Farfie's Favorite Torture
or
Why You Should Never Leave a Lunatic Unattended

by Kaede

"How long is he going to be in there?"  Nagi grumbled,
a towel thrown over one shoulder.

This was probably the worst thing about being in Schwartz.  The shared bathroom.

They were lucky that they each had their own bedroom.  
He couldn't imagine sharing a room with anyone else.  
Would they have bunk beds, maybe?

For some reason, bunk beds made him think of those infamous "slumber parties" girls were supposed to have.  He could just see Crawford braiding Schurdich's 
hair as Farfarello read out loud their horoscopes from 
an old issue of a teen magazine.

But anyway.  Nagi rapped on the door, once, twice, 
again.  "Farfarello.  Your time in the bathroom is up."  He twisted the doorknob; the crazy Irish bastard 
had locked the door.

"FARFARELLO!"  He whined, stamping his foot.  "It's my 
tuuuuurn!!"

"What's the matter there?"  Schurdich leaned casually 
against a door jamb like the sexy shaggy guy he was.

"It's my turn for the bathroom!  I gotta wash my 
haaair!  Who knows what Farfarello's doing in there, the crazy stupid-"

"Easy, boy, easy."  Schurdich knocked on the 
door.  "Farfarello, come out of there.  Your time in 
the bathroom's up."

"Go away," came the muttered reply.

"Farfarello-" Nagi whined again.

"Farfiiieee~" Schurdich crooned.  "Come out and I'll 
give you a niiice long knife to play wiiiith."

"Don't want it.  Go away."

Something was seriously wrong.  Farfarello refusing 
the chance to perform bodily torture on himself or others?

Good god!  Had he gone... sane?!

Crawford sighed, hands on his hips, surveying the scene as he stood in the hallway. "Farfarello's in the 
bathroom again?"

Nagi whimpered, Shurdich tossed his hair, and water 
started running in the bathroom.  Crawford pounded on 
the door.  "Open the door or we'll break it down."

"Go away."

"You're leaving us with no other choice.  Hold my 
glasses, Nagi."

"Why?"

"Just do it."  Crawford punched through the door, 
grabbing the doorknob from behind and opening the door.

Schwartz, the rough, tough, psychic, spiffy assassin-
defense team of Takatori Reiji, was stunned into silence.

Farfarello was sitting on the toilet, pants rolled up 
past his knees, with a can of shaving cream on the rim 
of the bathtub next to his heel, and a razor in his 
hand.  "I don't like being bothered when I'm shaving 
my legs," he murmered as he took another stroke up towards his knee.

"W-w-w-why are you shaving your legs?!?!"  Nagi 
stuttered, turning a shade between lavendar and pink.

Farfarello fixed him with his good eye and licked his 
lip. "Have you ever been nicked before?"  He rinsed 
off the razor before continuing, "Besides, then my 
legs feel all smooth and pretty."

The three humiliated members of Schwartz slowly turned and walked out of the bathroom.  There were just some things you didn't want to know, and some things you didn't want to see.

Nagi was almost out the door when he remembered he 
still needed to wash his hair.  He returned to the 
bathroom, and Farfarello helped him out by shoving his 
head under the faucet and turning it on.

The moral of this story: Never bother an insane person 
while they're shaving their legs.  Even if you need to 
wash your hair.

(owari)

"Nothing wrong with a smooth-legged man. *-*" ~Kioku