~*~Match Game Quotes~*~

~*~Match Game Quotes~*~

~*~Richard SAYS!~*~

Take me home, mate!

Here are a bunch of Match Game quotes!
Last Updated: 18 November 2002.
eMail me at RichardDawsonFan@aol.com or PhilHartman49@aol.com
for comments, suggestions, additions, etc.

Match Game:

Match Game

[girl whistling] Your cab just arrived. (MG)

Nasty booze, ick. [to Gene, referring to massage parlor] Care for a rub down? (MG)

[RD had the correct answer to the final question but guy didn't choose him] You can't afford me. (MG)

[Charles took his shirt off] He was topless, wasn't he? I'm in shock. (MG)

You put a diaper, darling, on an octopus. (MG)

[Club--blank] The night I had to spend with two golf pros, we became a club sandwhich. (MG)

[RD's excuse for why he doesn't play the round] I was the best. (MG)

He was too tuckered to pucker. (MG)

[to Gene] If that makes you laugh, I'm sorry. I'm very fond of you. (MG)

[blank--tell] What I always ask all the girls I go out with on the first date, show and tell. (MG)

And now for a little monkey business. [leans close to girl] (MG)

[joking with Gene who is still sick] (You are a perfect person.) I won't be if you breathe on me! (MG)

If you think they're smart, I've got some swamp land I'm trying to get rid of. It's a steal. (MG)

I used to suck on my bowling ball. (MG)

I dated a girl who didn't believe in sex after birth. Very, *very* discouraging. (MG)

(I kissed her backstage.) I don't care *where* you kissed her. (MG)

(Fannie: We've all had good luck with Richard. Gene: Fannie? I haven't. Brett: That's cos you haven't tried.) Gene? (Yes?) You won't. (MG)

(I've been scoring with Richard in the past....) I thought we had an agreement you were gonna say nothing about that? But my motto is, why worry? (MG)

Conserve energy; make love slowly. (MG)

[explaining why he's wearing a straw hat] H.P.Y.B.B.P.H.S. Help Preserve Your Basic Big Picture Hat Society (MG)

[speaking of tenors] Do I hear twelvers? (MG)

[holding up ashtray] Who lost this contact lense? (MG)

That's how I sharpen *my* pencils. The ol' navel. (MG)

[while hugging Patti who's wearing a fringe shirt] Also, we'd like to announce that we're going on the road in a new show called Beyond The Fringe. (MG)

I haven't had this much fun since they took a wisom tooth out through my ear. (MG)

I don't like picking your nose jokes. (MG)

I'm not angry. Just a quizzical question. What we call a QQ. (MG)

I think you'll enjoy me. I'll give you a good show anyway. (MG)

[to Gene after Richard gooses him and Gene says to not touch him] You know, some days you just can't have a good time. But I love ya. (MG)

He beat me up so much, I want another kiss. (MG)

Not a bimbo dancer! A limbo dancer! (MG)

Gaily covered with stripes and swirls? Would you do my dressing room for me? It's so drab up there. (MG)

(After Gene plays with Richard's ear) Don't stop now! You've made an old performer very happy. (MG)

Can I just go on record as saying you're a beautiful, warm human being. May I say that? Truely. (Why, I thank you, very much.) (Now, here it comes.) You really believe that don't you?

(I didn't bring my whip today.) You didn't? (No.) Well, I guess we'll have to watch television then. (MG)

Something I wear around the house, a g-string. (MG)

[Gene says 'Excuse me, Richard' when he sits on the table in front of Richard] Oh, it's my pleasure. I never forget a face. (MG)

'P.' 'P,' it's like a 'D' with a little tail. (MG)

[about Gene] Send money to Help The Host. (MG)

Bobby Pin. A very fine actor that I worked with. (MG)

We bury, my sons and I go to the beach and like, we'll bury them up to their neck and we do all those things, but we don't, I haven't killed one for oh....weeks now. (MG)

Something I hope to be when I grow up. A Sex Maniac. (MG)

The moment I stand up, they steal things. (MG)

I don't know why I didn't put that because I was only hanging my yoyo from the ceiling this morning. (MG)

I mean it's so painful to even consider blazing boobs. That's terrible. It's all right if you like warm milk. (MG)

When do they take you away in chains? That's the part I like. (MG)

Did you say you're polish? That's the nicest Polish joke I've ever seen in my life. (MG)

Can we do something else for awhile? (MG)

Well, I happen to know uh, the measurements are 36. Unfortunately it's her neck. When she says 'Come 'ere', you better come. (MG)

Yes, they [camels] may have more humps but are they really happy? (MG)

In England, Mother-In-Law and this word [Boss] are the same thing. (MG)

I dropped the S for profession reasons. I never thought you'd betray me after that rally in Encino. (MG)

I know, I was sick of you coming up behind me, so I let you finish in front. I hate old age creeping up on me like that. Having sex that many times a day is what got him to talk like that. Now he's delighted if he can stand up ten times a day. (MG)

(Dumb Donald was walking down the street.) How walking--darn. (MG)

Kiss in front of the fire. Or kiss the fire. (MG)

Brett keeps cackling with laughter] I'll make a deal with you, Brett. You lay 'em, and I'll sell 'em. (MG)

I knew a girl who used gun powder for face powder. Her complexion was shot to hell. (MG)

Always remember, cleanliness is next to Godliness. Brush your prayers. (MG)

You know some of those snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in? I wrote 'alligator.' And I have very good diction. Pair of shoes to go, please. (MG)

[chair squeeks] I can explain that. I sat on a seagull. (MG)

What I am....poor Richard. (MG)

If at first you don't succeed....give up. (MG)

Although I disaprove of this word, I said 'Chick' and I'd get rid of her but I need the eggs. (MG)

Bed bug. It's a Watergate invention. (MG)

Well you go in the motel before me and I'll come in-- (MG)

El pitcho von fork. (MG)

What is this, a recording? (MG)

Pitchfork twins. (MG)

I look for her in the bathroom window. (MG)

I don't know how many people are aware, but Gene has just been nominated for a Emmy for being the host of our show here. Yeah, I'd like to know how it happened. I was not nominated for Family Feud. (MG)

(Show us a pair, Richard.) Uh, my place or yours? Her boobs, uh, light up and say tilt. (MG)

Well, Charles actually had the same thing was mentioned in my divorce petition. I used to say I'd wanna make love and my wife would go, ha-ha-ha-ha! (MG)

Flower power. It's when you get killed by a rose. (MG)

If I had a body, I'd be home with it, believe me, I surely-- (MG)

(You're show in the Fall. And we look forward to seeing you here.) My show already fell. (MG)

A fat head. Or, a plump toidy! (MG)

(L-A-P?) L-A-P-H. (MG)

She has a laugh, just like she's laying an egg. A square one. (MG)

(She's striking.) She struck me twice in the hall! (MG)

[girl says she's from West Cavena] Ah! I would like to apply for a citizen's arrest. (MG)

Well, how often do you shave your tongue? (MG)

With or without my dress and Carl said, I dunno, just jump out of it again. Let me see. (MG)

Well I, I put 'Tummy' because they were cannibals and one said, 'It musta been someone you ate.' Of course you had to be there. Y'know what I mean? (MG)

Well, a lot of people don't know that prunes are very round and smooth. They're made by Matell. (MG)

[About Gene after he tickles him] That's not wrong if I'm attracted to him, is it doctor? (MG)

(Now, let's have a lesson in anatomy, Richard.) Well, show us yours, and I'll uh, show you my....toe. (MG)

(I've always had it honey, I just have had trouble spreadin' it around.) Just my luck to sit next to a carrier. (MG)

Boobie, don't take your love to town. (MG)

[Free ______] I have a feeling, if you ask Brett, she's gonna say, "Free's a jolly good fellow." (MG)

[What the admiral liked to play with in the bath tub] I happen to know he liked to play with his dingy. Small boat. (MG)

[Girl said the guy's rear looked like a rabbit's foot] That would explain why he kept shoving lettuce down his trousers. (MG)

If at first you don't succeed....give up. There's no need being silly about it. (MG)

Why don't we go dancing, sometime? McLean aroused me. (MG)

I think uh, it, you are allowed to ask for virginity, but it's so embarassing to say, 'I already gave.' (MG)

Something I use in bondage. A feather duster. (MG)

Prince Charming. But, enough about me. (MG)

Email: philhartman49@aol.com