When no one seems to understand...
The depths of ur despair...
When misery's ur only friend..
And no one seems to care...
When pain is all around u...
And the agony won't end...
When days r dark and nites r long...
And u feel ur heart won't mend...
When confusion clouds ur mind..
And lost is all u feel...
When ur spirit cries out endlessly...
And u'r sure ur soul won't heal...
When that special song u hear...
Brings the tears flowing fast...
Take a cue from me my friend...
This too i swear shall pass...
When u close ur eyes at nite...
And his face is all u see...
And it aches to know that what u want...
Was never meant to be...
For a man who'd take a woman's heart..
And thoughtlessly tear it in two..
Is not the sort of man u want...
Hes not the type for u...
Soon u'll wake up and u'll find...
What u thought was love before...
Was only practice for the day...
The One knocks at ur door...
He'll take ur heart in gentle hands...
And kiss away ur sorrow...
He'll hold u each and every nite...
And pledge to u tomorrow...
So..let those tear drops fall...
Don't try to hold them in...
Cos there's nothing wrong with mourning...
A love that mite have been...
i tossed and turned..
my body yearned..
for the way it used to be..
my skin on fire..
my souls desire..
but i jst couldn't let u see..
the love inside..
i tried to hide..
for i knew we weren't meant to be..
but then one day..
U went away..
And this time my heart broke free..
I closed the door..
I won't play no more..
I discovered my destiny..
A soothing face..
To take ur place..
And prove what passion could be..
So..say so long..
U did me wrong..
U'r not the man for me..
I've moved on..
Into arms soo strong..
For all my eternity..
U place barriers between us..
Acting as a safety net..
Protecting u..
Knowing there r some lines i will not cross..
U keep me at a distance..
While pretending to draw closer..
But i see thru u..
Feel ur fear..
Taste ur trepidation..
Watching u hide behind ur walls..
Wondering when u will discover..
That once again..
U r the cause of ur own anguish..
Cos everything was always rite before ur eyes..
Laying here..
Listening to the sound of the rain..
Wondering if u too..
Know the pain..
The emptiness..
The ache..
Can u hear..
The sound..
Of..
My heart break..
My soul scream..
Have we gone too far..
Did we lose..
The dream..
Were u afraid..
Did i not try..
When u close ur eyes..
Can u feel me cry
the battle rages within..
this is the sound of my soul..
shrieking..
pleading..
broken..
bleeding..
seeing red..
voices moaning in my head..
over and over..
constant cries..
confused..
abused..
by endless excuses..
never ending lies..
stumbling over pieces of my heart..
shattered..
scattered all over the floor..
weakened by this masquerade..
polluted and tainted..
ceasing the charade..
its jst not worth it anymore..
~ 2/27/2001 ~
if i screamed at the top of my voice..
all the feelings i have kept locked away..
would u finally fucking hear me..
if i looked into ur eyes..
and cried out each profanity within my soul..
would u finally understand me..
if i stripped myself naked..
of all emotional armament..
would u finally see me..
if i crumbled into a puddle of weakness before u..
would u finally liberate me..
if i slashed my heart open..
and let u bathe in my lifeblood..
would u finally feel me..
when i am no more..
would u finally forget me.......
~ 3/1/2001 ~
Razor sharp..
Swt revenge..
Cuts u deep..
An aching twinge..
Slices to the very bone..
Hear u whine..
Hear u moan..
Think again..
Before u try..
To break me down..
To make me cry..
My hearts not free..
By any means..
I'll steal ur soul..
I'll haunt ur dreams..
A burning need..
Soon discovered..
Never doused..
With another..
U'r the one..
Who tempted fate..
By denying desire..
U invalidate..
Me..
But..
As i lay me down to sleep..
I feel ur pain..
I hear u weep..
Wishing tears could rectify..
But as u bleed..
So do i...
~ 3/14/2001 ~
Silent tears..
Drop like rain..
Emotional overload..
Blinding pain..
Seeking salvation..
Endless yearning..
Beg relief..
From incessant burning..
On hands and knees..
Finally broken..
Terror within..
Fears unspoken..
Tumultuous thoughts..
No where to hide..
Beseeching deliverance..
From what lies inside..
~ 3/19/2001 ~
Pilfered purity..
Naivete mislaid..
Realization obtained..
Thru innocence was paid..
Dreams destroyed..
Fallacies embraced..
Cynicism surrounds..
Faith and trust replaced..
Eyes wide shut..
Perception impaired..
Selective hearing..
Secrets left unshared..
Walked the path of foolishness..
Bathed in his lake of lies..
Baptized by his deceptiveness..
Bedeviled by his guise..
Awakened to the truth..
Crumpled by the pain..
He stole from me my sanctity..
And we shall never be the same..
~ 3/25/2001 ~
Wicked words..
They do deceive..
Inveigled regress..
Then crucified me..
Breach of faith..
Vows denied..
Saving face..
Protecting pride..
Boundaries crushed..
Bonds now broken..
Liaison ruptured..
By blasphemy spoken..
Tormented tribulation..
Confrontation seems the trend..
Tongues slash to the marrow..
Begetting wounds which never mend..
~ 3/25/2001 ~
Seeking my salvation..
Abandoning all delusions..
Rediscovering my essence..
Forsaking the illusion..
Battled with the devil..
Beast has now been tamed..
Sanity recaptured..
Purity reclaimed..
Chastity reigns once again..
Pestilence was purged..
Integrity recaptured..
Destinies diverged..
~ 3/29/2001 ~
So..
U find my words disturbing??
My thoughts cause u dismay??
My surly side concerns u??
How could i feel this way??
Is my broodiness too bitter??
My sentiments too blue??
Do i make u feel unsettled??
Cos instead of me..
Could this be u??
~ 4/1/2001 ~
Passions change..
Then rearrange..
Spent broody days..
In a moody haze..
Introspecting..
Redirecting..
I was soul seeking..
Into myself peeking..
Contemplating..
Meditating..
An altered course..
With no remorse..
Once dismayed..
Again betrayed..
I've abdicated..
And now..
Evacuated..
~ 4/2/2001 ~
Seeking escape..
from the emotional pain..
of spiritual rape..
Myself to blame..
Bonds defaced..
by trusts betrayed..
Faith disgraced..
by games we played..
Hearts now broken..
trying to mend..
The impieties spoken..
still echoing within...
~ 4/42001 ~
Withdrawing into solitude..
Don't disturb me..
Don't intrude..
Not a mood..
for me to share..
to open up..
and endlessly bare..
my soul..
to u...
Egos clashed..
Damage done..
Relations slashed..
Now..
which of us..
truly won..
~ 4/4/2001 ~
We're hiding here..
Deep inside..
Ur endless ego..
My pointless pride..
Obscenities exchanged..
Healing impaired..
What was gained..
By the hostilities we shared??
U sit there..
Waiting..
I stand here..
Anticipating..
Both of us..
Contemplating..
Commiserating..
What we lost..
Calculating..
The final cost..
~ 4/8/2001 ~
Such a fool a babe can be..
To let us see..
that side of me..
Intimate emotions..
Spiritual commotions..
For u to use so blatantly..
Trust desecrated..
Convictions contaminated..
Both which u pillage resentfully..
Ur selfish actions..
And thoughtless reactions..
Only serve to nullify me..
Once again...
~ 4/9/2001 ~
Emotionally bankrupt..
Spiritually broken..
Down on my knees..
Prayers finally spoken..
Immersed in indifference..
Wallowing in passivity..
Losing my faith..
Indulging in frigidity..
Drenched in despair..
Until i ultimately succumb..
Into this feeling of nothingness..
Im blissfully numb..
wounded..
bruised..
manipulated..
misused..
crumbling under the weight..
of a thousand curses..
riding on my soul..
the pain..
the shame..
no one can know..
i won't let them see..
this side of me..
when my heart is not at peace..
and my spirit pleads for release..
no one hears..
i bury it deep inside..
til my body finally yields..
i turn off the lites..
and lay down my shields..
laying naked on the floor..
can't fite it anymore..
arms spread wide..
embracing whatever heartache brings..
jst how high..
could i expect to fly..
on a pair of broken wings..
i break down..
and give in..
to my frailty within..
jst so u'll never see..
that u'r the weakness in me..
Darkness finally freeing me..
I call to u unshamelessly..
Ur tongue warm upon my ear..
Whispering all i long to hear..
Chills run up and down my spine..
Every time ur mouth finds mine..
Tender caresses across my skin..
Arousing need from deep within..
Fingers running thru my hair..
Gentle moans fill the air..
Our bodies dancing with desire..
Urgency rising..feeding the fire..
Lips tasting like decadent wine..
As ur body at last claims mine..
Slowly seeking swt release..
Until we both dissolve in peace..
Xtacy in ur embrace..
Look of love upon ur face..
Falling deeper into u..
And the hunger begins anew..
But as the nite turns to day..
I feel u start to fade away..
The warm of the early morning beam..
Reluctantly awakens me..
It was jst a dream..
~ 4/22/2001 ~
No way to escape..
Emotional suicide..
For what i am evading..
I carry inside..
Drop to my knees..
Moaning ur name..
Conceding to fate..
Accepting the blame..
My plight is ironic..
A paradox to endure..
Since the cause of the ache..
Is also the cure...
~ 4/27/2001 ~
An apology..
Simply words to me..
Bidding amends..
But this game never ends..
I'm emotionally undone..
Look at this bitch..
I've now become..
Impudence..
Faithlessness..
Consuming my innocence..
Conceit..
Lies and deceit..
Leaves us estranged..
Incomplete..
Fronting an illusion..
This digital delusion..
Was all the notoriety..
Worth the one that got away..
All that it cost..
Was the love that was lost..
~ 4/28/2001 ~
Nothing left..
Only the walls u erected..
Barriers..
U have placed between us..
Too drained..
to attempt to break thru..
Only to watch u build..
Yet another in its place..
Choosing to hide..
Behind ur shield of illusion..
Delusion..
Rather then take a chance..
Rather then believe..
The truth could..
Would..
Set us free..
From the lies that bind..
Too afraid to believe..
That someone like me..
Could love..
The man u hide away..
Inside..
So..u run..
And relapse..
While my emtions continue..
To collapse..
Til nothing..
Is left..
Deception..
Misconception..
Fogging my mind..
Confusion..
Delusion..
So foolishly blind..
Charmed..
And disarmed..
Acting the fool..
Wounded and weeping..
Lies r jst cruel..
Cheated..
Mistreated..
Trust so misplaced..
Betrayed..
Dismayed..
Faith now replaced..
Conclusion..
My seclusion..
Jst walking away..
~ 5/21/2001 ~
Can u hear the sound..
This heart would make..
After its been torn apart..
And left to break..
Can u taste these tears..
That quietly fall..
After we walked away..
And destroyed it all..
Can u feel my soul..
As it trembles with grief..
Knowing that tomorrow..
Will bring no relief..
Can u see these dreams..
Shattered and broken..
Fading away..
By duplicities spoken..
Now..here i stand..
Knowing its thru..
Yet letting u go..
Is so agonizing to do...
~ 5/22/2001 ~
Do u know what this is doing to me..
Watching u walk away..
Knowing the pain u r about to go thru..
The heartache i feel..
Fighting sooooooooooo much..
The need to fall the my knees..
And beg u to stay..
How can i jst let u go..
Not knowing when..
I will ever see u again..
Wanting to wrap myself around u..
Protecting u..
Letting u find ur peace..
Inside of me..
But..
Ur need to be free..
To choose ur own path..
Ur own dragons to slay..
Gets in the way..
And i am left to watch..
On the outside..
Teetering on the edge of ur life..
Where u always keep me..
Not letting me in..
Expecting me to be satisfied..
With the mere fragments u toss my way..
Feeling u once more..
Push me away..
Powerless..
Helpless..
Incapable of penetrating ur facade..
Until all thats left for me to do..
Is step aside..
And let u go..
~ 5/22/2001 ~
In the calm of the nite..
I wonder..
Whose holding u tite..
Rite now..
In whose arms..
R u hiding..
Whose charms..
R soooo inviting..
They keep u away..
When u gaze in her eyes..
Do u stop..
To realize..
They aren't mine..
Anymore..
As she pulls u near..
Speaking sweet promises..
Into ur ear..
Is it my voice u hear..
As u taste her lips..
Each and every time..
Is it my kiss..
U long for..
Is it my kiss u miss..
When u'r tossing..
And turning..
Pleading for sleep..
Is it my name u whisper..
Is it for me that u weep..
As u close ur eyes..
To block out the pain..
Does the thought of one more day..
Without me..
Drive u insane..
Do i haunt ur dreams..
As u do mine..
Bringing bak memories..
Of once upon a time...
What is it that u want from me?
My heart..my soul..
My sanity??
A huddled heap..
At ur feet..
Like another lil bitch in heat?
Trampled and bleeding..
Begging and pleading..
Ur cruel intentions now complete..
I offered u serenity..
To ease ur soul inside of me..
Instead..
U chose notoriety..
Lies..deceit..
And infidelity..
U took my heart..
Tore it apart..
Shattering it on the floor..
Now..u'r bak again..
Wanting me to let u in..
So u can toy with me a lil more..
Using my affinity..
Compassion and sensitivity..
This time..
U underestimate me..
Things aren't the same..
I decline to play ur game..
I won't be among the others..
Placed on ur list of lovers..
U have only urself to blame..
One day u'll finally see..
That what u r searching for..
U had in me...
Hatefulness that wounds me..
Curt words stabbing deep into my heart..
Crippling my soul..
Silent tears creep down my cheek..
Muffled sobs hard to hide..
Brutality overwhelming me..
Until at last..
I can't take anymore..
Breaking down..
Giving in..
How can u be so merciless..
So cruel..
To the one that loves u so..
~ 6/12/2001 ~
