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| SOULMATES BY CAROL |
CHAPTER 9 |
Tea began reading Sam's letter to Todd...a young Todd...an eighteen year old Todd on the brink of his adult life:
Boomer,
Just look how far you’ve come Pal! You’ve beaten insurmountable challenges and odds and come out on the other side a winner. Who would have thought that the quirky little kid you were would have come this far?
Do you remember the day we first met? You came out to the football field and most of your teammates towered above you. You were what? All of five foot six? Scrawny little thing too, from what I recall. About 125 pounds? You were smart, Pal. I remember that. Smart as hell. I remember you were the only kid who wasn’t in my face the first day telling me what position I should start you at. You stood out with your quietness and dared me with your bravado. You still do, Boomer.
You worked hard…harder than any player out there. I thought you worked so hard because you wanted to do more, to be better…at football. Imagine my shock, surprise and horror to realize you would have done anything not to go home to that monster. That so-called father of yours. I obviously don’t know everything that has happened to you at his hand, but if my imagination is even close, you are quite the brave young man. Especially, if your fourteenth birthday is any indication.
What all happened that night Todd? Will you ever feel comfortable enough with me to share everything that happened that night? I know it was terrible, Pal, but someday, maybe someday, you’ll be able to trust me enough with the awful truth of that night. Like, how were you able to take that lighter from him that seemed to have started that whole fight? What exactly did you do with that baseball bat? I know where you normally kept it and your struggle was a few feet away. It seems as though your arms grew two feet in your fury that evening. You must have been incredibly desperate, almost fighting for your life when you found the strength to beat him off. Why didn’t Peter want medical assistance for his abrasions that evening? You hit him in the head with it, didn’t you? What else happened that night to make you capable of almost killing him? Would you have killed him had I not gotten there when I did? What unspeakable evil did he thrust upon you that night? The whole truth, Todd. Okay, I know I’m starting to sound like a lawyer, but I have a good reason. I AM a lawyer.
Tea let out a nervous chuckle. “Me too, Sam, me too.” How ironic that Todd had surrounded himself with lawyers. But it seems, he trusted them the most, with his darkest secrets, with his darkest side. She really felt like crying but she knew she must go on. And so she did.
Your father was nothing but a bully, Todd. You have to realize that what he did to you was not right. He didn’t do it right…being a father, a husband or being a man. Why else do you think your mother got out? She didn’t leave you. She ran from him. You lived a life of hell and you’re coming out on the other side a better man for it. You’ve been scared your whole life and I’ve seen instances when you resorted to his teachings in your own life. I’ve seen you shoot Jack and Lou and even Jinx with your words of anger. You zing them with your verbal arrows and you don’t even realize how hurtful you’re being. You’re only reacting to the example you’ve been taught.
But it’s time to grow up, Pal. It’s time you started using some of the examples that I’ve taught you as well. It’s time to come out from behind that wall of pain and anger and live with normal people, like me, here on the other side of the wall. I know you’re confused. I know your father has made you feel like a big joke. Like you were a mistake. Like you were dirt. And with a bully like that as your role model, I completely understand why you put up that protective wall of yours. Don’t you realize when you put up that wall, you trap yourself behind it with him and don’t let the goodness of others, like me in?
It’s time to leave all that behind now, Pal. You’re almost six feet tall now. You’re at least 175 pounds. If this season is as successful as I’ve set you up to be, you can have a scholarship to any college you choose and you can get far, far away from him. You’re obviously capable, now, of protecting yourself physically from that bully. All the bullies for that matter. But I still see you lashing out.
It’s time to stop. It’s time to change. And I’m here for you Boomer. I will always be here for you. I’ll always be on your side. I will never turn on you and I will never hurt you. I understand you, Todd. More than you realize. Because I know. I know it, you know it and I know that you know it! Why else do you think I’ve groomed you to be our starting quarterback, during this, your senior year. You’re ready for this challenge. You are capable of leading this team to greatness. You are the one I’ve chosen. It’s in your hands. I know you bring your anger to the field and it spurs you on to win. I know you think by winning, you’ll win your father’s love. But it’s a useless game because you cannot be on the football field morning, noon and night, although you do go to great lengths to try. I know you don’t get all of those black and blue marks from the football field. I know you’re hiding a lot of the abuse. And I think you’re doing it to prove to your father, just what a tough man you are. And to show him you are a man. But taking abuse and dishing it out is NOT being a man.
Your father will never love you for the man you are. And it’s his loss, Pal, not yours. I love you Todd. No matter what you do, I will always love you. Let me be the father that he couldn’t. Let me be the one you try to impress. I won’t let you down. I expect you to do your best for me and you never let me down. Call me, any time you need me. I’ll be there for you. Today, tomorrow, throughout your life! I think you know by now, I will always be there for you. Even when you set that dumpster behind the school on fire, who was the one who got you out of that mess? Who lets you sleep on his sofa any time you want or need to? Me, that’s who. Who leaves his own wife and children in the middle of the night whenever you call? Me that’s who. How many times must I tell you or prove to you that I’m the one you can count on?
It’s your time to try now Todd. Be the man I know you can be. It’s all up to you now. Whether or not you win all your games this season, be a winner in life. Do things that will make me proud of you. Do things that will make you proud of yourself. It’s time to let the past go. Stop trying to be the man you think Peter wants you to be. Just let that man go. If you don’t, you may end up in far worse shape later down the road than you are now, if you can imagine that. You may end up being worse than Peter. I know that’s not what you want. You use your bravado to hide the pain, and push the goodness deep down inside you. Be strong. Be fearless. Move past the pain and anger and move on to the warmth and comfort of normality. That life will be much happier in the long run. Lets make this season the best one of your life. And let’s make it the start to better things for you. 1986 is going to be a year to remember. It’s the year you’re going to change your life. I’m here for you Pal. Always have been, always will be.
I’m proud of you Boomer. I Love You Pal.
Coach
Tea fought hard to hold back the tears that had formed in her eyes. If Sam had not been enough to make Todd stop and turn from Peter’s dark side, whatever on earth made her think she would have what it takes? What a long and lonely battle he has been fighting? And Peter’s been dead for over five years now. His struggle is only seeming to get worse, not better. Have I allowed myself to be drawn in to his side of the protective wall? I cannot let that happen, she thought.
Tea: Maybe he’s ready to move out from the wall. That’s why he brought me here. (her optimism evident)
Tea placed the letter back in the envelope, wiped the tears away and wrapped her arms around herself. Look at how much she learned and still all she felt was compassion for the little boy who had been abandoned by the weak mother and tortured by the beast. Not even Sam’s words of pride and love seemed to be able to penetrate the reality and brutality of it all. Peter had beaten the worst of himself into Todd, had insulated him from the rest of the world by allowing Bitsy to retreat and had masochistically enjoyed inflicting his sick world on such an unknowing subject.
Tea: (aloud and emotion filled) I’d kill the beast for you myself, if he weren’t already dead Todd.
To be continued……
