Hey, Giles?… It’s Willow. Did you miss me?

 

Hey, hey, calm down, I’m fine! I emailed you guys tons of times, it’s not like you never heard from me.

 

Yes, I know, a year is a long time, and I’m sorry, but the computer was tough enough to manage where I was. Phones were a little too much to ask for. Er, where was I? It’s kind of a long story.

 

You want the whole thing? Right now? Over the phone? How’s about we slow down a little, huh? How was your year?

 

Spike disappeared, huh? Heh heh. Fancy that…

 

What? Oh, yes, fine, Giles, I know where he is. He was with me the whole time. Yes, yes. Hey! It’s not like he could hurt me or anything and okay, I know you’ve known me since I was fifteen but I’m a big kid now, Giles. I can take care of myself. I knew what I was doing, and it wasn’t like either of us dragged the other anywhere. We sort of just happened to be going to the same place.

 

Geez, Giles, don’t worry about shouting my ear off. It’s not like I use it for anything.

 

Fine. You want it from the beginning?

 

It was a dark and stormy night.

 

Well, actually, as far and dark and stormy goes, particularly in the town of Sunnydale, which was, as you know, quite prone to dark and stormy despite its name, it wasn’t very. Dark and stormy, that is. But… What? Oh, sorry. Heh. Babble-girl, that’s me!

 

But… Where was I? Oh, yes, the beginning. So, it was actually kinda dark but only marginally stormy with this nasty sort of drizzle—enough to soak you if you poked outside to take the trash out but not really enough to warrant tell-tale puddles—and I was all alone in my parents’ house. No, they weren’t there with me. They were out of town, in Chicago I think. Mom had a conference and Dad was with her because—Sorry. Babble-girl strikes again.

 

Dark and drizzly, in my house on Westminster, all alone. Buffy and Xander were out Bronzing with their respective honeys and I really didn’t feel like being fifth-wheel girl, ‘cause this was right after Tara dumped me, and I wasn’t really into the fun-making. I was mostly moping. What? No, Dawn was at Janice’s. I know, that girl is trouble, Dawnie needs to stay away from her… Wait, wait, Giles, way off-topic.

 

I was sitting in the kitchen staring at the teakettle and waiting for it to boil, which really wasn’t too interesting. I was thinking maybe I’d go watch the clothes go around and around in the washing machine for a change of pace when an owl flew into the kitchen and very nearly landed on my head.

 

No, Giles, I’m not joking or pulling your leg or funning you. I swear. Owl. In the kitchen. Almost collided with my head, which would have been ugly because, hey, long hair and claws, bad combination. Yeah, I’ve grown my hair out! Yeah, it looks nice… Oh, it’s almost to my waist now, but this was like a year and a half ago so it was just past shoulder-length and maybe not so long but long enough to be nasty if a large bird sat in it, okay?

 

Okay.

 

So. Bird. On the counter. And it was kind of freaky, well, duh, freaky, bird in kitchen, how often does that happen, but… This owl looked smart, Giles. Like, aware. And, hello, it was, but I didn’t know that then. –Will you just let me talk? I’ll get there when I get there! I think I’m being quite nice phoning you up and everything and, hey, who’s paying the phone bill? Not Mister Retired-Watcher-Guy, okay? I know I’m not that linear but I’m trying! Fine. Fine.

 

Phew. So, bird, looking at me like I’m really not all I’m cracked up to be, which was insulting because I was pretty much feeling that way about myself anyhow and having a bird feel the same was… Oops. Sorry. Bird. I still don’t know how it got in, though I suppose it could have been teleported or something, but all the windows were closed ‘cause of the drizzle and wind and stuff. So it was standing there all contemptuous and stuff and shaking its leg at me, and it took me a second because, you know, surprise but then I realized that it had a roll of parchment tied to its leg.

 

No, I wasn’t like, oh, look, a roll of parchment! I saw it had something cylindrical on its leg and I removed it—Yes, I know I could have been pecked. What would you have done, huh, Giles? Look. Just let me tell the story. So I took off the parchment and the bird shuffled off and sat and glared at me and I unrolled the letter and it was a request to serve as a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in England. With a cool-looking official seal and everything.

 

Of course you’ve never heard of it! You’re a Muggle, aren’t you? …I am not being patronizing, it’s true! Oh. Sorry. A Muggle is someone who’s not a wizard. No, see, that’s where you’re wrong. I may be Muggle-born, but I am most certainly a wizard. Of course I’m smug! I’m allowed to be smug! Wouldn’t you be?

 

Giles… Look. I’m proud of myself. I’ve done some good stuff this year, and I’ve learned to completely control my magic, and I’ve met some great kids and saved the world—although that’s nothing new—and gotten, like, the coolest job on the planet. And, um, I got a new boyfriend.

 

Uh-huh, he’s a total sweetie, and he’s veddy veddy British, so you shouldn’t have any objections. Except, um, there’s this one thing…

 

Oh. My. God. How could you possibly have guessed that right? Yes, he is a werewolf...  

 

Hey! Hey! I only dated the one before him! It’s not like you could have said I had, like, a werewolf fetish or something. Geez, Giles.

 

Oh, Spike? Heh. Well. It turns out he’d gotten almost the exact same letter as I did, at the exact same time—yes, that’s right. Spike, teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. Makes you laugh, doesn’t it?

 

Hey, that wasn’t nice, Giles. Let up a little, will you? This whole distrust thing is going a little far. Spike is actually an excellent teacher—I did mostly magical theory and technique, but he got all down and dirty with the kids and showed them how to defend themselves without using their wands.

 

Yes, these wizards use wands. I don’t care if it sounds fantastical. Just ‘cause you’ve never heard of Hogwarts you’re getting all uppity…

 

Oh. Oh. I know what this is. This is, like, possessiveness or something. You’re pissed ‘cause there’s this whole big magical thing and it’s in your country and you never heard about it. Ha! Giles, sometimes you can be so immature.

 

Whoa, buddy. Sorry. I’ll never even think for a moment about suggesting that you could stoop to anything so petty as jealousy.

 

… Oh, gosh. That sounded really mean. I didn’t mean it, Giles, I’m sorry.

 

Yeah, maybe I have been spending too much time with Spike—hey! You tricked me! Well, pooh-pooh to you, mister! I am so keeping this job—it pays well, and it’s really fun, and I’m really good at it, and I have a great co-worker. Spike has a good work ethic when he puts his mind to something. No, I’m not kidding. He did half the year’s lesson plans and they all worked out fine.

 

Anyway, it’s probably not all him that’s making me talk this way. The kids I’ve been spending the most time with are fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds, and you know what their mouths are like. Blame Draco, if you must.

 

Oh, he’s one of my favorites—he used to be such a rotten kid, but he’s lightened up quite a bit. And Harry—oh, Harry’s a good kid; he’s a hero, you know, just like Buffy was in high school, with his morals and his kindness and wanting to save everybody—except he’s male and way less ditzy.

 

But his godfather, Sirius—he and Spike are… close. And Sirius is really friendly and everything, but on a bad day he can rival Spike. You know, when he didn’t have the chip and all.

 

Do you really think so? I hope you mean it, because I love it here, and I’d love for all of you guys to come and visit, but not if you’re going to get all snarky at my friends. And Spike counts as one of them, so there.

 

Yes, all right, I’ll call back tomorrow—sorry about the time difference, I totally forgot. School just let out for summer, and I couldn’t wait to come and call you…

 

…Aw. Thanks, Giles. Well, you’re like a dad to me, you know. I did miss you. A lot. But stuff kept happening, and you know how you keep getting caught up in stuff and you never have time to take a breath…?

 

Okay. Tomorrow, then. Earlier.

 

All right. Good night to you, too, Giles. I can’t wait to tell you everything!

 

--Oh, wait, wait, wait. Giles? Oh, good. Um—don’t tell Buffy what I said, okay? About her being ditzy? That’s right. Mum’s the word, all the way.

 

I’ll talk to you later. Good night.