Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Heero PoV. Very different take on Duo.
Spoilers: Just Duo and Heero jumping from school to school
Notes: This fic is the reason I am not a member of the SDDI. And despite my full support of the SDDI, I'm not ashamed of that. :)
"==========" - scene change
*blah* - emphasis
ALL CAPS - shouting
"Good morning, Miss." Duo's greeting to our classmates, and Relena in particular, was deceptively light, as though he hadn't a care in the world. As if he hadn't known what the other students were discussing. "What beautiful weather we're having, huh? Well, if you'll excuse us, we have a class."
It was a measure of his exhaustion that he didn't hang around to bait her; Relena-baiting was one of Duo's favorite games. But the mission the night before, plus the homework he'd insisted on finishing, had left very little time for sleep. By this time Duo was running on nothing but adrenaline and caffiene. If we were lucky, he'd make it to the end of the day before his legs went out from under him. Then again, I wasn't that much better.
Later, I discussed leaving the school with Duo, and he was against it. "I'm just getting the hang of some of this stuff, and now you want to leave? It's not like that sorry excuse for a base we took out is going to have OZ breathing down our necks any time soon. Hell, we probably saved them a huge demolition bill! Besides," he added with a sly grin, "classes are just getting *fun*."
Fun meant that Relena was in the classes with us.
I never could understand the mild animosity between Duo and Relena, though I think it was mostly a matter of pride on both their parts. On Relena's side, Duo had shot me twice, while she tried to protect me, and yet I preferred his company to hers. Duo, on the other hand, had saved her from me, and thought the girl was being completely ungrateful to him. To my mind they both acted oddly, so I let them play their games while I hacked into every OZ database I could find to ensure that no one had been tracking Relena while she was tracking me.
Having them both in the same classes did make things more interesting. Debates were lively, and very creative on both their parts, and if I hadn't been worried that one of them was going to give something away, I would have enjoyed them thoroughly. Relena generally took the history debates, especially when relating to politics, but Duo danced circles around her in literature. Duo also renewed his efforts in the classes, and his grades began a slow climb once more. That in and of itself almost made up for the risk she presented, because Duo had been on the verge of burnout before.
On the other hand, her behavior towards Duo verged on the unforgiveable. Most of the time she didn't even bother to acknowledge his presence, and when she did it was with a longsuffering sigh that clearly stated he was only tolerated because of me. It was insulting, and I knew it sometimes hurt Duo, but I had no idea how to make her stop.
Duo, at least, never lacked for an excuse to be elsewhere when he was tired of dealing with Relena. Someone was always wanting his opinion, or help, or attention, and when he was ready he'd take off with a jaunty "Ja ne!" and an enthusiastic wave. Leaving me to deal with Relena alone.
He pulled his disappearing act once when she found us walking along the woods which bordered the school. The relatively open woods actually provided more privacy than the dorms and the infinte eavesdropping attempts therein, and we were discussing the limited intelligence we had on the newest OZ mobile suit. I spotted her approaching, and no sooner did Duo realize who I'd seen than he was making his exit. He paused while passing Relena, too far away for me to hear what was said, but when he moved on he was whistling, and Relena was glaring darkly at his back.
She turned away from him with a huff, falling into step beside me as I walked back towards the dorms. "Really, Heero, I don't know why you put up with that idiot. He's har-"
"Do. Not. *Ever*. Say. That. Again." I enunciated each word distinctly, my eyes holding Relena's with the same deadly seriousness as that with which my hand held her throat. "Duo Maxwell is *not* an idiot. He is an excellent pilot. He is a stealth expert. He is my *friend.* *He* *saved* *your* *life.* You will remember all of this, and you will address him with the respect he deserves. Do I make myself clear?"
The choked sound she made had more of protest than acceptance to it, and her fingers pulled at mine, trying to ease my grip. I increased the pressure slightly, watching her eyes widen in panic. "Do I make myself clear?"
"Heero, let her go!"
For a rage-blinded moment, I didn't recognize the voice, or the person trying to make me release her. A flash of blue-violet caught my eye, and suddenly the image came clear. Duo. He was trying to pull my hand off Relena's throat.
I let go, and she collapsed at our feet, coughing and crying. The fury that had taken hold of me at her words was unabated, burning and heavy with something more than anger, and I didn't dare look at her. If I looked at her, it would have me again, and I didn't know if I could stop this time.
"Heero." My eyes met Duo's wary gaze, took in the way he slid between Relena and me. He knew I was out of control. "Why don't you get some air, relax a little bit? I'll meet you in a little while, okay?"
I nodded, once, and began walking, neither knowing nor caring where. After maybe a dozen strides I looked back. Duo was kneeling beside Relena, an arm around her, her head against his chest. I turned and ran.
Duo found me over an hour later, in the cave we were using as a makeshift hangar, running a full diagnostic on Wing. I'd been working on my Gundam ever since I fled. And I *had* fled. But more than an hour later my rage was still unabaited, and I didn't know why.
I felt his eyes on me, then he said, "Relena's okay. Some bruising around the throat, but she'll be all right." When I didn't reply, he pushed. "Heero, what happened?"
"I lost control."
"Obviously." I could hear the frustration in his voice. "*Why* did you lose control, Heero? What happened?"
What had happened? Relena had been coming towards us. Duo left, crossing her path on the way. He made a comment I couldn't here. Then -
The fury swelled again, anger and something more, forcing the words from me. "She called you an idiot. She had no business saying that. None! You've never done ANYTHING to hurt her, you've even HELPED HER, and she treats you like garbage! Can't she see all the things you do? All the things you're capable of? All I had to do was LOOK, it was all right there, but I just keep tre-"
"I thought we were talking about Relena."
"We are!"
"You said ' I '."
At first I couldn't understand what he was talking about. Then his words sank in. My words sank in.
I'd said ' I '.
The anger drained from me, and without it, I could identify the emotion that had been driving it. Guilt.
I'd said ' I '.
Kotchi wa baka!(1)
I hadn't been seeing how Relena was treating Duo. I'd seen how I'd been treating him, from an outside view.
The shaking started in my hands, just a small tremor, and spread slowly up my arms, across my shoulders. Something was choking my breath, and I tried to gasp, but instead of air coming in more words spilled out.
"Su... sumanai, Duo," I stuttered, and then, emphatically, "Mooshiwake nai (2). I'm sorry. Shimatta, I'm so sorry. You've done so much... you helped me... saved my life... and I... oh god, Duo, I'm so very sorry..."
I bit down on further words, the endless repetitions of the same theme that were threatening to burst from me. Words couldn't make up what I'd done, the way I'd treated him. I was amazed he'd bothered to stick around.
"Heero?"
He'd moved closer. I dropped my head, fists clenched tight, trying to swallow back the lump in my throat and blink away the burning in my eyes. He was close enough now I could feel his presence in front of me, but I couldn't look up. I didn't dare.
"Heero, look at me." His hands rested on my shoulders, and when I didn't move, he shifted closer. Arms closed around my neck, loose enough to not be threatening, firm enough to hold me in place. His forehead pressed against mine, forcing my head up, forcing me to meet his eyes. Honest, solemn, vulnerable eyes.
"I forgive you."
I blinked. For a minute, I think I forgot to breathe. It couldn't be that simple. A few words, an apology, an acceptance? I'd hurt him, how could he forgive me like that?
Somehow, he did. There was no hint of shadows in his gaze, no line of tension between us. The sliver of distrust that had been between us - that I had placed between us - was gone. He forgave me.
Finally, I was able to accept it. "Arigatou, Duo," I whispered, the words choked from me, but meant wholeheartedly.
He smiled then, not his imp's grin, a real smile, and replied, "Don't touch my mustache."
I laughed. I couldn't help it. It was brief, and broken, but it was genuine laughter, and it felt good. His arms tightened briefly around my shoulders, and then he stepped back, chuckling. "Come on. They're going to serve dinner soon, and then we've got to figure out what we're going to do about those Tauruses."
As I followed him out, something about the way the evening light played over Deathscythe caught my eye. I craned my head to the side, making the reflection shift across the surface. There, on the right shoulder, a variation in the paint. It looked like a watermark, or the black-on-black spots of a panther that can only be seen in the right light. Kanji.
Shinigami.
I smiled, a small thing, and caught up with Duo, thinking of the irony that the God of Death should be the one, ever so carefully, to teach me to live.
1) Heero is calling himself an idiot, for once.
2) "I'm sorry" and "There is no excuse." Thanks again to Sophonisba who corrected my Japanese in the original version!For those of you who can never get enough angst:
Certain lines from this and the last part are direct quotes from two episodes (as written in the scripts at the GW Archive). See if you recognize the quotes and the other references. Do you know what happens next? Do you know, do you know? (Utena moment there)