Epilog
Facade of His Own

Four months later Allie, Nick and A.J. sat in a pew, in St. Ann's church, for Luci's memorial service. The church was filled, but almost totally quiet. Allie, who sat in the middle of Nick and A.J., turned to look at A.J. Ever since they had received the news that the police wouldn't be continuing the search for Luci, he had become extremely distant and quiet -- almost hollow. Everyone was worried, but he wouldn't talk to anyone about it. "Are you okay?" she whispered, to A.J, who was staring at the blown up photo of Luci on the alter of the church.

He turned to her, looking like he was going to snap at her, but his face suddenly softened. He shrugged and looked away again. "I just want to leave." He mumbled. "This is all too eerie."

Allie certainly couldn't disagree with him. She and her mother had thrown herself into setting up the memorial service, and when they had planned it, Allie thought it would have been different. "Where do you want to go?" she inquired, turning her head to look behind them. Behind them was the rest of Backstreet, and in front of them was Allie's family. One of them would cover for them at the lunch after the service.

A.J. sat thinking. He didn't know where exactly, just out of the church. "The beach." He finally muttered.

"Dude, it's the middle of January." Nick interjected, lowly.

Allie elbowed Nick, and gave him a look that told him to shut up. "Of course we can go the beach." She replied, patting A.J.'s leg, before turning back to Nick. "Honey, you don't have to come, but can you have someone cover for us?"

Nick sighed. "I'll come." He agreed. "I'll tell Brian." He turned around, to the guys, and told them the plan, and they agreed. Nick looked back at his girlfriend, and friend to find that they were already at the door of the church. He quickly followed them, but didn't catch up to them until they reached his car. He quickly unlocked the doors, and once they were all in the car, asked, "Which beach are we going to?"

"The one we went to with Luci." A.J. answered quickly, surprising Allie and Nick. He hadn't even muttered Luci's name since the police had called off the search, almost two weeks ago. Nick looked at Allie, who nodded and shrugged. She was just as confused as he was. He started the car, and drove off.

They sat in total silence for the 45 minute drive to the beach. Finally they reached the beach, and all got out of the car, and were met by the cold, gusty winds of the beach. "I don't think we'll be doing any swimming today." Allie kidded, huddling closer to Nick.

A.J. didn't even try to smile. There was no point. "I'll only be a few minutes you can wait in the car. I don't mind." He stated, noticing his friends were shivering. He didn't even feel the wind.

Allie studied his face. To a point, she was afraid to leave him alone. What if he did what Luci did? She knew, though, that he wouldn't let her come with him, by the determined look on his face. It was the first real show emotion since Luci had done what she did. "Okay." She responded, hurrying to get back into the car.

Once both Nick and Allie were in the car, A.J. walked onto the beach. He had so many different thought floating through his head, he couldn't really think straight. He needed to sit down and think -- something he had avoided for the past four months. He surveyed the beach, looking for a piece of driftwood to sit down on, and finally found one, only a few feet from him. He walked to it and sat down. Almost immediately he pulled an old, battered and folded piece of paper from his coat pocket. Slowly he opened it, and began to read it to himself.

Listen closely.
Can't you hear?
Listen intently.
Don't you fear?
Listen to my plea.
Listen to my cry.
Do you want me
To say good bye?
I can't please everyone.
I know I talk too much
But sometimes I just long
For someone's gentle
caring touch
I feel so lonely sometimes
Because I make people mad
And when that happens
I always feel so sad.
I can't please everyone.
I am who I am.
It wouldn't do any good to pretend not to be.
It would ruin my day.
Should I stay for a little while?
I need to seek God's love.
I need to seek God's wisdom,
and strength.
I know I could only get that
from the Lord above.
So, we are free to do whatever we chose to do, but
Listen closely.
Listen with care.
Remember no matter what happens I will always be there,
Even if it seems like I'm not.

   Allie, A.J. and Nick,

     I was on the Internet and found this poem last night. It got me thinking. Everything that you guys know me as, has been a facade. I am not the bubbly, happy go lucky, do anything Luci. That is what I showed you. I couldn't show you the real me, that hurt and was scared and didn't know what to do. You may not understand why I have done what I did now, but please think about it. It's funny, in a way. How your whole world can be pulled out from under you in seconds. So many things have been going on and I can't handle it anymore, that is why I did this. It all became too much. None of you were the reason, so please don't think that. I love you all so much, even though in Nick and A.J's case I haven't known you very long. Things change, but life moves on. Please move on with it. Allie - girl you are my best friend, and I know that you will try to blame yourself for this, but don't. This was my decision: my choice. Nick - your a sweetheart, and you better treat Allie good, or I'll get you. A.J. - I'm sorry we didn't get to see things evolve. I really do love you, and wish you the best. Have fun!!

          Love Always,
                Luci
PS. I'll see you sooner or later!!

A.J. sighed, refolded the note, and stuck it back into his pocket. He had asked for the note back from the police, a few days ago. He knew he had only known Luci a few weeks, but those few weeks were enough.
Slowly he stood up, and began to walk back over the sand. He knew, at least for right now, he couldn't move on and would have to put a facade of his own up. He would never give up on Luci. He would find her, whether she was dead or alive.

As he neared the car he prepared his facade, and forced a smile onto his face. He pulled open Nick's car door, and stated, "Okay. Let's go."


(Author's Note : I did not write the poem that was used. It was written and copywrighted by a girl named Joan. I would appericate it if you wish to use this poem that you would contact me first. I hope you like it!!)


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