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| VOYEURS BY BEESA |
CHAPTER 5 |
"Look, Todd. I’m sorry that this guy once tried to screw you out of your inheritance, but right now, I’m much more concerned with the fact that he’s screwing my client." Téa turns around and peeks inside. "And rather well, I might add," she mumbles.
"Téa! I’m serious," says Todd, as he gently grasps her upper arm and turns her to face him. "I want you to stay away from that guy."
"Todd, you have no say in the matter."
"Like hell I don’t! You’re going to stay away from Vickers, and that’s final. Now, let’s get out of here."
Téa pulls her arm free of Todd’s grasp. She gets right in his face. "Listen to me, Todd. Hear what I’m saying to you. You have no business telling me what to do. I’m not your wife or your woman or even your lawyer, and even if I still was any of those things, which I’m not, you still wouldn’t have any kind of authority over me. So, get over it and quit trying to tell me what to do. I will do whatever I want to do, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do to stop me."
"We’ll see about that," he says, as he bends down and lifts Téa off the ground, over his shoulder. He quickly carries her down the stairs and toward their cars, crossing the large lawn instead of the driveway, hoping to make less noise in the grass. She hits him in the butt continuously, as she demands that he put her down. "Yeah, go ahead. You keep playing with my ass, Téa, but I’m not putting you down until I’m good and ready."
"I’m not playing with your ass, I’m beating it!"
"Yeah? You’re a wuss, because I can hardly feel it."
At that, Téa pinches his butt. "That I felt, dammit!," he says. "Quit it. That hurt."
"Who’s the wuss now?," she taunts. "Put me down!"
Todd roughly puts her on her back in the grass, and lies on top of her, pinning her arms over her head. They’re both breathing hard from the exertion and fighting. "Get off of me right now, Manning!"
"No."
"I said get off of me!," she demands, trying to buck him off of her body.
"Give it up, Delgado. You’re no match for me, so just stop squirming and be still. I’ll let you go when I’m ready."
"Any idea when that might be?"
"You looked pretty hot in those little pink shorts tonight, Téa."
"What?" Téa stops struggling. "So, you were there, watching me?"
"Well, duh? I followed you here, didn’t I?"
"Yes, but I switched cars and clothing at one point, so you could have just been stalking my apartment and followed me from there. That would have at least allowed you the opportunity to keep your word about not stalking me when I’m working on that street corner."
"Okay, first of all, I’m not actually stalking you, and second of all, I already explained how you said you didn’t want that specific car appearing at the corner and..."
"Cut the semantics and the bullshit, Manning. Why are you watching me? Why are you following me?"
He takes a moment and looks into her eyes. "Because, I have to," he says, quietly.
"You have to? What do you mean, you have to?"
Téa watches, as his eyes shift down to her mouth, then back up to her eyes. "I think you know what I mean, Delgado. It’s not even a choice for me. I have to be near you. I have to be..." He trails off, as he leans down and kisses her. Téa can’t help it, she finds herself responding, especially when she feels his tongue trying to enter her mouth. She lets him in, and he lets go of her arms and wraps his arms around her. She pulls him into her body, and they kiss passionately for several minutes. Téa eventually breaks off the kiss, rolls them over and sits on top of him.
"Wow, I can’t believe it," she says.
"Yeah, that was amazing."
"No, not that. I mean, yeah, that, the kisses were great, but that’s not what I meant."
"What did you mean?," he asks, as he caresses her legs.
"I meant that I can’t believe it happened. I had my doubts that it ever would, but it did."
"What? That we’d kiss like that, finally?"
"No, well, yeah, that...but that’s not what I meant, either."
"What then?"
"I can kiss you, I can make out with you, and yet, I feel nothing."
"What? What are you talking about, Téa?"
"I can enjoy you, physically, without there being anything emotionally. God! Do you realize what this means?"
"No! I don’t!"
"It means I’m over you, Todd. I’m truly over you. You’re just another guy to me now. I can suck your face and then walk away, without giving you another thought, just like I can with any other man. You’re all the same to me. Yes! I made it. I have made a full recovery from Todd Manning. Thank you for helping me realize that." She pats him on the chest and gets up, walking down the road to her SUV.
He lies there, stunned, for a few moments, before he jumps up and runs after her. "What a crock! You are so not over me. Please! Like you’ll ever get over me, even slightly. No way. Can’t be done."
"You know, for someone who hates himself so much, you have an awfully high opinion of yourself, Todd."
"You’re not over me, and you did feel something when we kissed."
"Yes, I did."
"See?"
"I felt a man’s lips on mine, a man’s tongue on mine, a man’s body on mine, but it didn’t really matter that it was you, specifically. I felt you physically but not emotionally. That’s my point. The overwhelming feeling of love that I once had for you is gone. I figured this would happen one day, I just didn’t know when. See, when a guy grinds my heart into the ground enough times, I eventually pick it up and take it back. I’ve reclaimed it. My heart is mine, again, not yours. Hell, you never wanted it anyway, so it’s better off with me. Listen, thanks for the heads up on that David Vickers guy, but I need to get going. I need to fill Del in on what I’ve learned tonight. Goodbye, Todd. You need to stop following me and find a new life for yourself. Goodbye." She opens her SUV’s door, but he grabs onto the door and pins her against the vehicle.
"Don’t you think I tried that? I’ve tried that already! I’ve tried to let you go, and I’ve tried to leave you alone, and I’ve tried to move on without you! It doesn’t work, Téa! It doesn’t work."
"Yes, it does work, Todd."
"No, it doesn’t!"
"It does, when you deal with the hurt you’re feeling and allow yourself to grieve and get over things. That’s what I did, and it worked. It hasn’t worked for you, because you haven’t done the work. You haven’t dealt with the death of our relationship, with the end of both our marriages and the countless times we tried to be together and failed. All you’ve done is deny and pretend and avoid and run away and attempt to make substitutions and create fake relationships. You haven’t allowed yourself to grieve for the loss of our love, Todd, and it was a huge loss. You need to do that, so that you can finally move on, for real this time."
"I can’t."
"Yes, you can. You can, and you must. Trust me, it’s a wonderful feeling. It’s freeing, it’s liberating, and I want you to feel that, to have that."
"I don’t want that. I want you."
Téa reaches up and caresses his face, running her fingertips gently across his scar. "Forgive me for saying this, but querido, you don’t know what you want."
"Yes, I do."
"You don’t want me."
"Yes, I do. More than you’ll ever know."
"Why, Todd? Why do you want me?"
"Because, Delgado."
"Because...why?"
"Because, I love you."
"This is the part where you expect me to start crying, huh?"
"No."
"A few soft spoken words of affection from you used to go a long way with me, but they’re just empty words, Todd. You’ve got nothing to back them up, and I deserve a hell of a lot better than that."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I won’t accept a half-assed attempt at a relationship ever again. It’s all or nothing. It’s complete commitment, devotion and sharing, or it’s nothing at all. I don’t want a man who withholds affection from me in any way. I will not tolerate that anymore. I don’t want to have to ask for it, I expect it to be offered, freely and frequently. I will not be made to feel bad that I enjoy sex, and I expect to have it every now and then with the man I love. I demand full disclosure now, Todd. No secrets, no lies, no games, no schemes, no betrayals. That stuff is infantile bullshit, and it’s beneath me. I’m an adult, and I expect the man in my life to behave like an adult as well." Téa pauses and takes a breath.
"You’ve still got a long list."
"It’s not a list, Todd, it’s the definition of a mature, romantic, adult relationship. It’s something for which I am ready. Can you say the same?"
Todd pauses and takes a deep breath. He moves closer to Téa and places his hands on her soft cheeks. He lightly caresses her cheekbones and looks deeply into her eyes. "Yes," he whispers.
Téa stares at him for several moments, caught off guard by his answer. "You must have misunderstood my question, I..."
"I heard your question, Delgado, and my answer is yes. I’m ready for all that and more. Just give me one more chance. That’s all I ask, Téa. Just one more chance. One more try. I’ll get it right this time, I swear."
"Todd...it’s not about getting something right. It’s about sharing your life with another human being, in every way possible. I don’t believe that you’re ready for that. This is heavy stuff. I’m not kidding around here."
"Neither am I. I want all that stuff, and I want it with you. There isn’t anyone else on the planet that I want that stuff with but you. You gotta believe that, Delgado. I mean it. I mean it when I say I love you."
Téa places her hands on top of his. "Todd, I believe that you love me. A part of me still loves you...and probably always will...but, it would never work."
"Why not?"
"Because, Todd. We always fail, no matter how much we both want to be together. It just never works."
"It’ll work this time."
"Todd..."
"Don’t."
"Don’t what?"
"Don’t. Just don’t. Don’t tell me you’re not going to give me another chance. Just don’t." Todd pulls his hands away and turns to face the other direction, but he doesn’t turn quickly enough, because Téa sees the tears that are starting to form in his eyes.
They stand quietly for a few moments, before Téa moves forward and places her hands on his shoulders and rests her cheek on his upper back. "Shhhh," she whispers.
"I’m not crying," he chokes.
"Okay."
"I’m not."
"Okay. It’s okay."
"No, it’s not okay. Nothing has been okay since the day you walked out on me. And now, I know that nothing will ever be okay again, because you won’t give me another chance."
"Todd..."
"It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. I’m going to die without you, but that doesn’t even matter. I don’t even care anymore. I haven’t cared about anything in a long time."
"Stop talking like that."
Todd stops talking entirely, as he stares blankly across the lawn. Téa looks toward the heavens, shaking her head and closing her eyes. She opens them and takes a deep breath, then she walks in front of Todd and puts her hands on his face.
"Look at me, Todd."
Nothing.
"Please?"
Nothing.
"This is what I mean about being an adult. Look at me."
Todd slowly looks at her. After several moments, Téa sighs. "I swear to God, you are going to be my undoing, Todd Manning."
"Yeah? That’s only fair, since you’re already mine."
She puts her hands into her jean pockets. "Do you have a place to stay? I mean a home, not a hotel room?"
"Yeah, I have a really shitty apartment. Just me and my cockroach buddies. Why?"
"You’re moving."
"I am?"
"Yes, you are."
"To where, if I’m permitted to ask?"
"You know that building you dropped me off at last night?"
"Yeah."
"Del and I own it. It has store fronts on the first floor, that’s where Del and I have our offices, and there’s apartments on the remaining floors. Del and I each have an apartment, and there are two vacancies right now. If you’re going to be working with us, Del will insist that you live there, too, since we often have to get to a location in a hurry. It’s easier if we can travel together."
"I thought we had to discuss things with Del first, you know, about me working with you guys."
"Well, that certainly would have been the professional thing to do."
"The adult thing?," he asks, grinning.
Téa grins, too. "Yes, the adult thing. However, it wouldn’t be very adult of me to just walk away from you, in your current state. Del will just have to understand, and I think he will."
"What state? I’m fine," he says, not making eye contact.
"Of course, you are. Well, let’s get going, shall we? We need to go inform Del that Sheila is a naughty little wife and that you know the man with whom she’s being naughty."
"And, that I’m working with and living near you two."
"Yeah, that, too. Del will be so happy," she says, sarcastically.
As she turns toward her vehicle, Todd grabs her and pulls her into a tight hug. She slowly hugs him back, even though she is full of doubts about the choices she has made tonight. After several moments pass, he puts his lips against her ear and whispers, "Thank you."
Téa feels a hint of that old connection threatening to surface, and she pushes it down, immediately. "You’re welcome," she says. She pulls back, and they release each other from the hug. "What do you say, Manning? Should we go ruin Del’s night?"
Todd smiles. "You got it."
to be continued...
