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| IMPOSTER BY MARIQUA |
CHAPTER 52 |
You're not waiting....that's perfect...you think you can peel away the years just like that, don't you? What if I did tell you? What if I told you the whole sordid thing and everything after that? Even you would be shocked, Slider!
For what seemed like an interminable length of time, both men stared each other down -- neither willing to give anything up in their mutual mind game.
"You'll tell me, Nick..." Slider broke through the cumbersome silence and saw the scar across Nick's cheek tighten. Go ahead and play, Nick...I'm not going anywhere.
You think you've got something on me, but I've got something on you, Slider ole pal...she's smart, beautiful and very sexy and you know it...yeah...somewhere inside of you...you know it.
All eyes focused on the figure standing at the front of the room. With a supernatural calm, she looked out over her audience assessing the rigidly polite, impassive faces directed toward her. Each of them represented someone who had known her brother in some capacity. She noted the absence of those who had been his most ardent enemies, and thought of how she often wondered why he had gone out of his way to antagonize so many. What she had recognized in him and come to understand was that he possessed a stubborn streak of honesty which allowed for no compromises...even from himself. You were downright merciless to those who tried to manipulate or sway you.
She heard the strong, clear echo of her voice resonating in the expansive room as she spoke the first words aloud..."Todd Manning was my brother...and he was the best brother I could have ever hoped to have."
Not one face changed, but she saw a few shift uncomfortably in their seats. I won't change anyone's mind here that's already made up, but at least I'll have my say...and you'll have the good-bye I wanted to give you...
"Todd came into my life during a time when I was in the midst of my own personal crisis. I saw that same kind of crisis dominating his life, and because of our similarities, I knew we would have a special bond between us that perhaps no one would ever fully understand. Despite his distrust of everyone around him, Todd was always loyal and supportive to me... yet he challenged me at every turn...causing me to take a harder look at my own well-hidden hypocrisy.
...I believe my brother had an overwhelming need to love, but his faith in the good in mankind had been severely damaged by brutal circumstances in his past. What he carried with him...well, no one will ever know the full extent of his private agony."
"Many of you remember and continue to harbor judgment over the crime of rape he committed. It was a heinous act of violence and there is no excuse for what he did. Some say that I forgave him because he was my brother, but I assure you that I also passed judgment on him and early on did not want to be identified with such a person. As I watched him daily punish and persecute his soul for his crime, reaching out tentatively to the world in uncharacteristic, but definite acts of love and kindness, I sensed that something was trying to push out from within him -- some humanity long forgotten was trying to climb up to the surface and breathe again. There are those of you who have said repeatedly that I was "taken in" and blindto all his shortcomings, but I saw all of that and dealt with his obvious flaws as I could. What I did begin to see was my brother transforming over a period of time into a man who could love and be loved ... and someone who had unearthed the conscience he had denied having years ago."
Viki stopped and looked from one immovable face after another. "I don't for one minute condone the wrongs he has done to many of you here...but he was also wronged by all of you...he was never allowed to start over."
The white Chevy Corsica moved down the road at a conservative highway speed -- its driver paying particular attention to the speed limit signs. Inside on the car seat lay a small brown package, and intermittently, the driver's right hand left the wheel and ran her fingers lightly along the outside ridges of the package.
A nervous, agitated feeling began to build inside Tea as she continued to touch the package, and she pulled her hand up suddenly and vehemently shook her head. The address book hadn't been the only thing she had found in the desk she had searched through at the penthouse. Pushed well behind other papers and miscellaneous items, she had found this package -- a package with one name written on it -- Tea.
Like a kid opening a special present, she had hurriedly peeled apart the closed tab of the package and pulled out a small piece of paper and a cassette tape. A few words had been scrawled on the notepaper which had instantly shaken her to the core of her being -- This tape to be played in the event of my death -- along with her husband's very familiar, slashing signature.
With a stubbornness even she couldn't define, she had not played the tape. You're not dead, so whatever it is you've said can't be heard. Still she had put it next to her on the seat, appreciating the comfort of knowing that he had done this just for her.
Her mind had been in a crazed, chaotic state ever since she had left Llanview. All her preparations for the trip were over, and now she was left with the glaring knowledge that she was headed into some hidden sector of Todd's past -- pursuing a shadowy, nameless mystery that her own instincts had gleaned and tried to probe some time ago. Where would this all take her? If I do find out what I need to know, will I be sorry?
"What is it you think you want to know, Slider?" Nick's voice asked, dropping in volume with each word.
Slider's liquid eyes never left the diabolical eyes boring into his with a smooth intensity that seemed to penetrate through all his best defenses.
"I want to know why you were born."
The simple statement pierced through the cool veneer of Nick's façade, and he fought for control of his emotions as each word stung and met its mark in his consciousness. You surprise me, Slider...very good...I wasn't sure you had it in you...maybe you're ready, but guess what? You're going to have to give up something in the process...
Viki watched as several faces began to outwardly change. She could see the evidence of those who were feeling some kind of guilt and those who were shocked and insulted by what she had said. It didn't matter to her either that she would ruffle some feathers in the crowd. If this hadn't been a eulogy, she felt sure that a few would rise to their feet to start a bitter debate.
"...In some ways my brother was like a child taking his first steps and falling down repeatedly...but he kept getting up...over and over he tried to work his way through the constant recriminations of those around him. I'll tell you that every word spoken to him about his past cut deeply into him, but he hid it all from the world. As his sister, I saw through his attempts to mask the torment many of you inflicted on him.
...I didn't come here to point the finger at anyone, and I'm as guilty as anyone else here could be. I have to live with the fact that I could have done more to help him with his deep-rooted psychological problems, but to be honest with myself, I think I wanted to distance myself from it.
... What he did the last day of his life ...and all of you are aware of this...was based on a breakdown, but I believe that breakdown was meant to happen..."
Spotting the skyline pointing heavenward in the distance, Tea once more steeled her nerves. This large city had once been his home, and she immediately felt a kinship with a city she had never had a chance to visit. Somewhere in that swarm of people was a man who might be able to tell her the facts behind her husband's clouded history, and perhaps she would find a link to help her zero in on where he might be. At least I know that you're no longer under the control of that hideous alter, Pete. What I endured...what we endured under his influence will be a memory I want to forget...
Nick sat very still as he ruminated over his decision to allow Slider to step back into time with him and to invade the dark corners of Todd's memory. He had protected this inner sanctum all through his days with Slider, and even when he had disappeared back into Todd's consciousness. I may have to fight you for control because I know what you really want...you want me gone...
Stretching his long arms out and wetting his lips, he sank back deeper into the cushions with an air of a director who is about to survey a scene from a play. "All right then, Slider...let's get started, but let me warn you...none of it is pretty."
Don't get too cocky either, Slider...this is your big test, isn't it? Let's see if all that education will help you now. Hearing Nick assent to his demand, Slider saw a crack of light in his mind's eye that made him shudder with anticipation. If you let me in, I'll have the edge I need...
"In order to find the answer to your question, we'll have to go back...back further to a few days before that night. That's when "Daddy" began to get even worse than usual."
Slider leaned forward, his whole body quivering as Nick spoke. "Worse?
Tell me, Nick. Worse than what?"
"He threatened Todd. Well, you must have known that Toddy's Daddy was very cruel to his son."
"Yes, I suspected it."
"I know...you were just a kid like him then, but kids know things -- especially you, Slider. He let you see more than most."
"What happened? Why did Manning threaten him?"
Nick's look was one of disdain as he recounted the episode. "Todd's report card. He had blown his final History exam and got a D for the course. Ole' Peter was livid about it...kept screaming at the top of his lungs that he was tired of all the screwups and that one day he would teach Toddy a lesson he would never forget. He'd said things like this before, but this time, there was no doubt as to the menace behind it. That's when our boy began to retreat."
"Retreat?"
"Yeah...retreat...retreat away from reality...deeper than I'd ever seen him. For years I'd been part of his balance...I kept him from going insane, but this time it was worse. I knew I had to do something...something fast..."
Nick watched the widening eyes of his listener, relishing the mastery he possessed and the effect of his words. "You see...Toddy would barely talk to me anymore. I couldn't ease him back as I usually did. I knew exactly what he was feeling, too. He was a helpless victim against a predator who wanted to harm him. That predator was also someone he loved."
Nick paused and seemed to want Slider's reaction. "Love and hate are all wrapped up in the same package, aren't they, Slider?"
"Yes, Nick...so you said you needed to do something...what?"
"Easy, Slider...I'm getting to that. I knew that Toddy had been so battered emotionally that he had nothing left within him to counter anything, and I couldn't supply him with what he needed...what he needed to fight back."
"I began to formulate an idea for a protector...someone who was so powerful that he would shield Toddy from the slings and arrows of his Dad. He had to be someone who could deal with a person like Peter Manning...who knew all his tricks and then some...and who wouldn't back down for anyone."
Slider's calm began to crumble inside him as he listened. His instincts told him that he was about to hear something that would shock him.
"For the ultimate in protection I had to come up with a being who would identify with every little twisted facet of Peter Manning's personality. That's why I gave him the name that I did," Nick added with a slight smile on his lips.
"What...what name?"
"I called him Pete."
