It's the long awaited
Bad Joke/Pun Archive!
- Why did the man put band-aids on his refrigerator?
- Because it had cold cuts.
- How do birds exercise?
- They do worm-ups!
- Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
- He wanted a well balanced meal.
- What did the farmer get after working out on the field all day?
- Growing pains
- Hey, there's a staple in my food!
- Maybe that's why they call it a staple diet.
- You're in deep waters, man. You're in denial.
- That was a trapdoor, huh? I guess we fell for it.
- Is that the Pacific Coast Highway?
- Yup, that's the one!
- So, is a driving range a stove that operates an automobile?
- *sniff*sniff* Hey, what happened to the toast?
- It's been toasted
- Amy is just like me except there's an "A" in the beginning.
- Eugene is just like you except there's a "gene" in the end.
- Akuma Matata...
- I don't know why it's not capitalized. Maybe I'm not a capitalist.
- Bopping with apples...
- I nearly laughed my head off! But I put it back now...
- Alice is a booger? No, she's snot!
- How's the chicken?
- It's pretty fowl.
- What did the tie say to the hat?
- You go on ahead and I'll hang around.
- How's the weather in Mexico?
- Chili today, hot tamale.
- Which states do most vegetarians live in?
- Caulifornia, Okrahoma, and Arkanslaw.
- I'm like a bad doctor... no patience.
- A hydrogen atom was talking to another hydrogen atom.
One hydrogen atom said, "You know, I think I lost an electron."
"You sure?" said the other hydrogen atom.
"Yeah, I'm positive!"
- A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. So, the
waiter brings the panda his sandwich. After the panda was finished
with his sandwich, he takes out a gun and blows away the waiter.
Then he starts heading for the exit.
The restaurant owner gets mad and calls out, "Hey! What are you
doing? You just killed a man!"
The panda replies with a shrug, "I'm a panda. Look me up in the
dictionary."
With that, the owner takes out a dictionary and reads:
"PANDA (n.) A bear from Asia that eats shoots and leaves."
- You're really odd.
- Not even!
- What did the cook name his son?
- Stew
- What did the Hamburgers name their daughter?
- Patty
- What did the Beaches name their daughter?
- Sandy
- Where do books sleep?
- Under the covers.
- What has wheels and a trunk but no engine?
- An elephant on roller blades.
- What do you call a flying turtle?
- A shellicopter.
- Who granted the fish's wish?
- It's fairy codmother.
- What's a light year?
- It's like a regular year but without the calories.
Had enough PUNishment?
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