F for...

FAIR GAME:

If there is one thing all true Cindy Crawford fans must do at least once, it's see this movie. Granted, it has a bad reputation (not entirely undeserved), it's confusingly written (by Charlie Fletcher and uncredited Steven E. deSouza), badly edited, the director (Andrew Sipes) has never been heard of again, and the acting all round isn't Oscar-winning, but it's still Cindy's movie, and few supermodels can honestly say they've starred in one (only Laetitia Casta truly counts - Milla Jovovich is not, in my opinion, a supermodel). And at least she doesn't ham it up a la Steven Berkoff (who has since badmouthed her acting in this movie - talk about the pot calling the kettle black). From Silver Pictures and Warner Bros.

FUN FACTS ABOUT FAIR GAME:

  • The movie was based on the Paula Gosling novel of the same name, the same book that Sylvester Stallone's far worse 1986 movie Cobra used as its source; the newer movie's plot was closer to the book.
  • The trailer featured a number of scenes not in the finished film, like Kate (Cindy) telling Max (William Baldwin) no one tried to kill her - "This is Miami. I'm local. We only shoot the tourists" - and a shot of Cindy in a soaking top and bikini panties.
  • Danielle, Cindy's younger sister, was originally supposed to be the person who delivers pizzas to our heroes' safehouse; presumably she was replaced in the reshoots.
  • A clueless British magazine said "we can't swear that a body double wasn't used" for the scene where Cindy changes her top by the side of a road. This is clueless because paparazzi shots of said scene being filmed were taken and appeared in papers worldwide, and it most definitely is Cindy topless.
  • This movie was released the same year as Showgirls. Which may explain why Cindy recovered and Elizabeth Berkley still hasn't. FAKES:

    Granted, there are worse ways to waste computer time and technology (see: Deep Impact and the 1998 version of Godzilla), but exactly why people put together counterfeit nude pictures of Cindy when she herself has happily furnished many real ones has always baffled me: the ones picturing her having sex (the most notorious being one of "her" oral servicing of some lucky bastard) are more understandable as a projection of a fantasy, but also more offensive. Mind you, if she ever found herself in a Pam-type scenario... (See also DIAL, NIKKI.)

    FANatic:

    MTV series giving fans the chance to meet their idols - send in a tape explaining why he/she should be the one so honoured [the guy who went out on Halloween disguised as Christina Aguilera is particularly...er..notable], and if it works, you're in (usually two per show, although the one with Mariah Carey had a British fan and an American fan). Cindy participated in the first season with a female fan meeting her in Arabia. (The show was marred somewhat by the other segment dealing with someone meeting the Spice Girls.)

    FANTASY ISLAND:

    Successful wish-fulfillment multi-story series from Spelling-Goldberg and Columbia Pictures Television (1978-84) which, like many TV shows of yore, was revived by the original network ABC in 1997. As part of Cindy's 1997-2000 deal with the Alphabet Network (see also GOOD MORNING AMERICA), she was up for the role of sexy shape-shifter Ariel; the role eventually went to Madchen Amick, but perhaps it was just as well that she didn't win it - a fair bit of blame for the result (which ran up higher bills than ratings - the pilot cost $4 million, and episodes carried a price tag of two million dollars American - and was cancelled before the New Year) would probably have landed on her brunette head, though I suspect people arriving on a mysterious island would have been less put off by her than by the sight of Malcolm McDowell. (Who would not have been unfamiliar to working alongside my Cindy - see PEPSI.)

    FASHION CAFE::

    Establishment/theme restaurant/tourist trap which some journalists seem to think Cindy has shares in. This is not the case (for those who've forgotten, it was orginally Claudia Schiffer, Christy Turlington, Naomi Campbell and Elle Macpherson before two of them left) - Cindy actually has a finger or two in the now-troubled Planet Hollywood chain, but if she WAS part of the FC lineup perhaps it would be in less (as opposed to more) difficulty than Planet Hollywood, whose London branch, unlike that of the Fahsion Cafe, is still in existence.

    FEENEY, NORMAN:

    The name of the baby boy who, in one commercial for Pepsi, is transformed into a lifelong Pepsi drinker when Cindy, Tyra Banks and Bridget Hall visit a maternity room in a hospital one day. Presumably the other newborns were also transformed into Pepsi drinkers. Or lesbians.

    FICTION:

    Most stories about Cindy Crawford, like most stories written by fans (and non-fans) about celebrities, revolve around Cindy having sex. Funny that. (When she was promoting CINDY CRAWFORD'S BASIC FACE she told Jay Leno that the book's website invited customers to write in with suggestions, all of which involved her naked. Funny that.) You can find them on online sites like eroticstories.com or CSSA (due to Angelfire policy I can't link directly to them); here are a few examples...

  • Hypno Celeb 1 - The first in a series of stories by KMB in which men (and sometimes women) use hypnosis to get famous women to sleep with them. I personally don't like stuff like this because it's been done to death and because I think it's basically a form of rape, but KMB's stories lack the misogyny you get in all too much celebrity erotica. Followed by a sequel (Hypno Celeb 26 with Kathy Ireland, whose solo story this is also a sequel to) and by a Hypno Celeb TNG story with Elle Macpherson, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and Tyra Banks.
  • Not Model Behaviour - Another mind control story (the first in a short series).
  • The Shoot - Yet another one.
  • The Accident - Yet another one. (Also starring Elle Macpherson again.)
  • A Cindy Crawford Sandwich - A quite good story set in Jamaica, in which Cindy takes the initiative and winds up forming the filling of the delicacy of the title.
  • Cindy Takes A Today Show Vacation - Again set in Jamaica, with Cindy doing the dirty with an employee of the hotel she's staying at.
  • Martin's Opportunity - This particular one was actually written by a friend of mine, about a young photographer who gets to work with Cindy thanks to Sante D'Orazio.
  • Torn - In which Cindy gets her inner lesbian awoken by k.d. lang. (Followed by a sequel, Porsche).
  • Savage Fantasy - A transgender story in which the narrator wakes up turned into Cindy Crawford.
  • Cindy Crawford's Footboy - A non-sex story in which the title character (who has a foot fetish) goes to work for Cindy during the summer. The following example of fantasy fiction about or involving Cindy Crawford are not recommended: Minding My Own Business, Wetware (the title is techno-talk for the human body), A Day In The Life Of Cindy Crawford, Kathy Ireland Gets Belly Punched, Cindy Crawford And A Horse (in which La Crawford does a Catherine the Great, but without the fatal consequences), and anything by someone calling himself the Marquis (see MARQUIS, THE). For more Cindy Crawford-related fiction, see the alt.gossip.celebrities and alt.showbiz.gossip newsgroups.

    54:

    1998 Miramax movie about the famed NYC nightclub with Mike Myers, Neve Campbell, Ryan Philippe, Salma Hayek and Sela Ward. Not terribly good to be honest; I only went to see it because Cindy was in it, but I had to wait a long time to see her. A very long time - you can see her as one of the arrivals at a modern-day club alongside the scrolling end titles, but it takes so long that her name actually appears in the credits before she does. Bummer.

    FIGGIS, MIKE:

    Apart from the priest in Las Vegas, the only man to have directed both Cindy Crawford and Richard Gere (see PIZZA HUT). After that, who needs Leaving Las Vegas?

    FREEDOM '90:

    One of Cindy's finest moments on screen comes in this video for entertainer-turned-pompous bore George Michael. Declining to appear on screen, several supermodels (Christy Turlington, Naomi Campbell, Tatjana Patitz, etc) appear lipsyncing to his singing, but the real reason to watch is to see Cindy in the bathroom. And yes, she is naked (thank you, Pop-Up Video). Sigh...

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    Email: cindylover1969@yahoo.co.uk