On Instinctive Craft.

In recent years there has been much written upon the subject of Wicca,
Witchcraft and Pagan Spirituality in general. On the ways, means, rituals
and practices of the arts magical. Whilst many of these books contain
valuable source information, there is much unnecessary fluffing up for the
sake of publishers, and much that is arrant nonsense. Some of these books
are expressly intended to direct their readers to a particular following.
Most of them tend to be quiet narrow in their definition of Spiritual Path.
Whilst I no-way wish to imply any wrong-doing by these authors, my personal
view is the value of these books is limited by the narrowness of both their
perspective and the intent of their teachings.
It's no small task to reconstruct a religion from folklore and hearsay,
legends and stories that have been passed down by word of mouth from
generation to generation.. but underlying all this is common truth that is
plain, clear and self-evident. It is this:
* that the magic is all about us, that we only have to by personal act of
will reach out to become immersed in the ebb and flow of this great ocean
of power.
* that without personal will and personal feeling, none of the esoteric
methods have the least bit of value.
* that touching the magic is an individual and personal experience unique
to each person that reaches out to touch it and be touched, in turn, by it.
Nobody can take it away from you.. or for that matter give it to you. It's
already there, and friend it's already yours, just for the reaching out and
touching.
Here I will explain my own personal, sometimes long and painful, path to
this magic. I ask, dear reader, that you bear with my somewhat rambling
tale. As I shall unfold,  the life that led along these ways was in itself
rambling,.
As a child, I always had a leaning to the strange and mystical. I can't
ever recall being afraid of the unseen world. More fascinated by the idea
of it's existence. My first realisation that there were people who actually
worked within the magic as a way of life, and as a religious conviction,
was the result of  a visit to the Witches' Mill in Isle of Mann.
This would be, I suppose, in about 1959-60. Dr. Gerald Gardner was still
very much alive and running the museum.
My grandmother had a house close by the gates of the mill. My father had a
tour-bus, and regularly took loads of tourists to visit the mill cafe and
museum. Possibly because of this, but I think also because of his insight
and generosity of spirit, Gerald Gardner let me make rather free with the
mill and it's environs, visiting whenever I could, letting me wander about
at will, even in some of the private apartments. In return, I did small
errands, ran messages, and helped about the place in the the cafe and
museum.
There was, on the first floor, a 'shrine' to the burning times. This was in
the form of a witch tied to a pyre. A small diorama in a glass-covered
frame . When I first really noticed this I was mesmerised by it,  felt a
great well of time open up around me, and felt myself cast ever back
through the ages. Nothing definite. No names or places as such, just a
great sense of Being, and being, and being...there and then...
It was during this reverie that he came and stood behind me. I've no idea
how long he stood there, or how long I was 'lost' but I imagine it may have
been some fair-time. I remember him placing his hands on my shoulders, and
very gently calling me back from my wandering. From that moment (although
to be truthful I didn't realise it at the time)I felt my relationship with
the place, with this generous and gentle man, had changed. That he now
offered me insights and showed me, with explanation, items from the
collection and recounted anecdotes from his own extraordinary life.
Between then and 1963, I would see him and visit the Mill regularly, mostly
during the summer season when it was open to the public, but on a few
occasions I'd cycle the 10 or 12 miles to Castletown and call in to visit
him at his house in the town. I never felt unwelcome. In fact, I always felt
that this generous and loving old gentleman treated my fumbling steps
towards spirituality every bit as seriously as they seemed to me. He never
attempted to induce me into his branch of Wicca, only offered gems of his
knowledge and teaching .. some of which I'm only realising the value of
now, more than 30 years later.
After his death in 1964, the mill, house and all his collection was left to
his last priestess, Niqui Wilson. (Lady Olwen)
I suppose the rather awkward 17 year old that I had then become was taken
up as part of the furniture. I very much felt that the mill was my
spiritual home, my "nemeton" of the heart. For it was in this place,
through the magical  influence of the old gentle man that created it, I
first set my steps upon the the path that I still to this day follow.
And so, 65, summer.
I was 18. Young man. Still had difficulty with people my own age, finding
their amusements shallow and somewhat trivial. Nevertheless during this
summer and the following winter, with the help of the Wilsons, I D-J'd and
hosted a regular Saturday night disco/dance in the concert hall at the
mill. At this period Niqui would tend to my stage -attire. I suppose it was
all a bit Gothic, and I went under the name of Dokttor Disque! Complete
with white-pan-cake make-up, black velvet cloak, black top-hat,
silver-topped cane, silver buckled shoes and white kid-gloves! It was great
fun.. although I could readily cringe thinking of it now, in my
less-than-staid middle age.
Niqui called me her gate-keeper. This struck me.  Old Gerald had also told
me that amongst the many paths of magic there were some whose way would be
keeper of gates. In fact when I think back, he went on about this theme
quite a lot. Again, at this time, I thought it was just what everybody
found out, I didn't realise it was personally directed.
The summer of 66, all through the following winter and again for a couple
of months during the summer of 67, I was working part-time at the mill.
Just the odd day here and there, as the need for some money arose. This
suited me, and probably also suited the Wilsons.
During this time, I partook in a couple of ceremonies that were held for
specific purposes. Healing and helping. Though asked, I did not consider it
my path to commit myself to the coven. I just served as and when I was
needed.
It was during this time that I came to have a great personal regard for
Niqui Wilson.. a youthful crush maybe.. nevertheless, I saw her as my
priestess, and very much a living representative of the goddess. In the
autumn of 67 I left the Isle of Mann for England, returning in March, 68,
with my girlfriend, Del. Later to become my wife and life-partner. By April
we were living in the Witches Mill together, in Gerald Gardner's apartment
there. At odd times, both night and day he could be heard walking around,
and even sometimes clattering away at the typewriter. Very much a presence
there, but never a threatening one. So much a part of the place that he had
created. Over this next few months, our social life centred around the
mill, and the house in Castletown, where the Wilsons showed us great
kindness. In their own way, they taught us much that has stayed with us.
Somewhat of an aside here, but something I feel relevant to all this... I
was never Niqui's lover, not in the physical sense. That I did love her,
and revere her, have no doubt.. just for some reason it was never
consummated. Somehow the appropriate moment never arose.
The period 68 through to 73-4 when the Collection was finally dissolved and
sold and the mill and properties likewise sold, was a period of gradual
collapse. A lot of this I feel was caused by alcohol, and it's abuse.
I feel that Niqui's drinking was for her a way to dull the pain that came
from a deep well of sensitivity that was a part of her self, and very much
part of her persona of being priestess. Whatever. There was much rancour,
infighting, and personal acrimony flying about at this period.
I couldn't take sides so, in this way of the young, I just distanced myself
from it all. Then, in the autumn of 1972, during a period of very active
in-fighting and backstabbing within the covens and groups that were
peripheral to Gerald Gardner's work, (much of this aimed at the Wilsons,
though to be absolutely truthful they were handing out quite a lot
themselves) the mill was broken into, and some selected items were stolen.
That many of these items were of magical rather than financial significance
would lead me to believe that the theft was for other than financial gain.
And that some time later, a sword, a scrying ball, an athame, and a
particular old chalice were found defaced, broken and laid out on the
seashore between high and low water as an altar. So how do I know about
this? Well, actually I was accused of the theft, and of the above ritual.
My house was searched by the police, and when I asked them 'why me?' was
told that the owners had laid definite accusations at my door. So being
somewhat a stiff-necked and forthright youth, I went down to Castletown to
have this matter out. I found them in their favourite 'watering hole', at
the airport bar at Ronaldsway. They were both, Niqui and Scotty, in the
car-park, and somewhat the worse for drink. He immediately lost-the-head
altogether, cursing me and threatening to physically assault me. She just
wept and asked me why would I do this to them? Well in my innocence I felt
wronged, and being proud and young I turned away and left.
This is the last time I saw either of them.
I left the Isle of Mann myself some short months later.
This whole incident very much coloured my practices down the following
years, in that I avoided groups, and practiced either alone, or at times
with other like minded individuals. I never lost my belief in the nascent
goddess, or my belief that I am her servant. Just found that I could not
interact with any groups or covens.
Down the years, I've been fortunate to meet other people who had a strong
and natural grasp of the magic, and though many of these would not deign to
call themselves pagan, or wiccan, or for that matter anything, I feel that
the lessons they offered me have tempered my way, and cleared the insight
that has given me so much joy.
I do not offer any of this with the intent that anybody should follow it
our use it even as guidelines for their own practices. I merely offer you
one somewhat insignificant man's own view of his own touch and contact with
the magic.
And here offer love and thanks to the many guides named and unnamed that
have shown me the way to this place.
And so, to the kernel of the matter.
The magic is not a commodity. It is not the personal property of any
individual or group or any collection of groups. It is not a manipulable
force. It can't be manufactured, called up or dismissed at human will. So
having dealt with what it is not, let us have a look at what it may very
well be. THE Force of Nature. The spiritual manifestation of the power of
the earth and the cosmos and of all being. A vast ebb and flow of power.
The natural birthright and spiritual habitation of all aware beings,
however that awareness manifests itself.
No more, no less, than all other beings, we humans have an innate sense and
touch to the magic. Every child is born with this sense. It cannot be
taught, but sadly it can be taught-away
Whilst I personally do not believe that there is a need for fixed ritual I
certainly would hold it true that ritual is the key to that part of the
imagination that most readily reaches out and senses the magic. To any
person who wishes to find their place within this great and wonderful flow
I would offer the following:
*that it does not matter what ritual, any or none, that you follow, only
that you wholeheartedly believe in what you are doing. To touch the magic
is a single act of Will that everyone is capable of, in the words that you
will all be familiar with 'do as you Will' I would qualify this.. 'just be
sure you Will it'. This is the single most powerful spiritual tool that we
humans possess.. purely and simply.. Will-Power!
There is also much of responsibility that attaches itself to these workings.
* that to find personal growth and fulfilment through the magic you have to
be totally and completely sincere. Anything less and you will have very
little success. There is much of the Mirror about the force of magic. Again
I quote ancient words.. 'and ye give, so thrice shall ye receive..' so
simple, so straightforward, and so true. There is no black magic and no
white magic, there is only the use or abuse of the power that comes from
being a part of the flow of the magic.
You'll notice here that I haven't mentioned deities...well, I see it like
this y'see;  whilst the magic is the pure force, the pure energy, the
deity, whichever, is the personalization of your understanding. I don't
mean by this that deities have no power. What I mean is that they are the
representative name by which our flawed human senses can understand the
pure energy and power of the magic.
How you deal with power and magic, and how you deal with the mundane world
at large and the perception and the heightened perception that you will
have from magical works is entierly the responsibility of your personal
conscience. Again, I say and quote.. 'as ye give, so thrice shall ye
receive..'.
There is no single formula for any of this, and the most powerful tools are
a clear heart, a clear conscience, and a clear open and willing perception.
These human and natural given talents are worth more than all the supposed
esoteric lore and hidden mysteries. So, short and uncomplicated, eh? Well,
it might be, maybe I'm just somewhat of the Fool that it's took me a
lifetime to find this out..
Maybe that's not quite true.. maybe what it took me the lifetime to find
out is that there was very little to find out. That it was all there with
the Child in me. The greatest Spiritual Secret of the Ages, held locked
away by cults and religions down the years of human endeavour.. is quite
simply this..
There aren't any secrets!
So, friend, however you see the magic, however it falls your way to touch
it, whatever deities you give service to, my only advice to you is this: Be
true to your dreams, be true to your conscience, and above all, follow your
heart.
Always allow that the beliefs of others are as valid to them as yours are
to you, and in this matter follow absolutely the Lore,
'and it harm none, do as thou wilt'.