Several minutes pass like this. Not a word...just the crackle-pops of the fire. Dean looks back over at her after another moment...seeing her closed eyes, and her chest, rising and falling slowly. He sighs, rubbing his face again...as if she just reminded him that he's pretty tired too. He gets up, quietly moving to the kitchen to place his cup in the sink. Then he watches the back of the couch for a moment, waiting to see if she moves. But she doesn't.
Dean rubs the back of his neck, realizing that Tea's taken up residence on his bed...and that, most likely, she's fallen asleep. He makes a face, trying to figure out where he should crash. His eyes move toward the bedroom, seeing the open door. He peeks in, seeing the boys asleep in the crib by the fire. He looks at the bed, thinking maybe he should just sleep there...but after a second, he thinks better of it, and ducks out. Christ, I don't need her freaking out on me again. he thinks, as he moves back to the couch with purpose, kneeling down by Tea, who's now pretty well on her way to a sound sleep.
"Tea."
No answer. Dean makes a face. "Tea...wake up," he says, a bit louder...but still, nothing. He sighs, reaching out...and his hand hovers over her, not sure where or how to touch her to wake her up. Finally, he goes for her shoulder... pretty neutral spot. And Tea's eyes fly open when he shakes her awake, and she jumps a little, looking at him with wide, frightened eyes. Dean quickly takes his hand away, holding it up to her peacefully.
"Whoa, hey...everything's cool...just wanted to wake you up. You're falling asleep out here."
Tea's eyes narrow some, as she looks around, calming down. Then she sighs, harshly, as she stretches. She looks back at him, as if she were going to say something...and Dean waits for it, but then she looks away again. Dean lingers on her for a second, then gets up.
"Listen, we agreed...couch is MINE. You got a whole bed in the other room, so go use it, for god's sake."
Tea shoots him a dirty look...then suddenly realizes he's teasing. Her glare fades, and she looks back toward the fire, shaking her head. Then...despite herself, she actually starts to laugh, quietly. She tries to hold it in, as she gets up, but it still leaks out. The two of them stand facing each other, only a foot or so apart. She looks up at him with a gentler look in her eyes, unable to suppress her grin. Dean grins back at her, then makes a shooing gesture at her with his hands.
Tea blinks at him, slowly, with tired eyes...then, without a word, she turns and walks away, into the bedroom.
The crying of a baby wakes Tea up some time later. And she opens her eyes, with difficulty...finding them pretty well glued shut. She rises slowly, still half-asleep as she pushes the covers off and gets up, shuffling over to the crib. She rubs her eyes to clear them before picking up the noisy one...Brendan, this time.
"Shhhhh...hey...shhh...I gotcha..." she whispers, as she lifts him up and out, holding him high for a second to look at him. He calms down a bit, stopping his crying to look down at her. She can't help but smile back at her beautiful boy, and she never gets tired of the feeling it gives her...a unique sort of warmth and joy, a kind she'd never experienced with anything else in her life. She suddenly thinks back to a time when all she was ever concerned about was herself...and it seems so much farther away than it really is. She never paid much attention to children, and they never paid any to her...until she met Starr. She was the first child to grab her attention and hold it for any length of time...and the first to make her think that maybe, just maybe...she might want one of her own someday. She lowers Brendan down, putting him on her hip as she looks down at Evan, checking on him. He seems fine, still snoozing away, undisturbed by his brother's carrying on. Tea grins at him, reaching in to touch his hand. Instinctively, Evan's tiny fingers wrap around her finger, and she smiles again.
But the smile fades, as she thinks back to Starr...wondering how she's holding up. And of course, thinking of Starr leads her right down the road to thoughts of Todd. That ache again...that emptiness...how much she misses him. She bites her lip, wishing she could make this all go away, change it back to how it was. As Evan grips her finger, she remembers that morning when the two of them sat on the floor with the babies...when Brendan held Todd's finger tight, like Evan was holding hers now. They were so happy that day. All of them...the kids were happy, she'd been happy...and so was Todd. Why couldn't we have stayed like that? Why is this all happening...I don't get it… That whole day had been great...until the sun went down. Darkness returned and so did her nightmares.
She makes a face just then...realizing that this was the first time she'd been able to sleep without a bad dream scaring her awake. And though that should make her feel better, it doesn't...because she's not home. She's not with Todd...and she wonders…how long? How long could she stay away? She starts questioning herself again, as to what right she had to take his kids away from him...and why in the hell she'd chosen to come HERE, of all places.
Questions lead to more questions, harder ones...things she just can't get her mind around at the moment, so...she sighs, heavily, clearing them out. She lets go of Evan, watching him stir, then settle back down with a big sigh. She smiles one more time, as she grabs one of the pacifiers and walks away with Brendan, carrying him back to the bed with her. She lays him down, checking his diaper...still dry. Must be hungry, she thinks, offering him the pacifier, which he takes immediately. She sighs at that, grabbing a blanket off the bed and wrapping it around herself.
"Yep...that's what I thought. C'mon...let's go," she tells him, picking him back up and carrying him out of the room.
Brendan starts making noise again when they enter the living room; possibly because of the drop in temperature...it's colder, with the fire dying down. Tea shushes him, trying to cover both of them with the blanket as she walks into the kitchen.
"Shhhh...hey...c'mon now. Shhh," she whispers, bouncing him gently, but Brendan isn't having any of it. Tea sighs, glancing over toward the couch...and as if he could see her looking, a voice suddenly floats up from it.
"You guys okay?" Dean asks, as he stands up, tiredly. Tea does a slight take, surprised he's up...then she looks back at her fussy baby.
"Uh...yeah...he's just hungry...and cold, I think."
"Mmmm," he replies, stretching...looking like he probably HAD BEEN sleeping, before she walked in. She makes a face.
"Sorry...didn't mean to wake you."
He shrugs. "Wasn't really sleeping, anyway," he replies, with a yawn. "More like...napping." He looks at his watch, then shakes his head to wake himself up. Tea watches him for a second, as he puts a few more logs on the fire, fanning the low flame to get it going again...then Brendan's crying pulls her attention back. She looks around, realizing that she has to let the blanket go and put the baby down in order to do what she has to do.
"Ohhh...shhh...keep your pants on, kiddo...I'm workin' on it," she says, getting somewhat annoyed...then she looks up to see Dean in front of her, hands out.
"Here...I got him," he says, wagging his eyebrows to encourage a response. Tea hesitates...but Brendan is really crying now. So she sighs, handing him off. Dean cradles the baby as Tea takes the blanket and wraps it around them both. They catch each other's glances while in such close proximity...but Tea just sniffs, wrapping them up tight.
"Are your hands clean?" she asks.
He makes a face. "What?"
"Your hands...are they clean?"
He looks at her strangely. "Uh...yeah...why?"
"He's not taking the pacifier anymore...try putting the tip of your little finger in his mouth. That works sometimes," she says, demonstrating...putting her pinkie to her bottom lip.
"Oh...OH..." he replies, getting it finally. He carefully touches his fingertip to the baby's mouth, and oddly enough, it seems to work. Brendan quiets down and starts sucking on his finger, looking up at him with wide eyes. Dean makes a surprised face, at him, then at Tea.
"Wow...that's...interesting. That feels WEIRD."
A bit of amusement shows on Tea's face at that, then she kisses the baby's head. She goes about the job of cooking up the formula, as Dean stands there playing the human bottle. Tea finally looks back at him after another moment, as she rinses out a plastic bottle.
"Um...you should take him over to the fireplace. It's warmer."
Dean blinks at her. "Oh, right," he then says, nodding. "Got it."
She watches him, as he walks with the baby...stopping in front of the fireplace, and standing in the warmest spot. Everything settles down in the room again, leaving that cozy, crackle-pop quiet. Tea gets the bottle done and ready in a matter of minutes, it seems...and before she even knows it, she's testing formula on her hand, making sure it's not too hot. She then walks over to Dean, still standing there with his back to her, instinctively bouncing with the baby.
"Done," she says. "I'll take him."
Dean turns around...and again, she finds herself somewhat weirded out by the picture in front of her. It wasn't that long ago that this same man, who is now comforting her child, had kidnapped and threatened another child. But as much as she knows it, and as wrong as the picture seems to be...for some reason, it just doesn't worry her like it probably should. And THAT is the strangest part...the fact that she trusts him...but doesn't really know why, or whether it's wise to. She takes a deep breath as he carefully hands Brendan back over to her. The baby fusses, not wanting to leave his comfy spot in Dean's arms...but Tea shushes him again, as she carries him over to the couch and sits down with him. Dean looks on, as she tests the bottle again, making sure...then, propping her laden arm up on the arm of the couch, she settles in and tips the bottle down to him. Brendan grabs for the bottle, little hands flailing about as he starts to drink, making sloppy, slurpy noises.
"Whoa, slow down there, buddy," she whispers to him.
Dean takes the blanket off, and without a thought, steps over and gestures for her to lean forward. She does, and he drapes it back around her shoulders, covering them both up again. Then he pulls the chair up, closer to the fire, and settles back in it. He pulls the baggy, zip sweatshirt he's wearing tight around him, folding his arms, shivering off a chill.
Silence again...and the occasional slurp from little Brendan, as he guzzles down his breakfast. Tea smiles at her boy, then lets her head drop back a bit, resting against the cushions. Her eyes are drawn back to Dean, sitting there, staring into the fire.
"You have any kids?"
The question seems to come out of thin air...and Tea instantly bites down on her lip, to stop any other words that might come out of her mouth without her knowledge. Dean looks over at her, his brow crinkled.
"God, no...made you ask that?"
Tea blinks rapidly, still reeling from asking the question in the first place. Why DID I ask that?? She clears her throat, looking back down at Brendan. "Uh...just wondering. You seem to...uh...have that bouncing move down pretty well."
He half-laughs, restrained. "Bouncing move?"
She looks back up at him, as she takes the bottle away from the baby. "Yeah," she says, dropping the blanket back to put him on her shoulder. "Y'know...that little bounce people do when they're trying to comfort a baby."
His brow knits tighter...then releases, wagging a bit. "Hmmm...was I doing that? I didn't notice."
She nods, rubbing and patting the baby's back to get a burp. Dean laughs again, shaking his head as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"Wow...okay...but...how does that translate to 'do I have any kids'?"
Buuuurp. Never able to keep from cracking up, Tea does exactly that, at Brendan's timely response. Dean immediately breaks up too, as she cradles Brendan again, settling in for the other half of the bottle. Tea wipes her own mouth, as if she could wipe the grin off her face.
"Uh...um...it doesn't, I guess. I don't know where that came from," she finally replies.
Dean studies her for a second...then he nods, looking back at the fire...his eyes drawn in by the bluish color at its base.
"Can't imagine ANY woman wanting to have MY kids," he suddenly says, in a hushed tone...and Tea looks at him, realizing that he's not even saying it to her, so much, as just thinking out loud. She studies him while he's looking away, not sure how to...or whether to answer that. But all of a sudden, it's as if the air has changed between them...opened up.
She swallows hard, whispering. "Can I ask you something?"
He looks back at her; eyes steady, ready for anything. She glances at Brendan, checking him...then wets her dry lips.
"How did you...how did you get involved in kidnapping Starr?"
Dean's chin lifts a bit at that, not having heard that name in a while...then he takes a deep breath.
"Why do you wanna talk about THAT?" he asks, mildly...only mildly annoyed.
Tea half-laughs, glancing at Brendan again. Then she shrugs, weakly. "Because...because she's my stepdaughter, and I wanna know," she replies, looking back at him, eyes equally steady now.
"...I wanna know how this all came about."
Dean stares back at her...then he sighs, heavily, covering his eyes for a moment. He rubs his face roughly, then sighs again.
"Okay. You wanna know how I got involved. Well, I met that stupid cop...what's his face...through a mutual friend. Very standard, basic setup...he needed some experienced help to snatch the kid."
Tea takes that in, immediately put on guard by his emotionless 'snatch the kid' remark...but she just wags her eyebrows instead, nodding.
"Go on."
"Go on...what? That's all there was to it. I was just supposed to grab her and hold her until he told me otherwise."
She makes a face, thrown off again by his matter-of-factness. "How long have you been doing this?"
"Doing what?"
She shoots him an annoyed, knowing look. "Accounting. What do you think??"
He half-laughs. "Ohhhh...THAT. Well, I dunno...a long fuckin' time, how 'bout that?" he fires back.
Tea flicks her tongue against her teeth for a second. Then she wags her eyebrows again, as she looks back down at Brendan. She takes the mostly finished bottle from him, wipes his mouth, and puts him back on her shoulder.
"What was he paying you?" she suddenly asks, and Dean hesitates, wondering where sudden interrogation is coming from.
"Not enough," is all he can say, as he shakes his head, looking away again.
Tea keeps her eyes on him, as she rubs and pats Brendan's back. "That why you came after me?"
Dean shuts his eyes for a second, fighting an urge to get snotty with her...but he breathes deeply, feeling the fire warming his face. Then he gets up, and starts pacing around.
"Yeah...that's why I came after you. State of Pennsylvania wasn't about to let me keep my fee...so I was pretty much back where I started, y'know?" he says, trying to stay calm.
Brendan lets out a quiet but substantial burp just then, and Tea brings him back down off her shoulder. She straightens her legs and lays him down on them, holding his hands. He kicks at her happily. Tea gives him a half-smile, still aware of Dean pacing behind her.
"I guess five mil woulda covered you pretty well," she says.
Back in the kitchen now, Dean has to laugh again, covering his face. And again, he rubs his eyes, taking another deep breath.
"Okay, is there...something in PARTICULAR you want me to say here, Tea? 'Cause I'm getting that impression."
Tea laughs too, humorless. "I just...wanna understand."
"Understand what? Me?" he asks, leaning against the counter.
She bites her lip, staring into Brendan's eyes...green-blue-brown...all colors, and none, just like Todd's. She has to shut her eyes then, feeling tears coming...angry, frustrated, confused tears. But she says nothing...just shakes her head. Dean waits for a moment, then sighs again, walking back around to the couch. He sits on the edge of the hearth, knees up, elbows hooked around them...looking up at her with the baby in her lap.
"Look, there's really nothing else to understand about me. I've been committing felonies for money since..." he stops, offering a pathetic laugh as he thinks back. "...since...I was...a teenager. It's really about all I know how to do."
Tea doesn't say anything...she just sniffles, still mesmerized by Todd's eyes...Brendan's eyes. After another moment, she looks up at him, her own eyes glossy with saline. Dean has to glance away for a second, rocking back and forth a bit, uncomfortably.
...committing felonies for money…Tea stares at him, suddenly remembering way back...to the day when Todd offered HER five million dollars to marry HIM...five million, to ally herself with a known felon. Am *I* any better than this guy? she suddenly wonders...than she sniffs the tears back, clearing her throat.
"So it doesn't...BOTHER you...to kidnap a child?"
Dean sighs heavily...then shrugs. "It was a JOB. That's all...and nothing about it bothered me until I found out it was so fucked up...personal. I mean, that idiot shoulda known better."
"You didn't know what Sykes was doing?"
He shrugs again, shaking his head. "How could I? I mean, he wasn't telling me anything. But he seemed like he knew what he was doing...and besides, he was a cop, so...I didn't question. I don't get paid to question."
Tea takes that in, staring around him...through him. Then she shakes her head gently, as another train of thought passes.
"She doesn't talk about you...or about anything that happened. It's like...she doesn't remember it."
Dean blinks at that...then realizes. He glances down, a wistful smile crossing his face.
"Well...that's probably best."
Tea nods, glancing at Brendan, just laying there, happy as can be. "Did you connect with her at all...or did you just...keep her in another room or something?"
"I'm not supposed to 'connect.'"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you DIDN'T. I mean...WE'RE sitting here talking, aren't we? So..." she starts, fumbling for the right words. "...how do you...how can you treat someone so kindly one minute, and then turn around and stuff them in a trunk? I mean, how do you rationalize all of this?"
Dean makes a surprised face, somewhat taken aback by the depth of the question. Then he glances away, thinking for a moment. Tea waits, watching him...and after another moment, he looks back at her...and with a knowing look, he shakes a finger at her. Then he stands up again.
"I DON'T," is all he says...then he walks away from her, back into the kitchen. Tea just sits there, staring at the spot where he sat, unable to come back at his simple statement right away. She hears him futzing around behind her, probably making more coffee...an obvious signal to cease her line of questioning.
Then suddenly, the sound of a chirping cell phone rings out, cutting the silence. Tea looks all around, wondering where it's coming from...and who the hell would be calling at this ungodly hour. Dean comes back in from the kitchen, digging in his weathered, leather bag, and fishing the phone out. He glances at Tea as he flips the tiny phone open, walking away from her again.
"Yeah."
She listens, being her usual, nosy self...but all she hears are 'uh-huh's', 'mmm-hmm's', 'yeah's' and 'no's.' Then she looks up, seeing Dean back over at the chair, grabbing his coat off the floor.
"Hang on a sec," he tells whoever it is, then he throws the coat on and goes outside to finish his conversation. Tea watches him, covering Brendan with the blanket as a blast of freezing air hits them. Then the door shuts...and she stares at it for a moment, wanting to see through it...
...and wondering, suddenly...what she's gotten herself into now.
