My Bleeding Heart
When no one seems to understand...
The depths of ur despair...
When misery's ur only friend..
And no one seems to care...
When pain is all around u...
And the agony won't end...
When days r dark and nites r long...
And u feel ur heart won't mend...
When confusion clouds ur mind..
And lost is all u feel...
When ur spirit cries out endlessly...
And u'r sure ur soul won't heal...
When that special song u hear...
Brings the tears flowing fast...
Take a cue from me my friend...
This too i swear shall pass...
When u close ur eyes at nite...
And his face is all u see...
And it aches to know that what u want...
Was never meant to be...
For a man who'd take a woman's heart..
And thoughtlessly tear it in two..
Is not the sort of man u want...
Hes not the type for u...
Soon u'll wake up and u'll find...
What u thought was love before...
Was only practice for the day...
The One knocks at ur door...
He'll take ur heart in gentle hands...
And kiss away ur sorrow...
He'll hold u each and every nite...
And pledge to u tomorrow...
So..let those tear drops fall...
Don't try to hold them in...
Cos there's nothing wrong with mourning...
A love that mite have been...
i tossed and turned..
my body yearned..
for the way it used to be..
my skin on fire..
my souls desire..
but i jst couldn't let u see..
the love inside..
i tried to hide..
for i knew we weren't meant to be..
but then one day..
U went away..
And this time my heart broke free..
I closed the door..
I won't play no more..
I discovered my destiny..
A soothing face..
To take ur place..
And prove what passion could be..
So..say so long..
U did me wrong..
U'r not the man for me..
I've moved on..
Into arms soo strong..
For all my eternity..
U place barriers between us..
Acting as a safety net..
Protecting u..
Knowing there r some lines i will not cross..
U keep me at a distance..
While pretending to draw closer..
But i see thru u..
Feel ur fear..
Taste ur trepidation..
Watching u hide behind ur walls..
Wondering when u will discover..
That once again..
U r the cause of ur own anguish..
Cos everything was always rite before ur eyes..
Laying here..
Listening to the sound of the rain..
Wondering if u too..
Know the pain..
The emptiness..
The ache..
Can u hear..
The sound..
Of..
My heart break..
My soul scream..
Have we gone too far..
Did we lose..
The dream..
Were u afraid..
Did i not try..
When u close ur eyes..
Can u feel me cry
the battle rages within..
this is the sound of my soul..
shrieking..
pleading..
broken..
bleeding..
seeing red..
voices moaning in my head..
over and over..
constant cries..
confused..
abused..
by endless excuses..
never ending lies..
stumbling over pieces of my heart..
shattered..
scattered all over the floor..
weakened by this masquerade..
polluted and tainted..
ceasing the charade..
its jst not worth it anymore..
~ 2/27/2001 ~
if i screamed at the top of my voice..
all the feelings i have kept locked away..
would u finally fucking hear me..
if i looked into ur eyes..
and cried out each profanity within my soul..
would u finally understand me..
if i stripped myself naked..
of all emotional armament..
would u finally see me..
if i crumbled into a puddle of weakness before u..
would u finally liberate me..
if i slashed my heart open..
and let u bathe in my lifeblood..
would u finally feel me..
when i am no more..
would u finally forget me.......
~ 3/1/2001 ~
Razor sharp..
Swt revenge..
Cuts u deep..
An aching twinge..
Slices to the very bone..
Hear u whine..
Hear u moan..
Think again..
Before u try..
To break me down..
To make me cry..
My hearts not free..
My any means..
I'll steal ur soul..
I'll haunt ur dreams..
A burning need..
Soon discovered..
Never doused..
With another..
U'r the one..
Who tempted fate..
By denying desire..
U invalidate..
Me..
But..
As i lay me down to sleep..
I feel ur pain..
I hear u weep..
Wishing tears could rectify..
But as u bleed..
So do i...
~ 3/14/2001 ~
Silent tears..
Drop like rain..
Emotional overload..
Blinding pain..
Seeking salvation..
Endless yearning..
Beg relief..
From incessant burning..
On hands and knees..
Finally broken..
Terror within..
Fears unspoken..
Tumultuous thoughts..
No where to hide..
Beseeching deliverance..
From what lies inside..
~ 3/19/2001 ~
Pilfered purity..
Naivete mislaid..
Realization obtained..
Thru innocence was paid..
Dreams destroyed..
Fallacies embraced..
Cynicism surrounds..
Faith and trust replaced..
Eyes wide shut..
Perception impaired..
Selective hearing..
Secrets left unshared..
Walked the path of foolishness..
Bathed in his lake of lies..
Baptized by his deceptiveness..
Bedeviled by his guise..
Awakened to the truth..
Crumpled by the pain..
He stole from me my sanctity..
And we shall never be the same..
~ 3/25/2001 ~
Wicked words..
They do deceive..
Inveigled regress..
Then crucified me..
Breach of faith..
Vows denied..
Saving face..
Protecting pride..
Boundaries crushed..
Bonds now broken..
Liaison ruptured..
By blasphemy spoken..
Tormented tribulation..
Confrontation seems the trend..
Tongues slash to the marrow..
Begetting wounds which never mend..
~ 3/25/2001 ~
Seeking my salvation..
Abandoning all delusions..
Rediscovering my essence..
Forsaking the illusion..
Battled with the devil..
Beast has now been tamed..
Sanity recaptured..
Purity reclaimed..
Chastity reigns once again..
Pestilence was purged..
Integrity recaptured..
Destinies diverged..
~ 3/29/2001 ~
So..
U find my words disturbing??
My thoughts cause u dismay??
My surly side concerns u??
How could i feel this way??
Is my broodiness too bitter??
My sentiments too blue??
Do i make u feel unsettled??
Cos instead of me..
Could this be u??
~ 4/1/2001 ~
Passions change..
Then rearrange..
Spent broody days..
In a moody haze..
Introspecting..
Redirecting..
I was soul seeking..
Into myself peeking..
Contemplating..
Meditating..
An altered course..
With no remorse..
Once dismayed..
Again betrayed..
I've abdicated..
And now..
Evacuated..
~ 4/2/2001 ~
Seeking escape..
from the emotional pain..
of spiritual rape..
Myself to blame..
Bonds defaced..
by trusts betrayed..
Faith disgraced..
by games we played..
Hearts now broken..
trying to mend..
The impieties spoken..
still echoing within...
~ 4/42001 ~
Withdrawing into solitude..
Don't disturb me..
Don't intrude..
Not a mood..
for me to share..
to open up..
and endlessly bare..
my soul..
to u...
Egos clashed..
Damage done..
Relations slashed..
Now..
which of us..
truly won..
~ 4/4/2001 ~
return to
**Daily Dose of Candi**
**CandiLand**
