HOWARD MEETS THE MILLIONAIRE BRIDES

HOWARD STERN SHOW, aired Thursday, March 2, 2000

Howard hosted Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire Bride Contestants: Elizabeth Wittlesbach, Shanti Williams, Barbara Lopez, Felicita ( Felice ) Carinos. Upon entering the studio, Elizabeth introduces herself, speaks bravely about upcoming interview.

Upon seeing the "Brides," Howard exclaimed that all four of them were pretty: "Come in, broads; Wow! Attractive! I'd marry all of you broads! Attractive! Not bad! I'd marry all four of them! I'd have picked these girls over the one who won!"
Jackie: [ commenting on those in the studio: ] "Beautiful! Young!"
Robin: "Well, she was a pretty girl."
Howard: "She was all right." [ not that impressed? ]
Shanti: "She was pretty."
Howard: "Did she have a good body, the one who won?"
Elizabeth: "She was size double zero."
Howard: "Double zero what?"
Felice: "Pants size."
Howard: "Oh--she was thin. Zero fat."
Felice: " Very thin. Zero fat, absolutely."
Howard is intrigued with why all these women would be ON such a show. He asks Elizabeth "You're a good-looking woman; you couldn't get a guy? Or you just wanted a rich guy?"
Elizabeth: "It couldn't hurt."
Elizabeth explains that she is a working model and actress, and had wanted the exposure: "I wasn't really excited about getting married; I was excited about being on a game show, being on TV. It's like sending out 10 million modeling cards." She tells of how she's recently gotten more work in runway modeling, had done a 1950's pin-up calendar, and had posed for the cover of a CD for an all-girl band: Goddess ( she holds up the CD which she'd brought with her ).
But Robin points out the obvious flaw in Elizabeth's neat publicity design: "You would've had to marry him!"
Elizabeth: "No; I would've ran."
Shanti: "Yeah, we had to get married, if we did the show, if we got picked, 'cause we signed something..."
Gary: "She got the closest, Howard."
Shanti: "...we wouldn't necessarily have stayed married." She tells that she is currently a student: "I just transferred from a school in Arkansas, to a school in San Diego [ actually, La Jolla ]..."
Howard: "What do you go to? Beaver college?" [ snickers abound ]
Shanti: "I study finance and economics..."
Robin: "So you can handle all his millions for him!"
Howard: "So, you would've handled this guy's millions--it's odd, too; it turns out that he hasn't got a million dollars!"
Felice: "No, he doesn't; he's got two million in mortgage debts, his money is all tied up in debt, in real estate...he's in the 'minors,' that was my impression..."
Howard: "So, it turns out, Who Wants to Marry him, Without his Millions?"
Robin: "Who Wants his Millions in Debt?"
Felice: "Yeah, well, you know..."
Howard: "Shanti, were you hoping to marry him, then maybe actually fall in love? You'd be set for life, is that what you were hoping for?"
Shanti: "I don't think any of us expected to get picked. We got to go to Vegas for a week, all expenses paid, and meet a GREAT group of girls..."
Howard: "But--doesn't that seem bizarre? Don't you worry what people will think? That you were so desperate, that you'd marry a guy for money?"
Elizabeth: "I don't care what people think!"
Felice wanted to point out that if Jay Thomas --or someone--had disclosed that they had all signed prenuptial agreements, meaning that they'd get no money in the case of annulment..."it would've changed the theme of the show, which was 'Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?'--but they never said we'd signed prenups!"
Howard: "But still, you would've married a man..."
Robin: "But, that's worse! That's what I found desperate! Even with a prenup, you'd marry... "
Howard: "But still, even with the prenup, and you could get out of it, it sounds like: 'I don't care who the man is, just 'cause he's got a million dollars, I'd still marry the poor bastard, anyway!..."
Shanti: [ waving her hand ]"No, it wasn't like that!"
Felice: "If there's a prenup, where's the money?!"
Elizabeth: "You get the 'Grand Prize'; but 'Where's the Beef'?"
Gary: "But at the end of the day, even if it's a 'goof', you still get married to the guy!"
Elizabeth: "But it doesn't mean that we have to sleep with him!"
Gary: "It sounds like you don't care about marriage; you'd rather marry a stranger, and be famous?!"
?: "We DO care!!!"
Howard: "Be honest; as long as a guy has a lot of money, you'd marry him."
Barbara: "No, no, no! We risked it..."
Howard: "As long as a guy has a lot of money, you'd marry anyone, isn't that what you're saying?"
Elizabeth: "No, we're not." [ in a sing-song voice ]
Gary is skeptical, and contemptuous: "Would you appear on a show called "Who Wants to Marry a Garbageman?"
****?:
Elizabeth: "No, 'cause they are usually really hideous."
Barbara: "Depends upon which neighborhood they're working in...Beverly Hills?"
Gary: "But what if he's a nice guy? What if he's a nice guy?"
Felice comes back: "Would you participate in a show called "Who Wants to Marry a Supermodel?" [ touché! ] But Howard demurs: "No, I would NOT, because I happen to think marriage is a little more important..." [ obviously, he would believe so; having then just separated from his wife of 21 years, in October, 1999 ] "--and I'm not so desperate..."
Elizabeth: "It's nothing to do with desperate!"
Howard: [ continues ] "When I got into radio, I wanted to be known, but I wanted to be known for my comedy, or whatever it is I do; YOU wanted to be known for marrying..." [ objections abound ]
Barbara: "Howard, I'm 34 years old, some girls just want to get married..."
Howard thinks she's shortchanging herself. He asks her to "...stand up and turn around...you have a nice little ass...I'd bang you. I'd bang all of you chicks."
Elizabeth: "You'd bang anyone, Howard."
Howard: "Oh, be quiet, No, I wouldn't."
Robin: "That's not true!"
Howard: "That's not true!"

[TV show Comercial break]

A woman named Cindy calls in, incensed at the snarky remark about garbagemen: "I'm actually married to a garbageman, and I take offense at how you girls wouldn't marry a garbageman..."
Robin: "So you haven't any competition!"
Shanti: "Did we say we wouldn't??"
Elizabeth: "I said I wouldn't!"
Shanti: "I didn't say I wouldn't..."
Felice: "If he's wonderful, you know, love is love..."
Cindy: "Let me tell you something ...he's the most wonderful man in the entire world...his name is Tommy,..."
Elizabeth: "To you! He is to you!"
Cindy: "...he's absolutely gorgeous, on top of it all, he's wonderful! The handsomest, nicest-- You have no idea what you're talking about..."
Robin: "Are you trying to get rid of him?"
Cindy accuses them of only wanting a man for his money; they counter with pointing out how much value she places on her hubby's looks.
Shanti: "...Real love is more valuable than any amount of money!"
Howard: "Coming from you four, that's believable."[ sarcastic ] "You've got to admit that you're a little shallow, 'cause you'd marry a guy sight unseen, just cause he's got a million dollars."
Elizabeth: "No! No!"
Howard: "I don't care if there's an annulment, and all this.."
Felice: "We were not picked; we didn't have a chance to say no..."
Howard: "Why were you on the show? Why were you marrying him, if not for his money?"
Robin: "You agreed to be on the show!"
Howard: "You'd marry him, because he was a millionaire!"
Barbara: "We liked him, because he was a self-made millionaire!"
Elizabeth: "Multi-Millionaire."
Felice: "If I had a lot of money, I'd marry a poor man."
Howard: "Answer the question..." All the women talk over each other, incomprehensible. This is one thing that Howard hates ( criticizing the Spice Girls for this same annoying fault ): "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You're all talking at once, you bi-- yentas!" [ stopping himself from upsetting them further. But most had found that slip somewhat amusing. Elizabeth hangs her tongue out in jest. He continues: ]"Shanti, you said you would not marry a man for a million dollars?"
Shanti: "No, we had to do it for the show; I said that we would not STAY married, just because he had a million dollars..."
Howard: "But why would you do it, then? Were you so desperate for attention?"
Robin: "How dare you take marriage so lightly!"
Shanti: "I honestly didn't think I'd get picked!"
Howard: "But say you did get picked? You would've married a man for a million dollars? Is that not shallow?"
Cindy: "It's absolutely shallow!"
Shanti: "No!" [ she says in high, upset tone ] "The money had nothing to do with it!"
Felice: "She didn't have a chance to say yes!"
Elizabeth: "How do you know she would have said yes?"
Howard: "Why would you marry the guy for any other reason? All you knew about him was that he had a million dollars!"
Elizabeth: "Let her answer!"
Howard: "She did answer! You would only marry him, because he's a millionaire!"
Elizabeth: "She wanted a self-made man, with motivation--I want to marry a man that makes as much money as me, not less; as that brings stress into the relationship."
Barbara: "It's sexy that a man has motivation, who gets up in the morning, and has goals..."
Robin: "Or who has a lot of money..."
KC: "You didn't know he had goals!"
Shanti. "We knew that he was self-made..."
Felice: "I like it that he's competant..."
Howard: "You'd marry a man just because he has a million dollars?"
Barbara: "No, 'cause he's motivated to make that million."
Elizabeth: "Multi-Million!"
Howard was tough, confessing that he was trying to get them to admit that they were shallow. But Robin tries to make a point: that Howard, himself, is shallow, for liking women for their looks. Howard: "You're damn right, I'm shallow! You'd better look damn good, if I'm going to bang you!... The difference is, if you tell me that a woman is good-looking, would I marry her, sight unseen? No, I absolutely would not."
Robin: "But you would meet her?"
Jackie: "You don't see the difference between a meeting and a marriage?"
Howard: "A blind date and a marriage is two different things."
Barbara: [ waving her hand ] "Actually, I want to go on 'Blind Date,' next."
Howard: "I'll go on a blind date, with you; I'll blindfold you..."
Robin: "...you only ask, 'What does she look like?' You don't ask about her background; all you care about is how she looks...You wouldn't even ask if she was an ax murderer!"
Howard: "I would so ask if she was an ax murderer! You can't tell me what I'd ask!"
Howard: "You've just made a useless point, and I'll tell you why: if someone tells me that a girl is nice, I'll meet her; I WON'T marry her!"
Felice: "This is not a mail-order bride, Howard."
Howard: "But I admit that I'm shallow! I'm trying to get them to admit it!"
Elizabeth: "Would you think I'm shallow, just because I wanted publicity?"
Howard: "Yeah."
Elizabeth: "Okay, then; I'm shallow."
Howard: "Shanti, will you admit that you're shallow?"
Shanti: "No." [ she says in a meek, small voice. She knows it's what the Host wants to hear, and Shanti strikes me as the sweet, accomodating type; but she's having trouble with both concepts of either agreeing to his opinion, or standing up for herself! ]
Barbara refused to acquiesce; and Felice stood up for herself: "I had similar intentions to [ that of ] the groom: He'd said that he'd written a couple of books, so he wanted publicity [ she assumes that was Rick's reason ]; I have written three books, including a poetry book, and I DID want some publicity. So that is shallow, God forgive me; I'm human."
Elizabeth. "We're only speaking for us..."

Shanti waves to Gary, telling him that she had to catch a plane back to San Diego--but for some odd reason, she decided to stay, to participate in a strip-for-cash??

Gary shows the E! crew the checks he's authorized to offer, from IWon.com. He's going to offer them $5000; then go up to $7000; then go up to $10,000.
Gary makes the offer, tells them that he will give them $5000 to strip naked. Elizabeth is intrigued, but a bit wary, feeling that she ought to wait for Playboy's offer. She offers to pose in a bikini, as does Shanti and Barbara. But then, Shanti wavers--she says that she'll do it if Elizabeth does it with her.
Elizabeth: "I'll do it with her! We're gonna get naked!"
Felice is aghast; and very much against it: "Don't throw away your integrity, girls!" shaking her finger and head at Shanti and Elizabeth.
She wants them to stand together, against this. But Elizabeth depletes this solidarity, as she wants to do it.
Howard: "Felice, why don't you want them to do this?"
Felice: "We all represent each other!"
Elizabeth: "I represent myself!"
Howard: "It's over! The show is over!"
Gary: [ to Felice ]"Butt out!...It's over! It's done! The show is over!"
Robin: "Mind your own business! These girls have to make their own economic decisions."
[ But I've heard many, many such offers on the Howard Stern Show, and never, never did they apply so MUCH pressure on the women, with such tactics! ]
Shanti: [ giggling ] "Our bums are going to be on TV!"
Howard: "Felice, why don't you want them to do it?"
Felice: "We're spirits! We're souls! We're worth more than that, I'm sorry; We're worth more than any dollar amount! It's not worth it, girls, uh, uh!"
KC: "Shut UP!"
Felice: "Don't! Follow your integrity, girls!"
Gary: "Let's get down to facts: This'll pay your rent for 4 or 5 months, at least, maybe more.."
But THIS irked even Elizabeth: "How do YOU know how much my rent is?"
Felice: "It's not worth it, girls, don't do it."
Jackie: "Tell the 'den mother' to cork-up!"[ put a cork in her mouth ]

~~~~~ Howard asks Shanti if she's wearing panties. Felice warns her not to tell him.
Howard: "Girls, I'm going to ask you one last time: $5000."
Shanti: "Give me enough alcohol, and I'll do it."
Howard: "Shanti and Elizabeth: $5000."
Shanti: "I think you're just trying to see if we'll do it!"
Howard: "No, we have to give you the 5 grand, if we say so--we're not Fox!"
Gary: "We'll put bars over it, it'll be blocked out; you'll be standing there, you'll be naked, but you won't be able to see anything."
Robin: "Will you be able to see them?"
Howard: "Yeah, we're going to see them!"
Gary: "What do you think? We'll pay her to go into another room?"
Felice: "If you don't see me, I'll do it; but no, uh, uh."
Elizabeth: "How about a sexy bikini?"
Howard: "No sexy bikini!"
Gary: "We'll cut you the check within 10 days."
Elizabeth: "How about a bikini? A nice, sexy bikini?"
Gary: "For that, I'll pay $500!"
Barbara: "I'll do it for $500--in a bikini!"
Howard: "Don't give away $500. Who cares. No, I'm taking it back."
Elizabeth: "Bikini."
Gary: [ looking over at Howard, who prefers nude or nothing, he welches ]"That offer is not on the table."
[ Elizabeth gets up to turn around, to show her shape. ] "Gary said $500!"
Howard: "I'm going to ask Elizabeth and Shanti right now: $5000: will you do it?"
Gary: "$5000; cold hard cash. It's right here."
Howard: "I'm going to count to 5: 1; 2; 3;..."
Shanti: "I'm only going to do it, if Elizabeth does it with me!"
Elizabeth: "I'm only going to do it for Playboy."
Howard: "Well, if you're going to do it for Playboy, you might as well do it here. We pay more than Playboy--Playboy doesn't pay anything!"
Elizabeth: [ disbelieving this tactic ] "No-o-o! No-o-o! I've heard..."
Jackie: "...We'll have Gary take a photograph, and send them over to Playboy."
Howard: "Last chance--1;2;3;..."
Elizabeth: "No-o-o."
Barbara: "We want to see you naked, Howard! Though we know you have a girlfriend...Do you like brunettes, or blondes?"
Howard: "Who is my girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend."
Felice: "You were hiding...you were trying to hide her."
Howard: "No, that was Rob Zellwigger's girlfriend you saw on TV."
Barbara: "Do you like brunettes, or blondes?"
Howard: "I like 'em all, honey; if you've got a vagina, I love you." [ this creates a reaction amongst the women, some of whom applaud and squeal, others looking a little shocked ]
Howard: "What do you mean, I'm sick? This is a man talking!"
Felice: "That's a man talking, all right."
Howard: "This is a man talking; this ain't no Rick Rockwell!" [ Elizabeth, Shanti, and Barbara applaud and cheer this mean, snarky remark ]
Elizabeth: "I love you, Howard; you're great!"
Barbara: "We love you, Howard."
Howard: "I love you too." [ prepares to move into the next segment, the next guest. This creates a ruckus amongst those who don't want to give up: Gary and others; and Shanti and Elizabeth, who are yet undecided. ]
Howard: "Well, they're not doing it! No one wants to do it!"
Gary holds up the second offer: a $7000 check. This creates an renewal of interest. But Shanti savvily inquires: "What's the last check you've got?" It was only $1000. So they bite, at the $7000.

[ But Gary had shown the E! cameras a check for $10,000. What happened to it? Had he decided that these girls had deserved to be cheated??? ]

Elizabeth wanted to wait for Playboy.
Howard: "You're not going to be in Playboy."
Elizabeth: "I've got a letter from them!"
Howard:"You can get all the letters you want, you're not going to do it."
Robin: "I've got a letter from them!"
Howard: "We've all got letters from Playboy!"

~~~~~~~~ Shanti: "For $7000, I'll do it." She continues to ask Elizabeth: "I'll do it, if you will. I won't do it by myself; I'll only do it if Elizabeth is going to do it."
Howard: "Elizabeth, shake your ass. If you do it together, you've got to split it."

Shanti goes up the posing area. Elizabeth soon follows. Barbara makes it clear to the radio audience that neither she nor Felice are posing.
Felice: "Don't do it! I cannot believe you're going to do this! Oh, girls, I wish you weren't doing this!"
Howard [ describing for the radio audience ]: "Shanti and Elizabeth, two of the girls from 'I Want to Marry a Millionaire' [ sic ] are disrobing..." [ He urges them to "hurry up, and take off those clothes." ]
Jackie: "...and the other two are freaking out."
Howard: "...the other two are flipping out." Shanti and Elizabeth start removing their clothes. But suddenly, something has occurred to them:
Shanti: "Is this going to be on nationwide TV?"
Elizabeth: "Is this going to be on the E! channel?--"
Howard: "Yes."
Shanti and Elizabeth open their mouths wide, in shocked, whooping laughter: "Shu--!"
Shanti: "You are going to cover us up?"
Howard: "Okay, I'll put bars across..."
Shanti: "Promise?"
Howard: "I'm not allowed to show you naked on TV."
Gary: "We can't show nudity on television."

Howard compliments Elizabeth on her tattoo. It looks like a sun, or starburst, on her back hip. Upon seeing Shanti stripped to bra and panties, said Howard: "I'd marry you! I am shallow! I'd marry both of you!"
Howard: ... Elizabeth has gigantic underwear.." [ not really: they're only regular cotton panties. Shanti is wearing black, lacy-looking, matching bikini and bra. ] He orders them to "take off your bras, now."
Shanti: "I have no boobs, so I have nothing to hide."
Howard: "I'll be the judge of that...those are cute!!! I like those little boobs!"
Jackie: "Elizabeth, what are you packing, there? Are those real?"
Howard: "Are those real?"
Elizabeth: "They'd be a little higher, if they weren't real."
Howard: "I like those little boobs, over there. I like what I'm seeing."
He urges them to strip off their panties: "Okay, this is the money shot...Seven Grand! Oh, everybody's cleanly- shaved..." [ sound effects of cats meowing commence, presumedly to let the radio audience know what is being seen. Shanti and Elizabeth giggle. ] "I'd marry both of you. I am shallow!"
Robin: "They made their Seven Grand!"
K.C.: "You see? I told you they were prostitutes!"
Elizabeth: "Are we done? Are we done?" She and Shanti start to dress. But Gary makes Elizabeth stand nude longer, turning around to show her bum, and raising her arms to show her bosom--which she'd been concealing with her hands, most of the time. [ odd, for someone who'd claimed to feel "comfortable" nude? ] Gary orders her to "stand normal, too." [ as opposed to her modestly bending one thigh across the other to conceal her genitals. ] Elizabeth stands with arms up, legs straight, almost as if she's being subjected to a police body search. She claims to feel comfortable, placing hands on hips, jauntily: "Say--I love my body. I'm comfortable right now; I'm really proud of my body." [ Bravado? ]

[ Afterward, leaving, talking to the E! cameras ]:
E! Crew: "So, Elizabeth, you did it! You won the money! How do you feel?" [ she's NOT going to Disneyland, that's for sure! ]
Elizabeth: "I'm very comfortable with my body. It's natural. It's au naturale. I think it's the most comfortable I am, is when I'm naked."
[ Shanti is similarily questioned; there she stands, in her dark blue blazer, looking like a staid college girl, believing that "nothing" will show on camera! Yet, quite a bit could be discerned, through the wavy video digitized effect! ]
Shanti: "Yeah, I don't think it hurts anything; I mean, nobody's going to see anything--except Howard, and all you boys."
copyright ©2001 Susan Brown
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<, [ *I, Susan Brown, transcribed the above from the HOWARD STERN SHOW E! Cablecast, which was rerun on May 16, 2001. I had NOT had the tape, itself, of the original radio broadcast, so this is not a full transcript. The following transcript is edited for time and space, and might be rearranged, due to my becoming frazzled from trying to discern the individual voices from that cacaphony of people talking over. However, the transcript, itself, and my additional commentary is my own, and copyrighted, 2001]
[ NOTE: Neither I, nor this site, is affiliated with Howard Stern, CBS, Infinity Broadcasting, **** I'm sorry that I'm NOT! If I had, they could've provided me with a professional transcript! I also must note, that though I criticize Stern and Co. here, in my opinion, that I still enjoy him, his company, and the show. Most other talk shows, though I enjoy them, tend to bore me, these days--a sad thing. Predictability is the cause, I guess! The controversy that Stern generates is exciting, and keeps the audience tuning in to see what happens next. ]
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