A hallway...people standing around...a dark haired woman with slanted eyes...looking at me as if I'm about to die...
"Z!"
Slider's strident interruption brought him back with a jolt. Rubbing his fingers over sweaty palms, he forced himself to focus his eyes back on Slider.
"What?"
"What's going on? You left me for a moment."
"Forget it... I'm here. Get on with it."
"No...I think we should stop for now. We can resume tomorrow."
Todd nodded with an effort at acquiescence.
"Whatever you say, Einstein...you're the shrink."
Getting up from his chair, Slider reached over to lightly pat his friend's shoulder.
"Z...this has been a good session. If you can hang in with me...each time it will get better."
"Sure...if you say so," Todd said with feigned nonchalance as he rolled his shoulders to ease tight muscles. "So what else is on your schedule today?"
"Plenty," Slider crossed his arms. "I have some university work that I need to get to. Can you keep yourself occupied while I do some catching up? After that, I can fix us something for lunch."
"Suits me. You've got some books over there I might take a look at."
"Good idea," Slider said, silently exhaling his relief that Todd seemed to be okay with what he was proposing.
"I'll get started now and hopefully I can get done soon." "Okay...I'll probably read in my room."
After Slider left, he selected several books out of a built-in bookcase almost without thinking about the titles.
He walked down the hallway and opened a door at the far end. Once inside, he closed the door softly and then headed toward the bed -- dumping the books on the quilted coverlet.
Read...that's a laugh...I can't even think straight...
Slider says I'm going to be okay. Okay for what...a strait jacket? Does he really think this has a chance in hell of working?
A mirror over a dresser tempted him to take a hard look at himself as he had done so many times before -- his old habit of trying to peer into his disturbed psyche through his reflected image.
His fingers came up to touch his cheekbone and slide down the protruding scar that had marked him for so long.
Nothing outside has changed...same face...same ugly....
Even so...it's not what's outside that has changed...
He waited expectantly for a hint of some inner physical evidence that would support this theory, but all he seemed to be able to identify was an ebb and flow within him that was both unsettling and peaceful.
No...this still isn't right...something is off...way off...
There's another room...a bed...I'm on it with that woman...my mouth on hers...
Her name...is...Sherry...
He knew that name, too. Deep down in his being he knew that name as well as he knew his own...and Nick's.
Now he did feel pangs of panic filtering through his nervous system. The image he had just seen in his mind's eye was not just some shadowy, far-back memory but rather one that was more omnipresent, and vivid.
~~~~~~~~~~
Slider adjusted his body in the swivel chair, trying to rotate himself into a more comfortable position. A green light on the phone set simultaneously lit up with the sound of the ring.
"Hello."
"Slider? It's Tea. I hope I'm not interrupting anything." "Hello Tea...no interruption at all. Actually, Z...that is, Todd and I...just finished our first session."
"Oh...well that's...great. I'm sorry to be calling again so soon. I suppose I'm going to be a nuisance of sorts," she laughed nervously.
"Hey, you're entitled," he grabbed the baseball on his desk and slowly turned it around in his palm.
"Slider, the truth is...my natural impatience is winning the battle...and I suppose I need some words of...encouragement."
"Well, you can have them right now. He's doing very well. As to your impatience, I'd say you're in good company. Todd's pretty impatient, too."
"That's Todd all over," Tea's voice lightened somewhat.
"Definitely, but talking everything through is a necessary first step for him. He has to understand all the particulars of what happened to him before he moves on."
"It must be very difficult though...for both of you," she said.
"This kind of thing is never easy...even after coming through all that he has, he will have new decisions to make. That's important. He needs to feel that he is in control again."
"Can he do this?" she questioned hesitantly.
"You know him, Tea...what do you think?"
"I'd say you're being a typical psychologist right now, Slider, but yes..in my heart I do believe Todd is a survivor and has the courage to start over."
"I agree, Tea...his will to survive...that won't change. You know, I can do my best to guide him some through the maze, but ultimately, he has to walk through it himself."
"Can you tell me if...oh, well, I guess you can't tell me that. But maybe...you could give me an idea of when he'll be done?"
"I would if I could, Tea...you know that. I'm required to keep a record of the sessions and file a final report. It really just depends on his rate of progress."
"I know," she said, a sigh escaping into the phone. "Del says we won't be able to do anything until the FBI sees the report and makes their recommendation. "
"Are you worried about that?"
"Not as much as I would have been. My brother has really surprised me lately. I think he's been much more tolerant of me...and my situation." "Well, that sounds more positive, and listen...don't hesitate to call anytime. I don't mind at all."
"Okay," she said contritely, "you talked me into it...but I'll try not to overdo it."
~~~~~~~~~~
Everything is in its place. Everything...meaning Nick and everything he knew....
Another thought pierced through that shook him more than the image of the woman had.
I need to see her...
Todd glanced over his shoulder at the closed door. Slider was most likely comfortably settled in the room where he had set up an office. Thinking back to the night when he had been almost carried up some stone steps and into a building elevator, he could only remember vague patches of his surroundings, and that Slider had spoken briefly to him about what would happen next. Still, he knew the gist of it all was that he would have to go through quite a bit of therapy and then be reviewed by a court as to his stability. The sessions were supposed to somehow get him back on track. Knowing that if he didn't cooperate with the therapy, it could affect the court's decision and keep him from ever going back to Tea, and knowing that Slider trusted him to stay put, he had resigned himself to his fate. He had had no intention of leaving.
But that was before any of this hit me...
Einstein, if any one could ever figure me out...you could, but I don't think even you can unsnarl me. It is like you said...everything does fit together, but I'm not just living one life...I'm living two.
"Promise me...promise me that you'll believe in who you are...never let go of that."
Nothing he might do could stop those particular words spoken by the woman in the hallway from coming to the forefront of his consciousness. All at once a swarm of impressions from someone else's past began their invasion and their mission to stake a claim on him.
It's coming back...all of it...I remember...
~~~~~~~~~~
Slider's arm brushed up against the baseball on his desk, causing it to roll off with a soft thud onto the floor. Opening his eyes, he raised his lowered head and yawned. Must have fallen asleep...what time is it?
The illuminated digital clock on the desk glared back at him like a silent accusation. Poor Z...he must think I deserted him... Running a hand through his hair, he stretched and got up from the chair. Still somewhat groggy from his catnap, he strolled leisurely down to the closed door at the end of the hallway and tapped lightly on it.
"Hey...Z! " Sorry...I fell asleep...didn't even realize the time. Hope you're not starving."
"Z?"
He put his ear close to the door and after hearing no sound from behind it, he opened it and walked in. Not here...maybe in the living room...
Moments later he stood in the middle of the living room -- his eyes staring at the front door in disbelief and horror -- knowing that there was no one else but him in the apartment.
"No...you didn't...you wouldn't!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Tea padded into the kitchen, her soft, blue socks gliding across the floor of the penthouse kitchen, and took the whistling kettle off the gas burner. Time for a midday kickback...some soothing tea and cheese and crackers. She hadn't really been all that hungry lately, and nibbling here and there seemed to be enough.
A stack of client files that she needed to go through awaited her on the dining room table, but she had no intention of looking at them until later. It was one thing to dive back into work as a cure for her restlessness, but she needed to have some down time to contemplate what Slider had said earlier.
Slider had sounded confidant when she called him, and that had gone a long way toward raising her hopes that nothing would inhibit Todd's progress. If only it were already over. Puttering around in the penthouse by herself, she realized that she might have made a mistake in coming back. There were too many memories associated with every room in the place. New Year's Eve...when he pretended he hadn't spied on me...the night of the snowstorm when we came so close to...the morning when he touched my cheek...the first time we kissed...when Tom was here...when Pete tried to...
No...not that...not Pete...I refuse to look back to that terror...you will never be that man again.
The phone on the kitchen counter rang, and she took a quick sip of the now lukewarm tea before answering it.
"Tea...it's Slider. We've got a problem...a big one. Todd is gone!"
