But the price...what price will she pay? Do I stop this?
Me...what do you want with me, Tea?
"I...I'm not sure what you mean," Sherry said haltingly.
"You...you and Nick," Tea charged in a clear, crisp tone. "You came here with him...and I get the impression that Nick thinks you two are destined to be together."
"My destiny is my own business," Sherry said, a new, defensive edge creeping into her pronouncement, "and I don't need you to clarify anything for me."
Tea crossed her arms and nodded. "Yes... I would expect you to say that, Sherry. After all, you're a well-educated woman...a doctor...and you're not easily swayed by others' opinions."
"No...I'm not."
"Well then...there's no problem...you don't have to listen to any of this either. It must be especially mind-boggling for you."
"It's not exactly run-of-the-mill."
"Exactly...you just found out that this man...Nick...was the keeper of another man's life...entirely different from his own. He was a man named Todd Manning, and he had a wife...me. I can imagine how you must feel."
Feel...I feel like I've been hurled headlong into a parallel universe where nothing makes logical sense and there are no rules for anything....
Stepping in front of Tea, Nick positioned himself between the two women, trying to block Tea's view. Ms. Attorney-at-law is up to something...I remember this all too well from those days in court with Toddy...her legal fights for Starr...and all the time she was wedging her way into his life...conniving to make him think she was his greatest ally...
"You can forget the armchair analysis, Tea," he said with an undercurrent of deadly menace that was unmistakable. "This conversation is over!"
"No, Nick," Tea determinedly pushed past him and faced Sherry once more. "I don't think it is...I really don't think Sherry has a clear shot of the whole picture frame -- just the corners that you let her see. But, of course...if you're not secure enough in your relationship with her to hear what I'm saying..."
Give it one last gasp, Tea...see if I care...Sherry is mine through and through...I made sure of that...
Pressing on without waiting for his response, she said, "Sherry, I don't know you, but as a lawyer, it's my business to try to understand people and what makes them tick. I don't fault you one bit in all this. You were taken for a ride by a man who is a master at it."
"...You're like me in a lot of ways...you saw something in him that most people can't see...a deep need that echoed your own need most likely. You were sucked into his world little by little -- unaware that it was happening so quickly. I can relate to this...it's a very strong force."
... Todd, the man I know, is a very complex individual...with issues of abuse in his past that were responsible for what has happened to him. He made many wrong choices, but they weren't always his own choices. What I didn't know then was that they were often orchestrated by a personality behind the scenes who wanted to make sure that he never knew his full potential. I don't pretend to understand all the psychological ramifications of all of it, but I do know that my husband longed to be complete person, Sherry."
"Complete...that's a laugh...as if he would ever get there!" Nick sneered. "His life was a shambles, Sherry. He was a social outcast where he came from. These so-called friends of his represent the society that rejected him over and over and persistently treated him like he was a pariah. You can also add this woman to that illustrious list."
"Me? I didn't reject Todd!" Tea exclaimed.
"Didn't you? Come on, Tea! Why don't you just stop proclaiming that you're Toddy's salvation! You rejected everything about him from the outset because he didn't measure up to your glowing standards. His table manners were awful...he was too uncouth for your pristine ideals...he didn't bare his soul to you...oh, and wouldn't give you the sexual gratification you demanded. At least with Blair he had a chance to be a man...with you...it was always about servicing you."
There...swallow that down, Tea...
The truth...everything you're saying rings with elements of truth...I can't deny it...but, it's not that black and white either...there's more truth behind the truth, Nick...and Sherry is going to hear it...
"So it's back to Blair now? I get it, Nick...you want me to feel as if I was the one woman who never mattered to Todd...that I was some ill-timed intrusion in his life...better erased and forgotten, right? Sorry, Nick...I didn't come all this way to let you reduce me to some passing fancy in Todd's life."
"Well, that's what you were!" Nick yelled back at her. "A temporary distraction that got out of control...nothing more, Tea."
Tea shut out his cutting words and refocused her attention. "I will admit to some of this...it's not all lies...I'm ashamed to say. That's not the whole story, though."
"What...," Sherry began and paused, "...just what do you want from me, Tea?"
"I want you to hear me out, Sherry. That's all I'm asking."
~~~~~~~~~~
The luminous dial on his watch was dim, but he could still read it. This is no good...he's waiting and I'm still here...
Edwards shifted when a sudden stab of pain radiated through his stiffening neck. This is insane...no crime has been committed here, but I have positive identification of the presumed dead Sun publisher. The file was closed...even if I finger him, it's too late, and I doubt she would ever press charges. But...is he still dangerous? Manning needs help in the worst way, but he won't get it locked up in a cell.
Sykes wants him...wants him bad...but it's not for legitimate reasons. Then there's the problem with his death...all that will be dredged up again, and Sykes will have that whole mystery of the car crash to answer for.
These people are fighting for him...I want to stay...see what happens...but I don't know if I have the time...
~~~~~~~~~~
"Enough! This has become a sideshow, and we're all bored with it," Nick said.
"Let her talk, Nick," Sherry's eyes snapped, "I want to hear what she has to say."
Tea took another breath.
"Truthfully...I could stand here and tell you a lot more about Todd Manning, the man who used to occupy this man's body, but that wouldn't convey his soul to you. He's not here to bring anything to light, but I brought something with me that might help. I haven't even listened to it yet because it was supposed to be played upon his death."
Reaching into her shoulder bag, Tea took out a small handheld recorder -- her fingers enclosing the device tightly. Pressing the top button down, she waited for the emergence of sound.
"Delgado..."
"Stop!" Nick's eyes darted frantically to the recorder. No....you didn't do this, Toddy!!
"It's me...Todd."
All eyes fixed on the recorder and silence engulfed the hallway once more.
"....By now you know I'm dead. I've been going round and round about doing this...especially now.
...I tried, Tea....maybe somehow you can believe this. You said something to me once...how we could have had something...something "really good". It's not for lack of trying, Tea...we both tried our damnedest. It's not our fault. There's blame...sure, but really, it goes deeper than that. There are issues...that go way back...
...For what it's worth...there have been moments...moments like no other in my life, Tea...where I felt like I could be free. They stick out so clearly, and you were there. It wasn't just about happiness either. That word never worked with me...you know that. It was about change, Tea...I was starting to feel different about things.
...so... I have to say this, Tea...all those times you forced me to take another look deep breath...everything you said to me...it didn't all fall on deaf ears, Delgado...I got it. Remember how once I told you I was twisted and that you untwisted me? Well, untwisting me is going to take more than either you or I have to fix. I have a friend...he's a shrink, and I'm going to find him and see if he can help me.
... And look..if nothing happens to me, and I can get him to unravel me, then this tape will be meaningless. I want that more than anything, Tea...I want us to get past the garbage...most it my garbage, and start over.
...You can't say we haven't been through hell and back...but I think we had to. Right now...you and I both know we're still in a mess...there's a lot more to untangle. Lately...I've been feeling like it's all going to get worse before it gets better.
...what started out as a marriage of convenience...there I said it...it didn't end that way. You kept telling me that it was more...and finally, I believed you. I thought maybe...just maybe...Todd Manning won't have to live out a Hell on earth anymore. I think you planted a seed, Delgado...a seed that just might have taken root...
...Sometimes...I don't know...my life just doesn't seem to be my own...I go through the motions like clockwork, but I want more...more of life...and more of you...
... I won't ever worry about Starr, Tea...you'll find a way to make sure she's loved and happy.
...I can see Viki smiling one of her I told you so smiles if she ever heard this. How's this for irony...I'm going to miss her sugarcoated lectures. She deserves a lot of credit for trying to keep me thinking positive thoughts...didn't always work, but some of it probably sank in...tell her that, okay?
...and Sam, he's...coughing...he's been more than just a friend to me...for a lot of years. I think he just wanted to be like a parent to me...who knows why, but I've come to understand it a little more. You might as well tell him that it meant a lot...
....Remember when you asked me if I was ready to take my chances? It would have been easy not to play the game out with you, but the die had already been cast. You did that, Tea...
...I don't want the game to be over, but if it is, it was my own cursed luck...and not because I don't... love you...
Midway through the taped message, a cold realization settled itself into the core of Sherry's heart. As much as she had heard and been a witness to, she had still embraced some form of denial that what had transpired could actually be true.
With every heartfelt word spoken, an impression implanted itself in her consciousness -- one of a real man with real feelings. Even though the voice was every bit the same as Nick's, the personality behind it wasn't.
This isn't fiction anymore...this man existed...he had a life...with a woman that he loved...
As the recorder clicked off, Sherry's eyes narrowed instinctively to mask the mute expression of anguish spreading out over her face.
What am I thinking? I saw what happened to him in that room...he wanted to make love to me, but he couldn't because this Todd Manning will always object...he's faithful to his wife...
"Sherry?"
His voice was strident, almost deranged sounding. Her lips quivered while her face flushed with distress. She was a doctor...she had taken an oath to heal...and now, she would be responsible for inflicting great pain on another human being.
Swallowing the sob that rose in her throat, she turned her gaze to him.
