Todd was on overload. All of this was more than he could bear to hear. What hell had Tea endured? How painful it must have been for her to realize that he had survived and gone on without her. How she must hate him!
Finally, the consequences of his actions had caught up to him. His actions had caused her to make decisions that had kept them apart. She hadn’t left him, but when the opportunity had arisen, she hadn’t come back to him. Why would she? It was, after all, him. Todd Manning. What did he have now to offer her, now that she had somehow found her way back to him?
Todd had heard enough. He asked the doctors if they knew if she had the child and if so, where it was. They said that medically, she had a child, but that they didn’t know where it was. They explained to Todd that not only had she not remembered killing her abductor, but she didn’t even remember giving birth to a child. And because the child could not be found, there wasn’t even any proof that the child had survived. The doctors were afraid that the child had met an untimely demise, because Tea was obviously unable to care for herself, let alone a child. The doctors weren’t even sure about the timing on everything and weren’t confident they could trust all of Tea’s hypnotic recantations as being time line accurate. They even speculated that the beast that held her might have harmed the child.
Todd knew instantly what he had to do. He had to find out the truth about her time in the cabin and the whole, possibly horrible, truth about her child. She had always accepted and loved his child as if it was her own and it was now time for him to grow up and become the man she needed him to be. He saw the irony of being able to accept Delgado’s child, if there was one, and not being able to accept Blair’s. He finally understood the difference. He loved Tea and would love anything that was hers because it was HERS. He knew he’d have a hard struggle to love the child of the beast who had so butchered her, inside and out, body and soul, but he would jump that hurdle when he came to it. He knew in his heart that he hadn’t had those same feelings for Blair. And finally, this had proved it to him. He had no reservations about a child of Tea’s. He would love this little child, because it was a gift. It was a part of Tea and he wanted all parts of her, for better or worse, for sickness or health, until death really did do them part.
The doctors even noticed the changes in Todd’s behavior. He had been taking his own medicine, figuratively, and had even met with one of her psychologists on his own for daily sessions, while she was in hers. For himself. He wasn’t cured, as he had proclaimed himself with Dr. Cummings, but he was starting to do the right things, say the right things and could feel a sense of calm in his stride. And he wasn’t doing it for Tea. He was doing it for himself. To become the man that would be worthy of her. Although, these days, Tea was feeling anything but worthy.
He went to Tea and told her he had to leave for a while. He had a hard time convincing her that it was something that would help her get better, but still not trusting her enough to tell her what it was he was doing. He knew she’d try to stop him, for all the wrong reasons. He knew she wouldn’t trust him with the bastard child of a man who had almost killed her. He knew she wouldn’t understand the love that he had for her and the respect he had for her going ahead and having this child. It wasn’t the child’s fault, after all, who’s disgusting genes it had. That move, he understood first hand. The child shouldn’t be blamed for the sins of the father. The child couldn’t be blamed for the sins of the father. And in his eyes, this child wouldn’t be blamed for the sins of the father, at least not by him. He never wanted anyone holding Starr accountable for his demons and he certainly wouldn’t hold that against Tea’s child. Besides, he had a side mission, that he knew no one would understand. He was going back to the woods, back to Gilbert’s Run, back to the cabin nearby their own, where these unspeakable atrocities had occurred. He wanted to see the remains of the man who had so brutalized her. He wanted to make sure he was dead and if not, kill him himself. He wanted to spit on his grave and try to understand the intensity of the beast. Who had hated him so much, that they had hurt her instead? Who could possibly have known him well enough to know that hurting her was a deeper pain than anything he could have inflicted on Todd himself? He had to know.
Tea: When will you be back?
Todd: When it’s over and the deed is done.
Tea: But when will that be?
Todd: You have to trust me, Tea. Trust. Me asking you for trust. That’s a new one.
Tea: I want to trust you, Todd, but right now, that’s asking a lot.
Todd: I know it is. But you’re going to have to do it anyway. I’ll surprise you when I get back. I know how much you love my surprising you.
Tea: I used to, yes. But now, it’s scary Todd.
Todd: You won’t even know I’m gone. I didn’t have to tell you, you know. I could have just let the doctors do what they were going to do which is to forbid you to see me anyway. But I wanted to see you.
Tea: But where…
Todd: (interrupting) Don’t ask where, because I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to lie to you ever again. Just don’t ask that.
Tea: I don’t have to. You’re going back to Gilbert’s Run. (Pausing) He’s not there Todd. I don’t know how I know that, but he’s not there.
Todd looked at Tea perplexed. Who wasn’t there? Her kidnapper? Of course he wasn’t there, he was dead. But had she understood in her conscious that she had killed him? Or had she only killed him in her mind and not in reality? Poor Tea. He finally understood the difference between compassion and pity. Pity is what he felt for poor Mr. Briggs who wanted to work for any other publisher in the country besides him. Compassion is what he now felt for Delgado. Finally, he understood the difference.
Todd: Just trust that when I get back, things won’t be the same.
Tea: That’s easy. I know things will never be the same.
Todd: Then maybe what we need to do is start over altogether. Fresh. Anew. Think about this for a while and I’ll be back soon. You’ll be glad to see me.
Tea: I hope so.
Todd: You really have lost your mind.
Tea: I want to love you again, Todd. I haven’t forgotten that part. I never stopped. Even when I thought you dead.
Todd: I know that one all to well. I never stopped you know, with you either, Tea.
Tea: You still can’t say it, can you?
Todd: For you, I can say anything…I love you Tea. Always have, always will. Satisfied?
Tea: Go on, get out of here. You obviously have things to do.
Todd: Yes I do. And I will be back.
Tea: I hope so.
Todd: Know it, Tea. Please, know it.
Tea: No lies. Please. I might be able to get used to this guy. Are you sure this isn’t another alter?
Todd: Great. I’m trying to be a good guy, one that’s finally, FINALLY worthy of you, and all you can do is credit it to another person. Thanks.
Tea: Todd. I…
Todd: Enough of this talking stuff. I hate words.
Tea: That’s the Todd Manning I remember.
Todd: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Tea: I haven’t decided yet. I like the pledge of no lies and all that pleasing you’re trying to do.
Todd: So you want the whole package? The whole Todd Manning deluxe?
Tea: Absolutely.
Todd: I gotta get out of here before I get 20 cavities.
Tea: Too late.
Todd: You probably got that right. (He pauses.) I want…I want to…
Tea: (moving closer to him) You want to what?
Todd: No more talking. I want…this…
And in one fell swoop, Todd reached in and did what he wanted. He kissed Tea passionately. She responded favorably and he moved his hands to her back, pulling her in closer to his own body. Her hand moved to his back and pulled in tighter as well. After about thirty seconds of passionate kissing, they both pulled away and looked into each other’s eyes. With one more peck on the lips, Todd moved in and out of her personal space and walked out of the door.
