For months, Todd, Tea and the doctors worked on clearing her mind of her demons. Her confusion in the beginning left her unable to differentiate Todd from Powell. She saw them both on top of her in her mind’s eye and her mind was playing tricks on her. She also saw them both as rapists and he couldn’t argue. It killed him for her to think of him in that way and that way only. For years, she had no problem accepting his past and living with him and loving him. What had he done to her to confuse her to this point? He had no idea that she was confusing their love making with an act of aggression. Most of this left him dumbfounded and her distraught. And both of them sorely alone.
Her physical wounds and scars healed but her mind was scarred much deeper. The doctors had used hypnosis and realized that the extent of the brutality she suffered was horrendous.
Todd had arranged for Shorty and Judith to stay in one of the luxurious homes native of the isle of Newport. It had been one of the summer homes of the Strauses, of Titanic fame and misfortune, unused and unoccupied for years, only for the occasional holiday party or prominent wedding. He had even arranged for Starr to go to school here. The house was only a few miles from the hospital, but Todd found himself mainly spending his time beside Tea.
Blair had fought him for custody of Starr, again, but this time, he used all the resources of the law that he had on his side and ended the battle ugly but victorious. Sam had even sided with him, once all the facts became public. Blair had tried to pull another fast one on him. There was an unmemorable night. There was a pregnancy. There was a child. Blair had mistakenly thought the child Todd’s but for months and had lied about the paternity. Nothing new there. But a quick paternity test had proven Blair the liar she always was. It had also forced a confession out of Holden, that worthless excuse of a man. The night he had pretended to sleep with Blair to make Todd jealous had proven too sexually overpowering for Max. He had decided to go ahead and have sex with her that night, conceiving the child that Blair now had. That would make number four for Holden. A fourth child he couldn’t afford. A fourth child he wouldn’t take care of. Rumor had it back in Llanview that Holden had bedded Asa’s wife and had knocked her up again as well. Asa had also disappeared and Holden was being charged with his murder. The judge had no problem overlooking Todd’s hardships, as he tried to provide a better life for his daughter, Starr and tenderly care for his ill wife.
Todd was now concentrating on Tea’s recovery. Her outburst months before had only solidified the fears of the doctors. Her captor had brutally raped her over and over again. She winced at the sight of Todd for days and weeks afterwards. But with the doctors’ help and tons of patience, Todd had gotten Tea to realize it wasn’t him whom had brutalized her. His only goal was to love her and get her back to her old self. The one that loved him passionately, thoroughly and completely.
Todd had turned the day to day operations of the Sun over to Charlie. It had lost circulation numbers with Charlie’s more substantive style, but it had begun to receive critical acclaim under his tutelage. For now, Todd could live with that. The day came when the doctors felt comfortable allowing Tea a day, outside the confines of her padded cell with Todd. He planned a glorious day.
He met her in the morning and offered his arm for her to hold, more accurately, anchor herself to. They walked down the hallway, past the entrance and to the outside. As the sun hit her face, she smiled. She felt its warmth and greeting and remembered happier times. She was still apprehensive, but everyone had convinced her that she was ready for this outing, most especially, Todd.
His Jag was parked out front and he placed her comfortably inside. They drove away, headed for a day of surprises. Todd slowed the pace as he drove past the house he was renting and pointed it out to Tea. She asked if they were going to go inside and he told her it was on the agenda for later in the day. He increased his speed as they neared the coastline of the Atlantic. It was a beautiful summer day. The water was filled with diamonds glistening and sparkling their embrace for their two new visitors. He had rented a boat and planned on taking her out on the water for the day. It was a modest boat by Newport standards, but it was rich and regal and alluring. Tea hesitated as they boarded, unsure of the marked awayness it displayed, yet longing to be out on the sea where she could be away from the reporters, the notoriety and her fears of the unknown. Away from her assailant and protected and safe with Todd. She didn’t completely trust Todd yet, but she did know he wouldn’t hurt her the way Powell had. She hadn’t even been able to tell the doctors yet the name of her assailant. She hadn’t decided if it was to protect her or to protect Todd. If Todd new the name of her captor, surely he would kill him. Somewhere, it all had to end. But how? She made a conscious decision to stop the mixed up jumble of emotions and to just let the day happen.
She boarded the boat and relaxed, as much as she could on the starboard side of the ship. Todd had hired a skeleton crew to drive the boat, to attend to their needs and a chef to cook for them. He decided to give Tea some distance on this trip, retreating to below decks for a while. As he lowered himself down the galley steps, he could see her laying back, tossing her hair side to side and seeming to enjoy the newness and warmth of the day. He thought to himself how beautiful she really was. And he actually felt happy. What a weird and wonderful feeling this was. Happiness. It felt more like silliness to him. He had been giddy before and he imagined happiness was just a permanent form of giddiness. “Well that was enough sweetness and light for one day,” he thought to himself. After all, it was her whom had changed, not him. He wasn’t going to grow or be better because of her torture. He would soon turn his focus to the bastard who had done this to her. It was only a matter of time. But for today, for Tea, he could muster some sweetness and light. He knew it was imperative for her recovery. And for her, he could actually move the mountain Manning closer to happiness, if it brought her closer to him.
Tea sunned herself and solely enjoyed the simplicity of the straightforward situation. She was getting out of the confines of the hospital. The whiteness of it all. The white world she had always so longed to be a part of now seemed overwhelming, overbearing. She enjoyed the blueness of the northern sky, the brightness of the noon sun and the cool, sea breeze that fell softly and gently on her face. She wasn’t completely at ease, but it was the best she had felt in a long time.
Todd could no longer stay captive in the lower deck. He ascended the staircase, all four stairs and slowly approached Tea. He could visibly see her tense up. He decided to keep his distance, but still entered her outer personal space.
Todd: Enjoying yourself?
Tea: Yes, this is wonderful (she lied, trying to keep her true feelings safe and protected.)
Todd: Beautiful day, isn’t it?
Tea: Yes, it is.
Todd: Well that’s enough small talk, how are you? I mean, really, how ARE you?
Tea: I’m fine Todd. Please don’t turn this into some kind of therapy session. I need to just not think for a while. I need to just be.
Todd: And the rest of us stay on hold while you decide to just be?
Tea: What do you want from me Todd? What do you God Damn want? (Her anger and fear visible for all to see and especially for Todd to feel.)
Todd: Nothing. I don’t want a God Damn thing from you.
Tea: Then leave me alone, just leave me alone.
Todd: I can do that. I’ve got that one down pat.
Todd rose to his feet and leaped hands and head first into the Atlantic. Tea sprang to her feet, screaming out loud.
Tea: Todd! Todd! I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it!
Todd surfaced, smiling at the words he was hearing. He swam back to the boat and climbed up the rope ladder hanging from the sides of the Tea Starr. Tea visibly shook, terrified that he had died all over again, and feeling emotions she hadn’t felt in months. She cared about someone. She cared. She felt. She thought. She cried. Todd stood above her, wet and dripping, smiling. Tea rose to her feet and threw her arms around his neck.
Tea: I’ve missed you Todd.
Todd: Nice to have you back, Delgado.
Tea: (she pulled away from his embrace) I’m not all the way back, you know, Todd?
Todd: But you’re better and that’s good.
Tea: (looking deeply into his eyes) I’m not better. I’ll never be better. You would do yourself better by looking deeply into my eyes, saying good bye and never looking back.
Todd: Since when do I do what’s good for me? Haven’t I always done what’s worse? When have I ever done what’s in my best interest? If this is bad, I’ll do it well. You used to know that.
Tea: I haven’t forgotten everything Todd. But there’s so much I wish I could forget.
Todd: It will get better, with time. Give it time, Delgado. You have to give us time. That’s all I ever wanted before. To spend my time with you. I don’t care if you’re hating me or loving me, I just want to be with you.
Tea: I want that. I know I do. I just can’t say it yet.
Todd: Time. We have all the time in the world.
Tea: Time. It’s my worst enemy now. If I spend it not thinking, the people closest to me hurt, and that hurts. If I spend it thinking, I hurt and that hurts too. How will I ever get through this alone?
Todd: You’re wrong. You’re so wrong. You will never be alone again.
Tea: Todd, you don’t understand. I want to be alone. It hurts too much to be around people, to be around…(she pauses, unsure if he can handle the next word out of her mouth) you. IT hurts too much…
