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| THE PROJECT BY BEESA |
CHAPTER 16 |
Téa just looks at him, offering no comment. He watches her, as she crosses the room and sits on her bed, leaning her back against the pile of pillows at the headboard. She adjusts her robe, to make sure she is covered. Todd notices.
"What’s with that, huh? Why do you keep covering yourself up like that?"
Téa looks up at him. She seems surprised by Todd’s comments. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you’re so concerned that I might see something...I guess...I dunno, it’s just making me feel weird, like you’re trying to hide from me or something."
"I’m not trying to hide from you. I’m just trying to save you the trauma of seeing my bare skin. I know how that irritates you."
"That’s bullshit, Téa, and you know it! I don’t know where this is coming from, because you know damned well that I think you’re hot, so just stop it. Stop with the ‘Oh, Todd doesn’t want me, he doesn’t think I’m pretty’ crap, okay? I have told you countless times how beautiful you are, but it never seems to sink into that freakishly thick skull of yours! Jesus! I come on to you, and you push me away, and then you get all defensive and insecure. That’s been our pattern all along, you know? It sucks, especially because you always end up blaming me for what is obviously your insecurity. And, I can’t for the life of me figure out what you have to be insecure about, Téa! You’re gorgeous...you’re brilliant...you’re cool and funny and tough and soft and...I love you, dammit! But, that’s clearly not enough for you. That’s it, isn’t it? My love isn’t enough for you. I’m not enough for you. I’m not who or what you want in a man, right? I’m not good enough for you. You don’t think I’m good enough for you."
Todd abruptly sits back down in the chair, trying to catch his breath after his venting. He runs his hands over his face and through his hair. Although he finds Téa’s reticence unnerving, he is determined to not be the next one to speak. They sit there in silence for several minutes.
"Try the other way around," she whispers, not looking at him.
"What? Did you say something?"
"I said, try the other way around."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that you have it backwards."
Todd takes a deep breath and lets it out in an agitated huff. "I don’t get your meaning, okay?"
‘It’s not that I think you’re not good enough for me...it’s more like...I think I’m not good enough for you."
Todd stares at her in complete disbelief. "What the hell are you talking about? Have you lost your mind? You aren’t good enough for me?" Todd laughs, sarcastically, and adds, "That’s fucked up, Delgado. That’s really...just...seriously messed up thinking."
"Maybe so, but it’s how I feel."
"You’re not good enough? For me?"
"For anyone."
"Oh, please. You gotta be kidding me. Téa..." He gets up and walks over to the bed, slowly sitting down beside her. She doesn’t move or make a sound...she just stares off into space. Todd reaches down and gently takes her hand in his. He covers her hand with both of his for a moment, before lifting her hand to his lips and softly kissing it. She still doesn’t acknowledge him or his actions.
"Maybe if I bite you, I’ll get a reaction?"
Téa slowly turns her head to look at him. "You bite me, and you’ll get more than just a reaction," she promises, in a warning tone of voice.
She returns her gaze to the wall before her and tries to retract her hand from his, but he refuses to let go. Instead, he returns to holding her hand in both of his, resting them on his lap. They sit like that, physically close but emotionally miles apart, for nearly an hour.
Finally, Téa breaks the extended silence. "If I had been good enough, if I had been more, if I had been what you needed, maybe the whole Georgie thing never would have happened? If I had been enough for you, you wouldn’t have left me two seconds after you proposed to me. It had to have been something that was missing in me, something that drove you away." She turns toward Todd and looks into his eyes for several moments. "If I had been enough, if I had been what you really wanted with all your heart, you would have stayed with me that night and every night after that...but you didn’t. My guess is you immediately regretted proposing to me that night, and that’s why you left and got mixed up with Georgie’s murder case. You went to great lengths to avoid me, and I guess I can understand that, in a way, but what I’ve never understood is why you keep coming back for me? You’ve been free and clear of me so many times, and yet, you won’t leave me alone. I just begin to move on, to make some progress on my own, and there you are. You show up and talk me into taking another chance on you. It’s this painful game, and it always ends the same way, but you know what? I’m tired of playing. I won’t play anymore. You win, I quit."
She quickly pulls her hand out of his grasp and gets off the bed. She grabs her clothes and goes into the bathroom to change. Todd sits on the bed, unsure of how to counter what Téa said to him. He jumps up and goes to the bathroom door. "Téa?"
"What?"
"I, uh...How can I explain what I don’t understand myself?"
"What don’t you understand?"
"Why I keep blowing it with you. You gotta know that I don’t want to do that. I want to make it work between us, but I don’t know how."
Téa opens the door. Todd can’t help but admire how lovely she looks in the sun dress she is wearing. "What?," she asks.
"Nothing. You look nice, that’s all."
"Whatever," she says, ignoring the compliment.
"See? You’re doing it, again. I come right out and tell you that you look nice, and you seem to take it as an insult or something. What’s with you? Can’t you just accept the compliment I gave you?"
Téa looks at him for a moment, and her expression noticeably softens. "Thank you," she says, quietly, not quite meeting his eyes.
"Oh, well...you’re welcome," Todd says, suddenly feeling awkward and shy.
They stand there, in Téa’s bedroom, unsure of what to do next. "Are you hungry?," she asks.
"Nah."
"Me neither."
Silence.
"You have some really nice computer equipment downstairs, Delgado."
"Thanks."
Silence.
"You could use it sometime, if you want...the computer equipment, that is," she offers.
"Yeah? Cool. Thanks."
Silence.
"So, you like this heat?," he asks.
"Uh, yeah. It’s okay."
"I think it’s too hot, especially for this time of year, but then, that’s just me."
"Yeah."
Silence.
"Dammit, Delgado, this is stupid!"
"What is?"
"This is. We’re like strangers. We used to be so comfortable with each other. We used to be friends. We could talk or not talk, but it didn’t feel so damned weird."
"You may be onto something."
"I am?"
"Yeah, we kind of are like strangers. We’ve been apart a lot in the time we’ve been together...wait, that didn’t make sense..."
"Yes, it did. You’re right. So, how do we become unstrangers?"
"I don’t know."
Silence.
"Maybe we should study?," she suggests.
"Huh?"
"Each other."
"Again...huh?"
"Maybe we need to start over and get to know each other all over again? You know, favorite colors, first crushes, stuff like that."
"You mean an interrogation?"
"No," she laughs. "Not an interrogation. Just a little exploration into what makes each other tick."
"Oh, God, I don’t think you wanna go there, Delgado."
"Nothing too heavy, Todd. I don’t know, maybe it’s a dumb idea, but I don’t know how else to break through these walls we’ve built to keep each other out, do you?"
Todd sighs. "Nope. So, we have to talk, huh?"
"Well, I guess we could write it all down and then have the other person read what we wrote?"
Todd thinks about this for a few moments. "Yeah, okay, I could do that. I could write stuff down. We should make up a list of questions, and then we both answer the same things."
"Okay."
"Yeah, this could work, Delgado. I’m glad I thought of it."
Téa gives him a confused look. "You didn’t think of it. I..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah...whatever. Got any paper?"
To be continued...
