By David Keeps. Photographed by Francois Dischinger

Page 5

He asks what my story angle is and has a suggestion: "Go Picasso on me here. Make this story interpretive. Give 'em something so they'll be like "Who the what?"

Let's start with your head. Why does everybody write about your sizeable brow?
Because my hair is receding?
What are you usually complimented on?
My ass or my eyes. My smile. Or my ass.
What is your strangest possession?
Suits. Cause I hate to dress up.
What are two things you find appealing about men?
They're good to talk with and that's about it. I don't have much use for guys.
Two things about women?
Their breasts and their strength.
A strange place where you've made love?
In a bathroom stall in a women's room in a nightclub.
A special place on your body that feels unbelievably good when kissed or touched?
That place right between your scrotum and your ass.
An unfulfilled sexual fantasy?
An orgy situation
A fulfilled sexual fantasy?
Two women.
Create a newspaper headline you would like to read about yourself.
'Meloni wins Oscar and Lotto all in the same night.'
If you were king or queen of your own country what laws would you enact?
I would make sure the educational system was the best in the world. And I would have bacchanalias every night.
One piece of wisdom you would pass on to your own son?
Believe in God, find God, be happy, and work hard.
That's four. Which two famous people would you choose as your parents?
Joseph Campbell - as my mother <laughs>, No seriously, who would my mother be? Ivana Trump?
Pro or con: what is your opinion of the right to have an abortion?
It's an individual choice.
Equal rights for gays?
Completely pro.
If you were in prison how would you spend your time?
Reading every book ever written.
One last question: What is going to be your next blockbuster movie?
Oh, I don't know. I guess Hollywood lost my number. But I'm sure after this story they'll be calling."

Back on the OZ set Meloni is talking about another magical place: Fire Island. "Oh my God. Last year was the first time I'd ever been. My wife and agent were already there. They said 'We'll meet you at the ferry dock.' I took the wrong boat and got off at Cherry Grove instead of the Pines. Someone said 'Take a water taxi.' So I wait. No water taxi. Fuck it, I'll take the beach. The boardwalk ends, and I'm trudging through the woods like Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia. My agent got the biggest kick out of me trolling through the Meat Rack with my suitcase. Meloni even went to tea. "I had my dance card punched," he says with a laugh. "People were very effusive. Of course, Lee Tergesen had been there a week before and all of the Pines was abuzz."

Perhaps the gossipers were simply fans of the show who were wondering whether or not there was a fairy-tale happy ending for Oz in sight. Even halfway through shooting the new season Meloni doesn't really know what fate - or the twisted mind of Oz creator Tom Fontana- has in store for his character, Keller, and his love affair with Tergesen's Beecher. "Keller has a confession to make about his past life," is all Meloni will say. "And the relationship with Beecher continues to be rocky at best." In other words, lock yourself down. It's going to be a bumpy ride.