Malibu News #1
Reports coming in this morning confirm that Malibu outsider Patrick
Tedstone was seen at a driving range Sunday .Tedstone , who hasn't
played a round of golf in over 9 months , is thought to have lost none
of his touch . One eye witness said "we were all impressd , he had the
stature of Craig Stadler combined with the power of Franki Detorri "
Testone's preparation for the Malibu has started alot later than many
comentators expected , a delay he put down to "finding a good moment to
ask the wife to let him out of the house for an hour ."
Meanwhile Malibu favourite Rob Rabone continues his preparation with a
two week holiday in Florida . A spokes pearson for Rabone said "Rob
plays so much he doesn't need the practice , anyway taking two weeks off
gives the others a chance , but then again probably not "
Malibu News #2
The Malibu News has discovered plans to introduce a new golf tournament
during the same week as the Malibu Cup .Sources close to the Malibu
Committee have confirmed the new event is planned to take place on a 9
hole course in Penkridge and may be open to a slightly wider field than
usual in keeping with Malibu tradition to attract the strongest possible
field .Organizers have not decided whether the event should be stoke
play or stableford .Insiders say that work is still being undertaken on
the course and that a decision on the type of event awaits completion of
that operation
Malibu News #3
In this weeks edition we take alook behind the scenes to find out just
how one of the Malibu cups biggest names came to prominence , but first
this weeks latest Malibu News .
Following the failure of Malibu outsider Patrick Tedstone to organize
his life well enough to enter times for the Gents Invitation both Hosts
and Guest alike breathed a sigh of relief as it emerged that Dave Rabone
, on hand to book his own T time , filled the breach to secure an
afternoon spot at 3.18 , ideal for Championship hopefuls not keen to
come back hours after the completion of their rounds .In an interview
later Dave said "Of course I was genuinely surprised when Pat failed to
show , I just hope he remembers to turn up on the day ", Tedstone said
"Obviously we are all grateful to Dave but its good to know the guys
wouldn't have had a go at me if we couldn't play "
Rumors persist of low scoring Stateside by Malibu contender Chris Cook
.When asked if he had become only the forth person on the U.S. tour to
break 59 he said "no , but I kinda hope to make a 69 by the end of the
week ."
After the revelation last Week that Malibu hopeful Alec Briggs had
invested in some new clubs , which he hopes will be available for the
big day , we asked a fellow entrant , who said he wanted to remain
nameless , whether he thought the clubs would allow Briggs to hit the
ball even further ,he said "no but perhaps a little more often "
So to our main feature . We wanted to know what it takes to make a
Malibu golfer so we went to Grove Cottage Penkridge , home of Don and
Dorithy the Parents to Malibu Hopeful Alec Briggs to find out .Here is
how the interview went .
Dorithy and Don did you ever think that Alec would ever have the talent
to become a Malibu golfer ?
Don "that depends on alot of things . We always thought Alec would be
a Derby County defender ,he had all the ability , a terrible first touch
,a slow turn of pace especially over the first ten yards ,and a canny
knack of scoring goals ........in his own net . I guess in the end he
was just to good " .
When did you first notice the talent ?
Don "that depends upon alot of things we knew we were on to something
when Penkridge asked him to bat number eleven and then mom bought him
those Zinger clubs which cost a fortune which he left in the garage
and did nothing with for ages " Dorithy"they were a bargain they were "
So do you think he can win the Malibu for a third time ?
Don " that depends on alot of things "
Dorithy"well I hope he does better than I did in my computer studies
paper , terrible paper that I'll tell you ,terrible .We all failed mind
you well I was busy anyway wasn't I getting quotes for Alec's new
wooden floor I've got a good price but its not cheap though no no not
cheap ,well theirs no point is there ,is their , I said to Don theirs no
point in getting cheap stuff , he didn't like the sound of that . I've
been for a walk today four miles would you believe it four miles me , I
wouldn't have done that 2 years ago no chance , no chance .Anyway I must
go things to to for when his lordship gets back "
and as for Alec's chances ?
Dorithy"don't know "
So there you have life from behind the scenes of a Malibu Star :
In next weeks edition
1. Patrick Tedstone on putting when you can't remember what a green
looks like.
2.We look back at the last Malibu and the day the American fluked the
cup
3. Rob Rabone on why this years Malibu will be the pinnacle of his
golfing career , and
4. Alec Briggs ,Dark Horse or Donkey ?, you decide .
Malibu Recollections
Malibu Trophy: TeaPot Year
Many might have termed this the Lytham St. Anne's year, since it is the only time to date the Malibu has been held at a major championship venue (though surely every course becomes a major championship venue once the Malibu has been played there!). Many that is, other than those present that fateful weekend - to them it will forever be remembered as....... The TeaPot Year.
The weekend had begun well enough. Excellent accommodations had been arranged in "beautiful" Blackpool, a video camera had be procured to record the tournament for posterity and fair skies greeted the three intrepid golfers as they set out from Penkridge.
The golfing went well with Briggs prevailing, as I remember and the celebrations that evening went even better at several of Blackpool's water holes - joined as we were by "Dickie" my buddy and the son of the owners of the luxury five bedroom house with heated indoor swimming pool we had been staying at (while his parents were "away for the weekend").
The night finally ended at a sleazy night club on one of the many peers - and wouldn't you know it they had Malibu signs everywhere - well of course we stole a few and drank a few Malibu’s, got pictures taken with girls (who, as it turned out after viewing said pictures, were hideous!), smoked cigars and finally stumbled home.
And that's when the video camera came out! Alec put up a quite drunken act with the Malibu signs - which might have gone into folklore itself if it was not for what happened next. Tedstone, in the middle of a quite beautiful former Malibu champions speech, decided it would be a good idea to pick up a tea cozy and put it on his head - only thing was, beneath the tea cozy was a teapot, a very expensive bone china teapot and the floor was not kind to it.
I thought Dickie handled it pretty well, under the circumstances of his mother's best china teapot having been smashed in an act of drunken revelry. (Probably helped that he was hammered too). After lengthy attempts by all the kings horse and all the kings men to superglue it back together again it was decided the only course of action was to send the video of the whole incident to Jeremy Beedle to get the cash to replace the tea-pot.
A shocked Patrick Tedstone pleaded that this could ruin his promising law career. So after many hours of back and forth the tape never did (yet) make it to Funniest Home Videos. So for now at least Tedstone's law career is safe, but who knows, if standing over a tricky downhill three footer on the 18th for victory, if that teapot video may be mentioned just one more time......
The author would like it to be known that this account is entirely fictional and that any resemblance to any characters living or dead is purely coincidental.