~*~Family Feud Quotes~*~

~*~Family Feud Quotes~*~

~*~Richard SAYS!~*~

Take me home, mate!

Here are a bunch of Family Feud quotes!
Last Updated: 20 November 2001.
eMail me at RichardDawsonFan@aol.com or PhilHartman49@aol.com
for comments, suggestions, additions, etc.

Family Feud Quotes Page 2

~*~Family Feud Quotes~*~

Family Feud

No, I never hit an appliance that's bigger than me.

[About vending machine] Isn't that frustrating when you're dying for something out of one of those and you put the money in and nothing happens?

Candy bar with a two-word name. You said 'Oh Henry.' I heard that all night in my hotel room in Hawaii. (FF)

[Something you might buy that might turn out to be phoney] A painting. Yeah, hey if you buy the Mona Lisa and a number five or a number seven is showing, that's usually a good sign. (FF)

[Skirt] Since I stopped wearing them, they've gone right out of my mind. (FF)

If at first you don't succeed....kill 'im. (FF)

Lots of bed rest? Funny. That's the same sorta thing that's running through my mind. (FF)

(Repeat please?) Repeat please? (Repeat, please. The question.) Please. (Please.) Please, I just--. (I mean, please repeat the question.) Ah, that's not what you asked me. You said 'repeat please' and I said 'please.' You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to fool me. (FF)

Name something you stuff clothes into. (A sleeping bag.) A sleeping bag! Next question is WHY you'd--. (FF)

[Something people get in and out of] Like I've gone to Heaven. Five girls saying, "Bed! Bed! Bed!" (FF)

Here's the question. Where the hell is Huntington Park? (FF)

(My mistake!) It certainly is not my mistake. (FF)

[Shows card fast to prove it's a long question] See how much, look. Many words. (FF)

Made me check my zipper. I was very worried when I get that kinda ovation. (FF)

I always wanted to be this close to Dolly Parton. Thank you. She's cute. [looks her over] See, that's the marvel, isn't it, of nature? Why doesn't, why doesn't Dolly fall over all the time. Think it over. I mean, anything else, if you build a statue like this and put this much weight up there, it would go [whistles]. But in his wisdom, he's constructed the--I love her. (FF)

Well, that's the three piggies. (FF)

Little Red Hen. About a communist chicken, if I recall. (FF)

Winnie The Pooh. Yeah, the little animal never bathed, if I recall the story. (FF)

(I'm only seventeen, but I'll say pregnancy test.) [drops card and laughs] You've made an old host very nervous. Pregnancy test, yeah. (Yeah.) Seventeen? (Yeah.) They're turnin' 'em out in Nashville, Gene, faster than we can get to 'em. Seventeen, are you? (I'll be eighteen in November. Six, six days after you're birthday.) The twenty-sixth? (Yes.) Maybe we should-- (Get married!) Yeah. [laughs] We'll see how the test is, we'll see. (My boyfriend's watching this.) Oh, you're boyfriend's watching? [she says it's their anniversary today] Uh, how big's your boyfriend? Huge hulking fellow? (No.) No? Little guy? (Well, not shrimp.) Well-- (No.) I mean, but like, what? (He's bigger than me.) Stand next to me. Oh, is he? (Yeah.) Oh. Well, it's silly to have some crazed maniac from Nashville come up and punch me out just when I'm trying to stretch. (FF)

Let my people go. He said, 'I haven't seen your people.' (FF)

(How 'bout a death certificate?) Make a copy of it? Well, in case the deceased wants one, you know. How do I know I'm dead? [holds up card like he's showing someone] This is how you-- Is your name here? Is the date-- Right? (FF)

I tore it up even before he'd answer, I knew. The holiday I love to celebrate, every year....the wedding holiday. [buzz] But the great thing is, I'm going to continue. (FF)

[Hums Twilight Zone theme] How I wish Rod Serling were alive to see this. I'll repeat it once. I will give you three seconds to answer. If anyone mentions things like birthdays or weddings....I will strike that individual. Besides Christmas--key words coming up now--name an expensive....holiday. 'K? (FF)

If you were wondering, at home, why I would take so long....I knew his first answer was so great, that all the rest was, like most of the other answers, garbage. (FF)

[to guy clapping] Stop behaving like a seal. (FF)

A donkey, mule or a jackass. But, enough about me. That's the animal that resembles a horse. (FF)

Boy, we had so much time to kill, we had two babies! Look! (FF)

[Richard jokes] What is this? (Walnuts.) Oh, I hate walnuts. (FF)

[puts foot on Gene who's laying on ground playing dead] Just a second. Take a snap. Well, I didn't have the heart to shoot 'im, and he doesn't mind being a rug. Thank you Geno. Up you jump. (FF)

See, I have apple juice back here. La da de. Well, the hell with the show. Let's have a meal. (FF)

[Richard makes girls taste the drink to prove it's apple juice and woman says it's scotch and that she meant to say apple juice] Don't say--it's not scotch, I don't drink. (FF)

I'm sticky here! (FF)

We'll be back right after I shower. (FF)

[bends down, like girl did, towards microphone] You look like one of those ducks. You know those ducks that go in the glass of water? Then I suddenly heard myself say, 'A church with a smooth skin.' I'm gonna have to get a room, there's no, no doubt about it. The age people who are getting older start noticing....I just started noticing, I'm getting older. (FF)

They dress up to go to church. Uh, particularly a church with a smooth skin. (FF)

Staples by Dawson. (FF)

Friends. Peers. Remember the Santa Monica Pier? How, what a bad influence that was on your kids. Well, they kept taking it home. (FF)

Something that accidently gets stuck on the roof. The dreaded flying shingle. (FF)

Well, we've got enough to get that shingle down. $915. (FF)

Would you hold my lips here for me please? That's gotta be weird for some whino listening. That guy just handed his lips to some other guy to hold. (FF)

That's a very pretty dress you're wearing. (Thank you.) No, thank you! (FF)

The hour which you get dressed on weekends. You said, eleven. Survey said! Ten. Next question is, where do you live? I'm sorry! (FF)

You know, this is a brand new suit. And they have slits, but no pockets. Do you see how far my hand goes down? Gotta call Botany first thing in the morning. I'll just check this side. No this one's got a pocket. Here they obviously ran out of material. Nothing! Big hole down there. Feel. No, in here. [woman sticks her hand in his vest pocket] There's no pocket in there. Feel all the way down. Was it good for you? (FF)

You soak beans, uh overnight. (What do you soak them in?) Pardon? (What do you soak them in?) I usually soak them in the water I do my feet with. See, I don't eat beans. The hell with 'em. You know? (FF)

You're never in the wrong position. For me, anyway. (FF)

I like it though, when a girl has no idea of time. They'll stay with you much longer. (FF)

Something a soldier wears. You said, a dress. No, what'd you say? (FF)

Something men *ahem* keep in their pants. You, what did you say darlin'? You said-- (I said wallet.) Thank you for reminding me of that. You said a wallet. Wallet. Our survey said! Good. And I think that can be a model for all of us. (FF)

I love me too. Thank you. (FF)

I got a hat out of it. And a slip. Which I will return. After a couple of weeks. (FF)

Particulary underwear. It excites the help. (FF)

A bow has fallen off of this shoe, this one has lost certain things I can't even reveal. We better get off the air before this whole thing gets banned. (FF)

Nothin' gets nothin', so anything I give you should be a bonus. I don't need critics. (FF)

Do you know how you get dry? I don't know how, I'm saying, do you know how you get-- See, there are no normal people left in the world. I said to Wally, you know how you get dry, you need a-- And he said no how? You rub yourself with a towel, that's how you get dry. (FF)

Activity in which people pause to catch their breath. (Making love.) That's how I lost my wife. I paused. She was gone. (FF)

Something I used to be called in my younger days. You crouton! (FF)

Remember now, be nice to each other, and whip your jell-o. (FF)

Be a side-kick. Every time I don't get a laugh, I'll kick you in the side. (FF)

(She's an observer.) Well, I'd like to observer her. (FF)

I've never driven into an ocean in my life. Why?! Because I look out for it! (FF)

Don't say 'hi' around here. These are policemen. (FF)

Will you clip that on? But don't pinch my skin. (FF)

Dear, don't get involved with me, just clip this on. You've already got one Englishman, don't be a hog about this. (Well, they're nice.) Well, you're very kind. What car are you driving? Well, I'll talk to you about that later. (FF)

[What people do during a scary movie] (They grab someone.) They do? In England, that's molesting. (FF)

We're gonna have an announcer with his hands taped to the cookies, who will be this way when I say goodbye at the end of the show. Otherwise, we have a chubby ex-announcer. (FF)

Family Feud Quotes Page 2

Email: philhartman49@aol.com