The door was slightly ajar when he entered the room -- the furniture and physical depths in the interior barely outlined and visible in the pitch blackness. It was a room he was intimately familiar with even though his eyes could not focus clearly yet. An uneasy sensation passed through him. Downstairs he had already seen enough evidence. She was here...in this room...in his bed.
As he crept with customary stealth toward the king-sized bed, his eyes carefully assessed the shape hidden below the covers.
What am I doing? I shouldn't be here...
Suddenly a bright light flooded the hazy darkness of the room. His body froze momentarily and then twisted around. Leaning against the wall near the light switch, she stood with her arms folded as if she had been expecting him.
It didn't take but a second for him to figure out his mistake. With the light on, his eyes could now make out that the large, rumpled mound in the middle of the bed was stuffed with pillows.
"Very inventive," he muttered, his facial muscles twitching with humiliation and anger that he had been caught.
"Well, come on, Todd," Tea gazed at him with no outward sign of emotion. "Go ahead and break it to me. I'm waiting."
Deceptively soft eyes blinked back at her while his nostrils once more inhaled the heady aroma of her presence. The fragrant scent of perfume she was wearing triggered his mind into recalling the night he lay next to her under a canopy of twinkling stars.
Forcing himself back to reality, he continued to stare at the rich, brown tendrils of her hair that swirled softly near the chin that was characteristically raised as a sign that she was ready to get into it with him. Right away, he knew he was in trouble.
Damn you, Tea...as always...you're not afraid to kick my butt...
"Listen...Tea," he began, but his words seemed to evaporate in the air.
How do I explain any of this to her?
Not even disturbed by his failed attempt to speak, she continued studying him with alarming calm and the steely determination of a courtroom trial attorney about to trap an unsuspecting witness .
"Maybe you need some help...shall I fill in the missing words for you? You came back, but you're not staying, right?"
His amber eyes immediately flashed a warning, "Don't even try, Delgado...I've told you to never put words in my mouth!"
Dismissing his retalitory comment, her eyes slid over him as if he were some low, vile creature not worth her consideration.
"Pardon me if I don't put much faith in your words, Todd, or should I say, word, especially after today," Tea snapped back and left her position by the wall to glide like a stealthy animal toward him.
"Where have you been?" she questioned point blank.
"Take it from me...you don't want to know," he unconsciously backed away from her, not daring to be any closer to her than he had to.
"Oh, too late, Todd, I already know. You left Slider's apartment," she said, ignoring his statement. "You broke your promise to him to stay in therapy."
"Yeah...I broke my promise...so sue me," he now crossed his own arms in defiance.
Nodding, she continued to move toward him, "Which, by the way, translates to...you're not going back there."
"That about sums it up...yes," he said, his eyes never wavering from hers.
"Well, great!" she slapped her hands together with phony enthusiasm, "...isn't this just ducky for all of us! I trusted you...your own wife...and your best friend...a man who has sacrified his very reputation to help you...trusted you. Nothing has changed, has it, Todd? You're still have your own agenda and you crap all over everyone else."
"Don't, Tea," he warned again.
For a moment, she seemed as if she might stop her merciless interrogation, but she quickly recovered and renewed her attack.
"I'm not going to make any more excuses for you, Todd...I know how you operate. Remember...we aren't married strangers as we once were...that night..."
"Leave it alone, Tea," he instinctively backed further away. "You don't know..."
"Do you think it was some great joyride for me wait around all this time? I had a life to lead...a life that was put on hold because of..."
"Because of me?, right? So I guess you're just feeling so sorry for yourself now," he said coldly, but hating that he had risen to her bait.
Shaking her head, she was speaking more to herself than him.
"Why...why in the world should I think it would be different this time? I believe you will change, and I always end up feeling like a prize fool...and now, even more of a fool than before. Do you know that I never gave up hope that you weren't dead, Todd? Can you believe my utter stupidity?"
She's not going to let up...what the hell was I thinking...coming back here?
"You know, Todd," her lips pressed together in a sinister line, "I learned my lesson about trying to plead with you on any level, but I would like to know why you're leaving me. I think I deserve that much."
"I didn't want it to be this way," his eyes nervously shifting back and forth as if seeking a way out of the room.
"You didn't want...always you, Todd. Do you think you're making some kind of ultimate sacrifice...for me? Well, it doesn't wash this time...I know you."
"You know...please, Delgado...what you know about me is one gigantic fantasy!" he yelled at her and silently cursed himself for allowing himself to lose his temper.
Damn...no way to escape this...gotta' get out of here...
She had come up closer to him -- advancing as she always did when she wanted to badger him into telling her his darkest secrets.
"Right...and I never got to know you out in that field...all of that was a fantasy."
"That wasn't a fantasy!" he blurted out and instantly regretted it.
"Maybe it wasn't, but that's not the point. The point is...what did it really mean?" she put her hands on her hips. "I thought it meant something, but maybe, for you, it was just some aberration in our off-again, on-again relationship that was never meant to happen. You'd probably like me to say I never slept with you...that will tie everything up very neatly -- no strings whatsoever, and off you go!"
"You slept with me!" the words poured out of him before he could think.
I would never forget that...not for one moment, Tea...
"Well, gee...thanks for that, Todd! No wine and roses speech...just the facts, ma'am! So glad you acknowledge something did happen between us!" she lashed out.
In seconds he had crossed over to her with eyes wild with frustration.
"Yes...you and I made love!" he grabbed her arm fiercely and pulled her toward him, "..."but you never made love to him!"
His face was a hairs breath from hers, and her entire body shook involuntarily as she tried to control the overriding desire to collapse right into his arms.
"There...satisfied? Here's the whole truth now...just what you always wanted. That night...in that patch of grass...you made love to one side of my personality...that old Todd you thought you knew so well!"
She stared at him -- a blank expression now transforming her face -- as she looked into his darkening countenance which now seemed to be mocking her.
"Here's another little piece of info to jar your memory. I'm one and the same as the man who kissed you on Slider's sofa...remember that? You and I...or should I say, Nick, were playing a little power game that day."
"Todd...please, you're scaring me," she shrank back.
"Yeah...how about that? You came to the door...wearing a wig...a blonde wig of all things! I know it all, Tea...nothing's left out!"
Now she felt the air escape her lips as she frantically searched his eyes for proof of something else.
"I don't understand...what are you saying?"
"I'm saying for you to just give up on us, Delgado. We gave it a shot, but it's not going to work. Believe me...you're better off."
What on earth...is this Nick?
No more...can't take it looking at her...time to get out...
The seconds ticked away while she tried to divine who was behind those crazed eyes. Backing away from her, he tried to brush past her and head for the door.
"Todd," she reached out and put her hand on his arm, begging him with her eyes not to go.
"...do you still...love me?"
Do I love you?
The question of the hour...
All those times in the past when he knew she had wanted him to admit that to her, and how he had turned himself inside out to stay away from her because some missing part of his personality didn't want it to happen.
"Yes," he said because that part was completely true.
But there is more, Tea...and you really aren't going to like it...
"Then," she seemed to breathe easier and her eyes softened with relief, "...there's really nothing we can't conquer together, Todd. You must be feeling so confused now, and Slider told me that..."
He abruptly turned from her before she could finish as he felt the urge to bury his face in his hands.
She'll never let me go unless I tell her...she will have to know everything.
"Okay, I love you," he said in a hoarse whisper without facing her, "but...I also love someone else."
An entire minute must have gone by while she tried to mentally grasp what she had just heard.
What he said...just not true...
"Tea," his voice faltered when he turned back and saw the remote, stunned expression take possession of her.
"...I never intended for you to ever see me again. I came here to... well, burn my bridges. The past is done and buried. What you're seeing...I've turned into some psychotic changeling...not the Todd you once knew. There is other information that keeps coming in...new stuff, and I can't turn it off."
"...you want that other Todd, but that man is gone, Tea. Clamping both hands against his head, he gritted his teeth, "He's in here now, Tea...Nick and I share the same mind now, and everything that he feels, feel, too!"
Tears were still waiting to flow behind tired lids, but they didn't. She wanted to shut out the pulsating thought that had just entered her conconsiousness with her own hands, but she couldn't.
I know what you're saying...I finally have it...that woman...Sherry...you're in love with her!
