]
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Drop it.
Tea: Give me something else to focus on.
[Todd takes her hand in his own and removes it from his body. His other arm goes around her back and pulls her closer to him as their lips meet. This time their kiss is not at all awkward. It's desperately passionate.]
chapter 78:
[Several minutes later, Tea ends their kissing and pulls slightly away from him and looks in his eyes as her hand strokes his cheek.]
Tea: Was that better than before?
Todd: Yeah. This time you...
Tea: This time I was turned on. I am turned on. You turn me on, Todd.
Todd: You're not going to burst into tears, are you?
Tea (smiling): No. Why would you think that?
Todd: You do have a history of that sort of thing when we're doing stuff like this.
[Tea caresses his lips with her finger.]
Tea: Maybe if you kiss me some more...like that...
Todd: Maybe we should stop before you ruin another one of my shirts.
Tea: You could take it off if you're so worried that I'll cry on it and ruin it.
[Todd pauses for a moment, thinking about what to do and whether they should risk continuing their activities tonight.
Tea worries about his reaction to her suggestion.]
Tea: Don't worry, Todd. I won't cry on your shirt. You don't have to take it off.
[Todd places his hand on the side of Tea's face and looks intently into her eyes. For several minutes he doesn't speak but just stares at her, unnerving Tea.]
Tea: What is it, Todd?
Todd: Tomorrow night...
Tea: What about tomorrow night?
Todd: Do you want to?
Tea: What?
Todd: We could...
Tea: Todd...
[Todd realizes that Tea may be assuming something more than what he's suggesting and knows that he needs to set her straight.]
Todd: Not that.
Tea: Then what?
Todd: We could do the shirt thing.
Tea: The shirt thing?
Todd: Remember? I told you before about it.
Tea: What?
Todd: You wear one of my shirts that buttons down the front and...
Tea (smile): Okay. I remember now. That sounds great, Todd.
Todd: We don't have to...
Tea: I want to. In fact, I wouldn't mind doing that tonight.
Todd: Tomorrow night.
Tea: What about a preview?
Todd: Tea...
Tea: Through my shirt, Todd. It might make tomorrow night less awkward if you touch me there tonight first.
Todd: Not a chance.
Tea: Not a chance that you'll touch me there tonight? Or, not a chance that tomorrow night won't be awkward?
Todd: It'll be awkward. Count on that.
Tea: Should I count on a fight first, too?
Todd: I don't know. You do start them a lot.
Tea: I do not.
Todd: Oh, come on, Tea. You've started tons of fights with me over the years.
Tea: How? By telling you how I feel? By showing you...
Todd: Well, if you know how you do it and you don't want that tomorrow then don't start one.
[Tea returns her hand to his cheek.]
Tea: My telling you how I feel about you shouldn't cause a fight.
Todd: Why not?
Tea: Because it shouldn't. It's a good thing, Todd, not a horrible, despicable...
Todd: Speak for yourself.
Tea: I am. I care about you, Todd.
[Tea stops speaking and looks down. She knows that if she continues she'll make Todd uncomfortable and the emotions will probably become too much for her and she'll start crying which will make him even more uncomfortable.]
Todd: Okay.
[Tea looks back up at him...at his eyes.]
Tea: Okay?
Todd: Okay. So, you're stupid enough to give a damn about me. We both already know you're warped or you wouldn't be with me. We never have to bring your little weakness up again.
Tea: It's not little, Todd.
Todd: But, it is a weakness.
Tea: One I enjoy having.
Todd: It's time for bed.
Tea: I'm not ready yet. I'm not finished here.
Todd: Fine. Finish without me. I'm going to bed.
[Todd quickly gets up and pounces on the bed. Tea slowly stands up and looks at him as he settles his body on top of the bed.]
Tea: What would you do if I did just that?
Todd: Did what?
Tea: Finished without you.
Todd: Are you saying...
Tea: What would you do?
Todd: Would I get to watch?
Tea: Would you like to?
Todd: Are you serious?
Tea: Are you?
[Neither responds further. They stare at each other for almost a minute, each imagining a different, yet similar, scenario.
Tea finally breaks eye contact and reaches down for one of the sheets on the floor. She tosses it on the bed and walks around to the side. She arranges the sheet so it's spread out on the bed. She even takes a chance and covers Todd with it, hoping that she'll be able to spend the night in his arms again, instead of separated by layers of bedding.
As Tea brings the sheet further up the bed, Todd speaks again.]
Todd: If you try tucking me in, Delgado...
Tea: You never know, you might enjoy it, Todd.
Todd: Don't even try it.
Tea: I wasn't planning on it. I was, however, planning to try something else.
Todd: What?
Tea: I'll show you.
[Tea gets into bed and immediately moves toward him. She stretches her body out under the sheet and turns on her side, facing him. Her head comes to rest on his chest, her hand against his stomach, her bare feet touching his bare feet.
Several minutes pass without either speaking or making any movement.]
Tea: Todd?
Todd: It's okay. I can handle it.
Tea: I'm glad. Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you.
Todd: What?
Tea: It's about your childhood.
Todd: It's late and I'm almost tired. I'm not really in the mood to go storming out of here right now.
Tea: It's nothing bad...I don't think.
Todd: What is it?
Tea: Did your mother ever tuck you in?
Todd: Okay, this may actually be the stupidest, not to mention the most pointless, question you have ever asked me. And, keep in mind, you've asked me a whole lot of stupid and pointless questions over the years.
Tea: I'm just curious.
Todd: You're always curious about everything. You never get enough.
Tea: And, I never will. I could never get enough of you, Todd.
Todd: If you're going to bring up my childhood, don't even bother trying to flirt with me for a while.
Tea: I'm serious, Todd. I want to know everything about you.
Todd: It's important that you know if I got tucked in when I was a kid? Do you think I might have some serious tucking issues that you should know about?
Tea: I was just remembering my mother tucking me in so I was curious if your mother ever did the same with you. You don't have to answer me if you'd rather not.
Todd: I'd rather not.
Tea: Okay.
[Several minutes pass silently.]
Todd: So, your mom was a tucker, huh?
[Tea smiles, knowing that Todd's still willing to speak to her...and about their childhoods...well, hers anyway.]
Tea: When I was really little, she would put me to bed.
Todd: Well, most infants can't climb into the crib themselves.
Tea: You know what I mean. She would go into my room with me and tuck me in. She would sit with me for a while and read me a story.
Todd: In Spanish, like you did with Starr?
Tea: Always in Spanish. She knew that, like my older brothers, I would use English more than Spanish when I got older and started school. She wanted to make sure that I always felt connected to my heritage.
Todd: I thought you never really felt like you fit into that world?
Tea: I didn't. Not after she left. I didn't fit anywhere after that.
Todd: But before then...
Tea: Fitting in didn't really become an issue until I started school. I never really fit in with the other kids in the building but it wasn't as much of an issue when I was younger. They had more toys than I did but being poor surrounded by wealth when I was really young wasn't as difficult as it was as I got older.
Todd: So, uh, thinking about her...about her tucking you in and whatever else you remember before she ditched you...are those good memories? Or, is everything tainted because she ditched you?
chapter 79:
Tea: Tainted? I suppose that after she left, my world did become tainted. Everything that surrounded me seemed different...and everyone.
Todd: So, did you hate her?
Tea: Sure...sometimes.
Todd: And, other times?
Tea: I missed her. I wanted her to come back. Even after she died, I still wished that she could come back...that maybe there had been a mistake and she never actually had died.
Todd: Did you ever think about...
Tea: What?
Todd: Nothing. Never mind. Go to sleep.
Tea: I thought about finding her someday. I always remembered the stories she would tell me about Puerto Rico. I imagined that when I was older, I would go there and I would go to one of those places she had told me about and there she would be.
Todd: You were thinking it would be a good thing?
Tea: I hoped so. I hoped that I would find the reasons why she left...that we would make peace with each other...that I would learn that she hadn't stopped loving me. You think that was naive, don't you?
Todd: Yeah. Look, I was stupid enough to do it, Delgado. It wouldn't have been what you wanted it to be...what you were expecting it to be. It just would have made it worse.
Tea: You're not glad you had that extra time with your mother?
Todd: No.
Tea: Not even a little?
Todd: What the hell do you want from me?
Tea: I'm sorry, Todd. I didn't bring this up to upset you.
Todd: Well, then why did you? Why does any of this matter? This all happened years ago...decades ago. None of it means a damn thing now. So, we both had mothers who dumped us like we were grains of sand in their shoes that they found irritating and didn't want to put up with anymore. So, what?
Tea: You never think about her? You never miss her?
[Todd picks up Tea's hand and removes it from his stomach.]
Todd: This conversation is over.
[He quickly removes himself from the bed. He walks toward a window by the door, intending to look out the window for a while. When he gets close, though, his body keeps going until he reaches the door, unlocks it, opens it and walks outside, allowing the door to shut on its own behind him.
He stands directly outside the door and leans against a railing, overlooking the parking lot one level below him.
For more than a minute Tea waits in bed, not knowing what she's waiting for. As she walks toward the door, she doesn't know why she's doing that either. She doesn't truly expect him to be there. She assumes that he immediately rushed to the car and left when he walked out the door. She hopes that he'll return later in the night after calming down. Even though she doesn't expect him to be there, something compels her to open the door.
The night air is cool against Tea's skin, as she's reminded that she's only wearing a shirt and shorts. She wraps her arms around herself as she stands in the doorway. He's standing only a few feet away from her but she knows that he's miles away...or more accurately, years away.
After several minutes of neither speaking to the other, Todd turns toward Tea for a moment and sees her shivering in the doorway. He looks back toward the parking lot before speaking.]
Todd: Close the door, Tea.
Tea: I don't have the key. The door locks automatically. We'd be locked out.
Todd: Not if you're on the other side of the door when you close it.
[Tea stays where she is. Several more minutes pass.]
Todd: Tea...
Tea: I'm fine.
[Todd turns his body so he's facing her and leans back against the railing.]
Todd: You're changing colors.
Tea: I'm fine.
Todd: You're freezing.
Tea: It's not cold
Todd: Really?
Tea: It's invigorating.
Todd: Why are you always doing this to me?
Tea: I don't know. Why are you always doing it to me?
Todd: Well, at least I know that wasn't another shot at flirting.
Tea: That's what you think.
Todd: You're really going to stand out here all night?
Tea: No. As soon as you're ready to come back in, I'm going straight to bed and getting under all of the covers.
Todd: So, you admit that you're cold?
Tea: I'm slightly chilled.
Todd: You really annoy the hell out of me sometimes, Delgado.
Tea: Well, since that time back in...where was it...Illinois...when you explained that I mattered to you and that's why I annoyed you...
Todd (interrupting): It wasn't Illinois.
Tea: It wasn't?
Todd: We didn't make it to Illinois until later that day.
Tea: You remember that?
Todd: I remember a lot of things. I remember you proposing to me that day and then taking it back two seconds later.
Tea: About that...
[Tea stops speaking as Todd pushes passed her and returns to their room. She quickly closes the door.]
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Do you want to sleep with me or not?
Tea: Of course I do.
Todd: Then shut up and get in bed. And, stop trying to keep me awake with all this stupid talking. And, put some clothes on.
Tea: Are you uncomfortable?
Todd: You are. You're freezing.
Tea: I'll be fine once I'm under the covers with you.
[Todd picks up the bedding from the floor and tosses it in a clump onto Tea's side of the bed. As they both get into bed again, Todd lies down on his back and Tea returns to her position at his side, facing him. She places her arm across his stomach and pulls herself even tighter against him than she was earlier. She places her cold feet against his equally cold feet.
They both lie together silently for a long time. They both enjoy the physical connection they're sharing even though they're aware that sleep won't be occurring any time soon.]
Todd: Tea...
Tea: You wanna do stuff?
Todd: What did you have in mind?
Tea: That preview we were discussing earlier.
Todd: Can't you wait until tomorrow night?
Tea: No.
Todd: Too bad. You'll have to.
Tea: What if something were to happen before tomorrow night? What if we missed our chance to do that? Would you want that?
Todd: You're not actually trying to pull a guy line on me, are you?
Tea: A guy line?
Todd: You know...what if the world ended tomorrow, you wouldn't want to die a...
Tea: Go ahead. Finish your sentence.
Todd: You know how it ends.
[Tea rearranges herself next to Todd with her head on her pillow so she can look at his face.]
Tea: I don't want to miss out.
Todd: Trust me...
[Tea knows that Todd is about to make a sarcastic quip. She stops him.]
Tea: Trust me, Todd. This is what I want.
Todd: No, it isn't. You're confused. You don't know what this is that you think you want.
Tea: I want you to make love to me. There's no confusion there, Todd. I want that. I have wanted that for a long time.
Todd: I thought we agreed that there was no chance of any of that until we found out if you were knocked up?
Tea: That's fine. I'll wait.
Todd: That's not what it sounds like.
Tea: I will wait...until we're ready...until it's the right moment for both of us. In the meantime, I want to do other things with you. I want to get to know that part of you.
Todd: No, you don't.
Tea: Yes, I do. Let me know that part of you, Todd.
chapter 80:
Todd: How stupid are you, Tea?
Tea: This isn't stupid, Todd.
Todd: If you want it with me...it is. It's stupid...idiotic...pathetic...
Tea: Fine. I'm a stupid pathetic idiot. I don't care. I want to be with you.
Todd: You need professional help.
Tea: I need your help.
Todd: I'm trying. I've been trying since the beginning. You never let me get away from you. You follow me when I try to leave.
Tea: I let you go for fifteen months, remember? It didn't work, Todd, for either of us. We were both miserable. We both chose to return to each other.
Todd: You think being miserable together is better than being miserable apart?
Tea: Yes.
Todd: You don't know.
Tea: I know that I want to be here with you forever. I know that when this ends my heart will...
Todd (interrupting): Let's just go to sleep now, okay? Let's stop all this talk.
Tea: You know there's one way that will guarantee that I'll shut up and stop trying to tell you how I feel. And, you know it's a way that we both enjoy.
Todd: Enjoy?
[Tea brings her face closer to Todd's. She nuzzles his face with her own as she speaks softly to him.]
Tea: You enjoy it, Todd. That's what that feeling is. It's enjoyment. It's caring. It's comfort. It's joy.
Todd: Oh, now you've really cracked, Delgado. I have never done joy in my life. And, I'm damn proud of myself about that, too.
Tea: You have felt joy, Todd. I know that you have. Maybe not with me but I've seen it when you're with Starr.
Todd: Leave her out of this.
Tea: Why haven't you called her yet?
Todd: That's none of your business.
Tea: You said that you would call her to make sure she received the gifts you sent her. Do you remember that?
Todd: She got them. I paid a hell of a lot of money to make sure she got them. Don't worry about that.
Tea: I am worried. I'm worried about why you haven't called her. She's missed you all this time, Todd. She needs you in her life. I know that you need her, too. Why have you kept your distance from her?
Todd: I don't want to talk about this, Delgado.
Tea: Then make me stop talking, Todd.
[Tea continues to caress his face with her own as her hand caresses his chest.
Todd doesn't know if her goal is to force him to kiss her or to force him to talk about his daughter. He knows that she's playing a game with him, though...one where he wants to choose both choices but also wants to avoid both of them.]
Tea: Todd, make me stop talking. Make me stop making you think and feel.
[Todd's hand is suddenly on her back. His lips are on hers. He flips her body over so she's on her back. His kiss is desperate and sexual but not particularly romantic or affectionate. His hand moves up her body and presses into her chest. In less than a minute he pulls away from her.]
Todd: Now leave me the hell alone.
[Todd gets off their bed and quickly walks a few steps and tosses himself down on top of the other bed. Tea is left lying on their bed, stunned. She knows that she pushed him too hard. She doesn't know why she did it, though. She wanted to spend the night in his arms and he was willing to let her. Maybe he even wanted that, too. But, now it's over and she knows that it's all her fault.
For several minutes there's silence. Todd is on his side, facing away from Tea. He listens carefully. He knows her...he knows she'll be crying soon. He also knows that she may not give up. She may keep pushing him. He doesn't know what he'll do if she does. He could give in and make love to her. He could push her away. He could storm out again but this time not come back. He could do something that would push her so hard away from him that she'll never want to come back. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what he wants to do. He doesn't know what the best thing he could do for Tea would be. He closes his eyes. He hates the confusion. He may be miserable when he's away from her but at least it isn't as confusing.
Tea lies on her back, looking up at the ceiling, her own confusion overwhelming her.
After several more minutes of silence, Tea turns and faces him. There's enough light in the room for her to know that he's facing away from her. Even though he hasn't made a sound since getting into the other bed, she knows that he's not asleep.]
Tea: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Maybe I did. I don't know why, though. I don't know how to do this. I told you that before, remember? I don't have any idea how to do this. I'm scared. I want this to work but I don't believe that it will. I don't believe that it could. It never has. I expect you to leave.
[Tea uses the pillow to wipe at the tears that are falling from her eyes as she continues to speak to a silent Todd.]
Tea: I wanted to sleep in your arms tonight. I wanted to wake up next to you like I did this morning. That was an incredible feeling...waking up against your body. I want that feeling again...but, I also don't want it. Does that make sense? I think maybe it does to you. It was a feeling...an experience...that I had wanted for a long time and I finally had it. You gave me that this morning. You gave me one of my dreams. I'm terrified to trust it, though. What if I do and then you're not there in the morning? What if you are but you're not the next morning...or the morning after that? What if I come to expect it...to depend on it? How do you live without it once you've had it? Once you know what it feels like to trust someone...to feel...
[Tea stops speaking for a moment and buries her face in her pillow, wanting the tears to stop but knowing that they won't.
Several minutes later, Tea speaks again, her crying evident in her voice.]
Tea: How do you do it, Todd? How do you survive? How do you trust? How do you allow yourself to feel so much without running from those feelings and continuing to run for the rest of your life? How can you open up that part of yourself to another person when it hurts this much? How do you survive this much pain? I need you to show me, Todd. I need you to teach me. I need you to be the one...
[Tea again stops speaking, burying her face in her pillow as she completely loses control of her emotions and begins sobbing. The pillow beneath her eyes becomes soaked as it absorbs the flood of tears.
Todd stays where he is...not moving...not making a sound. He hears her crying. He tries to shut his own emotions down so her tears and her pain won't get to him...won't affect him...won't force him to go to her and comfort her right now. That would be too dangerous. It would also be too painful. He knows that if he takes in her pain, it will make his own even more unbearable than it already is.
Todd waits for what feels like hours before he finally hears the sound of Tea softly snoring in the other bed. Knowing that she's asleep, he rolls over and looks at her. For a long time, he watches her before he falls asleep himself.]
to be continued...
