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| RIVER ROCKS BY CABBIE ESQ |
Llanview sometimes was acceptable to Todd Manning. Acceptable in its humdrumness, in its normality. Over the years, he had learned to live within its constraints, had learned to deal with the riff-raff. In a couple of months or so, he would be thirty-eight years old. It had been a lifetime ago that he had terrorized this very suburban city, let people know the ugliness inside of him.
It had also felt a lifetime ago that Tea had chased him down into the depths of New York City and offered him a way out.
Thoughts of those years trickled inside of him as he stood on the outside porch of his home that he shared with Tea, his wife. His soul-mate. He sniffled at the crisp morning air and took another sip of the fresh-brewed cup of creamed coffee. He and Tea had been married four years. Today. They had a rocky relationship - there wasn't any denying it. Passionate, intense, full of fury.
They...liked it that way. At first, it had been because of Todd - their dealing with his problems. Too many to recount. Too many different kinds of "medications". Then it was learning to be married. Too many habits. Too many people interfering. Then it was learning to be...normal. Too many abnormalities.
Todd shuddered. Normal was not part of his internal make-up. No matter how far he had come along. 38. Thirty-eight. Still wore long hair, like a kid. He was beginning to have thoughts of cutting it. Really short. Dying it blond. Bleaching it. Maybe he'd even pierce something. Thirty-eight. Shit. He'd noticed the other day that he had some white strands in that mane of his. White. And the beginnings of...what do they call it, crow's feet. Shit. Too many addictions in his life caused this.
He laughed quietly. Piercing something. That would really piss Viki off, he thought to himself. Wait. Maybe it would be someplace she couldn't see. Oh that would piss her off even more. He thought of Tea. She might like it. Yeah. Tea. A rocky relationship they had, sure. But rocky like an established river. One that doesn't change course. One that defines the countryside. One that people grow old by. One that people depend on for their lives. Yeah.
He took a deep breath and drank some more of his coffee. With vanilla creme. Not very macho, but he had learned to enjoy it. It's sweetness. It's subtlety. Still coffee, just without the bitterness. Still will keep you awake for days on end if you keep drinking it. Just without its biting taste. Subtlety. He thought he heard something upstairs and downed the rest of his coffee. Watched the sun finish its morning ascent.
Once inside, he glanced around their home. On his left was a warmly decorated family room. A den. To his right was the kitchen, another warmish room which cost a bundle. For her. Saw a toy truck there. Along with a bunch of huge plastic tools to fix the truck with. The tools were also really good for torturing their cat, Loof, with. Poor Loof. One of Reese's victims. Todd looked at the trail of crayons beginning at the truck and ending in an overturned plastic container. Looked at a crayon mark traveling along the cabinets. The bottom edges of them. Reese, his and Tea's almost three-year old son, was his Picasso. For sure he was going to be a great artist one day. Loved huge canvases for his abstract drawings. Particularly plaster canvases. As in walls. As in indoor walls. White and clean. The bigger the better. The cleaner the better. Todd grinned. Pissed Tea off. Drove her nuts.
With a snort at the mess in their home, Todd headed up the stairs. Biting his lip. Yeah. Tea. Give me some of your bites. Give me some of your scratching. Yeah. The house was so peaceful. So quiet. Happy anniversary.
Married four years. 4. Reese was almost 3. Reese. The name meant "fiery". See, their baby came out screaming. Oh sure, they're supposed to do that. But this one meant business. Took one look at Todd the first time they met, screwed up his face and let out a cry that said worlds to Todd. The biggest "fuck you" he'd ever experienced. Three minutes old and he knew who his father was. Brought Todd to his knees. See, Reese had colic and Todd and Tea had been at their wit's end with it. Long hours of walking and crying with him. But after a few weeks, they all settled into this groove. Yeah. An understanding, a routine.
Beautiful. Reese was beautiful. Red hair. Greenish eyes. And a mischievous as hell grin - one never knew what he was he going to do next. Todd loved that. The thing he liked best though was the look on Tea's face when she watched Reese. So wonderful it would hurt. Reese knew who his father was, indeed.
So did Tea. Tea. Grab onto me the way you do, claw at me the way you do. Todd stood in the doorway of their room. Watching her sleep. Studied the gentle lift of her bosom as she breathed. Peaceful. Reese slept real well, too - rarely woke up at night. Tea slept more than Todd did. Bite me the way you do. Yeah.
Todd still wandered sometimes. Would wake up around 3:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. He would write, sometimes. Kept a journal from his shrink days. It helped. Other times he would surf the 'net. Offer help on some of the special message boards to drowning abuse "survivors". Anonymously, of course. It helped. Gave him a sense of control over nightmares. Sometimes it was a trigger, though, and he'd have to log off.
Other times he would run. Literally. Would put on some running shoes and pound out his energy along the perimeter of his property. It helped, too. Made him...normal. Made him ready to fight the hypocrites in Llanview. Made him strong.
Tea was a wonderful mother. She gave up her law practice after Reese was born. Was looking into picking it up again this coming year. Basic stuff. Basic criminal defense. Todd rolled his eyes. She had a thing for criminals. Defending them. He never understood that. Never did. He slipped off his shoes. Slippers actually. Slipped out of his sweat pants. Took off his tee-shirt. He crawled into the bed next to her. Lay on his side. Watching her.
She was amazing. Tea had this way of putting up with him, with his mania. Made him feel loved like he had never felt in his entire life. With one look, she would let him know that he had a place in this world. Here. "Shhh," is what her look said. It offered a shushing of the voices he would still hear. A shushing of him. A sigh. He knew a part of him would always feel like baby Reese. Colicky. Screaming inconsolably. Needing to be walked and rocked and held tightly. Tea did that to Todd. She would look at him. "Shhh," she would say. "I love you."
His fingers touched her cheek. Just barely. He fingered her earlobes. Ran his fingertips along her arm. A touch of smile played on his mouth. God. She was his wife. Four years. Beautiful. Rocky like that river he thought of. Let me float along your current of faith in me. Let me roll along over those rocks that always get in our way. Cool and smooth. He put his face against hers, nudging her, kissing her cheek. Love me.
Tea could feel her husband against her. She smiled softly to herself and knew what he wanted. Now, a soft plea. Yes, corazon, I will love you. It wasn't always so easy - this request on his part. This moment of connection. It had taken a lot of work on their part to get here, she thought, remembering those first years after she brought him back from New York City, after finding him. After saving his life.
He had disappeared following the trial for his taking hostages way back when. After the first year, Tea had gone on a hunt for him, finally finding him about nine months later - found him in a grungy apartment, in one of the more dangerous parts of the city, living alone, leading this "life" so disconnected from human warmth she didn't think he would ever come back. Addicted to a variety of vices. She shuddered. She didn't dare think again about what he had been doing, how he had been soothing his broken soul during those nearly two years he had been gone.
She could still see the look on his face when he had opened the door to her. Caught. Expecting someone else. Empty eyes and a shattered heart. But he did come back - and he got better. Fought his way back to a place filled with love and heartening assurance. They both fought their way back to that place. And thank God, that place included each other. Together.
They had gotten married after a number of years - years filled with a lot of personal growth, a lot of pain. "Pain and suffering." "Damages." Tea thought of the legal terminology. Who to sue for those years? How does one put a price of what he had lost? On the other hand, no amount of money could ever equal the value of what they had now. Priceless.
Todd kissed her neck and she adjusted her head on the pillow, feigning sleep, allowing him greater access. She loved his kisses. These kinds of kisses. So far from where he had been. He was a daddy, too, to their son, Reese. Reese with reddish hair atop lovely fair skin. More her coloring than his. More his personality than hers. Wild. A darling, cuddly troublemaker. His smile was the only thing that saved his precious life. Tea and Reese were "enemies." She would stare him down and he would do the same. She would say "no." And then, with a look of defiance, with Todd's determination, he would do exactly the opposite of what she had commanded.
Reese had learned to run fast.
Todd was no help during those times. His laughter at Tea's attempts at
discipline had made him a partner to Reese. The two of them against her. "Run, buddy!" Todd would yell. Of course, when it really counted, Reese would know who Todd really was - that he was his father. Above all. And a damn good one too.
"Good morning," she whispered as she caressed his face. "What time is it?"
"Early."
"What happened to your clothes?" Tea chuckled.
"Lost them. I do that sometimes...me and Reese. We like nakie."
"Yeah, you do," she laughed a little more. "And...to what do I owe your
nakie-ness?"
"Nothing..." he nuzzled against her body, throwing his leg over her thighs. His arm across her belly, holding her arm. "You feel so good."
"You do, too," she sighed.
Feeling good. She remembered the first time she "felt good" with him after bringing him home from New York. It was just going to be dinner. Pizza and a movie. A normal date at the suggestion of his therapist. Todd had just up and called, shocking her. "Wanna go out?" he had asked with a definite lightness in his voice. "Just pizza," he promised. "Maybe a movie. Kind of regular-like." Tea hadn't seen him in about four weeks because he had cut her off for the umpteenth time. More rocks in the path of their relationship. He had only been home about a year, still living with Viki, and, though Tea didn't know it at the time, he had finally begun to emerge from the thick fog under which he had been dwelling. He looked wonderful to Tea when he showed up at her doorstep. Clean. At last. Sober. He smiled when he saw her. A smile that tore into her deeper than any sword of hate he had ever thrust at her. She still remembered that particular smile. "Hi," they had said.
So they went on that date. He never left her again. Oh, sure, there were still rocks to deal with, boulders, lots of curves and falls. Near drowning's. But they remained together. Bound together. Over the next couple of years they continued to see each other, Todd getting on his own two feet again. Taking control of his life. Learning to love Tea. Learning to love himself.
Todd climbed on top of her still night-gowned body, giving her that look that he always gave her when he wanted to make love. A little sleepy. A bite of his lip. "Hey, Delgado," he whispered. "The kid's not gonna be awake for a while..." He kissed her neck. Offered a slow movement of his hips against hers.
"Wanna...fuck?"
"Todd!" Tea pretended to be mad. "I think you need to be little...nicer...Mr.Manning."
He laughed. "Ok," he said softly. "Can we please, please fuck?"
"You are impossible."
"Yeah...I know." He kept kissing her, her mouth, her ears, her neck, moving down to her chest. She felt him become hard and he stuck his hands underneath her bottom, outside of her night clothes, lifting her to him. Pressing into her. "Come on," he said softly, in between kisses of her mouth. He knew how to love her. Knew what she liked. She responded with a mouthy kiss, wet and hot. "Yeah, amor, let's 'fuck'," she said. Todd chuckled at her use of his word.
The thing that always touched her about her relationship with Todd was how well they understood the other. Like they could read each other's minds. They seemed to know when they needed to move close and when to give each other space. There was a certain acceptance of each other that astounded Tea. Took her breath away.
It was trust. At night, she was always aware of when he got up from the bed. Always felt his hand touch hers as he left. A reassuring pass to say, "It's just me. Doing my thing. You know." I know. I know, amor.
And it felt good. There were those times when he didn't leave, staying with her until the late morning. This usually followed about four days of light sleeping. On those mornings, it was she who would give him the reassuring pass of her hand
over his. "Just doing my thing," the touch would say.
She heard his breathing change and he pushed his tongue into her mouth, just a little at first. He took her hand and placed it on his penis. Moved her hand up and down. Then he moved his tongue deeper into her mouth, putting his hand on her hair. Sucked on her tongue. Her tongue then went into his mouth. He opened wider for her. Taking her in. Loving her. His hand roamed her body, rubbing her all over. On top of that damned night gown. Exciting her. Beautiful. Peaceful.
He had the softest touch with her. Delicate. Most of the time. This was something he had had to learn. And where did she see this learned handling the most? With Reese. He had always been a good father, always gentle with his children. But Reese had challenged them with his colic. With that frustrating, endless crying. Hours upon hours. It was enough to drive the most patient of parents to the brink. Not her husband, though. It was he who took over for Tea after a while. He was the one who walked the longest periods of time. He was the one who held Reese tightly, almost like he knew what his baby wanted. Like he knew this kind of crying. Tea understood that her husband did know that kind of hurt. She remembered lots of nights holding Todd close to her. Trying to console the inconsolable.
Four years. Married. Today. And you know what? They were happy. With all the fury, passion and intensity. With all his trouble-making. With all hers.
Todd lifted himself up off Tea, grinning as he said, "Take your clothes off. Get nakie." She shook her head, smiling back at him, and lifted the nightgown above her head. Threw it to the side of the bed.
"Come on, big boy...show mami what you got," she teased.
He licked his lips and nodded his head at her, "Ooo, Delgado, you can be so nasty." They giggled and he lay back down on her, kissing her deeply. She loved the feel of his weight on her. Loved his muscular heaviness. He moved his lips to her chin, going down to her neck. He caressed her breasts, running his thumb over one of her nipples it until it stuck out, stiffening. "God I love this," he muttered as he took her nipple into his mouth. Suckling on her. He moved to her other breast and did the same. He held his hands against her back while he did this. Tea touched his head with one of her hands and sighed at his continued arousal of her. She spread her thighs slightly and he settled in between her legs, feeling her gyrate her hips against him.
Looking up at her with a glint of the devil, he kissed her belly, let his tongue taste her navel. Moved down. He rubbed his cheek against her curled patch of hair that he adored. He kissed it and heard Tea moan at his even more daring kisses of her. He touched her, gently, moving his fingers in small circles, watching her face. He slipped one finger inside of her, sliding it in and out
slowly, feeling her wetness, its slipperiness. Putting his mouth to her luscious opening, he licked her, pressing his tongue against her. Tea sucked in a breath of air and rolled her hips against his mouth, tugging on his hair. She moved a little quicker, opening her legs for him a bit more. Closer to the edge, close to bursting. Finally, she pulled him up to her. Holding him, she said softly, "I love you. Come inside...come..."
Todd, supporting himself on his hands next to her shoulders, leaned down and kissed her mouth, deeply. He rubbed himself against her sex to hear her sigh, to feel her openness. She could see his losing himself in their passion for each other. He could see her love for what they did. For their love-making. Her joy of him, of them. He pushed into her quickly and they both breathed in hard at that.
They slowed their movements, feeling the wonderful sensation of their sexual melding. Tea held onto him and stared into his eyes. Love me. She wrapped her legs around his back, pulling him into her. Making him drive himself into her.
He closed his eyes and rhythmically rocked his hips, increasing the delicious orgasmic feel. He pumped quickly and then pulled out to stop a quick end, shivering at his self-control. She touched his mouth with her hand and he kissed her palm feverishly. "I love you, Tea, I love you," he panted.
"I love you."
She smiled, urged him to move to the side and then turned over onto her stomach, spreading her legs apart for him. She knocked the pillows off the bed onto the floor. Todd watched them hit the carpet and then lay on top of her, feeling her round buttocks against his stomach. He mouthed her neck, her hair. He thrust into her sex again and they began to get more turned on, more noisy. Arduous breaths, grunts. Todd grew more assertive with his grinding into her, Tea's body warming with the friction of her rubbing against the sheets. Falling a tad to their side, he took her hand and with his guiding her, made her touch herself.
Made her stimulate herself as he moved faster and harder. She leaned her head back into him and moaned softly as an orgasm took over her, making her shake with pleasure.
Todd smiled at that and gently lay her flat on her stomach again, moving quickly into her, lifting his upper body so he could go deeper inside of her. A few more quick thrusts and he groaned out a powerful orgasm, "Tea...Tea...oh god..."
She smiled as she felt him slow his movements at last, then close down onto her back, holding her tight to him. Together. Loving. After a moment, she turned over and they wrapped each other up in their arms. So close. So snug.
Separating, they grinned at each other and kissed softly. "Happy anniversary, Mr. Manning," Tea said.
"Happy anniversary, Mrs. Manning," Todd said.
At that, a tiny voice rang out across the house, from the confines of a crib.
Still. "Mommeeeeeeee! Wan'out!!"
Todd and Tea burst out into gentle laughter and said at the same time, dragging out the words in a sing-song fashion, "He's awake!"
A river was their life - rocky but steady. Rife with twists and turns, but never wavering in its existence nor in its course. Permanent and powerful.
The End
