Jenna's Homegoing
We brought Jenna into the ER for a third and final time at 11pm on June 18th, Father's Day. That day was the final day that Jenna spent at home with us. Jenna's breathing became so labored that evening that she could not sleep, she only cried. Soon, she could not cry and was only concentrating on breathing. I had just been to the ER two days prior to this time, and they sent us home because she seemed to be just fine and was even playful and happy in the ER that day. At this point, however, I had had enough and felt I had to bring her back in. The trip to the hospital was a long one….Jenna was barely moving air by the time we arrived. As I hurried into the ER, I didn't have to wait – medical personnel were instantly shouting "baby coding" as I walked in with Jenna in my arms. They made us leave the room and they proceeded to intubate(put her on the ventilator) Jenna and gave her paralyzing meds to keep her from moving around and dislodging the tube from its very careful positioning. They mediflighted her out at around 2:30am on June 19th. That Monday morning was the last time I ever saw Jenna with her eyes open, the last time she ever looked up at me, the last time I ever saw any movement from her at all.
Jenna ended up being mediflighted to UC Davis (in Sacramento) rather than UC San Francisco due to fog that the helicopter couldn't land in. Jenna did not do well during transport and she arrested on the tarmac in Sacramento. Luckily they were able to revive her during transport.
During exploratory surgery on June 20th, Jenna coded in the OR, requiring chest compressions to bring her back. They also found that Jenna's right bronchiole to the lung was completely blocked & the right lung was completely out of use. Jenna was immediately put on a lung bypass machine called ECMO(extra corporeal membrane oxygenation). Her trachea & bronchioles were all found to be extremely narrow and needed repair if she were to live. God answered our prayers through the cardiovascular surgeon at UC Davis. They had told us at UCSF that they were not ready to try and fix Jenna's airway. Here, the surgeon was willing and ready to try performing a tracheal reconstruction on Jenna. Plus, she would die without the surgery now. It was her last chance at life. Two days later, Jenna underwent an 8-hour surgery to reconstruct her trachea and bronchioles. Everything went as expected during surgery but the road ahead of her would be very long. Any number of complications could come up but the surgeon told us he gave her a 60-70% chance for recovery.
Jenna spent the next two weeks fighting various issues such as blood pressure problems, digestive problems, and chronic lung problems. Her right lung was not getting back to normal, no matter what they did. The oscillating ventilator wasn't helping and the nitric oxide was only keeping her at a stable level of oxygenation. Every day that I saw her, things seemed the same, no matter what they told me. I never saw or felt any improvements were occurring in her condition. One doctor would say she's doing great, another would flat out say that she'd be lucky to ever make it out alive. I just prayed that God's will might be done and that we could handle whatever His will might be. I hated to imagine what Jenna was feeling even through the medicated paralysis since we were made aware that babies could still feel pain even while under medicated paralysis.
On July 5th, at 1:30am, we received the call to come quickly to the hospital. Jenna had become very sick late that evening on the Fourth of July. Her body had gone into septic shock for reasons they did not know at the time and they didn't think she would make it. We drove the hour-long drive to Sacramento and rushed into Jenna's room to see that all her vital numbers on the monitor were extremely low. Her blood oxygenation had already flat-lined. Her heart rate was in the 20's. It was obviously just a matter of minutes before she left us and I started to cry. Jenna's lungs had been through too much and were too sick to function any longer. The doctor and nurse attempted to get Jenna into my arms before she left this Earth, but she left us before they could do so. They then proceeded to take all the tubes out so that we could hold her like a real baby…without all the attachments, wrapped her in a blanket and handed Jenna to me. My husband and I wept as we held her and said goodbye one last time. All I could say was "she's all better now - she's finally all better." My happiness for Jenna's home going to Heaven far outweighed the pain of our loss. I knew she was finally free from the pain her body caused her each day of her life and she was happily playing in Heaven. Putting her down for the last time in that room was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, knowing I would never ever hold my precious little one on Earth again. Until we meet again, our little angel…until we meet again in Heaven someday.
