1. You unplug the phone cables every Monday night at 9 o’clock and every Tuesday night at 8 o’clock (or whenever you receive Buffy and Angel) so that nobody can call you during the shows
2. You re-plug the phone cables (for details, refer to the above question) during the commercial breaks so you can call your friends and scream to them about what’s happening
3. You assume that every show has a magazine just because Buffy does (“What do you mean, there’s no Gilmore Girls magazine?”)
4. You can relate to people who are obsessed with people like Britney Spears just because you share common ground in the fact that you’re both… obsessed
5. You freely admit you’re obsessed
6. You won’t admit to anyone that you’re obsessed
7. You believe firmly and truly that Doyle is alive
8. You believe firmly and truly that Kendra is alive
9. You believe firmly and truly that Mayor Wilkins is alive
10. You know for a fact that the lack of resurrection (though they are alive! They never died!) on the part of Doyle and Kendra and Mayor Wilkins is merely an oversight on the part of the writers, because every other character has come back one way or another
11. You can go through the official Buffy and Angel magazines, guides, books and references and note every single mistake [Did anyone else notice that in the first edition of the new USA production of Buffy magazine that they said Spike was sired by Darla? Please…]
12. You know the original hair color, eye color and height of all of your favorite characters
13. You know the names of all of your favorite actor’s pets
14. You know the addresses of all of your favorite characters
15. The word ‘peculiar’ makes you grin strangely
16. Your idea of a good time is to have people describe Buffy and Angel episodes they’ve seen, and to try to break a record of how fast you can name the season the episodes occurred in, the titles of those episodes and what actually happened
17. You know the complete vampiric family tree and all of the variations and all of the different ages the vampires have been said to be
18. You once dressed up for Halloween (or are going to), with your friends, as various characters from Buffy and Angel
19. You add ‘uber-’ to the beginning of all your superlatives(uber-cool), ‘borderline-’ to the beginning of all of your adjectives (borderline-psychotic) and ‘-age’ to the end of all of your verbs (slayage)
20. You know how to spell ‘Thesulah’ and ‘Ramjerin’ and know what they mean
21. You know who Four Star Mary is
22. You have the Buffy soundtrack and can list the order of the songs, who performed them and in which episodes they appeared
23. You know who performs the Buffy theme song and who performs the Angel theme song
24. You can describe the credits sequences for each respective season
25. If you miss an episode, you know ahead of time that you’ll miss it; whether it’s a re-run or a new ep; what will happen in that episode; and which of your friends knows how to use their VCR to record the ep properly
26. You know all sorts of weird fic slang like “Jossverse,” “Bizzaro world,” “Wishverse,” “OOC,” “PWP,” “AU,” “Amnesia!Verse,” et cetera
27. Your cell phone ring is the Buffy or Angel theme song
28. Your cell phone cover is a picture of Buffy
29. Presented with any picture (publicity photo, screen shot or candid) of any cast member of Buffy or Angel, you can tell which year/season it was taken
30. You adopt a few of your favorite character’s mannerisms (if Spike, you take to calling your friends “luv,” “ducks” and “pet” and wearing leather; if Willow, you pause endearingly after each statement when you’re nervous and begin to sound like you’ve got a slightly stuffy nose; if Buffy, you strike a dangerous-looking pose with your left hand tense and your stake hand—I mean, your right hand—bent back and glare around menacingly after any sharp movements; if Angel, you begin to look at people as if from under a very heavy brow)
31. You can identify different photo shoots of different characters according to the magazine in which they were published…
32. … Because you own the magazines in which they were published
33. [Guys only] You paint your fingernails black ‘cause Spike does and it’s cool
34. [Girls only] You paint your fingernails dark red ‘cause Faith does and it’s cool
35. [Girls only] You begin to consider French manicures with red nails and white tips ‘cause Drusilla does and it’s cool
36. You find yourself saying things like, “Are you ready to get *down*, you funky party weasel?” and expecting people to laugh uproariously and know what you’re talking about
37. You’re beginning to think “Yummy Sushi” pajamas are pretty darn cool
38. When out alone at night, you begin to wish that you’d brought stakes and/or Holy water and/or crosses and/or a lighter
39. You see someone’s hair done a certain way and immediately think, “Wow, that looks just like [insert character’s name]’s hair during [insert season and/or episode]!”
40. You watch obscure shows at obscure times because on BuffyGuide.Com it said that [insert actor’s name here] had a cameo
41. You know who Little Willow is
42. You have a couple of posters. Well, all right, a lot of posters. Won’t tell a lie, a couple trillion posters…
43. You ask people with guitars to play E-flat diminished ninths and are terribly disappointed when they can’t, even though you’ve heard plenty of other people play an E flat diminished ninth before
44. You’ve thought countless ways out of the tragedies of “Becoming, Part II,” “Graduation Day, Part II,” “Harsh Light of Day,” “Wild At Heart,” “Hero,” “The Body”…
45. You know without a doubt that Joss is God
46. You’ve seen dorky movies like “Dead Man on Campus” and “True Lies” for the Buffy connection
47. You swear you saw Seth Green’s profile in the original Buffy movie
48. You saw the original Buffy movie
49. When weaseling your way out of something, you say: “If the Apocalypse comes, beep me,” and leave with a flourish
50. You make sure that none of your boyfriends/girlfriends are vampires
51. You make sure that none of your boyfriends/girlfriends aren’t vampires
52. You’re convinced Buffy and Angel are educational because you’ve learned so much about Wicca, and 18th century Ireland, and…
53. You take Latin, and you use your knowledge of the language to *correctly* translate the spells on Buffy and Angel
54. You want to take Latin so that you can use your knowledge of the language to *correctly* translate the spells on Buffy and Angel
55. You’re teaching yourself Gaelic in honor of Liam/Angelus/Angel
56. You’ve removed the “Welcome” mat from your door
57. You hesitate at going into public buildings at night, and even during the day if you think that building has sewer access
58. You’ve got a detailed map of Los Angeles
59. You’ve got a detailed map of Los Angeles and you don’t live there, you’ve never lived there and you don’t plan on living there
60. You want to go to Los Angeles with your detailed map and try to find all of the places Angel’s been
61. You’re convinced that there really is a Sunnydale, California, no matter what anyone says
62. You lie sharpened pencils on your desk and concentrate *really* hard
63. You eat your bananas even when it isn’t lunchtime
64. You dance wildly, occasionally making an effort to hit innocent bystanders with your elbows, to “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie and are convinced you’re normal
65. You have to move your Buffy folder from your hard drive because it’s taking up too much space
66. You have a younger sibling who you’re convinced is the Key to opening various Hell dimesions, and you’re ready to die for her, even though your sibling is male
67. You don’t have a younger sibling, but you’re convinced eventually you *will* have one who’s the Key to opening various Hell dimensions…
68. You call up the University of California and ask about enrolling at UC Sunnydale
69. You call up the LAPD and ask to speak to Kate
70. On career tests, you mark that you like shrubs
71. You’re convinced that the world really is conspiring against you, except it’s not really the world, it’s those three geeks from your high school that you never paid much attention to
72. You get presented with a pretty umbrella at your senior prom
73. You dance to “Wild Horses” at your senior prom
74. You’ve seen “Valentine,” “Soul Survivors,” “Bones,” “House on Haunted Hill,” “Scream” and “I Know What You Did Last Summer”
75. You’re a member of the James Marsters Spoon Worshiping Cult (http://www.geocities.com/area51/hollow/5214/jmswc.html , for those of you who’d like to join)
76. You refuse to believe that there aren’t three Slayers right now
77. You refuse to believe that Connor is gone
78. You refuse to believe that Connor ever existed
79. You know that official sites (like the WB’s Angel site and Buffy.Com) are never any good at all
80. You know where and how James Marsters got the scar on his left eyebrow
81. You know where and how Spike got the scar on his left eyebrow
82. You’ve got your local bookstore’s collection of BtVS paraphernalia memorized and squeal with excitement whenever there’s anything new
83. You can browse for hours through the sci-fi magazine section, looking for any mention—any mention at all!—of BtVS or Angel
84. You can describe each and every one of Cordelia’s hairstyles
85. You can describe each and every one of Willow’s hairstyles
86. You can describe each and every one of Buffy’s hairstyles
87. You can describe each and every one of Anya’s hairstyles (give an extra 100% for being able to say “yes” to this question)
88. You know who Sophia Crawford is
89. You know the address of Psyche’s Transcripts and Fanfiction
90. You know it’s no coincidence that Faith and Eliza are both from Boston
91. You know Eliza’s Mormon
92. You know the whole Burger King / MacDonald’s story
93. When bored, you doodle the Buffy logo
94. When you doodle the Buffy logo, you do it well
95. You doodle the Buffy fan club symbol
96. You know what the Buffy fan club symbol is
97. You know all of the musical numbers from “Once More, With Feeling”
98. You know what FOG, BIP and VIV stand for
99. You write things like, “You Know You’re Obsessed With Buffy the Vampire Slayer When…”
100. You read things like, “You Know You’re Obsessed With Buffy
the Vampire Slayer When…”
