::blinks:: You know, given that Duo is my favorite character, I've written an awful lot of stories not focused on him...Oh well. Here's one that he IS in, and focused on, mostly. I wrote this one because the distinctions between "1x2" and "2x1" were confusing the heck out of me.
Pairings: 4x3. 1x2... or is it 2x1? Wish I knew!
Disclaimer: I do not own these Gundam Wing characters and never said I did; I'm just having a little harmless fun and make no money.
WARNINGS: yaoi, humor
Rating: PG-13 for heavy sexual innuendo, no graphic description
"All right, so how are we going to do this..."
"What, you don't know what to do?"
"Well, in THEORY, maybe, but I've never actually... you know..."
"Had sex with another boy? Or had sex, period?"
"...well... no. What about you?"
"Both. Boys and girls. So I guess, as the experienced one, I'll help you through it. I'll be the seme, you see, and you can be the uke. That means you --"
"Whoa! Hold on a moment! I know exactly what it means... but who said you get to be on top??"
"Well... I mean... of course I'll be on top..."
"How come?"
"Well... because, I've done it before, and you haven't..."
"Done which before, take or been taken?"
"Both, actually..."
"So we're even. You've done both, and I haven't done either. So either way I've got some learning to do."
"Look, Heero, let's just take this a little at a time, and see how things go..."
"That's what you said before, but we're not going to get any farther until we decide exactly who's doing what to whom! Why shouldn't I be seme?"
"What, Mr. Always-Takes-Orders wants to be on TOP?"
"You're not my commanding officer, you know..."
"And you don't outrank me, either! You're a born uke, you've got a prettier face than I've ever seen on a girl..."
"Hah! This comes from the boy with the meter-long-braid!"
There was a short silence.
"...You're not going to give up, are you?"
"No way."
"Neither am I. Hmm. This could be a problem. How are we going to settle this?"
They both lapsed into silence.
"Well, we could always go by height..."
"Hn. No good. We're both exactly the same, 160 cm."
"Hmmm."
"Hmmm."
"You know, there are other kinds of size..."
"Why, you... you don't mean..."
"Oh come on Hee-chan! Consider what we're discussing, and you're getting embarrassed NOW? Come on... let's see..."
Another pause, this one punctuated by the shifting of cloth and the soft sound of a zipper.
"Damn. No luck. Both exactly the same."
"You know, this is starting to get creepy..."
"To hell with creepy, I want to get laid!"
"Oh yeah? Then why don't you be on the bottom?"
"No way!"
"C'mon, Heero. It's not like it's less fun being uke..."
"Then why are you so determined to be one top?"
"I happen to like being on top! You wouldn't know, you've never been! For all you know, you might like being on bottom better!"
"Tell you what... I'll fight you for it. Winner gets top."
"Hah. No. How about a contest? The person who comes first has to be uke."
"Ah... let's not."
Another long silence.
"Hmmmm..."
"All right, this is getting ridiculous. Maybe we should just flip a coin."
"And who'll be doing the flipping? I can make it land any way I want to, and I bet you can too."
"Fine. You have a better idea?"
"How about we..."
Hours later, Trowa and Quatre entered to find Heero and Duo facing off across the couch; both of them wore identical stubborn expressions and angry glares, as well as only too evident signs of arousal.
"Uhhh... what's going on here, guys?" Quatre said, almost afraid to ask.
"He's being stubborn!" both of them chorused in unison. "That baka..." "...opinionated jerk..." "thinks he can push me around... "thinks he knows more than me..." "refuses to be on the bottom!" they finished in stereo.
"You know what? Forget I asked," Quatre said. "In fact, forget I even entered the room. Have fun. Bye." He made a hurried exit, abandoning Trowa to the wolves.
Two sets of eyes, one violet and one blue, pinned the Heavyarms pilot against the wall. "..." he said uneasily.
"Well, Trowa?"
"...Well what, Duo?"
"You can settle this for us. Who should be on bottom and who should be on top? We'll abide by your opinion."
"Heero, I really don't think..."
"Yeah Trowa, tell him that being seme isn't everything!"
"Duo, what makes you think I'd know?"
"WHAT? You mean that when you two..."
"...you mean that QUATRE'S on top?"
"..."
"Gentle, easygoing Quatre?"
Trowa flushed a dark red. "He's not THAT gentle..."
Duo and Heero stared at each other in total shock. "Somehow," Duo announced, "I'm not as surprised as I should be."
Heero nodded agreement. "Not that Quatre is all that aggressive, you know..."
"...but... Trowa, as an uke?"
"..."
"Oh, I don't know... I can see it..."
Both the pilots turned their attention back to Trowa, who decided at that moment that it would be wise to vacate the room before they decided to solve their mutual insistence on being top by making use of a third party. They'd probably ask him, afterwards, who was more suited to being seme. He considered for a moment, opened his mouth to speak, and then abruptly turned and dove out the window. Sometimes the best way to win a battle was not to fight it at all.
"There's your answer, Heero."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, just look at Trowa and Quatre. Their relationship works, and I'm more like Quatre. You're more like Trowa. So let's go by that!"
"Duo, that's complete nonsense!"
"It makes about as much sense as going in numerical order, which was the last bright idea YOU came up with! Look, just make a decision, already, or I'll just go ahead and get rid of this myself!"
"Oh, no you DON'T! If I can't, then you can't either!" A scuffle ensued, followed by a thump, and then an ominous silence which stretched on longer and longer.
"Hmmm... okay, this works..."
~owari~
Mikkeneko: There! Are you guys happy now??
Duo: Mikke, you just wrote a fic about me and Heero getting into an enormous argument about who was more masculine.
Mikkeneko: You're always complaining about Torn, I thought I'd give you some nice funny fluff for a change, and all you can do is complain!
Duo: Did I say I was complaining?
Trowa: ... ... ...!
Mikkeneko: What'd he say? I'm usually pretty good at translating Trowa-English, but that one escaped me...
Quatre: Ummm, it's not really something I'm comfortable repeating to a woman, but the basic gist of it was that he was questioning your portrayal of our relationship.
Mikkeneko: I see. [sweatdrop]
Heero: Of course, the fic ended with me on top... RIGHT?
Mikkeneko: [eyes Heero's gun] Uhh, sure, Heero.
Duo: Really, I'm happy either way. Thank you, Mikkeneko.
Mikkeneko: I'm glad I made you happy. Now, back to Torn!
1/2: Damn!
Heero: I think I'll go self-destruct.
Duo: Oh NO you don't! If I have to suffer so do you!